• Lots of naked NEW Members on the forum plz add an AVATAR we are adding them if you don't if you don't like change them.

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B

BlackDagger_Au

What can i say

Thats a good 1 LOL
Louise said:
Before i lay me down to sleep,

I pray for a man that's not a creep,

One who's handsome, smart and strong,

One who loves to listen long.

One who thinks before he speaks,O0

And one who'll call, not wait for weeks.

I pray he is gainfully employed,

When i spend his cash, won't be annoyed.

Pulls out my cahir and opens my door,

Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh!!!! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,

And know what to answer to "how big is my behind??"

I pray that this man will love me to no end

And always be my very best friend.

AMEN...
Click to expand...
 
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PinkPoodle

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time and she shows him into the living room.

She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks.

As he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel.

He picks it up and as he's looking at it, she walks back in.

He says, "What's this?"

She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."

He turns beat red in horror and goes, "Geez, oh..I..."

She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray
 
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PinkPoodle

Two elderly women met for the first time since graduating from high school.

One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school. Did you manage to live a well-planned life?"

"Yes," said her friend. "My first marriage was to a millionaire; my second marriage was to an actor; my third marriage was to a preacher; and now I'm married to an undertaker."

Her friend asked, "What do those marriages have to do with a well-planned life?"

"One for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.
 
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PinkPoodle

There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke.

After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started.

The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said:

"Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of call girls in India?"

With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.

"Wait, ladies," cried the professor. "The boat doesn't leave until tomorrow!"
 
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PinkPoodle

Mistaken Identity
The following ad appeared in "The Atlanta Journal" and is reported to have got numerous calls.

Single Black Female

* Seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.

* I'm a very good looking girl who loves to play.

* I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping, and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire.

* Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond.

* I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.

* Kiss me and I'm yours. Call xxx-xxxx and ask for Daisy."

Over 150 men found themselves talking to the Local Humane Society about an eight-week-old black Labrador retriever.
 
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PinkPoodle

An Irishman wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test.

Here is your first question, the foreman said "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" The Irishman says, "Dat is easy." And proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks?

"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Irishman.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."

The Irishman stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Irishman, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

The Irishman stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

The Irishman leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog come along and makes a turd by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred."

"So, when do I start?"
 
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PinkPoodle

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window, My husband's home early!"

"I can't jump out the window ~ It's raining out there!"

"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!

As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.

"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"

Another runner moved a long side. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"

"Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"

"Nope.........Only when it's raining"
 
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PinkPoodle

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.

"What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop.

"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."

"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it."

The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.

A couple driving by slows down to watch. "Wow," says the driver to his wife. "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're giving now!
 
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PinkPoodle

Three elderly grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home. About then an old grandpa walked by, and one of the old grandmas yelled out saying, "We bet we can tell how old you are."

The old man said, "There ain't no way you can guess it."
One of the elderly grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop
your underpants and we can tell your exact age."

So embarrassed just a little, he dropped his drawers. The grandmas stared at him for a while, asked him to turn around a couple of times, asked him to jump up and down for a little while and then they all piped up and said, "You're 84 years old!"

The old man was stunned. "Amazing! How in the world did you guess that?"

The old grandmas, laughed. Slapping their knees and
grinning from ear to ear, all three happily yelled in
unison, "Because you told us yesterday
 
L

Louise

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water,
I don't know what they did up there,
But now they have a daughter!
 
N

navillus

jack and jill went up the hill
so they could smoke some grass
jack gave jill a big old thrill
by shoving his dick up her ass
 
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PinkPoodle

A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one
night.

Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure
everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up.

Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing
everyone in the place heard her, turns to the waiter and demands
"Stop That!"

The waiter looks at her dryly and says "Sure lady, which way was
it headed?"
 
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PinkPoodle

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony.


On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around.

A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did You call for me?"

The man replies, "No, what do you mean?"

She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me."

Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

The man continues to explore the colony's facilities. He enters the Sauna and as he sits down, he farts.


Within seconds a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him, "Did you call for me?" says the hairy man.

"No, what do you mean?" says the newcomer.

"You must be new," says the hairy man, "it's a rule that if you fart, It implies that you called for me."

The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office, where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist, "May I help you?" she says.

The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key Back and you can keep the $500 membership fee."

"But, Sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities."

The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 15 times a day."
 
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PinkPoodle

The Clone

A scientist was successful in cloning himself.

He was asked to speak at a national convention of cloning scientists.

The meeting room was located on the 45th floor of a New York skyscraper.

The scientist arrived with his clone and proceeded to the podium. The clone sat at the end of the head table. The scientist began the speech intending a tribute to the advances in the field of modern biology.

"My fellow scientists," he began. But before he could utter another word, the clone sprang to his feet and shouted out a heap of abuse and swearing!". The crowd began to murmur as the scientist commanded the clone to "Sit down and shut-up!" Apologizing for the interruption, the scientist began again, "My fellow scientists..."

Again the clone sprang to his feet and yelled, swearing waving his arms about and abusing everyone in sight.

Incensed, the scientist rushed to the clone, grabbed him, and threw him out of the window.

The crowd gasped and security rushed into the room. A short while later the police arrived and were explained the events that had transpired.

The police chief said to the scientist, "We are going to have to arrest you." The scientist replied, "For what? I have committed no crime. What fell from the window was a clone, not a person." The attending scientists nodded in agreement. "Well," retorted the police chief, "we cannot let this heinous act go unchallenged."

The police chief thought for a moment and then ordered the scientist held, for "Making an obscene clone fall...."
 
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PinkPoodle

Van Gogh's Relatives

Here are several of Vincent van Gogh's lesser-known relatives...

The grandfather who moved to Yugoslavia --> U. Gogh

The brother who accidentally bleached all his clothes white --> Hue Gogh

The real obnoxious brother -->Please Gogh

The brother who ate prunes -->Gotta Gogh

The uncle who worked at a convenience store --> Stop N. Gogh

His dizzy aunt --> Verti Gogh

The cousin who moved to Illinois --> Chica Gogh

His magician uncle -->Wherediddy Gogh

The cousin who lived in Mexico --> Amee Gogh

and who also had a relative North of the Border --> Grin Gogh

The nephew that drove a stage coach --> Wells Far Gogh

The uncle who was constipated -->Cant Gogh

The aunt who loved ballroom dancing --> Tan Gogh

His ornithologist uncle -->Flamin Gogh

His nephew, the Freudian psychoanalyist --> E. Gogh

His cousin who loved tropical fruits --> Mang Gogh

And he had an aunt who taught the power of positive thinking--> Way To Gogh

His bouncy young nephew --> Poe Gogh

His Disco-loving sister --> Go Gogh

And his niece, who's been traveling the U.S. in a van --> Winnie Bay Gogh.
 
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PinkPoodle

Two men meet on the street.

One asks the other: "Hi, how are you?"

The other one replies: "I'm fine, thanks."

"And how's your son? Is he still unemployed?"

"Yes, he is. But he is meditating now."

"Meditating? What's that?"

"I don't know. But it's better than sitting around and doing nothing!"
 
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PinkPoodle

This fellow wants to live FOREVER, and at his death (he has an incurable disease) he wants his body frozen, to be thawed out at some later date and cured.. About a year later he dies... and his body is carefully prepared and quickly frozen as per his wishes...

He, in the mean time, gets to Heaven, sees St Peter at the Pearly Gates, he is standing in line, waiting to get in, and pretty soon, it's his turn... St Peter asks his name, and the man tells him. Peter looks in his book, and says, take a seat.....

The next person in line gives his name, and Peter tells him to go on in.... This goes on for hundreds of people, and in the mean time, the man is sitting on this bench, along with 3-4 other people, wondering WHY can he not get in???

FINALLY, he can't stand it any longer, and goes and butts back in line, and demands to know WHY can he not get into heaven like all those other people... St Peter asks his name again, looks it up in his book, and says.. You died of a rare brain tumour, and had your body frozen, didn't you? Yes, says the man... FINE, says St Peter ... In the year 2389, they will find a cure for that form of tumour, thaw you out, fix it, and wake you up.... TAKE A SEAT....
 
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PinkPoodle

THE PERFECT DRESS

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce.

Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress!

Jennifer asked her step-mother to exchange it, but she refused.

"Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm wearing it,"she insisted.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind, sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day."

A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress.

When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother,
"Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it." Her mother just smiled and replied,

"Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding."
 
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PinkPoodle

New Words for 2006

TESTICULATING. Waving your arms around and talking Bollocks.

BLAMESTORMING. Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER. A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS. The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY. The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die.

CUBE FARM. An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING. When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going on. (This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

SITCOMs. Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".

SINBAD. single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

STRESS PUPPY. A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE. The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE. The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes.

404. Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located.

OHNOSECOND. That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')

GOING FOR A Mc****. Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is known as a Mc**** with Lies.

AEROPLANE BLONDE. One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

AUSSIE KISS. Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

BEER COAT. The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3am.

BEER COMPASS. The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you've come from.

BREAKING THE SEAL. Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

GREYHOUND. A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS. A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.

MILLENNIUM DOMES. The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

MONKEY BATH. A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo!Oo!Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!".

MYSTERY BUS. The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI. The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

PICASSO BUM. A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got four buttocks.

SALAD DODGER. An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

SWAMP-DONKEY A deeply unattractive person.

TART FUEL. Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.
 
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Pink

i would be the dachshund cos im short or the poodle cos the man can do it why me lol
 
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