• Lots of naked NEW Members on the forum plz add an AVATAR we are adding them if you don't if you don't like change them.

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PinkPoodle

A young lady in the maternity ward just prior to labour is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.

"I'm afraid I don't have a husband" she replies. "OK. Do you have a boyfriend?" asks the Midwife.

"No, no boyfriend either."

"Do you have a partner then?"

"No, I'm not attached, I'll be having my baby on my own."

After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman, "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black."

"Well," replies the girl, "I was very down on my luck, with
no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in a porn
film. The lead man was black."

"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none
of my Business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward
questions but I Must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."

Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see the co-star in
the movie was this Swedish guy."

"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of
my business either and I hate to pry further but your baby also has slanted eyes."

"Yes," continues the girl, "there was a little Chinese man
also in the movie, I really had no choice."

At this, the midwife again apologizes, collects the baby and
presents Her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give the baby a slap on the butt. The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims,

"Thank god for that!"

"What do you mean?" says the midwife, shocked.

"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible
feeling that she was going to bark."
 
C

corneus

ha ha!

That'll sort out the fat little f***er!:headbang:
(Ps . Santa - please ignore what I said, and don't forget my life-size Nicole Kidman action figure! ;D )
 
R

RoadRunner

Was that Santa gets sucked ?

:icon_sant :wav: :wav: :icon_sant
 
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R

RoadRunner

And one more !

Just giving out hints for the christmas party on fri 23rd , Dont forget to be there , the more the merrier ......R.R.
 
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S

Spice Me

:headbang: Well I was told Santa was CUMMMMING this year...:eek:

but then again.... soooo could Mrs Claussss tooooo....wooohoooo...

well here to the christmass spirit.... we all saw them last year.. so time to put them back up.:angel12:

Spice Me
 

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princesssuzie

princesssuzie

Foundation Member
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Cum Celebrate Christmas at L.P.s

Cum Celebrate Christmas , Friday the 23rd Dec at L.P.s , this could be YOU on the night !!! :icon_sant
 
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corneus

Blonde chick asking for trouble!

Oh, those blondes....
 
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C

corneus

For the photographers..

Always check your background! Apparently last years Perth Cup!
 
C

corneus

Perth cup again!

Well, that'll learn me to check the file size first!
 
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C

corneus

Why bike shorts are black

For those who remember Pukka!
 
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C

corneus

Ah to be so talented!

Let's face it guys! you would if you could! :alien:
 
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P

perth_lush

Eight Words with 2 Meanings

Thought I would share with you all....

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VUL NERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing cricket without a box.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-_expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest _expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.
 
P

perth_lush

More!!!

He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . . You wear pants don't you?

He said . . ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said . ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said . . ..... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said . . .. I would but you're never there.

He said . ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
She said . . They don't have time

He said . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said . . We don't know; it has never happened.

He said . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
She said ...... . . They already have boyfriends.

She said...What do you call a women who knows where her husband is every night?
He said . . . A widow.

He said . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
 
P

perth_lush

So very innocent! - How to avoid a cold

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into Her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it, filled with water. In the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

"Miss Beatrice," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet, and it would prevent the spread of disease. And you know, I haven't had a cold all winter.

Here's hoping you have a healthy winter!
 
C

corneus

Are you with HBF?

The new Minister for Health is being shown through a major hospital by the Chief Medical Officer. As she passes a room, she spies a man furiously masturbating, and exclaims "What is going on in this place? This is disgusting!"
The CMO explains "Actually he has a terrible medical condition where his semen builds up to dangerous levels. If he doesn't have a release four or five times a day, his testicles will explode".
"oh, I guess that's ok then" she mumbles.

Not much further on, she sees a nurse performing oral sex on a man lying in a bed. "Now, that is definitely disgusting! How can you justify that?" she asks.

The CMO calmly informs her "This poor man has the same condition as the last guy, but he has private cover!":icon_blow :tongue3:
 
O

Oscar

Little JOHNNY in backyard squashes a bee! Dad sees him and says"You must not do that!No honey for two weeks!" Next day Johnny squashes a butterfly! Dad sees him and says"you must not do that! No butter for two weeks!" Folowing day breakfast.Mum squashes Big Black Cockroach running across table! Littl Johnny looks at Dad,Smiles,and says"Should I tell Mum,or will you Dad??"
 
M

Mary Anne PA

You gotta buy a Parrot !





A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"

The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"

"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird."

"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"

"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."

The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."

"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!"

The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from ! work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."

"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.

"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie."

"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"

"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.

"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"

"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie! , got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over...."

Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"

"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"
<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>

If this doesn't ' t make you laugh, you're having a really bad day!!
 
M

Mary Anne PA

Games For When We Are Older

GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, you're it.

2. Hide and go pee.

3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.

4. Kick the bucket

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.

6. Musical recliners.

7. Simon says something incoherent.

8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.




SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE:
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.

3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.



OLD IS WHEN:
1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today.

4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee!

Thoughts for the weekend
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!


When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."


Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?

Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

My husband says I never listen to him. At least I think that's what he said.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor!

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

But Most Of All, Remember !
A Friend Is Like A Good Bra. Hard to Find, Supportive, Comfortable, And Always Close To Your Heart!
 
waxenboy

waxenboy

Senior Member
Foundation Member
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Finger licking good

THe new drive through idea from kfc.
 

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P

PinkPoodle

A blonde, down on her luck, decided to end it all one night by casting herself into the cold, dark waters of Fremantle Harbour.

As she stood on the edge of the dock, pondering her fate, a young sailor noticed her as he strolled by. "You're not thinking of jumping, are you?" he jokingly asked.

"Yes, yes I am." replied the blonde. Putting his arm around her, the kind sailor coaxed her back from the edge, "Look, nothing's worth that. I tell you what, I'm sailing off for Europe tomorrow. Why don't you stow away on board and start a new life over there. I'll set you up in one of the lifeboats on the deck, bring you food and water every night, and I'll look after you if you 'look after' me."

The blonde, having no better prospects agreed and the sailor snuck her on board that night. For the next 3 weeks the sailor would come to her lifeboat every night, bringing food and water and making love to her until dawn.

Then, during the fourth week, the captain was performing a routine inspection of the ship & it's lifeboats. He peeled back the cover to find the startled young blonde and demanded an explanation.

The blonde came clean and shouted "I've stowed away to get to Europe. One of the sailors is helping me out, he set me up in here and brings me food and water every night, and, and.......he's screwing me."

The puzzled captain stared at her for a moment before a small grin cracked his face and he replied; ".He sure is darlin', this is the Rottnest Ferry!!
 
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