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W

Wildcat

Ettiquete

During a good manners and etiquette class, the teacher says to her students:
"If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a
dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?"
Mike replies: "Wait a minute, I'm going for a piss."
The teacher says: "That would be very rude and improper on your part."
Johnny replied: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute."
The teacher says : "That's much better but to mention the word ''toilet'' during a meal, is unpleasant."
And Charlie says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope, to be able to introduce to you after dinner."
The teacher passed out. :angel12:
 
S

Seduction

The bit in Shrek we never saw...

hahaha!!! diiirrrty girl!
 

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H

hilly

the shrek

ahhh seduction,

and she is so busy she cant see his eyes rolling --ha ha ha

good one girl--lol hilly. :happy6:
 
M

Mary Anne PA

yes, we didn;t see that.. damn.... but I wouldn't cal it a bit.. more like a horses..lol
 
M

Mary Anne PA

okay.. once again.. couldn;t resist it.... girls gotta have some fun in her life..lol
 

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mochagirl

Two Guys In The Bar

One says, "Did your hear the news? Mike is dead!"

"Whoa, what the hell happened to him?"

"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he
arrived at my driveway, he was going too fast, couldn't brake properly
and boom - he hits the curb and the car flips. The car knocks down
half of my front fence and Mike gets thrown through the sunroof. He
went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom
window."

"What a horrible way to die!"

"No no, he survived that. That didn't kill him at all. So, he lands in
my upstairs bedroom, lying on the floor all covered in broken glass.
Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and
reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just
dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing
down on top of him, crushing him and breaking one arm, three ribs and
both his legs."

"What a way to go, that's terrible!"

"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the
wardrobe off him and drags himself out onto the landing. He tries to
pull himself up on the bannister but under his weight, the bannister
breaks and he goes falling all the way down to the first floor taking
the entire bannister with him. In mid air, all the broken bannister
poles fall on him and 2 or 3 of them skewer him right through the
abdomen just like a rotisserie chicken when he landed at the bottom."

"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"

"No no, that didn't kill him. He survived even that. So he's on the
downstairs floor just outside the kitchen. He crawls in to the
kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove by but reaching for a
big pot of boiling hot water, and whoosh, the whole thing comes down
on him and burns most of his skin off."

"Man, what a terrible way to go!"

"No no, he survived that, he survived that ! He's lying on the floor,
scalded by boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull
himself up to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and
pulls the whole thing out of the wall. Water and electricity don't mix
and so he got electrocuted, wallop, with 220 volts going right through
him."

"Now that is one awful way to go!"

"No no, he survived that, he .."

"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"

"I shot him!"

"You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"

"He was wrecking my f..king house"

Brandi xx
 
V

Vyxxxn

Love it Serena!
thshrek9ev.gif
 
M

Mary Anne PA

what could one do - BUT...
 

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miko

Joke

Three lesbians are sitting at the bar in a pub. After a few drinks the conversation slides into the size of their respective bits:

The first lesbian says: "My pussy is so big you can fit your whole fist up it".
The second lesbian says: "Well, my pussy is so big you could fit your whole foot up it"
The third lesbian says: "Can someone please help me off this bar stool?"

Miko.
 
S

southwestozyguy

a sick puppy

The cause of all sick puppies
 

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southwestozyguy

way too much of a good time puppy ;D
 

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southwestozyguy

Lol

LOL Vyxxxn
party animals but now they look dog tired
sorry couldnt resist that
 
S

southwestozyguy

oooooo yeah gotta love a take charge woman
I'll take you up on any opening ummmmmmmmm better not finish that sentance in public LOL ;D ;D ;D
 
V

Vyxxxn

I already know that women are better than men, but did u know Dogs were also ;)

Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.

You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.

Dogs do not play games with you -except fetch and they never laugh at how you throw).

Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because
they know the most important thing is that you're together.

Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.

You can train a dog.

Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.

The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
(OK. The *really* worst disease you can get from them
is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)

Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.

Dogs think you are a culinary genius.

You can force a dog to take a bath.

Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.

Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair.

Dogs aren't threatened by two women with short hair.

Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake.

Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.

Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.

Dogs never hog the remote control, and they never
change channels when you're out of the room.

WHY DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME

Both take up too much space on the bed.

Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaners.

Both are threatened by their own kind.

Both mark their territory.

Neither tells you what's bothering them - you have to guess.

Both tend to smell riper with age.

The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.

Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.

Neither does any dishes.

Both fart shamelessly.

Neither of them notices when you get your hair cut.

Both like dominance games.

Both are suspicious of the postman.

Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.

Neither understands what you see in cats.
 
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S

sally1

dangermouse said:
just some funny pics i have laying around, not sure if anyones interested though, but have a squiz ;p
Click to expand...
hi there
how often do you have barby's im always looking out for new recipes ha ha lol :icon_boun
 
N

natasha

I read this on the back of a dunny door

When god made man
She was only JOKING

If diamonds are a womens best friend
and a dog is mans best friend
who is the smarter one ?
The dog with a diamond collar !!!!!

A women goes into hospital for a fanny tuck
after the operation she recived 3 cards
one from her husband
one from her doctor
and one from a burns patient thanking her for
his new ears !

::)
 
V

Vyxxxn

Hey wow that is kewl as & the beat is pretty neat...reminds me of Denis Leary's stuff hee hee...yes it is a versatile word is it not lol :D...PMSL as I write this eh
 
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