• Lots of naked NEW Members on the forum plz add an AVATAR we are adding them if you don't if you don't like change them.

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karina

Re: A very saucey pic!!

*How do you get an irish man on the roof??
*Tell him drinks are on the house!!!!! :eek:ccasion14 :laughing3
 

tige640

Silver Member
Points
0
Re: A very saucey pic!!

This is not Irish but any male would understand.
A woman in a coma was receiving a sponge bath from the nurses. While washing the lady's private area, they both noticed that the heart monitor and brain monitor jumped. To make sure it wasn't a coincidence they tried again and both machines jumped again. Quickly one nurse ran out to the lady’s husband and said "Sir, I know this sounds unorthodox, but we believe that some oral sex will help you wife to come out of the coma"

"Really?" replied the perplexed husband

"Yes, and don't worry we will give you your privacy, follow me"

The nurse led the man to his wife’s bed, and closed the door behind her when she left. A few minutes later the emergency button flashed that the lady's monitor had flat lined. She ran into the room where the woman lay dead.

"What happened??!!" Screamed the nurse hysterically

The husband replied nonchalantly "I think she choked"
 

billybones

Thrillseeker
Legend Member
Points
32
Re: A joke for everyone...

This hired hand... he doesn`t happen to use the name Happy2 on any forums does he by any chance??

There once was a successful farmer who died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was determined to keep the farm and make a go of it, but she knew very little about farming, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a farm hand. A man applied for the job and was hired. He turned out to be fantastic worker, worked long hard hours every day and knew a lot about farming. For weeks the two of them worked, and the farm was doing really well. Then one day the farmer's wife said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job and the farm looks great, you should go into town and kick up your heels." The hired hand agreed readily, and Saturday night went to town. However, one o'clock came and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand, two-thirty, in came the hired hand. The farmer's wife was sitting by the fireplace and quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she asked.
"Now take off my boots." He did so, slowly.
"Now take off my socks." He did.
"Now take off my skirt." He did.
"Now take off my bra." Again with trembling hands he did as she asked.
"Now," she said, "Take off my panties." He slowly pulled them down.

Then she looked at him and said, "Don't you ever wear my clothes to town again!"
 

AchingNuts

Foundation Member
Points
0
Re: A joke for everyone...

Q: What's the difference between a bitch & a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, a bitch sleeps with everybody at the party except you!

Q: What's a 68?
A: You do me and I owe you one!

Q: Why do you get paid more at the Sperm Bank than at the BloodBank?
A: Sperm is handmade!

Q: Why do women have orgasms?
A: It gives them another reason to moan!

Q: What do pussy and the Mafia have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue and your in deep sh!t!

Q: How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
A: They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your house!

Q: How is pubic hair like parsley?
A: You push it to the side before you start eating!
 
G

Gentleman

Re: A joke for everyone...

What is the politically correct term for a wanker?

Owner operator!
 

DDxoxo

Live, Love & Believe
Legend Member
Points
0
Re: A joke for everyone...

What did one tampon say to the other?

Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches.
 

china1

Bronze Member
Points
0
Re: A joke for everyone...

Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside.
The Head Gangster says, "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second safety deposit box and there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too.
Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safety deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes only pudding. Disappointed the head gangster said, "Well, at least they left something for us to eat."
The next day, while listening to the news they hear:"Yesterday the largest SPERM bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people....."
 
J

Jessica

Re: A joke for everyone...

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

What do a gynecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
They can both smell it but can't eat it.

How is a woman like a condom?
Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
Spitting, swallowing and gargling.

How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.

What should you do if you girlfriend starts smoking?
Slow down and use a lubricant.

What's six inches long, two inches wide, and drives women wild?
Money.

What's the definition of a male chauvinist pig?
A man who hates every bone in a woman's body, except his own.

Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds?
Because most men are stupid, but few are blind.

What do blondes and the Bermuda triangle have in common?
They've both swallowed a lot of semen.

How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
It's not hard.

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
 
F

Farm Boy

Re: A joke for everyone...

A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo. To help him, he hired an Indian Scout. The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo. After riding awhile, the Indian gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Humm, buffalo come".

The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing. He is confused and says to the Indian, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"

And the Indian replies, "Ear sticky".
 

allin127

Bronze Member
Points
0
Re: A joke for everyone...

hi ...............................................................................................................
 

HappyPirate

Old Pirate...
Legend Member
Points
2,379
Re: A joke for everyone...

Advice for an old guy....
old.jpg

I was working out at the gym when I spotted a sweet young thing walking in....
I asked the trainer standing next to me, "What machine should I use to impress that lady over there?"
girllie.jpg

The trainer looked me over and said; “I would recommend the ATM in the lobby.”
 
J

Jessica

Re: A joke for everyone...

A man while making love to his maid,
exclaimed 'Martha ur are sweeter than my wife'

The maid smiled and said
'i know 'cos the driver always tells me so'
 
J

Jessica

Re: A joke for everyone...

[video=youtube;MtOcZVePMnc]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtOcZVePMnc[/video]
 

Jim76

Foundation Member
Points
0
Re: A joke for everyone...

Two prostitutes were riding around town with a sign on top of their car which said: "Two Prostitutes -- $50.00."

A policeman, seeing the sign, stopped them and told them they'd either have to remove the sign or go to jail.

Just at that time, another car passed with a sign saying: "JESUS SAVES."

One of the girls asked the officer, "How come you don't stop them?!"

"Well, that's a little different," the officer smiled . "Their sign pertains to religion.'

The following day the same police officer noticed the same two ho's driving around with a large sign on their car.

He figured he had an easy arrest until he read their new sign:

"Two Fallen Angels
Seeking Peter -- $50.
 

Timboh66

Well-Known Member
Points
23
Re: A joke for everyone...

Three guys enter a disabled swimming contest. The first has no arms. The second no legs and the third has no body, just a head. They all line up, the whistle blows and "splash" they're all in the pool

The guy with no arms takes the lead instantly but the guy with no legs is closing fast. The head of course sank straight to the bottom.

Ten lengths later and the guy with no legs finishes first. He can still see bubbles coming from the bottom of the pool,so he decides he had better dive down to rescue him.

He picks up the head, swims back up to the surface and places the head at the side of the pool, where-upon the head starts coughing and spluttering.

Eventually the head catches his breath and shouts: "Three years I've spent learning to swim with my fucking ears, then two minutes before the whistle, some asshole puts a swimming cap on me!"
 
N

nekrod

Re: A joke for everyone...

this bloke is going to a dressup party and he is completely naked with a bag of potatoes tied to the end of his penis, the guy at the door stops him an says you cant come in like that, your meant to be dressed up as something, the bloke says back to him iam, im a dick-tata (dictator).......

a couple are going to the same party, both naked with the missus sitin on the mans shoulders, once again the guy at the door says cant come in unless your dressed as something. the man says back to him im a snail this is michelle.
 
F

Farm Boy

Re: A joke for everyone...

this bloke is going to a dressup party and he is completely naked with a bag of potatoes tied to the end of his penis, the guy at the door stops him an says you cant come in like that, your meant to be dressed up as something, the bloke says back to him iam, im a dick-tata (dictator).......

a couple are going to the same party, both naked with the missus sitin on the mans shoulders, once again the guy at the door says cant come in unless your dressed as something. the man says back to him im a snail this is michelle.

You forgot the Barbwire Mick Jagger joke.
 

nonac

Bronze Member
Points
0
Re: A joke for everyone...

After a visit to the whore house, a man notices green lumps on his willy,
So he goes to the doctors.
“That’s serious” says the doctor.
“You know how wrestlers get cauliflower ears?”
“Yes” says the man seriously.
“Well” says the doctor “You’ve got brothel sprouts.”
 
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