• Lots of naked NEW Members on the forum plz add an AVATAR we are adding them if you don't if you don't like change them.

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I

Intrepid

Re: A joke for everyone...

Fred had a reputation among his friends for being unflappable, always using the phrase: "Oh well, it could be worse" in the face of anything going wrong. One day they got togetherto break some incredibly bad news to him, and made bets that his standard reaction would finally crack.

He listened to the news: " Hey Fred, you won't believe this, Mark came home on Friday night and found his wife with another man, and he killed them both!"

Fred's response: "Oh well, it could be worse."

Them, in complete dismay: "Shit man, does nothing bother you!? What could possibly be worse than that?"

Fred: "Well, if it was Thrusday night it would have been me."

Just arrived- this site look like fun...
 
T

Tania Admin

Jokes and Funnies

A French couple, an Italian couple, and a Polish couple go out to dinner.

The French husband says to his wife “Pass the honey, honey.”

The Italian man says to his wife “Pass the sugar, sweety.”

The polish guy, not quite understanding the situation, says to his wife “Pass the bacon you fat pig”.



WIFE: “There’s trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor.”
HUSBAND: “Water in the carburetor? That’s ridiculous.”
WIFE: “I tell you the car has water in the carburetor!”
HUSBAND: “You don’t even know what a carburetor is. I’ll check it out. Where’s the car?”
WIFE: “In the pool."



I am sticking this thread as during the clean-up I had started moving all jokes to one thread to make it easierr for people looking for a laugh.
 
T

Tania Admin

Re: Jokes and Funnies

Saw this on Facebook tonight, I thought a lot of you would agree that the boob apron is a NO Go. lol

[video=youtube;tieA5wfcgH4]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tieA5wfcgH4[/video]
 
Fudd

Fudd

Full Member
Foundation Member
Points
5
Re: Jokes and Funnies

Tania said:
Saw this on Facebook tonight, I thought a lot of you would agree that the boob apron is a NO Go. lol
Click to expand...

...yep, have gotten to that point in my sex life when sneaking a peek at some cleavage is about all I'm going to get.... :-(
 
T

Tania Admin

Re: Jokes and Funnies

Fudd said:
...yep, have gotten to that point in my sex life when sneaking a peek at some cleavage is about all I'm going to get.... :-(
Click to expand...

Aaaaaw Fudd. "Sympathy",,,,,to be continued lol



(sorry, I couldn't help being cheeky. Me Bad )
 
homer

homer

Doh!
Legend Member
Points
0
Re: Jokes and Funnies

"MILF won't meddle in Sabah conflict" - found this news article online. Hmmm...the journalist probably need to revise his or her vocab. lol
 
N

nonac

Bronze Member
Points
0
Re: Jokes and Funnies

One evening, a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts. He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell into his ear.

He tried and tried to dig the peanut out, but only succeeded in pushing it deeper into his ear. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying to remove the peanut, they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.

As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out.

The young man told the father to sit down. The young man then shoved two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out, and everyone was pleased.The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter took him into the kitchen for something to eat.

Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father, exclaiming, "That was wonderful! Isn't he intelligent? What do you think he'll be when he grows older?!"

The father replies, "From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law!"
 
Bambi

Bambi

Creature in the Shadows
Legend Member
Points
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Re: Jokes and Funnies

hahahaha looks like she tucked a napkin in her top
 
T

Tania Admin

Re: Jokes and Funnies

Roflmao,,,It can't have been meant seriously surely?!
bad breath.jpg


And this poor guy pmsl
tattoo prison.jpg
 
Happy2

Happy2

Legend Member
Points
23
Re: Jokes and Funnies

Two girlfriends having a cuppa in the sitting room on a Friday evening when the the host see's her hubby walking up the driveway with a huge bouquet of gorgeous flowers. She turned to her friend and said " Bugger it Now I will have to spend the whole weekend with my legs spread apart. " Her friend looks to her bemused and asked "Why ? Haven't you got a vase"
 
C

colzilla

Re: Jokes and Funnies

I've heard on the grapevine that seat sniffing is going to be the next big craze.
 
homer

homer

Doh!
Legend Member
Points
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Re: Jokes and Funnies

Doh! I thought gathering all the sniffers of chairs together and do a Mexican wave would be the next big thing...guess i m wrong.
 
homer

homer

Doh!
Legend Member
Points
0
Re: Jokes and Funnies

Yeah I read it in last month edition Sneezing Sniffers Gazette that this will create a new Sniffing Wave.
 
HappyPirate

HappyPirate

Old Pirate...
Legend Member
Points
2,371
Re: Jokes and Funnies

SPAGHETTI
For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.
If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back.
He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
'Honey, 'she said, 'You received a very strange post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said.
The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
On the card was written:
'Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.
Three, with meatballs, two without.
Send extra sauce !!!!! '
 
L

Langtrees VIP Perth 4

Re: Jokes and Funnies

One afternoon a little girl excitedly approached her mother, and announced that she had learned where babies come from at school that day. Amused, her mother replied, "Really, sweetie? Why don't you tell me all about it?"

The little girl explained, "Well... OK... the mommy and daddy take off all of their clothes, and the daddy's thing sort of stands up, and the mommy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and that's where babies come from."

Her mom shook her head, leaned over to meet her eye to eye, and said, "Oh, honey, that's sweet, but that's not where babies come from. That's where jewelry comes from."
 
T

Tania Admin

Re: Jokes and Funnies

Ha ha ha ha ha so funny,,,What? You mean it's true?

a1.jpg
:laughing4
 
HappyPirate

HappyPirate

Old Pirate...
Legend Member
Points
2,371
Re: Jokes and Funnies

A virile, middle-aged Italian gentleman named Guido was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde woman. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his apartment and, after some small talk, they retired to his bedroom where he rattled her senseless.

After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile, "So, you finish?"

She paused for a second, frowned, and replied, "No."

Surprised, Guido reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she thrashed about wildly and there were screams of passion.

The sex finally ends and, again, Guido smiles and asks, “You finish?"

Again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him and softly says, "No."

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Guido reaches for the woman yet again.
Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.

Exhausted, Guido falls onto his back, gasping. Barely able to turn his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asked again, "You finish?"

Barely able to speak, the beautiful blond whispers in his ear, "No, I Norwegian".
 
T

Tania Admin

Re: Jokes and Funnies

A man ordered for a voice automated robot car that does
anything he tells it to do correctly without any error. He got the car and became very proud of what the car could do without mistakes.
One day, he was home and his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school as she was very tired.
The man agreed and said to the car, "Car, go and bring my
children from school."
The car went and didn't return in time as expected, they knew
something must be wrong. Several hours later and no car, the man became apprehensive. He dressed up and got ready to lodge a report at the police station. As he and his wife stepped outside they saw the car coming with an overload of children.
The car parked right in front of them and said, "These are your
children sir".
In the car were their Landlady's two daughters, their choir mistress's two sons, his wife's best friend's daughter, their pastor's son and their neighbours two sons.
The wife who was angry shouted at her husband, "Don't tell me all these are your children!"
The man asked her calmly, "Can you first tell me why our children are not in the car?"
 
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