Smile

[eeliote]

in a huge gymnasium, a woman who is sitting in chair and the three suiters, wants to marry her ! the woman told the three suiters, i will marry one of you ! one except - first one of you can bring me here, as many ping-pong balls, you can , i will marry you ! i wait for you, as long it take ! three years later, first suiter comes back with 5,000 ping-pong balls ! five years later, the second suiter comes back with one million ping-pong balls! 5 years ago, another 5 years ago, and the lady doesn't know where the three suiter is ? it's the 20 years years, the third suiter comes into the gymnasium, a truck with a flat platform attach to it. on the platform, it had the two huge balls that greasy and hairy on them, they tall as the ceiling ! the lady said to third suiter:" i told you that i want as many ping-pong balls, you can get ! " then the third suiter almost faint, and he finally said to her: " omgod, i thought you said king kong's balls ! "
..........

Nas NY State of Mind

 

[Rochelle]

:laughing4:laughing4
what a bugger

R.xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Rochelle]

Magician on cruise liner is constantly having his tricks ruined by the ship's parrot. Each time he performs a trick the parrot squeaks: "It's in his pocket" or "4 of clubs" or "it's got a false bottom"! The magician hates it.
That night the ship sinks. Magician and the parrot cling to a piece of driftwood. For 4 days the parrot says f--k all and just stares at him. On the 5th day the parrot says:"OK you clever Fukr, I give up.......where's the f--king ship?


xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[DAVE1982]

there were two prostitutes standing on their corner and a police car drives past and one says to the other "have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" the other one responds "no but I've been swung around by the tits"

 

[DAVE1982]

Q: What's the difference between a battery and a woman?
A: A battery has a positive side!

 

[DAVE1982]

Re: JOKES!!!

an aboriginal boy comes home from school and says mom I've got the biggest penis in third grade is that because I'm black? The mum replies, no you dick-head it's because you're 19!

 

[shepherd]

Re: JOKES!!!

an aboriginal boy comes home from school and says mom I've got the biggest penis in third grade is that because I'm black? The mum replies, no you dick-head it's because you're 19!

nice one
keep em comming

 

[Master Yoda]

Re: JOKES!!!

Three elderly ladies are sitting on a park bench. A guy in a trench coat lurks up and flashes them........................

Two gets a stroke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


The other one couldn't reach.

 

[Happy2]

Re: Saucy Limericks

There was a young man called sam stover
who prayed for a girl to jehovah
she appeared in his lap
gave him the clap
now that kind of prayer is over

 

[mydnytgoddess]

I have always loved jokes and thought what a way to start the week....

When I got home last night, my husband demanded that I take him someplace expensive... So, I took him to a petrol station.....
And then the fight started....

 

[Happy2]

Isn't it sad with petrol prices It seems you only have two options
Dress up to the nines Book into a 5 star restaurant. Stop off at the petrol station fill up and then turn around and go home

Or

Dress up to the nines Book into a 5 star restaurant. Hop on your pushbikes and off for a night on the town.

 

[Farm Boy]

http://www.watchersweb.com/submissions/ilMdT1328229670/ZPgny1328229670.jpg

 

[Perth boy]

I was at the local golf club having a beer at the club bar. I was telling this guy that my wife never shuts up. He said he was a hit man and could shoot her in the jaw. That should stop her from talking so much. I asked him how much and he told me $1000. I said that’s cheap and I got another job. The guy next door always goes on about how big his dick is can you shoot his dick off too.
I pointed to my house on the other side of the 8th hole. The hit man lined up his gun and said hang on I could save you a grand if I shoot now.

 

[BigBoy69]

http://www.watchersweb.com/submissions/ilMdT1328229670/ZPgny1328229670.jpg

:laughing4:laughing4:laughing4:laughing4

 

[Farm Boy]

I did not think this one was funny , cause similar things happen to me thought the year , well worth looking at . and I wish both of them well.

http://www.watchersweb.com/submissions/hikso1328438986/jbIsO1328438986.jpg

 

[Happy2]

No wonder your harvest /carting took so long FB The old phrase is you put the cart before the horse

 

[Farm Boy]

No his livestock needs attention and he doing his best , look at the bag (oats?)

 

[wingman]

A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their
Tenth wedding anniversary when the wife says

"Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think
That it is time I made a confession........
Before we were married I was a hooker for eight
Years."

The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his
Wife's' eyes and says,

"My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years,
I cannot hold your past against you, in fact maybe you could
Show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life
a bit ?"

She said "No I don't think you understand
- my name was James and I played rugby for New Zealand

 

[BigBoy69]

:laughing4:laughing4 :laughing1:laughing1 :sign10: :sign10:
Priceless

 

[Rochelle]

:headbang:........Excellent.......:laughing4

R.xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[yokiizu]

LOL....ROFLMHO.......How many more dots do i need to put in

 

[BigBoy69]

Mum was flying interstate for business over the weekend, and was leaving the children with Dad to look after.

Mum: I have arranged for you to take both David & Dana to the cinema and ice-skating on Saturday.
Dad: Hhmmmm! It is too expensive for both, so it will need to be one or the other.
Mum: Well, it's your choice. Which one would you prefer?
Dad: ...um...ah...hmmm...David!!!!!!!!!
:laughing4

 

[colbb123]

We are all a little weird,
Life's a little weird
When we meet someone who's weirdness is compatible with ours
we join up with them
and fall in mutual weirdness
and call it love

 

[colbb123]

My keyboard doesn't type as fast as I do....

 

[Fanatic]

"I wanted so badly to lie down next to her on the couch, to wrap my arms around her and sleep. Not fuck, like in those movies. Not even have sex. Just sleep together, in the most innocent sense of the phrase. But I lacked the courage and she had a boyfriend and I was gawky and she was gorgeous and I was hopelessly boring and she was endlessly fascinating. So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane." - John Greene

“People are taking the piss out of you everyday. They butt into your life, take a cheap shot at you and then disappear. They leer at you from tall buildings and make you feel small. They make flippant comments from buses that imply you’re not sexy enough and that all the fun is happening somewhere else. They are on TV making your girlfriend feel inadequate. They have access to the most sophisticated technology the world has ever seen and they bully you with it. They are “The Advertisers” and they are laughing at you.

You, however, are forbidden to touch them. Trademarks, intellectual property rights and copyright law mean advertisers can say what they like wherever they like with total impunity.

Fuck that. Any advert in a public space that gives you no choice whether you see it or not is yours. It’s yours to take, re-arrange and re-use. You can do whatever you like with it. Asking for permission is like asking to keep a rock someone just threw at your head.

You owe the companies nothing. Less than nothing, you especially don’t owe them any courtesy. They owe you. They have re-arranged the world to put themselves in front of you. They never asked for your permission, don’t even start asking for theirs.” - Banksy

"Listen: There's a hell of a good universe next door; Let's go." - E.E Cummings

 

[Farm Boy]

"All the world old is queer save thee and me, and even thou art a little queer."


Robert Owen (1771-1858)

 

[chris.shiherlis]

John Greene and Banksy's quotes are definitively my favourites!

 

[dickpot]

My live by quote. "some mistakes are to much fun to only make once"

 

[JasRob]

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

[Saige]

LOVE IT.....always said I was a little bit different!!! and I definitely recognise the mutual recognition between myself and others similar

I am stealing that one....xxx

We are all a little weird,
Life's a little weird
When we meet someone who's weirdness is compatible with ours
we join up with them
and fall in mutual weirdness
and call it love