• Lots of naked NEW Members on the forum plz add an AVATAR we are adding them if you don't if you don't like change them.

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S

sintoo

My life explained.

Thanks I see it all so clearly now.Damn Beer... I want my life savings back.lol:iamwithst
 
C

chelsea666

Chloe

Wow you guys sure like to flatter yourselves! By the way I never date guys that drink beer they're so predictable. Ha Ha
 
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PinkPoodle

Little Vincent

Little Vincent came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell
his mother what he wanted: "Mom, I want a bike for my birthday."

Little Vincent was a bit of a troublemaker. He had gotten into
trouble...
at school and at home. Vincent's mother asked him if he thought he
deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Vincent, of course,
thought he did.

Vincent's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his
behaviour over the last year, and write a letter to God, and tell him
why he deserved a bike for his birthday. Little Vincent stomped up the steps
to his room and sat down to write God a letter.

LETTER 1:
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday. I want a red one. Your friend, Vincent.

Vincent knew this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this
year, so he tore up he letter and started over.

LETTER 2:
Dear God,
This is your friend Vincent. I have been a pretty good boy this year,
and I would like a red bike for my birthday. Thank you,
Vincent.

Vincent knew this wasn't true either. He tore up the letter and started
again.

LETTER 3:
Dear God,
I have been an OK boy this year and I would really like a red bike for
my birthday.
Your friend,
Vincent.

Vincent knew he could not send this letter to God either.

Vincent was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mother he wanted
to go to church.

Vincent's mother thought her plan had worked because Vincent looked very
sad.

"Just be home in time for dinner," his mother said.

Vincent walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. He
looked around to see if anyone was there. He picked up a statue of the
Virgin Mary. He slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church,
down the street, into his house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his
room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen.

Vincent began to write his letter to God.

LETTER 4:
I'VE GOT YOUR MUM.
IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE F*CKING BIKE.
Signed
YOU KNOW WHO
 
C

corneus

Quiz for the boys

Test for Men

1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:
A. Lovemaking
B. Screwing
C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town

2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've both shared:
A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.
B. Your blood test results
C. Five tequila slammers

3. You time your orgasm so that:
A. Your partner climaxes first.
B. You both climax simultaneously
C. You don't miss Sports Centre

4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:
A. Healthy, creative love-play
B. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend would agree to
C. Not the sort of thing your wife/girlfriend need to ever find out about

5. Spending the whole night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:
A. The best part of the experience
B. The second best part of the experience
C. $100 extra

6. Your girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month.
You tell her that it is:
A. No concern of yours
B. Not a problem, she can join your gym
C. A conservative estimate.

7. You think today's sensitive, caring man is:
A. A myth
B. An oxymoron
C. A Moron

8. Foreplay is to sex as:
A. Appetiser is to entree
B. Primer is to paint
C. A long line is to an amusement park ride

9. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship?
A. "I hope we can still be friends."
B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."
C. "Welcome to Dumpsville, population, YOU."

10. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:
A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort of intimacy
B. Is uptight and a waste of time
C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.

Evaluating Results:
If you answered "A" more than 7 times, check your
pants to make sure you really are a man.
If you answered "B" more than 7 times, check into therapy,
you're a little confused.
If you answered "C" more than 7 times, "YOU DA MAN!
 
J

JaM

Cruchless Joke!

Got this SMS... I just lost it... ROFL!!!!;D

Wife buys crutchless pair of knickers.
She puts her leg up on a chair and says to hubby...
"Eat me darling"
Hubby says.. "No way! Look at what it did to your undies!!!"

LOL!!!!::)
 
J

JaM

2 Irish couples decide to swap partners. After 2 hrs of passionate sex 1 says to the other "F*&%$ that was good, I wonder how the girls are doing?"
 
J

JaM

After great sex, she lays stroking his penis. Hes asks..."Do you want more sex?" She says."No, just admiring your penis, I used to have one just like it!"
 
J

JaM

Heres another one!

Man kneeling by bed..
Wife asks him "What are you praying for?"
Hubby replies... "Guidance"
Wife says... "Pray for stiffness, I f***n guide it myself!"
 
M

Mary Anne PA

Let Me Make You Smile Today

Luv it!!!!


Groaner

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they
got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the
groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The
groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The
wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom
leaned over and said to the groom-broom, "I think I am going
to have a little whisk broom!!!"

"IMPOSSIBLE !!" said the groom broom
Are you ready for this?

Brace yourself.
This is really going to hurt!

"WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!"




Oh for goodness sake... laugh, or at least groan.
Life's too short not to enjoy........ even these silly
little cute..... and clean jokes.

Sounds to me like she's been

"sweeping" around!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
P

PinkPoodle

Blond Men?

The Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks, " Why in the world are you dressed like this? "

The Cowboy says, "Well, it's like this Sheriff.... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little redhead asks me to go out to her motorhome with her... so I did."

"We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt..so I did."

"Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants...so I did."

"Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my
shorts...so I did."

Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says,

"Now, go to town, Cowboy...... "
And, here I am.

BLONDE MEN DO EXIST.
 
C

corneus

And then..

Well, the groom broom left her to bring up the little whisk broom on her own.
It wasn't long before he moved in with a flashy red vacuum cleaner with enhanced suction. Her name was Dyson, and she was so cute she didn't even need a bag!

The bride broom was devastated and had a succession of failed relationships. Once she had an affair with a pool boy, but he turned out to a bit creepy and crawly.

Another time she picked up someone in a supermarket. He seemed a bit blue, and was a bit wide, but seemed ok. Then she found out that he picked up every bit of fluff he could when he was at work! (in his defence, he was pushed into it)

Then there was some guy called Hoover. He said he was a Secret Agent, but he turned out to be a cross dresser.

Well, that was that! She gave up on brooms all together. For a time she suffered from insomnia - -she couldn't sweep at all.

Until, on her 51st birthday, she was swept of her feet by a long, tall stranger. He seemed to know all her little nooks and crannies, and wasn't afraid of spiders. He reached her in ways that other brooms couldn't. He called himself Cobweb.

And she lived happily ever after - yada yada yada...:p
 
O

Oscar

:tearyeyed AAAHHHHhhh!! What a beautiful ending,Sob!!!:toothy10: :tongue3:
 
N

naughtybuttnice

What a laugh!

:sign10: You guy's are a crack up...I love it...
 
C

citycentral

Sex terms with a twist....

Sex terms with a twist…..


AC/DC – A rock band. Or some one who likes to have sex with electrical appliances

B&D – Stands for “Bordering on Desperate”. Will have sex with anyone. Including electrical appliances – see AC/DC.

BI – I’ll see you later.

BI-CURIOUS – I’ll see you later, but why????

DILDO – A flightless bird that is extinct

EXHIBITIONIST – Some one who likes to paint pictures and then shows them at a gallery.

GREEK STYLE – Having sex then going to the kitchen to smash all the plates.

MARITAL AIDS – For men, local pub, golf course. For women, shopping for shoes and a flightless bird that is extinct.

Will add some more as I think of them…. Add some of your own if you like.
:laughing1 :laughing1 :laughing1
 
C

citycentral

Happy to make you laugh...

Thanks Kelly... glad it made you laugh. My brain was working well today....:hello:
 
T

tigerhunt

Lol very good, really enjoyed those hehehe, the sadest thing is only a few years ago that's pritty much what i thought those terms were lol.
cheers tigs
 
C

citycentral

Here are a few more....

Ok here are a few more just to end the weekend….

ANAL – Some one who is uptight.

BLOWJOB – Some one who’s job it is to blow. Eg testing candles in a candle factory.

BONDAGE – What you pay to your landlord before you move in.

DOUBLE PENETRATION – Having sex “twice” in the one night.

FETISH – Type of seafood. Normally fish.

FRENCH – Having sex with snails or long sticks of bread.

GAY – Happy…. what else could it mean.

WATERSPORTS – Having sex with a boat or on a boat.

:wav:
 
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