• Lots of naked NEW Members on the forum plz add an AVATAR we are adding them if you don't if you don't like change them.

Smile

Status
Not open for further replies.
B

BigBlackCock

The parable of the big black cock

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in uptown New York.The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him.

The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy. "I'll only marry you under three conditions." she said."Anything, anything," said the ambassador.

"First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28 inch studded matching necklace for our engagement."Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!"

The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation."Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Poconos along with a 40 acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of France." The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal broker in New York, then called another broker in France, and after his quick conversation, he said, "Yes, yes, I build, I build!"

The secretary was very startled, and knew she must think of a final request that would be impossible to live up to. "Finally," she said. "I'll only marry you, if you have a 10 inch cock."A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands. After weeping in his native language for a few minutes, the ambassador slowly lifted his head and said, "Ok, ok, I cut, I cut!"
:love76:
 
A

Alecia the Foxx

Re: The parable of the big black cock

There once was an English man, who was so in love with his girlfriend Wendy that he had her name tattooed on his cock. When he was erect, the writing presented as "WENDY," when he was flaccid, it presented as "WY."

The English man and his girlfriend broke up, and he was so devastated over the break-up that he decided to go an a Jamaican holiday to cheer himself up. He was lying on a nudist beach in Jamaica and he saw an amazing looking well-built Jamaican guy walking along the beach in all his glory, and lo and behold, he had "WY" tattooed on his cock. The English guy thought that this was such an amazing coincidence that he struck up a conversation with the Jamaican and asked him if he had a girlfriend called Wendy. The Jamaican shook his head, and so the Englishman asked how the full tattoo presented when he was at full mast. The Jamaican replied, "WELCOME TO JAMAICA MAN, HAVE A NICE DAY."
 
A

AlexandraSilk

Re: The parable of the big black cock

Thanks Alecia I do love a good joke. My Dad is always sending me dirty jokes. They always brighten my day
 

billybones

Thrillseeker
Legend Member
Points
32
Santa's cock....

Scroll down and you will see Santa's cock....





























Act your fucking age...
There is no Santa........
Anyway, what did you want to see his cock for?
You weirdo!
 

Miss Delights

Diamond Member
Points
0
Re: Santa's cock....

People that tell bad jokes should be shot :violent5: Lol

Besides maybe we all wanted a little hoe hoe hoe to cheer us up?? I know he's got a big sack so i was hoping he would have a big?? Sleigh:headbang:
 

homer

Doh!
Legend Member
Points
0
Re: Santa's cock....

I wanna see why after all these years? why has there not been Santa juniors roaming around? What went wrong? What is mrs Santa doing or not doing? Oh and are the elves really his "helpers"? huh? It is as important as the question about the chicken or the egg?
 
T

Tahlia

just a joke

How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Aladdin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 200 mph, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with 7 guys? LOL :)
 
M

Madam M

Man in hospital bed wearing.....

Man in hospital bed wearing oxygen mask over his mouth. "Nurse", he mumbles. "Are my testicles black?" Nurse raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, ...she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them sir." Man pulls off the oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly... "Thanks for that, it was lovely, but listen very very carefully... "Are-my-test-re-sults-back ?

I just had to share =) I hope you're all having a good night? We're off out to the Casino.
 

forest

Gold Member
Points
0
Re: Man in hospital bed wearing.....

I think every man dreams of young nurses... but then my brother and three sisters are nurses so I think I'll just stay out of Hospital....
 
M

Madam M

Re: Man in hospital bed wearing.....

I think every man dreams of young nurses... but then my brother and three sisters are nurses so I think I'll just stay out of Hospital....

I wish they had a "like" button on this thing =)
 
S

sexnut

The little things that make you happy

;D

Finding two dollars on the ground
 
S

Saige

Funny

During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel
Is that a mirror in your pocket because i can see myself in your pants.
What matters is not the length of the stick, but the magic in the wand
God created sex. Priests created marriage
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute
It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden of eden.

if you were my homework i'd do you everyday in every possible way.

Fornication: Term used by people who don't have anybody to screw with.

Sex is only dirty when its done right... Can I show you how.

Your legs are nice, what time do they open?

If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.

I'm not going bald, i'm just getting more head.


Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.

:laughing4:laughing4:laughing4:laughing4:laughing4:laughing4:laughing4
 
S

Saige

Re: Funny

Glad to have been of service Forest..Hope the rest of the day brings you a smile or three too :)
 

forest

Gold Member
Points
0
Re: Funny

:) holidays at home with teenage kids... likely to have both more smiles and tears lol.
 
S

Saige

Re: Funny

Good luck with that...hope you have your tissues well stocked!!!:laughing4
 

forest

Gold Member
Points
0
Re: Funny

Shouldn't be that bad... the son has been band from computer (tears) but it's a nice day, I'll get him in the vegie garden, teach him some building work, how to light a fire and make a wood fired pizza :)
 

homer

Doh!
Legend Member
Points
0
I saw couple of $5 notes on the ground the other day and ignored them. As I walk further, saw a $20 dollar note flapping on the floor calling out to me, I almost jumped and pick it up before remembering the ridiculous court case of that boy at Burswood casino who jumped on the money on the floor and pick em up then later returned it but was charged for stealing. So I just walked away. LOL
 

Happy2

Legend Member
Points
23
Homer The story you talk of was stupid .When is money found on the ground yours.
I have lost plenty over the years can I claim its just come back full circle?
As for a smile. In Town this AM saw a jogger nearly hit by a health food van.
Tickled my funny bone Health nut run down by health truck The paper editors could have had fun
 

forest

Gold Member
Points
0
A smile from my kids, a good night's sleep... a new flower in my garden, eating an apple, carrot, strawberry, cherry, pear, blueberry, tomato fresh and organic from my garden.

The look on someone's face where they feel/taste/see something I have made/created ie. food, words, sculpture, buildings etc... :)
 

skye

Gold Member
Points
0
Oh forest that is soooo sweet. Yeah finders keepers for sure. I once heard a man finding $100,000 in a box from the hard rubbish, he kept it to himself and gave all his work mates a good night out in the pub. Love hearing those story's.
i love waking up to birds singing, its the best sound in the world.
xxx
 

forest

Gold Member
Points
0
"i love waking up to birds singing, its the best sound in the world."

I don't sleep well, Skye but the best thing about that is the "Dawn Chorus" as the birds greet the day :)
 

Happy2

Legend Member
Points
23
Forest /Skye The dawn chorus is fine as long as its not a murder of crows outside your window
 

skye

Gold Member
Points
0
true, I once had a pesky kookaburra knocking on my window at 5 am and did that for at least 2 hours everyday.
Ok how about a cool mango cut into squares on a hot day when your hungry. mmmmmm
 

forest

Gold Member
Points
0
Have a murder of crows at different times (they seem to like windscreen wipers)... but they aren't as loud as the galas camping by the mighty Murray River who tend to get a bit enthusiastic :)
 

Happy2

Legend Member
Points
23
Skye I have a beautiful mango tree in the yard
It sound a little strange but we pick fresh And on the fresh cut cheeks
cover with a scattering of brown sugar and a good dose of chilli powder
Grill till golden and have with Icecream
As I said sounds strange but
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top