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we all need cheering up- quickfire jokes & one-liners

ABCDEFGhI

ABCDEFGhI

Gold Member
Points
20
An extremely wealthy New York widow had an interesting hobby. She looked for middle age men from across the world who have never been with a woman and travelled to spend a night with them. She tracked down a guy who lived with his parents on a very remote cattle station. He was asked to travel, at her expense, to a five star hotel in Brisbane and meet her.
They met, had a drink, and went up to the room.
“I’m going to be in the bathroom for ten minutes, be naked and ready when I come out,” she instructed.
She returned to find him naked, the carpet was rolled up and the furniture was gone.
”Do you know what you are doing?”
”I haven’t got a clue - but if this is going to be anything like shagging a kangaroo we are going to need all the space we can get.”
 
Goodstuff36 Bon truc in french

Goodstuff36 Bon truc in french

Goodstuff. Bon truc in french
Legend Member
Points
329
ABCDEFGhI said:
An extremely wealthy New York widow had an interesting hobby. She looked for middle age men from across the world who have never been with a woman and travelled to spend a night with them. She tracked down a guy who lived with his parents on a very remote cattle station. He was asked to travel, at her expense, to a five star hotel in Brisbane and meet her.
They met, had a drink, and went up to the room.
“I’m going to be in the bathroom for ten minutes, be naked and ready when I come out,” she instructed.
She returned to find him naked, the carpet was rolled up and the furniture was gone.
”Do you know what you are doing?”
”I haven’t got a clue - but if this is going to be anything like shagging a kangaroo we are going to need all the space we can get.”
Click to expand...
Oh dear I thought singing in the shower was bad hope he checked the Cubboard's and draws to make sure a Joey wasn't hiding in there.
 
Osman

Osman

Gold Member
Points
0
A man was contracted by the local council to drive around to work sites and make sure the workers were doing the jobs they were paid for.

He drove up to a field where he saw two council workers. He observed the first worker digging a hole while the other watched. When he finished, they waited a few minutes, then the second one filled the hole back in. They moved on downfield where they repeated the process. One man digs a hole, then the other one fills it in and they move on.

The observer watched this happen about half a dozen times and it was doing his head in, so he got out of his car and approached the two men. He said, "May I ask what you two are doing?". One of them said, "We're doing our jobs". The observer said, "Do you think it's productive to be digging a hole and then filling it back in?".

They thought for a moment and then one of them said, "Ahhh, yeah, I guess it would look a little strange. You see, there's usually three of us, and the guy who plants the trees is away sick today".
 
T

Tania Admin

Osman said:
A man was contracted by the local council to drive around to work sites and make sure the workers were doing the jobs they were paid for.

He drove up to a field where he saw two council workers. He observed the first worker digging a hole while the other watched. When he finished, they waited a few minutes, then the second one filled the hole back in. They moved on downfield where they repeated the process. One man digs a hole, then the other one fills it in and they move on.

The observer watched this happen about half a dozen times and it was doing his head in, so he got out of his car and approached the two men. He said, "May I ask what you two are doing?". One of them said, "We're doing our jobs". The observer said, "Do you think it's productive to be digging a hole and then filling it back in?".

They thought for a moment and then one of them said, "Ahhh, yeah, I guess it would look a little strange. You see, there's usually three of us, and the guy who plants the trees is away sick today".
Click to expand...
Sounds about right 😂🤣😂
 
Goodstuff36 Bon truc in french

Goodstuff36 Bon truc in french

Goodstuff. Bon truc in french
Legend Member
Points
329
A burgular is robbing a house when he hears Jesus is watching you he flashes his torch around and seas a parot so he just keeps on searching the house when he hears Jesus is behind you he flashes the torch around and seas a enormous rottweiler about to pounce on him.
 
dan60

dan60

Diamond Member
Points
5
I just found out that the man who stole my diary has passed away.

My thoughts are with his family
 
Tina M

Tina M

Independent WL , privates available inbox me 😉
Legend Member
Points
0
Q: what did the sun say to someone
A: your looking hot
If you know me or meet me you would of heard my shit jokes lol , but I always say to people before saying they them want to hear a shit joke. I think there great and always have a laugh (usually I’m the only one laughing 😂)
 
A

Albany

Earlier I had said how my wife's a dentist.
She treated a woman with extremely bad breath.
My wife said, " your breath smells like a bird cage. Have you had a parrot in there"
The win a replied, "No, but there's been a cockatwo"
 
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