TantraShiva
Legend Member
- Points
- 1
T
Tania Admin
A bra and a set of jumper cables walk into a pub. They go up to the bar and order a couple of beers. The barman says "We don't serve your sort in here". In reply they say "What do you mean by that?". So the barman says "Well your off ya tits and ya mate looks like he is about to start something"
CraftyBear
Silver Member
- Points
- 0
I told the neighbour I could build a car out of spaghetti. She didn't believe me, so I bet her $100. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.
- Points
- 328
Hate it when you knock on a girls door and there inside pretending no-one is there why don't they say just playing games with you
Alecia
Bronze Member
- Points
- 0
Sad but true.
JClark1987
Bronze Member
- Points
- 1
First rule of being a pilot.
Always treat your aircraft like your treat your partner.
You get inside them and take them to heaven and back.
Always treat your aircraft like your treat your partner.
You get inside them and take them to heaven and back.
Cayla Cream
Legend Member
- Points
- 58
How do you make a hanky dance?
Put a lil boogie in it
Put a lil boogie in it
Jimmy long
Diamond Member
- Points
- 54
Remember a time when you went to a bar and corona was what you actually wanted?
What do you call a man with no arms & no legs in a swimming pool ? Bob
What do you call a man with no arms & no legs being towed by a ski boat? Skip
What do you call a man with no arms & no legs on the side of a mountain? Cliff
What do you call a man with no arms & no legs in a bushfire? Bernie
What do you call a man with no arms & no legs after the bush fire? Ash
What do you call a man with no arms & no legs being towed by a ski boat? Skip
What do you call a man with no arms & no legs on the side of a mountain? Cliff
What do you call a man with no arms & no legs in a bushfire? Bernie
What do you call a man with no arms & no legs after the bush fire? Ash
What do you call a man with no arms & no legs in a pile of leaves ? Russel
What do you call a man with no arms & no legs with a rabbit up his bum? Warren
What do you call a man with no arms & no legs nailed to a wall? Art
What do you call a man with no arms & no legs nailed to a wall & his arms & legs nailed up as well ? Pieces of Art
What do you call a man with no arms & no legs with a rabbit up his bum? Warren
What do you call a man with no arms & no legs nailed to a wall? Art
What do you call a man with no arms & no legs nailed to a wall & his arms & legs nailed up as well ? Pieces of Art
T
Tania Admin
I think, I'm going to lose my drivers license... 
and all just because of a stupid police officer...
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:
Officer: "License please, I think you are drunk!"
Me: "I assure you, I’m not drunk."
Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance. What is this?"
Me: "A car."
Officer:"Of course! But which one? A Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?"
Me:"I have no idea!"
Officer:"So, you're drunk."
Me:"But I didn't drink anything."
Officer:"Okay, one more test -- Imagine, you drive in the dark on a highway at night, and there is one light coming at you.What is it?
Me:"A motorcycle."
Officer:"Of course! But which one? A Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley?"
Me:"I have no idea!"
Officer: "As I suspected, you're drunk!"
Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter question.
Me:"So..., counter question -- You're driving in the dark on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She wears a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top. What is this?"
Officer:"A prostitute of course."
Me:"Yes, but which one? Your daughter, your wife or your mother?"
Things went downhill from there and now I have a court date to attend...
and all just because of a stupid police officer...
The conversation went like this, when I got pulled over in my car:
Officer: "License please, I think you are drunk!"
Me: "I assure you, I’m not drunk."
Officer: "Ok, let's do a little test! Imagine driving in the dark on a highway at night, when you see two lights in the distance. What is this?"
Me: "A car."
Officer:"Of course! But which one? A Mercedes, an Audi or a Ford?"
Me:"I have no idea!"
Officer:"So, you're drunk."
Me:"But I didn't drink anything."
Officer:"Okay, one more test -- Imagine, you drive in the dark on a highway at night, and there is one light coming at you.What is it?
Me:"A motorcycle."
Officer:"Of course! But which one? A Honda, a Kawasaki or a Harley?"
Me:"I have no idea!"
Officer: "As I suspected, you're drunk!"
Then I started to get annoyed and asked a counter question.
Me:"So..., counter question -- You're driving in the dark on a highway at night and see a woman on the roadside. She wears a mini skirt, fishnet stockings, high heeled shoes and only a bra as a top. What is this?"
Officer:"A prostitute of course."
Me:"Yes, but which one? Your daughter, your wife or your mother?"
Things went downhill from there and now I have a court date to attend...
- Points
- 328
Lady goes to the doctor for yearly examination explains she is quite shy about her body and would like the lights dimmed while she was being examined.
After the examination she asked the doctor where her clothes were.
The doctor replied over there on the table next to mine.
After the examination she asked the doctor where her clothes were.
The doctor replied over there on the table next to mine.
T
Tania Admin
ABCDEFGhI
Gold Member
- Points
- 20
Guy has been working hard in the bush for months without a day off. He finally gets a long weekend and speeds across the desert to the nearest town. Entering the pub, he asks for two bottles of ice cold beer and the toughest, meanest working girl in town. He is directed to the red door upstairs.
”Are you the toughest, meanest working girl in town?”
”I’m the toughest, meanest working girl in all of Australia.”
With that she tore off her dress, bent over and held her ankles.
”I don’t recall specifying a position”
”Are you going to take the caps off them bottles or not?”
”Are you the toughest, meanest working girl in town?”
”I’m the toughest, meanest working girl in all of Australia.”
With that she tore off her dress, bent over and held her ankles.
”I don’t recall specifying a position”
”Are you going to take the caps off them bottles or not?”
Jimmy long
Diamond Member
- Points
- 54
Why did the elephant cross the road?
To wipe his foot on the grass to get the chicken moosh off
To wipe his foot on the grass to get the chicken moosh off
CraftyBear
Silver Member
- Points
- 0
I walked into a pub the other day and I was the only one there. I ordered a beer and shortly after I heard "Hey, nice jacket." I looked around and the only other person in the room was the barman and he was restocking the fridge. A minute or so later I heard, "Hey, nice tie." Again, the only other person in the room was the barman, still restocking the fridge. Shortly after I hear, "Hey, nice shirt." I'm a little freaked out so I call the barman over and explain. He nodded and said "Happens all the time. It's the nuts, they're complimentary."
badboytom68
Bronze Member
- Points
- 0
What do you call a deer 
with no eyes No idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes & no legs Still No idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs & no old fella. Still No Fucking Idea
with no eyes No idea What do you call a deer
with no eyes & no legs Still No idea. What do you call a deer
with no eyes, no legs & no old fella. Still No Fucking Idea
- Points
- 328
This guy had been working at a factory for over 20 years and on his way out of the factory the security guard checked his bag and the security guard replied it's your last day you won't be back tommorow and I have been checking your bag for over 20 years and I know you have been stealing things can you on your last day at least tell me what you have been stealing.
Sure he replied I have been stealing bags!
Sure he replied I have been stealing bags!