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Joke of the day

Phoebe

Some Village lost an Idiot!
Legend Member
Points
13
Q. What's the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
A. When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick.


Twenty Years Ago A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked. "Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked. "Yes, I do," she replied. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making out?" "Yes, I remember." "Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail?'" "Yes, I do," she said. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "You know...I would have gotten out today."
 

Phoebe

Some Village lost an Idiot!
Legend Member
Points
13
‘Doctor, I suffer from premature ejaculation. Can you help me?!’ ‘
No, but I can introduce you to a woman with a short attention span!’


A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem. In response, the doctor said, “When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate, try startling yourself.” That same day, the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found his wife was in bed, and waiting. Making love, they found themselves in the 69 position. Moments later, her husband felt the sudden urge to ejaculate so he reached over, grabbed the starter pistol and fired it. The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, “How did it go?” The man answered, “Not all that well…when I fired the pistol, my wife peed in my face, bit 3 inches off my penis and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!”
 
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Jacqui
 
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Phoebe

Some Village lost an Idiot!
Legend Member
Points
13
Before Email ... I think H2 still uses these at times...

6307a43747adcb4e634411203711a5bf.jpg
 

Phoebe

Some Village lost an Idiot!
Legend Member
Points
13
White ant struts in a pub, and asks " Is the bartender here?"
 

Thor the God of Thunder

Bronze Member
Points
0
Titanic was about to sink. People on the ship were shouting, crying, running and praying to God - just then a passenger had the following conversation with the captain.

Passenger: How far is land, from here?

Captain: Two miles...

Passenger: Only two miles, then why these fools are making noise. I have the experience of swimming even more.

Captain: .....????

Passenger: Just tell me in which direction, land is two miles from here?

Captain: Downward
 

Phoebe

Some Village lost an Idiot!
Legend Member
Points
13
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And the kid still wonders how a single mom that stays home all day affords to live in Point Piper....... ;) Kid gets asked all the time at the local school, what does your mum do? shes a stay at home business lady really sounds awesome yes it does, but she always says "MYOB"
 
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