Joke of the day

[Joe Ozzie]

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.

“Mother, where do babies come from?”

The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.”

The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.”

The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth.
What do you get when you do that?”

“Jewellery, my dear. Jewellery.”

 

[Joe Ozzie]

A father and his 6-year-old son are walking down the street, and they come across two dogs having sex.

The boy is shocked by what he sees and asks his father "Daddy, what are they doing?"

The father, not wanting to lie to his son, says "they're just making a puppy." "OK" says the son, and the father is relieved that he doesn't probe further.

The next day, the son bursts into his parents' room and sees them having sex. The father jumps up and quickly covers himself.

Knowing he's in for an interesting talk, walks downstairs with him and they sit at the dining room table.


His son asks him "Daddy, what were you and mummy doing?"
Again, wanting to be honest with his son, he says "me and mummy were making a baby."

His son pauses for a moment, thinking, and then replies "flip mummy over, I want a puppy!"

 

[Joe Ozzie]

Sex is like maths.

Add a bed, Subtract the clothes, Divide the legs, and pray you don't Multiply!

 

[Joe Ozzie]

Mum: If a boy touches your boobs say "don't" and if he touches your pussy say "stop"?

Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said "don't stop"

 

[Joe Ozzie]

Nude Beach

Two parents take their son on a vacation to a nude beach.

The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.

The son comes running up to his mum and says... "Mummy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"
The mum says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play.

Several minutes later he comes running back and says... "Mummy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!" The mum says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play.

Several minutes later he comes running back and says... "Mummy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got !"

 

[Happy2]

Cultural integration works!

View attachment 55122

I see pics like this Joe Ozzie and I am always asking the question
"Are they women under there, or a couple of muslim men having a perve in anonymity ? "

 

[Joe Ozzie]

I see pics like this Joe Ozzie and I am always asking the question
"Are they women under there, or a couple of muslim men having a perve in anonymity ? "

A very good question.

 

[Happy2]

A very good question.

And awaiting a very good answer

 

[Joe Ozzie]

Australia rocks!!

 

[Joe Ozzie]

Love Big Bangs ...

 

[Joe Ozzie]

Real people...........

 

[Joe Ozzie]

Great pickup methods...

 

[Joe Ozzie]

Big butts can be fun...

 

[Joe Ozzie]

Soooooooo True....

 

[XLNC]

I see pics like this Joe Ozzie and I am always asking the question
"Are they women under there, or a couple of muslim men having a perve in anonymity ? "

Who says you have to be Muslim to have a perve from in there?

 

[Happy2]

Who says you have to be Muslim to have a perve from in there?

Well would a non Muslim be weird enough to wear women's clothing and/or underwear
Oh sorry Phoebes I take that back
Your XLNC I bow to your wisdom

 

[bepp]

"Are they women under there, or a couple of muslim men having a perve in anonymity ? "

you should try it
it works n boy wat a world from that side

 

[Joe Ozzie]

A little boy and his friends are being called bastards and bitches by bullies at school.

The boy goes home and asks, "Dad, what are bastards and bitches?" And his dad replies, "Bitches are ladies and bastards are gentlemen."

Then the boy goes upstairs to see his mum. As he enters the room, he accidentally drops a perfume bottle, and his mum says, "Shit!" "mum, what is shit?" and she says, "Perfume."

So he goes to see his dad (who is carving a chicken), and his dad cuts himself and yells, "Fuck!" The boy asks, "Dad, what does fuck mean?" and dad says "preparing."

Then he follows his dad upstairs. A few minutes later his mum and dad are about to have sex when his dad says, "Where are the condoms?" The little boy asks, "What are condoms?" and his father says, "Condoms are coats and jackets."

The following night his father invites over some important business clients.

The boy opens the door for them and says, "Hello! Please come in, Bastards and bitches. Hang your condoms up here, my mum is upstairs rubbing shit on her face and my dad is downstairs fucking the chicken.

 

[Joe Ozzie]

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. He shouted at her, "You aren't so good in bed either!" then stormed off to work.

By mid-morning, he decided he'd better make amends and called home. "What took you so long to answer?" he asked. "I was in bed," she replied.

"What were you doing in bed this late?" "Getting a second opinion.

 

[Joe Ozzie]

A daughter asked her mother, "Mum, how do you spell 'scrotum'?"

Her mum replied, "Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue

 

[Joe Ozzie]

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft.

The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds.
The study concluded that the reason the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.

After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject.
They were convinced that the results of the British study were incorrect.
After three years of research at a cost of in excess of 2 million Euros, the French researchers concluded that the head of a man's penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex.

When the results of the French study were released, Australia decided to conduct their own study.
The Aussies didn't really trust British or French studies.
So, after nearly three hours of intensive research and a cost of right around 75 dollars (three slabs of beer), the Aussie study was complete.

They concluded that the reason the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead.

 

[Joe Ozzie]

Q: What are three words you dread the most while making love?


A: "Honey, I'm home."

 

[Joe Ozzie]

Three people having sex is a threesome.

Two people doing it is called a twosome.

So why is "handsome" a compliment.

 

[AndyRew00]

Hands...Mmmmmm​

 

[Joe Ozzie]

I love the vibe ...........

 

[AndyRew00]

--------------------​

 

[Lord Spikey]

Bob had a business that was working its way through hard times

Bob had two key employees; Linda and Jack. Linda had been with Bob for many years and was a faithful committed employee, whereas Jack had only been with Bob a short time, but was much more productive and creative.

The problem was that Bob could no longer afford to keep both Linda and Jack and had to let one go. But which one.

Bob recognized Linda's years of faithful service and had affection for her as part of the family, but Jack had brought in much more business during his employment than Linda over the same period.

Bob agonized over his dilemma for a week before deciding to talk to Linda about his problem.

"Linda", said Bob. "I have a problem".
"Oh. How can I help", replied Linda
"Well, you see, I have decided that I have to lay you or Jack off" he continued.
"Well" replies Linda. "You had better Jack off, because I have a headache"

 

[Joe Ozzie]

Paddy, who was on holiday from Ireland on Bondi beach couldn't seem to make it with any of the girls.

So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice. Mate, it's obvious,' says the lifeguard, 'you're wearing
them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. They're way outta style....

Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small and drop a fist-sized
potato down inside 'em. I'm tellin' ya mate....you'll have all the babes ya want!'

The following weekend, Paddy hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos,
and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by,
covering their faces, turning away, and laughing, looking sick! So Paddy went back
to the lifeguard again and asked him, 'What's wrong now?'

"Bloody hell Mate!' said the lifeguard, ............'the potato goes in the front!'