Todays humor Amuse me plz I'm stressed

[Mrs Langtrees]

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
Credit: Wow This is Awesome
I pinched this from face book it made me chuckle

 

[Happy2]

I walked into a store today...and they were selling explosives disguised as prayer mats. I wasn't one to judge them; after all, they'd said prophets were going through the roof.

 

[RugbyMermaid]

 

[RugbyMermaid]

Titanic The flute music is great

 

[Goodstuff36 Bon truc in french]

Ask a dumb question

 

[Shortnthick doesthetrick]

Sat in church one Sunday, an elderly Gentleman leans over to his elderly wife & whispers;
Darling, I've just let off one of my silent farts, what should I do ... ?
Her immediate response ... "Turn your hearing aid up!"

 

[Shortnthick doesthetrick]

Titanic The flute music is great

 

[Shortnthick doesthetrick]

Ask a dumb question
View attachment 139017

 

[Shortnthick doesthetrick]

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. Amazing, he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, What am I doing? I'm too old for this, and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper.
Credit: Wow This is Awesome
I pinched this from face book it made me chuckle

 

[Slugger1]

These three drunk guys decide to go to the brothel. The madam sees them coming and tells the girls to just throw some blow up dolls in the rooms and turn the lights out. The guys are so drunk the won't know the difference.

30 minutes later the fellas are back out on the street. The first drunk says "my girl was passed out. She never made a peep." The second drunk shouts, "mine was dead. She never moved a muscle!"

The third drunk leans in and whispers conspiratorially, "they were witches."

"Witches?" The other two say in unison.

"Yep! I bit mine on the ass and she farted in my face and flew out the window!

 

[Bambi]

 

[DickieWu]

 

[RugbyMermaid]

Money inflation my money gone

I bring you go to candy shop

 

[Goodstuff36 Bon truc in french]

 

[RugbyMermaid]

 

[Master Yoda]

 

[thirsty]

What the?
That’s a Woolworths trolley.

 

[Goodstuff36 Bon truc in french]

 

[thirsty]

I think I may know where that is. And if I’m right I’m not surprised

 

[DickieWu]

 

[TantraShiva]

View attachment 139490

You think Id get arrested if I put this on a tshirt

 

[Luckypete 08]

Why was the toilet paper rolling down the hill !!
to get to the bottom.

 

[DickieWu]

You think Id get arrested if I put this on a tshirt

Only if you are a politician

 

[lỗ đít]

What is better & the opposite to eating `a mandarin` Eating Amanda out

 

[mrys]

 

[glen]

I read a longer version of this the other day about the old guy and his new car.

O shit, I must read the same material as Mrs Langtrees!

 

[Channelle]

I read a longer version of this the other day.

Old guy buys his dream Mustang Shelby BT 50 to see out his motoring life. He is speeding well over the limit on route 66 the supercharged V8 bringing a big grin untill the flashing blue lights creep up behind him. Cop has been at it all day and is about to knock off. He says to the old guy "to save time and paperwork I will give you a warning if you can give me a speeding excuse I have never heard before". After a sec the old guy responds " 20 years back my wife ran off with a state trooper, I thought you might be bringing her back"!

And I read it on the same page as this!

 

[glen]

And I read it on the same page as this!

See edit !!!

 

[Goodstuff36 Bon truc in french]

View attachment 139490

As they say opinions are like arseholes everyone has one.

 

[Ammy Jones]

View attachment 137915

I Like guns more than car