C
Ciao Baby
It's been a tough week
I bought a memory foam mattress & now it's trying 2 blackmail me
I bought a memory foam mattress & now it's trying 2 blackmail me
Lets share some good jokes to make us smile
- Thread starter Langtrees VIP Darwin
- Start date
C
Ciao Baby
The doctor told me I need 2 lose weight
I said how?
He replied don't eat anything fatty
I said you mean like pies, chips that sort of thing?
He replied no,
Just don't eat anything, Fatty
I said how?
He replied don't eat anything fatty
I said you mean like pies, chips that sort of thing?
He replied no,
Just don't eat anything, Fatty
boz
Silver Member
- Points
- 4
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honour of this holy season" Saint Peter said "You must each possess something that symbolises Christmas to get into heaven".
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle" he said.
"Very well, you may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said "They're bells".
Saint Peter said "You may also pass through the pearly gates".
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked "And just what do those symbolize?" The man replied "These are Carol's".
"In honour of this holy season" Saint Peter said "You must each possess something that symbolises Christmas to get into heaven".
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle" he said.
"Very well, you may pass through the pearly gates" Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said "They're bells".
Saint Peter said "You may also pass through the pearly gates".
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked "And just what do those symbolize?" The man replied "These are Carol's".
- Points
- 132
Lol how please elaborate it please
randysavage
Bronze Member
- Points
- 0
haha
Dandanparker
Bronze Member
- Points
- 0
Paddy's wife was ready to give birth so he rushed her to hospital.
On arrival the nurse asks: "How dilated is she?"
To which Paddy replies: "Oh Jaysus, we're both over the feckin' moon!"
On arrival the nurse asks: "How dilated is she?"
To which Paddy replies: "Oh Jaysus, we're both over the feckin' moon!"
boz
Silver Member
- Points
- 4
85-year-old Biker Bob was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow".
The next day Bob reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the old biker explained "Well you see, doc, it's like this. First, I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my old lady for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Sally, the gal next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing".
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?" Bob replied "Yep! And none of us could get that damn jar open"
The next day Bob reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the old biker explained "Well you see, doc, it's like this. First, I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my old lady for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Sally, the gal next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing".
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?" Bob replied "Yep! And none of us could get that damn jar open"
CraftyBear
Silver Member
- Points
- 0
I bet my neighbour $50 I could make a car out of spaghetti. She didn't believe me. Should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.
dan60
Diamond Member
- Points
- 5
i came home from work yesterday and the wife had left a note on the fridge.
it read " i've left and gone to live with my parents for a while.
i can't stand it anymore, it's just not working"
i opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold.
i don't know what the f**k she's on about.
it read " i've left and gone to live with my parents for a while.
i can't stand it anymore, it's just not working"
i opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold.
i don't know what the f**k she's on about.
CraftyBear
Silver Member
- Points
- 0
I got home the other night and my wife was packing her bags. She told me she was going to move to Sydney and work as a sex provider at $500 a session. I started to pack my bags as well. She asked "What the hell are you doing??" I told her, "I'm coming as well. I'm dying to see how you are going to survive on $1000 a year"
- Points
- 4
Think about that and this..
Whats the difference between a Bitch and a Slut?
A Bitch will fuck everyone but you...... Hmmmmm
CraftyBear
Silver Member
- Points
- 0
What a disaster Valentine's Day was. Wife rang me from work and said "Two of my co-workers have received big bunches of flowers. They're gorgeous" I said, "That's probably why they got them"
When she got home from work I was sitting in my chair and I asked her "Can you go and get me a beer before it starts?" About 10 minutes later I asked "Can you go and get me another beer before it starts?" She mumbled something and stormed off to the fridge. A little while later I asked "Can you go and get me another beer before it starts?"She jumped up and yelled "Is that how it's going to be tonight is it? You're going to sit on your fat arse and get me to be be your personal servant???" I said, "Oh great, it's started"
A while later, she'd calmed down. She walked back into the lounge room, sat down and asked "What's on the TV?" I should have thought before replying. I said "It appears to be dust"
When she got home from work I was sitting in my chair and I asked her "Can you go and get me a beer before it starts?" About 10 minutes later I asked "Can you go and get me another beer before it starts?" She mumbled something and stormed off to the fridge. A little while later I asked "Can you go and get me another beer before it starts?"She jumped up and yelled "Is that how it's going to be tonight is it? You're going to sit on your fat arse and get me to be be your personal servant???" I said, "Oh great, it's started"
A while later, she'd calmed down. She walked back into the lounge room, sat down and asked "What's on the TV?" I should have thought before replying. I said "It appears to be dust"
- Points
- 4
old style humor!!
- Points
- 4
Thats what happens when a woman re-marries.
CraftyBear
Silver Member
- Points
- 0
Elderly woman goes to the doctor for her annual check up. She comes home and tells her husband, "The Doctor says I have the face of a 45 year old" The husband is unimpressed. "He also said I have the mind of a 40 year old and the breasts of a 35 year old. The husband growls "What did he say about your 80 year old c*nt?" The wife replies, "Nothing. We didn't talk about you at all"