Convincing my wife to get into swinging

[cammando755]

Hi
Although I haven't asked my wife about getting into swinging, as I am sure she would not be too keen, but I am very keen, what are some of the better ways to broach the subject? Any ideas.
Thanks

 

[Peter]

A good way to start is to ask her what her sexual fantasies are and take it from there, that way when you broach the subject she is half way to thinking along those lines. Just remember though women are usually possessive of their mates. It is a very thin line!!

 

[Shirazamatazz]

I would ask if she's ever had a girl try to crack onto her? See what her response is and how she would react.

 

[tiffanydoll]

take it from me mate if she aint into it no point forcing ya might be better off with a divorce lol

 

[mikeymike7]

If you have any experience with swinging, you could tell her a little bit about it to see if it gets her curious and tell her about all the great people you met and the fun times you had. If she starts asking lots of questions just tell her, its best if she experiences it for herself so she can make her own opinions and experiences. Took over a year, but worked for me

 

[JasRob]

Talk to her about it when she's drunk..LOL...based on my experience I have to get her drunk to spill the beans..thing is she's also into it..so it was worth the risk. LOL

 

[happytimes]

If you do get her into swinging you want to be very positive there won't be any jealousy involved by both parties.
I have seen it happen and it's not a good thing.
So i guess you want to make sure why you want her to do it, as it may backfire on you, as you say your into it and you don't think she would be.
Recently i was with a couple for hours and they invited me back to there motel where everything was fine.
After a few drinks he wanted his wife to get into it, when she did and her and i started to get it on, he went to the bathroom and when he came out he just went off. He was only gone for about 2 minutes and when he came out he told me to go, she said sorry and said to him why do you always do this.
Simple answer it was a fantasy and when it come to be serious he didn't handle it.
I have also seen it happen on the women's side as well, one of my ex's was bi and into it and more so other women, but one time she bit me really hard as she didn't like how the other women was getting into it with me. .
That was a 4some and the first one i said was mfm 3some.
I am no big time swinger but have had quite a few experiences, the last one i talked about, that is how i met her in a 3some with her then boyfriend.
So it can be really good but it can also be the worst thing you can do.
Just another angle you need to think about.

 

[Demon]

Be careful that you don't get what you wish for. (Famous curse).

What could happen:

1. She hates it - and this harms your relationship
2. She loves it - and this harms your relationship
3. She loves it - and enhances your relationship (Least likely)

Be careful

 

[Perth boy]

Maybe start of with some wife swaping with some good friends. Get pissed and go for a swim in the nude. See what happens.

 

[Madam Jacqui]

If she's not into it, dont force it. It certainally ended my relationship. xxxxxx

 

[srspom]

Didnt need to convince mine - we were watching hardcore porn and talking nude pics in the snow in finland after a week of meeting. just knew she was the one lol. ten years later and lots of swinging has meant no cheating issues. Actually I say swinging but its been more "open" ie she see's guys, I see girls. Foursome have been few and far between. Heaps of MFM 3somes - thats the best cos she gets extra cock (= she happy!) and I get to see her getting fucked (= me happy!). Win win situation. 3 kids later too. So far no cracks (lol) so will continue to ride the wave while its there...

Although I get off on watching her or hearing about her fun, she does not get off on me with another girl. So not fully 50/50 but hell its good enough for me!

Maybe you just have to try it to see..

 

[mr&mrs smith]

Hi you shouldn't have to convince your wife to start swinging it should be a natural progression in your sex life, together start with a bit of fun non threatening role playing and maybe a few sexy movie s, take it slow then perhaps get raunchier movie's with swinging couples in it the next time, during sex start talking sexy, but read her body language and reactions, make her feel that it is ok no matter what, but don't give up straight away because it could just be the "hang ups" we women have initially that prevent to be adventurous in bed

 

[tiffanydoll]

see this is where the problem is....it seems a bit selfish....ok spice up ya marriage but do u think it will work???? I have been thru this and it didn't work for me...I was cohersed into it not knowing what I was getting into...it can become very destructive and end in divorce

not to mention disease if ya not careful he now has HIV I am clean so think about what ya doing

red with u all the way on this one it doesn't work cos one party will get jealous of the other it's very destructive...best thing I did was ditching him

more to the point D is DISEASES...some people don't give a fk...they don't care what they are spreading around....god some dudes really piss me off sometimes...sorry venting again still trying to get the twat outta my head hes a jerk

sorry this sounds like a control thing....if ya really have to do that stuff should you really be together cos one of yas is gonna get hurt MAN IT DOESN'T WORK it will backfire one day/night wotever it's showing no respect for ya partner!!!! sorry venting again SO GLAD I AM SINGLE AND CLEAN!!!!!!!!

lets see swinging n bipolar dont mix I wish I had seen the writing on the wall long ago now it's left me with bad feelings about people (I don't have bi polar and I don't do drugs n stuff) in fact still have nightmares thats all I got to say

Edit by lone road - merged multiple posts into one post - please take care with your language when venting.

 

[cammando755]

see this is where the problem is....it seems a bit selfish....ok spice up ya marriage but do u think it will work???? I have been thru this and it didn't work for me...I was cohersed into it not knowing what I was getting into...it can become very destructive and end in divorce

not to mention disease if ya not careful he now has HIV I am clean so think about what ya doing

red with u all the way on this one it doesn't work cos one party will get jealous of the other it's very destructive...best thing I did was ditching him

more to the point D is DISEASES...some people don't give a fk...they don't care what they are spreading around....god some dudes really piss me off sometimes...sorry venting again still trying to get the twat outta my head hes a jerk

sorry this sounds like a control thing....if ya really have to do that stuff should you really be together cos one of yas is gonna get hurt MAN IT DOESN'T WORK it will backfire one day/night wotever it's showing no respect for ya partner!!!! sorry venting again SO GLAD I AM SINGLE AND CLEAN!!!!!!!!

lets see swinging n bipolar dont mix I wish I had seen the writing on the wall long ago now it's left me with bad feelings about people (I don't have bi polar and I don't do drugs n stuff) in fact still have nightmares thats all I got to say

Edit by lone road - merged multiple posts into one post - please take care with your language when venting.

Ummm, WTF ......... I reckon, maybe the reason you two are not together anymore and it didn't work out for you both, is NOT because of swinging, as you state in this rant, but maybe something else. Just have another read, and you might work it out.

 

[cammando755]

Hi
Thanks for all the great advice. I'll take it all on board, and step slowly drop some hints, and try my luck.
Thanks again for your input.

 

[Conrad]

I'm with Tiff on this one, "if ya really have to do that stuff should you really be together"... you are being selfish, some people would kill for a relationship let alone someone they know they can trust their lives to and not kill or maime with some STD. You should wake up to yourself and appreciate what you have. Wanna spice up your sex life, how about taking your wife somewhere you have never been before in public and practice making babies, if that doesnt do it for you, try joining the mile up club (if you havent already) or better still, why do you both go and see a Sex Psychologist??? Come on man, wake up and remember your promise to your "wife" on the day you got married...

 

[happytimes]

There are certain couples that this works very well for, if you have an open relationship i think it's up to those involved to make there own minds up if it is a suitable for them or not.
Most people who get into swinging have really good relationships, that doesn't mean it's a all in orgy every time you see other people.
MfM and FmF 3somes are great and 4somes as well.
Anybody that would do it with any kind of std is a fool and can be in deep shit if they knowingly do it with a certain std.

So if both parties agree on it and they know there love for each other is very strong they very rarely have any problems.
If your not into that's OK to, each to there own but i would much rather be joining my partner in outside of the relationship sex then finding out one or the other is doing it behind your back.
If 2 people are really into each other and go out and enjoy sex with another couple that's up to them, it can be a real turn on for some people. Or a couple with another guy or lady, some couples get off on that. So if there is no jealousy involved what so ever, there are a lot of people who really enjoy the life style.
Sure there are people that are right against it, but that's there opinion and you can't put everybody in that category.

 

[Conrad]

There are certain couples that this works very well for, if you have an open relationship i think it's up to those involved to make there own minds up if it is a suitable for them or not.
Most people who get into swinging have really good relationships, that doesn't mean it's a all in orgy every time you see other people.
MfM and FmF 3somes are great and 4somes as well.
Anybody that would do it with any kind of std is a fool and can be in deep shit if they knowingly do it with a certain std.

So if both parties agree on it and they know there love for each other is very strong they very rarely have any problems.
If your not into that's OK to, each to there own but i would much rather be joining my partner in outside of the relationship sex then finding out one or the other is doing it behind your back.
If 2 people are really into each other and go out and enjoy sex with another couple that's up to them, it can be a real turn on for some people. Or a couple with another guy or lady, some couples get off on that. So if there is no jealousy involved what so ever, there are a lot of people who really enjoy the life style.
Sure there are people that are right against it, but that's there opinion and you can't put everybody in that category.

Marriage = commitment = "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that [is] thy neighbour's."

 

[Aztec Monkey]

Marriage = commitment = "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that [is] thy neighbour's."

:laughing4.
Sorry it's off topic but it's amazing sometimes with the change in language.
Someone I guess the author was not talking about your neighbour's backside but rather his donkey?

 

[cammando755]

I'm with Tiff on this one, "if ya really have to do that stuff should you really be together"... you are being selfish, some people would kill for a relationship let alone someone they know they can trust their lives to and not kill or maime with some STD. You should wake up to yourself and appreciate what you have. Wanna spice up your sex life, how about taking your wife somewhere you have never been before in public and practice making babies, if that doesnt do it for you, try joining the mile up club (if you havent already) or better still, why do you both go and see a Sex Psychologist??? Come on man, wake up and remember your promise to your "wife" on the day you got married...

Selfish ...... So the tens of thousands of people who practice swinging in Australia, are all selfish.

I am yet to broach this subject with my wife, so who knows, she may be just as interested to try it as me .... Umm .... That would then make us both selfish.

 

[Conrad]

Selfish ...... So the tens of thousands of people who practice swinging in Australia, are all selfish.

I am yet to broach this subject with my wife, so who knows, she may be just as interested to try it as me .... Umm .... That would then make us both selfish.

ummmm one word for you "Marriage". I'm not against swinging among singles but when you marry someone you marry them for better or worse, when the worse comes you work on it together, and I dont mean with an orgy. Marriage is sacred and I would kill to find that someone I would marry, have children and grow old together, with the good and THE BAD, thats what marriage is.

It is easy for married couples, and I quote from an article I recently read, "to get accustomed to many things, but you must not become accustomed to the good qualities of your spouse. On the contrary, every day you should learn to appreciate them more. Yes this must be something which makes sanctity in marriage so difficult as you can soon become accustomed to the good qualities the spouse has and begin to take them for granted, and later only focus on the bad qualities".

If you're married and thinking about swinging ask yourself this question "should you be married in the first place?"

 

[peterd]

Marriage = commitment = "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that [is] thy neighbour's."

I did not know we had Amish on this board :laughing4

peterd

 

[peterd]

If you're married and thinking about swinging ask yourself this question "should you be married in the first place?"[/QUOTE]


How judgemental is that diffrent strokes for diffrent folks

Peterd

 

[Buzz]

I struggle with the hypocracy of religion.
and I dislike the way judgment is cast.
Accept that all people are different in some shape or form.
Conrad, if your so judgmental on peoples lifestyles, isnt it a bit contradictory your presence here?

 

[johnlou]

I struggle with the hypocracy of religion.
and I dislike the way judgment is cast.
Accept that all people are different in some shape or form.
Conrad, if your so judgmental on peoples lifestyles, isnt it a bit contradictory your presence here?

+++++++++1 100% agree

John

 

[WRXXXR]

Conrad, u been burned before hey? Maybe even by a wife who cheated on you for someone else, potentially a lot more confident and arguably more fun?

Spewin!

 

[jaxonjorja]

:laughing4:laughing4

 

[cammando755]

Conrad, u been burned before hey? Maybe even by a wife who cheated on you for someone else, potentially a lot more confident and arguably more fun?

Spewin!

Well said. People need to be more open to other peoples views. Not everyone is the same, and I am thankful for that, esp after reading some of the posts I read occasionally on this site.

 

[happytimes]

Marriage = commitment = "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that [is] thy neighbour's."

Yes marriage is a commitment, but it's not set in concrete, just because you take your vows in good faith at the time, it doesn't mean they are always going to be lived up to.
As much as most of us would like that to happen sometimes it just doesn't,
sometimes relationships, marriages just don't work out for a number of reasons.
You can't say swinging or 3somes ,4somes are always the reason they don't work.
In some cases it can make your relationship even stronger, not all end because couples want to experiment with there sexuality. It's not against the law in this country to do this and many couples and singles have found great enjoyment in doing so.
If your against it that's your choice but you can't judge everybody else by your standard of living, we are all born different and we will always have different opinions. This is just my opinion just like you have yours and i have no disrespect for your view.

 

[svengali]

............]"to get accustomed to many things, but you must not become accustomed to the good qualities of your spouse. On the contrary, every day you should learn to appreciate them more. Yes this must be something which makes sanctity in marriage so difficult as you can soon become accustomed to the good qualities the spouse has and begin to take them for granted, and later only focus on the bad qualities".

If you're married and thinking about swinging ask yourself this question "should you be married in the first place?"

[/I]

This is a bit of very solid food for thought.

My advice, for what it is worth, is to approach this subject on tippy toes and very circumspectly because it is marital dynamite. As Conrad pointed out, what you are thinking of suggesting is a major rewriting of the terms of the marriage "contract" you entered into with your wife. Sure, if you both agree to try swinging that is fine but the suggestion itself may well be enough to wreck your marriage.

Go about it the wrong way and she will feel that what you two have, which she may well be happy with, is no longer good enough for you. She may also take it to mean that you feel she is no longer enough for you sexually and you need someone else to get your satisfaction.

Sure, if she doesn't like the idea you can try to backpedal all you like but, just as a fired bullet cannot be put back into the gun, words cannot be unsaid.

I would advise you to look at yourself honestly and ask where this desire to swing springs from then see if you can't find a way to get what you want from your present marriage first.