Madmax1700
Legend Member
- Points
- 55
- Points
- 0
Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducks.
- Points
- 0
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and terrified like all the passengers on his bus.
T
Tania Admin
Why do Aussie men cum so fast?
'Cause they can't wait to tell their mates!
'Cause they can't wait to tell their mates!
- Points
- 0
Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.
Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.
- Points
- 959
Why are woman married in white? To match the other appliances....
- Points
- 0
I've been taking viagra for my sunburn - all it does is keep the sheets off my legs at night!
What's the difference between 'oh.' and "OH!"? 3 inches.
My girlfriend just finished having a shower and said to me "I shaved my downstairs, guess what you'll be getting up to tonight?" I replied - "Unclogging the shower drain."
You know what good thing a period really ruined? 6.9
Hope at least one of these puts a smile on somebody's face
What's the difference between 'oh.' and "OH!"? 3 inches.
My girlfriend just finished having a shower and said to me "I shaved my downstairs, guess what you'll be getting up to tonight?" I replied - "Unclogging the shower drain."
You know what good thing a period really ruined? 6.9
Hope at least one of these puts a smile on somebody's face
- Points
- 4
Man goes home with his wife at 3am and asks her do we have any Aspirin, She says what do I need aspirin for , I ain't got no headache.. now there's a smart man...
dan60
Diamond Member
- Points
- 5
i always go home with a piece of chalk behind my ear.
when she asks me where i've been, i say "a massage parlour first, a bit of gambling and drinking at crown, then a couple of hours in LT's"
she says "you liar, you've been playing darts, you've still got the chalk behind your ear"
- Points
- 4
Man goes home with lipstick on his collar, Wife screams DIVORCE, Wife goes home with lipstick on hers' Husband screams 3SOME..
- Points
- 328
Anyone have any April fools jokes played on them as I had one played on me saying because of the corona virus I had been drafted into the Australian defence reserves to help with public order and Australian residents humanatian needs scared the pants off me
- Points
- 328
Ok since April fools Day has been cancelled does anyone know why we have April fools is it something to do with the three Musketeers Onr four all all four one or is it a pagan festival
- Points
- 4
Does your Google work?
Happy2
Legend Member
- Points
- 22
Little Moishie Rosenberg is at his cousin Hadassah’s wedding and asks his mom, "Mommy, why does the bride wear white on her wedding day?"
Moishie’s mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."
Moishie thinks about this, and then says, "Well then why is the groom wearing black?
- Points
- 4
Moishie obviously missed his Torah lessons at his Kibbutz... Maybe he was down near the old bus station in Tel Aviv instead, and I bet @Happy2 knows what I mean about that... LOL
A
Annoyance
A man walks into a shop to buy a few house essentials, upon paying for his purchases the shop attendant realises the man look some what agitated. And ask the man... " Are you alright sir you look upset"
The man replies "My wife told me that we need to save money and im spending too much money on smokes, so I have to buying tobacco and rollie paper from now on "
The shop attendant then says "That's no good sir"
while scanning the last 2 items the shop attendant asks " so what about cotton wool and bandages then?"
The man replies " Well I figured since I have to save money roll'n cigs, she can save money by roll'n her own tampons."
The man replies "My wife told me that we need to save money and im spending too much money on smokes, so I have to buying tobacco and rollie paper from now on "
The shop attendant then says "That's no good sir"
while scanning the last 2 items the shop attendant asks " so what about cotton wool and bandages then?"
The man replies " Well I figured since I have to save money roll'n cigs, she can save money by roll'n her own tampons."
dan60
Diamond Member
- Points
- 5
funny letter to trump, doing the rounds on faecesbook for 2 weeks, not from tommy lee but funny anyway
"An Open Letter to the president"
tweeted by Drummer of Mötley Crüe, Tommy Lee
Dear Fucking Lunatic,
At your recent press conference - more a word salad that had a stroke and fell down stairs, you were CLEARLY so out of your depth you needed scuba gear. Within minutes of going off air your minions were backpedaling faster than Cirque De Soliel acrobats... In India a week ago, i couldn’t get past the bit about your being the most popular visitor in the history of fucking india — a country of a BILLION human souls that’s only 3000 years old, give or take.!!! Trust me - Gandhi pulled CROWDS.. You pulled a cricket stadium and half WALKED out...
Do you know how fucking insane you sound, you off-brand butt plug? That's like the geopolitical equivalent of “that stripper really likes me” — only 10,000 times crazier and less self aware.
You are fucking exhausting. Every day is a natural experiment in determining how long 300 million people can resist coring out their own assholes with an ice auger. Every time I hear a snippet of your Queens-tinged banshee larynx farts, I want to scream!
We are fucking tired. As bad as we all thought your presidency would be when Putin got you elected, it’s been inestimably worse.
You called a hostile, nuclear-armed head of state “short and fat.” How the fuck does that help?
You accused a woman — a former friend, no less — of showing up at your resort bleeding from the face and begging to get in. You, you, YOU — the guy who looks like a Christmas haggis inexplicably brought to life by Frosty’s magic hat — yes, you of all people said that.
You attempted — with evident fucking glee — to get 24 million people thrown off their health insurance.
You gave billions away to corporations and the already wealthy while simultaneously telling struggling poor people that you were doing exactly the opposite.
You endorsed a pedophile, praised brutal dictators, and defended LITERAL FUCKING NAZIS!
Ninety-nine percent of everything you say is either false, crazy, incoherent, just plain cruel, or a rancid paella of all four.
Oh, by the way, Puerto Rico is still FUBAR. You got yourself and your family billions in tax breaks for Christmas. What do they get? More paper towels?
Enough, enough, enough, enough! For the love of God and all that is holy, good, and pure, would you please, finally and forever, shut your feculent KFC-hole until you have something valuable — or even marginally civil — to say?
You are a fried dick sandwich with a side of schlongs. If chlamydia and gonorrhea had a son, you’d appoint him HHS secretary. You are a disgraceful, pustulant hot stew full of casuistry, godawful ideas, unintelligible non sequiturs, and malignant rage.
You are the perfect circus orangutan diaper from Plato’s World of Forms.
So fuck you Mr. President. And fuck you forever.
Oh, and Pence, you oleaginous house ferret. Fuck you, too. You'll be as useful as a chocolate teapot against a medical crisis you Bible thumping cock socket."
"An Open Letter to the president"
tweeted by Drummer of Mötley Crüe, Tommy Lee
Dear Fucking Lunatic,
At your recent press conference - more a word salad that had a stroke and fell down stairs, you were CLEARLY so out of your depth you needed scuba gear. Within minutes of going off air your minions were backpedaling faster than Cirque De Soliel acrobats... In India a week ago, i couldn’t get past the bit about your being the most popular visitor in the history of fucking india — a country of a BILLION human souls that’s only 3000 years old, give or take.!!! Trust me - Gandhi pulled CROWDS.. You pulled a cricket stadium and half WALKED out...
Do you know how fucking insane you sound, you off-brand butt plug? That's like the geopolitical equivalent of “that stripper really likes me” — only 10,000 times crazier and less self aware.
You are fucking exhausting. Every day is a natural experiment in determining how long 300 million people can resist coring out their own assholes with an ice auger. Every time I hear a snippet of your Queens-tinged banshee larynx farts, I want to scream!
We are fucking tired. As bad as we all thought your presidency would be when Putin got you elected, it’s been inestimably worse.
You called a hostile, nuclear-armed head of state “short and fat.” How the fuck does that help?
You accused a woman — a former friend, no less — of showing up at your resort bleeding from the face and begging to get in. You, you, YOU — the guy who looks like a Christmas haggis inexplicably brought to life by Frosty’s magic hat — yes, you of all people said that.
You attempted — with evident fucking glee — to get 24 million people thrown off their health insurance.
You gave billions away to corporations and the already wealthy while simultaneously telling struggling poor people that you were doing exactly the opposite.
You endorsed a pedophile, praised brutal dictators, and defended LITERAL FUCKING NAZIS!
Ninety-nine percent of everything you say is either false, crazy, incoherent, just plain cruel, or a rancid paella of all four.
Oh, by the way, Puerto Rico is still FUBAR. You got yourself and your family billions in tax breaks for Christmas. What do they get? More paper towels?
Enough, enough, enough, enough! For the love of God and all that is holy, good, and pure, would you please, finally and forever, shut your feculent KFC-hole until you have something valuable — or even marginally civil — to say?
You are a fried dick sandwich with a side of schlongs. If chlamydia and gonorrhea had a son, you’d appoint him HHS secretary. You are a disgraceful, pustulant hot stew full of casuistry, godawful ideas, unintelligible non sequiturs, and malignant rage.
You are the perfect circus orangutan diaper from Plato’s World of Forms.
So fuck you Mr. President. And fuck you forever.
Oh, and Pence, you oleaginous house ferret. Fuck you, too. You'll be as useful as a chocolate teapot against a medical crisis you Bible thumping cock socket."
- Points
- 4
Replace Trump with:
Obama
Bush
Clinton
Bush
Reagan
etc etc... I was and still am Pro-American but even for me quietly I am loosing that stance, I say that all my friends know I am Pro American and for me to change that to them would be not so good until the GOP loses office. no matter what Trump does Biden well is just as corrupt but he has ties to clinton to protected somewhat. But America is heading for FUBAR itself which is kinda sad. Too many Trillions spent on wars that were never ever going to be won by America, a Nation with the world's most advanced Military, beaten by Men holding AK47's and rocket launchers.
- Points
- 389
- Points
- 4
Donald Trump would of Flew in:
And arrived safe and well and no wet either in NYC.
As for the Penguins they live in Southern Waters not in the Atlantic.
Also why would Donald be sailing from cold old UK to NYC, When his family is German so being German they would of plotted a course no where near Icebergs plus the ship being German would of been built to handle any Ice born injury to the ship.
Ovlov
Silver Member
- Points
- 0
He has drawn some good ones, I particularly liked the chicken crossing the road
