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Question for any married ladies

F

Farm Boy

Becky your not alone with this problem there references in history and folk-law.

No Balls at All

Now listen my children, a story you'll hear.
A song I will sing you; 'twill fill you with cheer.
A charming young maiden was wed in the Fall.
She married a man who had no balls at all.

cho: No balls at all. No balls at all.
She married a man who had no balls at all.

The night of the wedding she leaped into bed.
Her breasts were a-heaving; her legs were well spread.
She reached for his penis; his penis was small.
She reached for his balls; he had no balls at all.

``Oh mother, oh mother, oh, what shall I do?
I've married a man who's unable to screw.
(For many long years, I've avoided the call,
Now I've married a man who has no balls at all.'')
or (Oh mother, oh mother, I wish I were dead
And buried along of my poor maidenhead.)

``Oh daughter, oh daughter, now don't feel so sad;
I had the same trouble with your dear old dad
There are lots of young men who will answer the call
Of the wife of a man who has no balls at all.''

Now the daughter, she followed her mother's advice,
And she found the proceedings exceedingly nice,
And a bouncing young baby was born in the Fall
To the wife of the man who had no balls at all.
(or, "The bouncing young bastard had no balls at all.")

Spoken: No testicles whatsoever!
 

svengali

Foundation Member
Points
3
O.K, this is one hell of a way to look at the problem but it worked for me and may well help you, Becky.

Statistically, you have around 46 years of life left so anything you want to do must be done in that time.

It seems sex is important to you so the first question is are you prepared to go without it for the sake of staying married?

The second is are you prepared to walk out of the marriage and deal with the fallout of that decision so that you can seek sex elsewhere with a different partner?

I know that, culturally, many people regard divorce as a "failure" on the part of the couple or of one party or the other. That is all wrong. Divorce or separation are just facing the fact that a relationship has run its course and no longer provides anything worthwhile. Having said that, it is a big step and it takes courage to strike out alone, especially after being married for so long.

In my opinion you need to forget about him and his needs and think about yourself. Are you prepared to go along with the present situation "until death do us part?" If not, tackle him and tell him straight out what you want. If he isn't going to change then you have to and if that means changing your address then so be it. Some men just don't "get it" unless it is hammered home with a sledge hammer and my bet is that unless you do something nothing is going to change.
 
P

Peter

O.K, this is one hell of a way to look at the problem but it worked for me and may well help you, Becky.

Statistically, you have around 46 years of life left so anything you want to do must be done in that time.

It seems sex is important to you so the first question is are you prepared to go without it for the sake of staying married?

The second is are you prepared to walk out of the marriage and deal with the fallout of that decision so that you can seek sex elsewhere with a different partner?

I know that, culturally, many people regard divorce as a "failure" on the part of the couple or of one party or the other. That is all wrong. Divorce or separation are just facing the fact that a relationship has run its course and no longer provides anything worthwhile. Having said that, it is a big step and it takes courage to strike out alone, especially after being married for so long.

In my opinion you need to forget about him and his needs and think about yourself. Are you prepared to go along with the present situation "until death do us part?" If not, tackle him and tell him straight out what you want. If he isn't going to change then you have to and if that means changing your address then so be it. Some men just don't "get it" unless it is hammered home with a sledge hammer and my bet is that unless you do something nothing is going to change.
A rare taste of wisdom!!!!!
 

intherough

Silver Member
Points
0
...He is a very closed book (always has been), I know he loves me but I really miss the intimacy. He works incredibly long hours, comes to bed way after im asleep and gets up before I wake up, so I feel like im single. We neally divorced about 2 years ago because he found inappropriate text messages on my phone, but we decided to work through it. Thing is, nothing has changed...

If nothing has changed from 2 years ago then it was never worked through in the first place. You both need to continue working on your marriage as it is a partnership and if one partner has an issue you both have an issue.

Why does he have to work such long hours? Does he work for himself or for a company? That's a separate problem in itself. It's either he's trying to fulfill his egoic need for success by taking on more tasks than he can handle in a reasonable time or they're understaffed or he's not capable in doing his job.

...I have tried talking to him about it numerous times, but he doesnt think its a problem at all. I even asked him if he was gay, which he said was ridiculous..

It seems that he just doesnt think sex is important in our relationship, but I really do. I went to counselling a couple of years ago, but he wouldnt come with me saying the problem is mine and that he was happy with our marriage..

This sounds like an ego problem from his end. We all have different levels of sexual needs and to find a partner that has the same level is pure luck and I reckon virtually impossible. I take it the counseling was a result of your husband finding the inappropriate text messages?

I'm surprised that he didn't go along to a couple of sessions with you. He may be happy with your marriage but it doesn't sound like you are so the marriage is at risk. Is he really aware of that? This is his ego being messed with here and he doesn't like it. "I don't have a problem, you have" is calling him out. He needs to grow up and so do you.

You both need to discuss this in an open, honest and "without blame" environment and come up with strategies where both of you walk away with a better understanding of who the other person is, what their needs are (as opposed to wants), what issues (outside the bedroom) is affecting the other person and what each of you can do to help each other. It's about compromise and a bit of give and take.

I don't know what sort of work your husband does but there are ways of getting him to help you guys solve this problem together while at the same time stroking his ego. Most men are problem solvers so ask him for your help in solving "your" problem. Get him to break down the problem with you and develop some strategies for you to look at. It's a start...

...Can a marriage survive like this I wonder? I guess time will tell..

Short answer is No. It might go on this way for a few more years where you both live together in a marriage lacking in intimacy. But in the end, if there is no full understanding and no compromise solutions, then the marriage will break down.
 
T

tiffanydoll

thanks mate not holding my breath its been a ruff road...good luck to you :)
 

peterd

Silver Member
Points
0
I have been married for 16 yrs (im 41) and our sex life has dwindled to virtually nothing... not for want of trying on my behalf, I work out, take care of myself, and am experimental (if given the chance) in the bedroom (or any room lol..) but I virtually have to beg. Its humilating.

My question is, its gets me wondering if my hubby is A) Gay, B) Having a Affair or C) just has a really low sex drive

Am loking for advice because my hub seriously wouldnt worry if we never had sex, im sure of it, and it is really damanging our marriage, its not just guys that have these problems with their partners.

Any advice out there? :) :) ::)

Go away for a romantic weekend in a hotel, buy some sexy underwear and seduce him
If that does not work, You have to decide wheter you can live with no sex, You are still young, find a man who will appreciate you, You can still keep your present husband as a platonic friend but do not die wondering
 

Becky70

Silver Member
Points
0
Wow thanks people, some very interesting comments and opinions, thank you very much. In the rough he runs his own IT business and with school fees, mortgage etc I think sex is the last thing on his mind, he falls asleep on his computer every night.

Well, not sure exactly which path to follow at this stage, I still need to think things through, but will keep you posted and once again thank you for your replies :)
 
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