Need some points of view on sexual harassment, violation, and assault.
- Thread starter Master Yoda
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- 56
True.... and believe me I have tried.
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Yoda; Firstly i think you are definitely proceeding down the right path by letting her open up to you in her own time.
I think there are a few main things you do need to reiterate to her though, because this is never going to be something she forgets, she can only hope to deal with it in a healthy, positive way.
She needs to know that her value as a person and a woman is not diminished. For someone from the kind of (cultural and social) background that you describe, the hard slog is a point of pride, not something most want sympathy for. For her to make all those hard choices she must place a lot of value on intimacy and have high hopes for her future relationships. ENSURE SHE UNDERSTANDS THAT THIS UNFORTUNATE EVENT CANNOT STOP HER FROM HAVING MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS.
Do not let her blame herself and reinforce that IT IS NOT HER FAULT. Regardless of how she was dressed, or who for or where she worked. Or any variable that came into play in this situation. Make sure she knows that THESE ARE THE JUSTIFICATIONS A RAPIST WILL GIVE HIMSELF. She knows that 99% of people will not look at any of those things as provocation.
Make sure that because of this she doesn't BEGIN to make bad choices for financial support. You want this to be something she will OVERCOME, because it will make her a damn tough cookie when she eventually gets past it. The last thing you want is for this assault to be an excuse for her to let things slip, as in, "Well someone else already has so i may as well let you do it too" HELP HER TO AVOID THIS TRAP AT ALL COSTS.
Keep strong for your friend - Sometimes even the strongest most capable women meet hurdles they cant jump on their own.
I think there are a few main things you do need to reiterate to her though, because this is never going to be something she forgets, she can only hope to deal with it in a healthy, positive way.
She needs to know that her value as a person and a woman is not diminished. For someone from the kind of (cultural and social) background that you describe, the hard slog is a point of pride, not something most want sympathy for. For her to make all those hard choices she must place a lot of value on intimacy and have high hopes for her future relationships. ENSURE SHE UNDERSTANDS THAT THIS UNFORTUNATE EVENT CANNOT STOP HER FROM HAVING MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS.
Do not let her blame herself and reinforce that IT IS NOT HER FAULT. Regardless of how she was dressed, or who for or where she worked. Or any variable that came into play in this situation. Make sure she knows that THESE ARE THE JUSTIFICATIONS A RAPIST WILL GIVE HIMSELF. She knows that 99% of people will not look at any of those things as provocation.
Make sure that because of this she doesn't BEGIN to make bad choices for financial support. You want this to be something she will OVERCOME, because it will make her a damn tough cookie when she eventually gets past it. The last thing you want is for this assault to be an excuse for her to let things slip, as in, "Well someone else already has so i may as well let you do it too" HELP HER TO AVOID THIS TRAP AT ALL COSTS.
Keep strong for your friend - Sometimes even the strongest most capable women meet hurdles they cant jump on their own.
ecchimiki
Gold Member
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Yeh, I agree, the media will do what it needs to get its piece of flesh, and if she is hurt in the process they don't give a toss.
But do make sure that she is in some way taken care of. If the problem is ignored for too long and with nightmares like you are describing, sooner or later she's headed for self harm just to escape the demon.
But do make sure that she is in some way taken care of. If the problem is ignored for too long and with nightmares like you are describing, sooner or later she's headed for self harm just to escape the demon.
Phantom
Silver Member
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Fire with Fire only makes more fire, She needs to find the water. What prevents her from playing the game, with shift cuts can she get a second job to slide across too? then say to him that she has other work on set days and since he cut back the shifts she made other arrangements.
The blackmail the wife thing is a game ender, but why would you stay making a hostile environment yourself. you let the wife know burning the bridge as you cross it and not before.
The blackmail the wife thing is a game ender, but why would you stay making a hostile environment yourself. you let the wife know burning the bridge as you cross it and not before.
W
wr3xr
Yoda, pearl room as in crowns pearl room? I know crown HR take this stuff very seriously 
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- 56
Yes Pearl room at the casino.
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Thank you Jade for your heartfelt message. You are absolutely right. I am not here to intervene or interfere. And I will only give guidance and support as she is her own person.
This unfortunate event of coming across such a person is only burden on top of what she lives. My dear friend sold herself to an old man in order to generate funds for surgery to save her mother. That in itself has been a lot of pain for her that has her live an unwilling life where she cries herself to sleep most nights. That is another story unresolvable because she binds her own heart.
She works hard as a hospitality operator in the pearl room just to be able to send her mother much needed medicine and send her sister through education. Not once has she given into indecent proposals by the plethora of men that cannot see past her superficial beauty.
Her job is is of importance beyond herself and she feels that she can take no chances to jeopardise that. She is one inch away from achieving a status for herself through studies and immigration where she may have a chance at the freedom that every tear she shed longs for.
In the mean time she does tell me her heart has died. Little does she know that it is far from the truth.
I will keep standing for this beautiful being with no expectations. It has not been easy standing by her side when she is in need. But without a few people like me, her suffering will be 1000 fold.
I am paying back the kind deeds offered to me throughout my lifetimes unconditionally.
All of the kind thoughts given here does count. And I thank everyone sincerely for your kindness.
At present she is one inch away
asianguy77
Diamond Member
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- 4
This seems to be more prevalent than first thought. I have recently come across a similar scenario. I guess from an outsiders point of view it is easy to say why don't they report it, or tell them to $%#! right off, but the fact is, they need the job.
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wr3xr
The vast majority of HR departments take this stuff very seriously these days and the chance of the victim loosing his or her job is virtually non existant.
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that depends if the HR officer is the perpetrator and or good friends with the said perpetrator .
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wr3xr
Perhaps in small workplaces but companies like Crown, FMG, BHP and those others who employ 100's or 1000's of people take it very seriously. Mining companies make their staff do stretching exercises before a shift, just imagine a sexual assault or harassment issue!
Trust me, if yodas friend made a formal complaint to crown HR there is no way it'd be swept under the rug.
Trust me, if yodas friend made a formal complaint to crown HR there is no way it'd be swept under the rug.
Alan Driver VIP Perth
Gold Member
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Too many times this happens. Not worth the trauma of going to court. Try to move away
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yes but you have to stop running some time but it's not fair on the next victim.
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wr3xr
It rarely ends up in court though.
These days if you work for a big company with procedures, policies and a HR department there is simply no excuse to either do it or put up with it.
These days if you work for a big company with procedures, policies and a HR department there is simply no excuse to either do it or put up with it.
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Spoke with the young lady who inspired this thread a couple of days ago. Her manager still does what he does and she has since learned that he does this to many young girls under his management.
I must act responsibly here and not say too much in public. Yet I am so tempted to just release his details and the situation.
I must act responsibly here and not say too much in public. Yet I am so tempted to just release his details and the situation.
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Yoda all i can say is that. this is why people get away with harassing members of their staff . ( intimidation will always be ripe ) if people do nothing to help Themistocles, but the will let others do the dirty work for them . yes i agree with the fact it is their livelihood, in question but when n where does it stop . your friend doing nothing , encourages her boss .
your friend along with her workmates will wing and sit back and let someone else do the rite thing and cope the wrath of the boss and others after him . not cool @ all
you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink .
T
Tania Admin
It really would help immensely if she would go forward, for herself and for other victims past, present and future..
I really do feel for her
I really do feel for her
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this is what happens when every one stands backs and waits for some one else to do something
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/2014/05/19/02/03/inquiry-into-abuse-at-perth-school
then when they get charged with doing the same offence , they all tend to blame their past . what a cop out.
stand up and be counted
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/2014/05/19/02/03/inquiry-into-abuse-at-perth-school
then when they get charged with doing the same offence , they all tend to blame their past . what a cop out.
stand up and be counted
Alan Driver VIP Perth
Gold Member
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- 0
Not a brave thing bringing it to everyones attention. Kamas a bitch
