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johnmatilda

Legend Member
Maybe men shouldn't bail so quickly on a relationship that has challenges? Hard to be a role model when you're missing in action.
From https://www.talkinsex.com/threads/pillingers-punts.101223/post-949053

I knew you'd eventually show up! What took you so long?! 😅

Majority of men don't bail. There is a financial penalty for men while there is a reward for women. Majority (approximately 70%) of marriages are broken up by women. And since I'm going to be asked for sources, here are some:






Nearly two-thirds (64 per cent) of women compared with one-fifth (21 per cent) of men indicated that it was mostly themselves who had made the decision to separate. Conversely, more than half (53 per cent) of men compared with 20 per cent of women said that the decision had been mostly made by their former partner. According to 26 per cent of men and 16 per cent of women, the decision was jointly made.
 

James3006

Gold Member
From https://www.talkinsex.com/threads/pillingers-punts.101223/post-949053

I knew you'd eventually show up! What took you so long?! 😅

Majority of men don't bail. There is a financial penalty for men while there is a reward for women. Majority (approximately 70%) of marriages are broken up by women. And since I'm going to be asked for sources, here are some:






Nearly two-thirds (64 per cent) of women compared with one-fifth (21 per cent) of men indicated that it was mostly themselves who had made the decision to separate. Conversely, more than half (53 per cent) of men compared with 20 per cent of women said that the decision had been mostly made by their former partner. According to 26 per cent of men and 16 per cent of women, the decision was jointly made.
Money, alcohol and women are the root of all evil.
 

johnmatilda

Legend Member
Wow! Watched the first 20 mins and agree with everything he says. Some key takeaways that caught my attention so far:

marriage is a government construct
marriage is a contract
marriage is a legal status
56% of marriages end in divorce
a woman will end a marriage for a petty reason (a partner didn't buy granola)
blow jobs keep relationships intact!

I've been saying the first 4 of the above in this thread! I'm going to add the video to my list to make sure I watch the whole thing. Some gems in there already and I hope our young men are paying attention. This info wasn't available to us old farts in our younger years.
 

911TS

Diamond Member
Wow! Watched the first 20 mins and agree with everything he says. Some key takeaways that caught my attention so far:

marriage is a government construct
marriage is a contract
marriage is a legal status
56% of marriages end in divorce
a woman will end a marriage for a petty reason (a partner didn't buy granola)
blow jobs keep relationships intact!

I've been saying the first 4 of the above in this thread! I'm going to add the video to my list to make sure I watch the whole thing. Some gems in there already and I hope our young men are paying attention. This info wasn't available to us old farts in our younger years.
Great video. Going to watch it in full too.
Not purely for the reasons you listed although they are very true.
 

johnmatilda

Legend Member
Wow! Watched the first 20 mins and agree with everything he says. Some key takeaways that caught my attention so far:

marriage is a government construct
marriage is a contract
marriage is a legal status
56% of marriages end in divorce
a woman will end a marriage for a petty reason (a partner didn't buy granola)
blow jobs keep relationships intact!

I've been saying the first 4 of the above in this thread! I'm going to add the video to my list to make sure I watch the whole thing. Some gems in there already and I hope our young men are paying attention. This info wasn't available to us old farts in our younger years.
Watched the whole video and agree with 99% of what he says. There is another part for those interested which is equally insightful:

 

mrys

Member Moderator
Staff member
Talking Turkey Moderator
Confirmation bias is alive and well it seems..........
 

johnmatilda

Legend Member
To all my married brothers, I've got news:


TL;DR

Men can cheat under the following conditions:

1728487120908.png
 

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mrys

Member Moderator
Staff member
Talking Turkey Moderator
Yes, it is... isn't it................

/sarc
I guess we are all just the sum of our learnings from our life experiences. Your relationship experiences have clearly been unfortunate. Maybe you made the wrong choices, I certainly have once, but that hasn't made me bitter. It's just taught me to make better choices with who I share my heart with. There are lovely, sincere women out there who will bring a new dimension to your life, yes some of them are as damaged as you but oh so worthy of being loved and willing/wanting to love someone special. Life is not a dress rehearsal and when you get to the 4th act of a four act play it's those that love you that will make the difference when the curtain starts to close. There is no encore.
 

johnmatilda

Legend Member
I guess we are all just the sum of our learnings from our life experiences. Your relationship experiences have clearly been unfortunate. Maybe you made the wrong choices, I certainly have once, but that hasn't made me bitter. It's just taught me to make better choices with who I share my heart with. There are lovely, sincere women out there who will bring a new dimension to your life, yes some of them are as damaged as you but oh so worthy of being loved and willing/wanting to love someone special. Life is not a dress rehearsal and when you get to the 4th act of a four act play it's those that love you that will make the difference when the curtain starts to close. There is no encore.
Mate, I want what you're smoking! You've been married and divorced three times and had to pay out each time setting you back in life yet you are an advocate for marriage. Did you not say that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome? Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. If you were told that your parachute had such odds, would you jump out of a plane? With those odds stacked against men, why would any rationale man want to get married/co-habit in today's world? If any man must marry, a prenup is a must, but we know that's objected on the grounds of it's not "romantic" or "you don't trust me" or "you think I'm only marrying you for your money".

I'm interested in psychology and understanding people but I have failed miserably in trying to understand your point of view given your own life experiences.
 

voyuerism

Diamond Member
2250 Pts FOR loving a woman vs 1262 Pts AGAINST .. 🤷🤷🤷😂😂😂

seriously tho John , is psychology about understanding the mind ? or the heart ?
For me , would I get married again ?? I think yes. to the same type of woman ? Def not !! 2 different things IMO. GR8 thread ..
 

johnmatilda

Legend Member
2250 Pts FOR loving a woman vs 1262 Pts AGAINST .. 🤷🤷🤷😂😂😂
Come now, that's not how that works. I didn't realize that we are in a popularity contest! Also, he has been a member since 20 May 2016 and I since 31 Dec 2019.

seriously tho John , is psychology about understanding the mind ? or the heart ?
The mind. Using the heart and throwing out logic gets you rimmed, and not in a sensual way.

For me , would I get married again ?? I think yes. to the same type of woman ? Def not !! 2 different things IMO. GR8 thread
Thank the heavens you said "I think". At least it wasn't "hell yeah" unlike mrys. There is still hope to pull you away from the dark side!

Now, if I gave you a parachute and said it had a 50/50 chance of opening, would you jump out of the plane or stay on it?

If being Wolverine is not enough to keep a wife, what hope do minions like us have?


Good luck in your search for that unicorn who won't try to take you to the cleaners when things turn sour. At least get a prenup (which have to be done a certain way so they don't get thrown out).
 
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mrys

Member Moderator
Staff member
Talking Turkey Moderator
Come now, that's not how that works. I didn't realize that we are in a popularity contest! Also, he has been a member since 20 May 2016 and I since 31 Dec 2019.
Agree that's not how it works but I think it was a tongue in cheek comment.
The mind. Using the heart and throwing out logic gets you rimmed, and not in a sensual way.
The best decisions involve using both heart and mind in equal measures.
Thank the heavens you said "I think". At least it wasn't "hell yeah" unlike mrys. There is still hope to pull you away from the dark side!

Now, if I gave you a parachute and said it had a 50/50 chance of opening, would you jump out of the plane or stay on it?
There are degrees of happiness, death is finite......not a good analogy.
If being Wolverine is not enough to keep a wife, what hope do minions like us have?


Good luck in your search for that unicorn who won't try to take you to the cleaners when things turn sour. At least get a prenup (which have to be done a certain way so they don't get thrown out).
Yes there are some men and women out there that are purely motivated by money.......but you can easily see through them. Most men and women embark on a relationship because they want it to work. The work to make it work is a lifelong commitment. Clearly I'm no poster boy for successful marriages but If I met the right woman I wouldn't hesitate to do it again. It's good for the soul to be passionate and invested. Sure beats being alone and bitter in my book.
 

johnmatilda

Legend Member
The best decisions involve using both heart and mind in equal measures.
I would agree if we were in the 1970s. Not today where marriages and relationships are as disposable as wet wipes.

Yes there are some men and women out there that are purely motivated by money
Show me such men. Men don't look at a woman's money when considering a relationship because they know they will never get it and it doesn't benefit them. Ever heard a woman say her money is her money and your money is her money? A man will marry the beautiful agreeable girl from MacDonald's. Women don't marry down, always equal or up.

but you can easily see through them.
Tell that to all the men who didn't expect to be taken to the cleaners after divorce. Have you heard of starter husbands? No? Well here:


The work to make it work is a lifelong commitment
How's that working out for over 50% of marriages? If a relationship is "work", it's the wrong kind. It's a pass from me.

If I met the right woman I wouldn't hesitate to do it again.
For the love of God, please get a prenup this time!


It's good for the soul to be passionate and invested. Sure beats being alone and bitter in my book.
It's very bad for men mentally, physically and financially. Good for women though.
 

johnmatilda

Legend Member
I want to preface this by saying this is not specifically targeted at you but I am just responding to the situation you described as it raises some important things to be considered by others. If you are happy with the settlement you got, then that's fine.

Now that that is out of the way, I have to say that having to split assets with an ex who was a stay at home mum is a doubly raw deal. Why? Because she received board, food, clothes, a car, holidays, all bills paid and a comfortable life all for zero effort (you may say how can I even say this? I respond by saying how can she take you to the cleaners after all you have done). If she had been a working mum, she would have done most of the things she would have been doing as a stay at home mum anyway but with the added stress brought on by having a job. Winner: stay at home mum.

And despite all the free things she received during the marriage, you now have to part with half your assets that you worked for when the inevitable divorce comes around. And that is despite the very comfortable lifestyle you provided. If anything, such an ex who was looked after during the marriage should say "he is a good man and provided for me during the years of our marriage, I am grateful and I don't want anything, he has done enough". But never a woman has uttered these words when big cash and prizes are involved at the end of the marriage and they will do their best to take as much as they possibly can. A mate of mine lost 3 investment properties to his ex, with zero contribution from her (she was a stay at home mum). Winner: wife.

Conversely, an ex who used to work would have likely contributed to the household expenditure including the mortgage on the house half of which will be surrendered to her upon divorce. So in a way, she gets her half that she contributed to during the marriage (assuming that you both earned equally). This is a far better deal than to have a stay at home wife/mum. Winner: husband and wife (equal contribution equals lesser chances of the divorce turning nasty).


Of course they had to. It was their responsibility to raise the children regardless of your absence or presence (lots of single mums raise children in the absence of the fathers). It is also why the courts give custody to mothers and there has to be very compelling circumstances for the courts not to do so (druggie, abusive etc). Fathers never get commended for raising children and neither should mothers.


What did they really sacrifice though? Not having to go to work and do the daily grind like men do? That is a privilege not a sacrifice. If she won lotto, she would most likely quit her job. If she had been working, it would have been to put food on the table, a shelter over your heads, holidays etc. But as stay at home mums, they already get all that without having to work for it. Me thinks such stay at homes mums should be grateful to have everything provided for them without enduring the daily grind. Winner: wife.

In regards to financial sufficiency, I don't think they sacrificed that by being stay at home mums. They will became self sufficient anyway upon divorce when they take half of your assets that YOU did the daily grind for. Winner: wife.


Why should a man have to share his assets then work hard to earn it back? Most men cannot do so, especially depending on the job, especially if it's a physically demanding job that only gets harder and takes a toll on his body. Many many men have not been able to recover from divorce and from losing their house and other assets. Winner: wife.


This means you are just back to square one and have broken even but have lost time. And why help them with money when they benefitted financially from you upon divorce?


I'm not a believer in love that a woman has for a man. A man is only loved on the condition that he provides something of value. Love is a long dead construct evidenced by high divorce rates. Most divorces are initiated by women.

On a word of caution boys, look up starter husbands. It is often said that men are in love and women are in business.

I've often challenged women to state what benefit a man gets from marriage and none have been able to provide a sensible answer.

TL;DR
Dont get married.

/Sorry for the long post. Hopefully it makes sense as I am doing this late at night.
For all those who were critical of my post above, I have been vindicated by a divorce/family lawyer:


TL;DR
Don't marry a woman who earns less than you or let her be a stay at home mum/wife.
 

voyuerism

Diamond Member
All / any divorce 'lawyers' are feeding of the very same things they are espousing in these types of posts referenced here ..
In any other world it would be known as a direct conflict of interest , or at the very least hypocrisy.
 

johnmatilda

Legend Member
All / any divorce 'lawyers' are feeding of the very same things they are espousing in these types of posts referenced here ..
In any other world it would be known as a direct conflict of interest , or at the very least hypocrisy.
I disagree for three reasons:

1. His advice, if taken, results in less chance of ending up in court fighting over assets and alimony.
2. He is retired and has nothing to gain.
3. I said the same thing many many months ago before I came across the video and we both arrive at the same conclusions independently.
 

johnmatilda

Legend Member
A mate of mine just sent me this video.


I've never been married but have been in relationships hence I agree with what is being said. One of the reasons given is that your wife/partner says go get it from elsewhere, which a partner once told me (I kicked her out and then took her advice - thanks Alice!).

What do you blokes think? Agree or disagree?
 

johnmatilda

Legend Member
Here's a comment from one of her videos:

If you're being bullied by your wife, you married the wrong person and you probably lack some self awareness. Happy Wife, Happy life....Don't get married if you think like that. Both Husband and Wife should be equally happy with themselves and each other. No ones happiness should be over the other. Wrong mentally.

Gold!
 

johnmatilda

Legend Member
Don't let that shit phrase fool you boys. It was invented by a wife. You're not a slave to pander to make a wife happy. If she's not happy from within, you can't make her happy from without. And remember that her happiness is not your responsibility but it will be your problem.

Live long and prosper boys ✌️
I said it!

 
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