Cheating

[BigMike]

The thread about married men (people lets face it women do as well) seeking extra marital sex or relationships has made for some facinating reading.

It does in my mind raise an interesting question what is cheating ?

assume all the following are done with out your partners knowledge:

Masturbating ?
Simple Flirting ? (apparently i flirt all the time tho i am really not aware of it)
Looking at pron ?
Reading porn ?
Chatting on the net strictly no in real life contact?
Cam to Cam getting nude?
Phone Sex ?
Exchanging sexy photos?
Drooling over soap starts?
Droolong over Sandra Bullock?(opps sorry a personal favorite)


Do we need to redefine cheating given modern technology. look I really dont know the easy answer to this question. If its not physical its not cheating well that is the way I view it.

Irraspective I do think this is an inyeresting topic.

BigM

 

[Mrs Langtrees]

Monogomany is not a natural state but forced on us by governments and religions over the century's with the need to breed children for war.
Up until the last century war was the highest cause of death and producing children was the only way a economy could grow.
With todays society we have more time for our social and sexual lifes and variety is the spice of life.
What I think confuses and fucks most relationships is the lack of honesty between both partners over there desires likes and dislikes.We are always scared of being up front with our fantasies in the early part of relationships and by the time we want to be more upfront we have put to many fences up to break down the barriers.
More tomorrow its Thursday.....

 

[Dark Love]

Go 4 It!

Cheating I think is different 4 everyone! I guess the correct answer is what does your partner consider cheating. Ask them and then you will know what you can and can not do. When I was younger, I used to consider cheating was when my husband only glanced sideways at another girl, lol. Thank God! I grew up! But 4 alot of women this is standard. You wont meet many here on the forum who r as up tight because this is a forum for like minded people, so you wont get an acurate response. Us girls are more relaxed and usually want to participate in the yummy pleasures of porn, sex talk, internet chatting, masturbation etc, etc. You should do this poll at the super market. But then again don't, you might get a few werido looks, lol. As for me cheating is anything sexual my partner does that I don't know about, if I know then I say go for it.

 

[minimel]

i dont see how masturbation can be considered as cheating.. as everyone does it (but not all own up to it)

everyone looks at other ppl. its human nature to do so, you cant go through your life with blinkers on. i appreciated both the male and female form, and am comfortable enough to do so... even amongst my boyf's mates.. we went out for tea one night and one noticed me checking out guys and girls.. it is harmless, unless it is taken to far.

i think if the chatting is taking on sexual connotations, then that is overstepping the mark.. unless of course you are in an open relationship. this would be considered as fine, if you are not.. its a bit of a no no in my eyes, even if you dont have any wishes to meet the other person.. the same goes with phone sex, exchanging pics and camera to camera

everyone drools over some star/actor etc.. but if it is to an extent which makes your partner uncomfortable can be a bit cruel.. ie trying to make them like the person you are lusting after.. or it starts getting to be an unhealthy admiration.. maybe you should seek help

but in the end.. if you want out of the relationship to be with someone else, at least get the balls to end the first one before starting the other.. to many ppl get hurt in the process of ones gratification

 

[tonetickler]

Maybe I should have made it more general!

I think your right BigMike, maybe when I started the whole "is it wrong.." discussion I think I should have made it a bit more generic, to incorporate all groups male, female, gay, straight, trans... whatever not just men, plus added a "what constitutes cheating". Initially (judging by some of the earlier responses anyway) I think some thought I maybe looking to justify my own position some how, which I wasn't the case. But I'm pleased I started such a lively debate and apologize to anyone whose bad memories I may have raised again.
When started it I was particularly interested to know the opinion, particularly those who work in the sex industry (baring I mind that probably a large percentage of their clients have partners) but also swingers in general who are by definition in open relationships.
I have to admit that I was surprised to see how relatively moralistic most of the responses have been, although this may have been more a reflection of past pain.
But then again maybe I just think too much.

 

[honeyblonde]

its just a question that we know the answer to

that jimity cricket
who we tend to ignore when we want someting badly.

each of us knows, what cheating is
we can wrap it up in pretty paper, we can justify what we do.
its not just sexual it has actually very little to do with sex at all.

and its based on our own morals and the mores of the culture we live in

I think yes it has bought up feelings we would all rather forget but, I think this forum gives us the chance to say things we would maybe not say to anyone else offline.

we know
the answer to the question about cheating
and
our histroy dictates the interpretation of that question

honeyblonde.

 

[artist30]

The underlying question to all this cheating business is the Intent. What your intentions are...no matter the forum, what do you intend to do with your thoughts. Fantasy is not an offence, and doesn't hurt anyone, but if it then becomes fact....that's where there could be trouble.

And talking it out is the ultimate...always be honest with your partner and yourself!!

 

[MASTER WIZARD]

A little OFF thread

Greetings All,
While My comments are Off-thread ,I could not let Mary-Annes comments go unchallenged. . .
Monogamy was introduced to create "Paternity" . . .It is usually obvious who the Mother is but Many Males needed some surety that their offspring were in fact theirs .
In a Male dominated society where property in handed down through the Male line ( Such property could be Kingdoms or Countries) then the Males needed some surety that it was their genetic offspring that was inheriting . Hence the need for females to become property owned by Father until given over to "Husband".AND that they be "Virgin " when married .
Next the Number of children , before the advent of "Old-Age Pensions" children were the only insurance that folk could take out against their Old Age . Hopefully at least one child would survive ,high child mortality,pestilence , and WAR to look after their parents .
War has been with humanity since humans picked up and threw their first rock .
While many countries were only too happy to slaughter their peasants in wars of acquisition. I believe that the Americans were the first to turn WAR into an industry .
The Americans have had their ecconomy based on War for the last 200 years and every time their ecconomy goes into a decline they have to have a WAR some-where to pull it up again . While I can site a large number of instances to illustrate this , I believe that is unecessary here.
War IS a way governments get rid of excess population . But that excess is due to ordinary people desiring to propagate their own genetic line for their own reasons.
Back to thread based on what is written above . Cheating is where the offspring are of a different genetic line .
I have had 4 longterm relationships , for the first 2 I was monogamas the partners were not.The 3rd started out by saying that she had never been faithful to one man in her life and she was NOT going to start with Me.(I knew where I stood , right from the start.) . I said almost the same-thing to louise who said "Great when do We start swinging . That took Me 4 years before going to L.P.'s and so far she's the swinger.
I grew up with "Heinlen" novels where multiple sexual partners was the "norm" so I didn't see the "Infidelities"of the first 2 to be "Cheating" , just rubbing my nose in the fact that I could NOT give them what they needed.
So I guess that for Me cheating is how the Significant Other perceives it!

 

[kitty]

:wav::wav:

This is a confusing subject as some people consider cheating is when you have any physical contact with other people, yet others say it's when you look at other people in certain ways, and then there are people that say cheating is when you talk, sms, email or live chat in a live chat room such as the vbchat room. the thing is if you love your partner you would discus your fantasy's together and i bet you'll find that your fantasy's are very ssimilarif not the same this way you would bbe ableto fulfill your fantasy's together and this would not be considered cheating. and you would have a lot more fun than if you were to ccheaton your partner and there would be a lot more trust in the relationship.

the thing that gets me is that in my line of work physical contact, sms, chat rooms and talking on the phone are the most important things to do as this is part of my job or i wouldn't have a job as this is how i get new customers and keep regulars that put food on my table, roof over my head and clothes on my back.
is this considered cheating if my partner knows or doesn't know or is this classed as a job and not cheating. i guess the answer to this is that we all class cheating in a different way and to some i would be cheating on my partner yet to others this is just a job. so i believe there is no real answer to this question as we all have our own opinion.
love always kitty

:wav::wav:

 

[creativeguy]

Internet

I have known a woman for nearly 9 years since meeting her on the net. We first met using a voice chat program and that blossomed into emailing each other to phoning each other everyday. We have exchanged photos and had telephone sex, but not once have I met her. I know where she lives she knows where I live. She has moved overseas with her job but she still emails me and phones me but not as often due to cost. I dont think I am being unfaithful but thats due to my own morals and if my marriage was the perfect marriage I wouldnt be on the net looking to chat to other females. What Im saying is that the internet and technology has opened up a wide range of ways of communicting with opposite sex that what we ever had say 10 years ago. Thus the opportunity of going from a net friend to a lover has increased 100% it all boils down to the individual as to whether they think what they are doing whether it be masturbting by talking to a net friend or things like that is regarded as being unfaithful.

 

[honeyblonde]

yep the internet opened a can of worms

I have to agree, the net has expanded our minds and tempted us all to other things.

cyber sex wow now that was a buzzz when I first found out about that one. I thought holly shit i am in front of a machine finger fucking and kinda thought how odd is this.

I had crushes on people I had no idea if they were real or not. I saw friends made fools off by finding out that 40 year old master was a 15 year old school girl and the voice on the phone was her 17 year old cousin

I did the phone sex thing and found out i was os good at it someone offered me a job lol though the pay was seven bucks for ten minutes and I was getting fifty two bucks an hour at lectures. only did it for a little while as just could only do it after elven when I was sure my children were sound asleep.

locked door and no way they could ever know what was going on.

did the meet up with people the coffee the endless sexy talk
did the camera thing flashing my bod and masturbation for strangers

now the wierd thing about that is i met a guy and thats all he wanted for me to masturbate just likeon the camera and no touching

i realised it was sex without intimacy and thats addictive
mental fucking with no effort at all to please another person via touch
its a one dimentional fuck and many people become addicted to it.

It opened up my libido and I am glad off that. however i learnt the grass is not greener no one fucks better than anyone else
and were not talking to each other face to face much anymore

we are the Macdonnalds society of sex we want it often we want vairiety we went it cheap as in no emotional or hard work in there. we want to have it and throw it away and next please.

this is just an observation over time on my part and not directed to anyone and its not the same for all of us

being faithfull now has taken on degrees due to technology

there is a lot of grey out there
we all stumble along and sometimes fall
no one can throw a stone



honeyblonde

 

[BigMike]

I am facinated by the diversity of opinion on this subject. For mine physical conact is the act of cheating. Having said that I can relate to what people have to say.

The internet and In deed technology has changed things so much. We find our selves in an ever changing society and our opinions have to adapt accordingly. Still a very interesting exchange of ideas.


BigM

 

[MASTER WIZARD]

Thankyou Honeyblonde

Thankyou for that great post,
I tell most people that I'm a lousey fuck , So I usually find other means of intimacy , reserving penetration to last if at all .
Your post suggests that there are worse "Lovers" than ME!
Without some level of relationship I get performance anxiety , I am yet to find out if a cyber-relationship is enough

 

[Midnight_Childer]

cheating

Midnight:

I think I agree with the point of veiw that if you think its wrong and it would upset your partner then it is wrong. My partner and I have very different veiws on this sort of thing.

My point of view is that I dont care if its just lust and there are no real feelings involved. After all it would be very difficult to swing if you hard Big Mikes no contact rules .

If you feel the need to hide it from your partner then I think you have feelings and that is cheating.

I can give several example situations:
1. Your man looks at a complete stranger in the steet. Not cheating
2. Your man looks at a friend and has that look in their eye. Cheating.

1. You and your man choose partners and go off to swing. Not cheating
2. Your man takes someone out for dinner and ends up sleeping with them. Cheating.

Lets face it after we've been with someone for a while you can read their body language and when it becomes something other than innocent you know.

 

[marco81]

Cheating? Yes I know!

OK, According to my girlfriend watching porn or even nudes is cheating... She knows me and so knows that it often triggers ideas in my head...

If telling is not cheating, how can I tell her? As for her, the fact that I think about "swinging" will be cheating... but not telling her would be cheating so do I have another option than... cheat?

 

[The Ruler]

Cheater, Cheater !!!

You have cheated on somebody when you feel guilty at your own actions. This is because you know when you have done something wrong. When you are totally honest with yourself then you will be able to be totally honest with others....

The Ruler

 

[imogen]

Cheating

Hello BigM,

Read all the posts on views of cheating. Having sex is not cheating but having emotions with that person who you are having sex with whilst you are partnered is cheating, especially of heart. I agree with the the comment made that Man is not designed monotonous, it is not in Man's make up, society dictates how we should be and that in itself is not a bad thing either.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Imogen

 

[cli-max]

Excuse Me?

Now let's be politically correct babe - when you say MAN was not designed to be monogamous, because nor were us women! :headbang:

'Just thought i should clear that up.

 

[Gresbeau1]

Hi everyone,

I would like to ask your oppinion if i may on what should i do? My problem is this: I have the usual cliche of me being married and not realy enthused about the sex with my wife. As such i have been seeing another girl who is really exciting and the sex is fantastic.

However, my problem is that i feel absolutely terrible about what i am doing. i hate the fact that i run the risk of upsetting my wife and family life. Hence my question to you all.

Do you think i would be better served seeing a professional lady to get my fix? Haveing never used their services before could you let me know how discreet it is and how realistic does the girl make it for the guy. (I dont want to turn up and it appear a chore for some nice girl)

I appreciate any advice you could give

 

[Mary Anne PA]

seeing a working lady would definately take away any future complications that could affect your married life.
If it's just for sex, then see a working lady solely for that and walk away without any further commitments. Have an affair and eventually more could be wanted from it and if you don't want a marriage breakup you may not have much choice.

The choice is yours and I believe you really have answered your own question in a round about way. Do some shopping at some brothels maybe and get the feel by meeting some ladies and going by your gut instinct.

There are some really lovely ladies on during the day at Langtrees that wont make you feel like you posted at all, so maybe check Langtrees out. See how you go, but how easy will it be to break up this affair. How involved are you etc?
Will someone get hurt eventually?

And most importantly, what have you done to make sex with your wife a bit more exciting???? Change your comunication and see what you can do to spice up the home situation.
Read a lot of posts on here to give you advice as there is lots of it and see how you go.

The choice is yours!!!

 

[Mrs Langtrees]

Start to be a little more up front with your wife and say you want to take time with her to improve your sex life,take some massage seminars, dancing lessons together and see if you can't get what you need at home.
If this dosen't work it never will and then you should be addressing your sex life as a single or married man that tried.

 

[Gresbeau1]

thanks

Many thanks. Its amazing how much good advice you can obtain from here.

 

[Mary Anne PA]

uncertain

A MAN has gotta do what he's gotta do. And that all there is to it.

 

[Stephanie]

Hi Gresbeau,
My name is stephanie and I am a working girl at Langtrees and I totally understand your dilemma. I have many clients in your present situation and would like to comment on the fact that seeing a working girl can actually be a benifit to your marriage. Apart from the reasons stated above, when you see a working girl you can sometimes feel a little more free to drop your inhibitions and let yourself go. New discoveries about yourself can be found and you can find a newfound confidence with yourself along the way. Once this is established, the world is your oyster. Alot of it stems from an unconfidence to ask your wife to satisfy you in the way that you want. This can be learnt. What better place to have a lesson than in a safe environment such as Langtrees? It is already inside of you, you just have to find it.

Love Stephanie.
xxx

 

[like to play]

hi i was in the same situatoin a year ortwo ago i sat down and thoughtlong and hard about what to do and decided that the best thing was to talk with my wife about or sex life and that i was not happy with it after a long talk with her we work threw it now we have a great and open relation ship so sit down with her and talk about your feelings and whats going on and see what happens from there as she might be thinking and feeling the same as you

 

[NaughtyBetty]

I only just stumbled across this thread & would love to know how you got on; what decision did you make? If you are that unhappy then chances are you wife is unhappier..I really hope you give your wife the respect she deserves and talk with her you never know perhaps you can visit one of the clubs together, much more exciting than having an hour of fun and a lifetime of guilt.

 

[naughtybuttnice]

Great advice, I say!

Love and agree whole heartedly with your post NaughtyBetty...:headbang:...

How's it all going now Gresbeau?...

 

[scarface]

who can you turn to?

I think going to see a working girl is great if its only about sex. But in my opinion the fact that you have had an affair perhaps means that you seek some sort of emotional involvement.There is a large distinction between having a hot sexy sexual liason and paying for it, rather than a very intimate one on one on a regular basis and not paying for it.(directly)
As previous posts suggest if you cannot communicate seperate.I think most of us have these challenges at sometime in our lives even if we are just thinking about it. The male sex drive impulsively is very strong and can be a right bugger to contain.

 

[POCKETROCKET]

on the sex wagon with everyone else..

hey there just read the above and you should well and truly have some options from here...must let you in on a little secret tho..the wonderful love life of the hubster and i wasnt so wonderful awhile ago...and you know what...he dam well let me kno about it..in not so uncertain terms...he was sweet, sencere and considerate to my feelings as well as expressing his needs, desires and feelings....yes i still love him...lol and the sex is fantastic too...a little communication goes a long way when expressed properly...and the old saying goes...'you only get out what you put in'...sometimes we just need to be taken out of the comfort zone we are in and shown what is out there...change is not easy or quick but with love and support it can be achieved...not everything works for everyone but suggestions never go astray in a relationships....
time for me to hop off the wagon and stop preaching and start DOING...lol

mwah pocket

 

[Sputnick]

Generally speaking,
why do some woman have affairs?