Rochelle's Sense of Humor

[jaxonjorja]

Re: a brothel at the top of the hill........

Classic!!
:sign10:

A kiwi enters a bakery and approaches the counter. She and the baker exchange pleasantries before the baker asks her,
"would you like brown bread, or white?"
The kiwi girl thinks looooooong and hard about this confronting question. She paused, took a deep breath and replied,
"neither, as I have my push-bike!!"

 

[wingman]

Re: a brothel at the top of the hill........

Classic!!
:sign10:

A kiwi enters a bakery and approaches the counter. She and the baker exchange pleasantries before the baker asks her,
"would you like brown bread, or white?"
The kiwi girl thinks looooooong and hard about this confronting question. She paused, took a deep breath and replied,
"neither, as I have my push-bike!!"

I don't get it, please explain it :

 

[cammando755]

Re: a brothel at the top of the hill........

I don't get it, please explain it :

Me too, ive been thinking hard about and still don't get it.

 

[jaxonjorja]

Re: a brothel at the top of the hill........

Hahaha, I have achieved my goal!! You've thought about it (I hope it didn't hurt), and you still don't get it! Don't worry guys, there is absolutely no sense to this story at all, but it is a great little story to throw into a discussion just to get the mind working overtime!
:sign10:

 

[Rochelle]

Little Johnny strikes again

The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my grand dad's farm and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'that was good but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate' not 'fascinating.'
Sally raised her hand and said 'My family went to see RockCity and I was fascinated.'
The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate' so she called on him.
Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.'
The teacher had to sit down.

 

[tige640]

Re: Little Johnny strikes again

This woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit in front of the tv, eat dinner, and sit some more. He would never do those little household repairs that most husbands take care of. This frustrated the woman quite a bit.

One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly, "Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it?"

Her husband snarled, "What do I look like? The Tidy-Bowl man?" and sat down on the sofa.

The next day, the garbage disposal wouldn't work. When her husband got home she said, very nicely, "Honey, the disposal won't work. Would you try to fix it for me?"

Once again, he growled, "What do I look? Mr. Plumber?"

The next day, the washing machine was on the blink. When her husband got home, she steeled her courage and said, "Honey, the washer isn't running. Would you check on it?"

And again she was met with a snarl, "What do I look like? The Maytag repairman?"

Finally, she had had enough. The next morning, the woman called three repairmen to fix the toilet, the garbage disposal, and the washer.

When her husband got home, she said, "Honey, I had the repairmen out today."

He frowned, "Well, how much is that going to cost?"

"Well, honey, they all said I could pay them by baking them a cake or having sex with them."

"Well, what kind of cakes did you bake them?"

She smiled. "What do I look like, MARGRET FULTON"

 

[AlexandraSilk]

Re: Little Johnny strikes again

Little Mary went to visit little Johnny.
Johnny begins to pull out each of his toys; "Look at my toy truck!" says Johnny
"I have a truck, it's bigger then yours" retorts Mary
"Check out my boat" says Johnny
"My boat is faster then yours" replies Mary
"Come and see my train" suggests Johnny
"My train in louder then yours" says Mary

Little Johnny feeling very disappointed with this game, smiles to himself and pulls down his pants. "Look at this!" He says displaying his penis. Little Mary runs away crying

The next week little Mary comes to visit again. Johnny begins to display each of his toys; the truck, the boat, the train. Each one Mary is able to better. Johnny feeling smug knows he has a trick up his sleeve and after each of his toys he again pulls down his trousers. Mary responds by lifting her dress "My Mummy says as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!"

 

[Rochelle]

A long story..........

God was missing for 6 days. Eventually, Michael, the archangle, found him resting on the seventh day.
He inquired,............"Where have you been?"
Good smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards throught the clouds.
"Look, Michael. Look what I have made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet", replied God. "I have put life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test 'Balance'."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."

God explained pointing to different parts of Earth.
"For example northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things."
God continued pointing to different countries.
"This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."

The Archangle, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"
"That's Perth, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful trees and gardens, a beautiful river and days filled with sunshine. The people from Perth are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, carriers of peace and producer of good things."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be 'balance.'"

God smiled, "I will create Canberra.......wait till you see the idiots I'll put there........."

 

[AlexandraSilk]

Re: A long story..........

Oh Rochelle, love it.
Keep them coming.

 

[ecchimiki]

Re: A long story..........

Hang on, someone explain Balga to me, then.

 

[Rochelle]

Re: Blond revenge

Five rules to remember in life......

1. Money cannot buy happiness but it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your your enemy but remember the ba****d's name.

3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they are in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.Have a great day.

 

[Happy2]

Re: Blond revenge

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.[/I]Have a great day.

Tell a hungry calf That milk is not solving her problem Rochelle

 

[Rochelle]

A few definitions:

1) Adult........
a person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

2) Beauty Parlour........
a place where women curl up and dye.

3) Committee.........
a body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

4) Yawn.........
an honest opinion openly expressed.

5) Tomorrow.......
one of the greatest labour saving devices of today.

6) Secret.........
something you tell to one person at the time.

7) Mosquito........
an insect that makes you like flies better.

And finally.........

Wrinkles.........something other people have, similar to my character lines.:laughing4

 

[Rochelle]

Re: Rochelle's Sense of Humor:have a laugh

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says "If you behave like this, you will lose all your friends."

A small boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Send me a brother."
Santa wrote back, "Send me your mother."

What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress.

Husband asks, "Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It is: "Without Information Fighting Every time"
Wife replies, "No, it means: "With Idiot For Ever"!

 

[Rochelle]

have a laugh......

A three year old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.
"Mom" he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet," she replied.

A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and confidential"?
Dad says, "you are my son. I am confident about that. Your friend over there, is also my son, that's confidential."

R.xxxxxxxx

 

[Tania Admin]

Re: Blond revenge

I got told a joke this morning I thought you might enjoy.

What is the difference between Marmalade and Jam?

You can't Marmalade your cock up someones ass!

 

[HappyPirate]

Old Sea Story...........
There's an old sea story about a ship's Captain who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the first mate that his men smelled bad.
The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear occasionally. The first mate responded, "Aye, aye sir, I'll see to it immediately!"
The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, "The Captain thinks you men smell bad and wants you to change your underwear."

He continued, "Garrett, you change with Bowen, Smith, you change with Crean, and Brown, you change with Ferguson ."
[I]THE MORAL OF THE STORY:
Someone may come along and promise "Change", but don't count on things getting any better. [/I]

 

[Rochelle]

:laughing4 loving it.......how about this one.......

Ted was walking around his mate "Paddy the Stoner's" farm wondering where the silly bugger was. He turned a corner and there, under lean too at the back of the shed, was Paddy -totally nacked and playing with himself in front of the tractor.
"Strooth Paddy, what the hell are you doing?" says Ted, "you been on the mushrooms again?"
"Nah Ted," says Paddy, looking like he'd pulled a few already. "Cindy and I weren't, you know, getting it on in the bedroom too much lately and the therapist recommended I do something sexy to attracter.........

R.xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Rochelle]

Re: Blond revenge

ahhhhhhh have to say that is a bit of a not pc one.........

A Pakistani immigrant goes to his doctor and says, "Oh, I feel terrible."
The doctor says "You need to pee and crap in a bucket for a week, throw in a dead fish and a rotting cabbage. Put a towel over your head and inhale the vapors for three days."
The man does this and goes back to the doctor and says "I feel wonderful!!!!!! What was wrong with me?"

"You were homesick...."

 

[Farm Boy]

Stand by for a bit of the same problem as Lilly Sweetheart



Lately I have been receiving alot of phone calls and sms's from overseas numbers..... mostly Pakistan.

Anyone else experiencing this?

 

[Happy2]

Stand by for a bit of the same problem as Lilly Sweetheart



Lately I have been receiving alot of phone calls and sms's from overseas numbers..... mostly Pakistan.

Anyone else experiencing this?

Well the pakistani embassy read Rochelles joke and are mightily pissed Maybe its revenge Every one who laughed will get a call
I will be alright I had my funny bone surgically removed at birth Or so I have been told

 

[Rochelle]

Heaven is].............where the police are British,
..........the cooks French,
..........the mechanics German,
..........the lovers Italian and all organised by the Swiss!

Hell is...........where the cooks are British,
..........the mechanics French,
..........the lovers Swiss,
..........the police German and it is all organised by the Italians!