50 Shades Of Reality...Some fun excerpts :p

[Miss Delights]

So with all the buzz lately over these 50 Shades Of Grey books. I have been recieving some classic mock-ups in my inbox & was wondering if we could all share our favourites or even attempt to write some of our own??

My favourite one at the moment....

...50 Shades Of Rockingham...

Even though he only had one tattoo I yearned for him to fill the lonely hours between Jerry Springer and Days Of Our Lives. As he approached me with his pasty white arms hanging out of his Nike vest, his smile told me that it was dole day and I Knew that my velour track suit would be hanging off the lampshade tonight. As I stood in line at the job centre ,........thinking of reasons why I couldn't work, a sweet smell drifted past my pig like nostrils. It was a mixture of weed, sweat and Lynx Africa! I turned and there he was, DWAYNE, with his pants half way down his arse, our eyes met and he was soon lifting me onto the wheelie bins behind Woolies. He had already tied his Staffy to a post in the alleyway so we would not be disturbed, there was a tramp watching but it did not bother us, just added to the mystery. I knew then that this was love and my life would never be the same again. I made a promise to him there and then that I would buy him a plasma with the baby bonus.​

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[Rochelle]

:laughing4:laughing4:laughing4

Good on you Dylan.........by the way.......when do you show your pretty face again in our lounge?
R.xxxxxx

 

[Contrarian]

What's so funny about it though? It has an eerie ring of reality about it...

 

[Miss Delights]

:laughing4:laughing4:laughing4

Good on you Dylan.........by the way.......when do you show your pretty face again in our lounge?
R.xxxxxx

I am on at the moment beautiful...Back on the desk Babee

 

[Miss Delights]

What's so funny about it though? It has an eerie ring of reality about it...

I know that's what's so delightful about the whole thing, rather than some sappy fantasy/romance novel....I have some more to put up soon

 

[Miss Delights]

Here is one I am sure parents will love Haha...

...50 Shades Of Reality...

It was late, the kids were finally tucked up in bed. I was just about to sit down, exhausted, when I heard the door open. There he was sweaty and dishevelled from the 6am start and the 2hr commute home. He looked at me with that look - the 'it's-been-three-weeks-I-don't-care-how-hairy-your-legs-are' look. I glanced briefly at the T.V realising there was no escaping his wanting gaze. He came over and started to pull the dinner smeared, baby vomit encrusted shirt off me. We embraced, and ignoring the pain of the rogue lego pieces beneath my foot, we stumbled past the two piles of washing to the bedroom. Somehow we found ourselves on the bed, almost naked, wearing nothing but our socks. Wow, it looked like this might actually be happening, and I found myself strangely excited by the idea. I pushed all the thoughts of our winter gas bill and the fact we had no bread for breakfast to the back of my mind. And then it happened, the kids were not asleep! They had merely lulled us into a false sense of security lest we think for a moment that we had some semblance of a love life. With a resigned sigh, my Fifty Shades Of Sexually Frustrated began to pull on his Kmart pyjama bottoms and inside out t-shirt, and tend to the screaming child, as I decided I'd better make a run to the supermarket for that bread........​

 

[Rochelle]

:laughing4.......good to have you back, babe.......hope you hang around for a while.:love10:

R.xxxxxxxx

 

[homer]

50 shades of deep BS...
Here I am standing at the edge of the stair well, thinking wtf am I doing here? Gorking at the reflection on the window, saying to myself where did all the white come from on me head?...walking up and down the stairs...am I in a mental asylum?...*cringe*