Your funniest moment at a massage parlour or brothel

[granite]

Ladies and gents, tell us all about that moment that tickled your fancy while at work or play. Embarrassing moments also accepted.
Let me kick it off with a recent experience i had in thailand.

Travelled to thailand with a lady companion who really likes the massages. So we try this small little shop.
She goes into one cubicle for her thai massage and i into the one adjacent to it.
My masseuse starts with a regular massage , then turns the music up a little and there is some extra contact with the massage. Well i like a challenge, negotiate a price in whispered tones and enjoy a nice sensual massage with a HR finish all done very quietly .
The hour is up and the lovely lady has tidied me up and wiped the oil , and i am getting dressed when i realise i had left my wallet in my companions handbag.
So out i go to retrieve it to find the previously empty shop was now full. An australian family with teen age kids getting their feet done, an english couple getting a neck massage, and my companion at the counter paying for her and my masage.
So i ask for my wallet, and she says its ok i have allready payed for your massage.
The owner of the shop is next to me, the lovely thai lady behind me, my companion in front of me and ten pair of eyes looking at me and all i can think of saying is " i need some money to pay this girl for some extras"
Get my wallet , hand over the baht to the girl, ignore the frown on the owners face, ignore the moralising looks from the mum and dad, the sniggers from the kids and say to my lady friend lets get some lunch.

 

[magrov]

My first brothel experience ever. I walked in and got given a seat and a drink. I was the only guy there so several ladies came over and chatted away. I was too embarrassed to ask how I organise a booking but was rocking a relaxed looking attitude. Because of this they assumed I knew what I was doing and just kept making small talk. After 30 whole minutes the girls have up and must have talked to management. The manager came over and asked if I was looking for something specific and we worked out what had been happening. Those poor girls (who were all stunning) must have felt at their wits end with me. Thankfully the manager was very nice about it and paired me with the most amazing WL who walked me through everything. She even spent extra time with me free of charge in order to answer any and all questions.

 

[Phoebe]

My first brothel experience ever. I walked in and got given a seat and a drink. I was the only guy there so several ladies came over and chatted away. I was too embarrassed to ask how I organise a booking but was rocking a relaxed looking attitude. Because of this they assumed I knew what I was doing and just kept making small talk. After 30 whole minutes the girls have up and must have talked to management. The manager came over and asked if I was looking for something specific and we worked out what had been happening. Those poor girls (who were all stunning) must have felt at their wits end with me. Thankfully the manager was very nice about it and paired me with the most amazing WL who walked me through everything. She even spent extra time with me free of charge in order to answer any and all questions.

How is it, men can build massive buildings, deep sea nuclear submarines, space craft, etc etc, but why is it that as soon as men are in the company of beautiful women they become blubbering idiots? really..

 

[magrov]

How is it, men can build massive buildings, deep sea nuclear submarines, space craft, etc etc, but why is it that as soon as men are in the company of beautiful women they become blubbering idiots? really..

I'm slightly offended by that. I was ignorant and very out of my element but to be called an idiot seems very harsh.

 

[Phoebe]

I'm slightly offended by that. I was ignorant and very out of my element but to be called an idiot seems very harsh.

Most men are out of there element in parlors it's designed that way so little head confused big head or vice versa to the degree that wallet seems to be opened without a second thought..... most men can be 101.1% confident say in a front bar or sports bar in a pub with a large group of males watching and talking sports, but hey get one of those away from the flock into a parlor and well, its like watching an episode of watching lions, tigers and hyenas' hunting prey... and the prey is men easy pickings...

 

[Amanda Secrets]

Let me tell you mine, from another view.
After many years as a senior Exec in Mental Health, retired semi, and realizing the need to find dare I say a job again, I responded to an appealing (but clearly dishonest!!) advert on gum tree for a receptionist with admin skills to work front of business in Willetton. I arrived at what was advertised as a day spa ( no truly it was lol) and walked in to a venue where men where milling in the reception staring everywhere - up the walls, to the carpet and surreptitiously glancing longingly toward a hallway to the right .When I walked in I was given the once over by several pairs of eyes, where upon my radar of - " ello ello whats up err" went into overdrive!!
I was escorted to the back of the building past closed doors and given the heads up on what the place really was!!
Initially I was furious!! How dare they lure professional people in to this sort of a place!!
After a 30 min chat where I had a number of things put on the table in front of me and a few photos and descriptions run past me I managed to stop blushing and thought - hell - what the hell!!
My first week I was horrified and you have no idea the things I was asked over the phone!!!! and by the states of undress of the girls parading around the place!! ( tho I have since heard from many blokes that Im lucky and they love to see what I see for free lol!!).
However I soon took to the role, became a pseudo mother to a myriad of delightful and gorgeous young ladies!! and the rest is history as 3 years later on ........ But I will never forget my first experience and the absolute embarrassment and horror I felt when I found out where i was and what I would be doing!!
Now I wouldnt bat an eye lid!!!!
Oh to be that naive and daft again lol

 

[Freeballin]

I decided to take a punt from BP so made the booking the day before i flew in and asked the normal are the pics true are you 25 etc etc with the same tetort of course baby...
So plane lands head to address no one there... hmmmm so i call. She says I am running late be there soon booking was for 11.... 11.15 comes around and i see a car pulling into side entrance. Sweet its on... a lady answers the door asian lady my guess chinese with black hair and grey streaaks running through it, so sorry so sorry she exclaims.... please come in. So she leads me to a room and says would you like shower? I ask where is the girl? She moves her hands over her body and gives me a wink. Well fuck me i nearly fainted... I started to laugh... she did not seem happy with tjis at all. So i pull out my phone with the screen shot of the ad and ask her is this you? She still says yes si i ask hiw old are you? She replies 30... I laughed again (she looked more like a hard 45) and started to walk out. She says but wait baby i make you happy... i said no thanks and kept walking to the door. As im funbling with the soor she reaches around and grabs my cock... im shocked she started kissing me on the neck I turned around and all she had on was a g string. In that instant she tried undoing my pants.... i pushed her hands away and got that fucking doir unlocked and i was gonesky.... i have not been back to a BP fs since...

 

[Teres]

I decided to take a punt from BP so made the booking the day before i flew in and asked the normal are the pics true are you 25 etc etc with the same tetort of course baby...
So plane lands head to address no one there... hmmmm so i call. She says I am running late be there soon booking was for 11.... 11.15 comes around and i see a car pulling into side entrance. Sweet its on... a lady answers the door asian lady my guess chinese with black hair and grey streaaks running through it, so sorry so sorry she exclaims.... please come in. So she leads me to a room and says would you like shower? I ask where is the girl? She moves her hands over her body and gives me a XXXX. Well f**k me i nearly fainted... I started to laugh... she did not seem happy with tjis at all. So i pull out my phone with the screen shot of the ad and ask her is this you? She still says yes si i ask hiw old are you? She replies 30... I laughed again (she looked more like a hard 45) and started to walk out. She says but wait baby i make you happy... i said no thanks and kept walking to the door. As im funbling with the soor she reaches around and grabs my cock... im shocked she started kissing me on the neck I turned around and all she had on was a g string. In that instant she tried undoing my pants.... i pushed her hands away and got that f**king doir unlocked and i was gonesky.... i have not been back to a BP fs since...

HAHA Just like a scream movie, scary and funny cause it's not happening to me
Bet your face was priceless

 

[Freeballin]

I hope it wasnt a candid camera trick that i will see in tv!!!! Bhahaha.... yeah was not too impressed.... you working late again???

 

[Happy2]

There was a group of us down in Perth for Country Week And my room mate told me I'd have to go for a walk around 8.30 as he was having "company"
Downstairs in the hotel bar there was a few of the older members of the team and others of us who were married and believed in keeping it in our pants
While in the bar there was a very very unpleasant and aggravated Asian woman

To go ahead 20 mins my roomy came downstairs looking very downcast and getting evil looks from management and team boss And a few grins from other guests

His date had knocked on his door To be polite she was unkempt and a tad malodourous Not 23 but at least late 40s So he gave her $20 and said thanks but no thanks ( this was early 80s) She screamed at him in her native tongue But down in lobby her English returned Remember this is pre mobiles so hed given his details to her so she could ring hotel to confim details
Well once she was in lobby she screamed very loudly Johnny in room 13 No pay me I sex him good He no pay She kept this up til she got outside
He still gets gentle reminders of his night out in Perth

 

[Teres]

I hope it wasnt a candid camera trick that i will see in tv!!!! Bhahaha.... yeah was not too impressed.... you working late again???

When I'm on here I am usually at work lol but I am a night owl at heart anyway. Rarely in bed before the sun is up

 

[Ranjeeh]

The most embarrassing experience was that the lady allocated (choice of two) to me could not arouse me, mind you even a randy cockerel would have struggled. I didn't have the heart to say anything, I should have but how could I without giving offence? She smelt like a fish market, about four hours after it closed!

Why was that funny? Well you should have seen me trying to kick my own arse for the next hour or two!

 

[Missy Myers]

It was the first night I was working at Langtrees in Canberra and the first time in the industry, I was nervously chatting to who would be my first client ever. While trying to keep myself calm and collected a lady who was standing behind the client suddenly lifted up her top to show her ample breasts which she swung as she gave me a charming smile. It was all I could do to keep myself from breaking into hysterical laughter.
I must say I've had many more entertaining and enjoyable nights at work since then. Like I tell clients, I love the staff and the other ladies I work with.

 

[Missy Myers]

How is it, men can build massive buildings, deep sea nuclear submarines, space craft, etc etc, but why is it that as soon as men are in the company of beautiful women they become blubbering idiots? really..

I wonder that as well, but not too hard as it is quite a compliment to make a man lose his senses

 

[dominique lewis]

friday and saturday nights are always a interesting nights thats when the mr drunkies come out and watching them dance on the dance floor is def entertaining for me but then i enjoy joining them lol

 

[Harlee Dare]

It was the first night I was working at Langtrees in Canberra and the first time in the industry, I was nervously chatting to who would be my first client ever. While trying to keep myself calm and collected a lady who was standing behind the client suddenly lifted up her top to show her ample breasts which she swung as she gave me a charming smile. It was all I could do to keep myself from breaking into hysterical laughter.
I must say I've had many more entertaining and enjoyable nights at work since then. Like I tell clients, I love the staff and the other ladies I work with.

Was that Jaqui who did that lol?

 

[Harlee Dare]

On my first day I was running late and was greeted by Jaqui. I was very nervous but she was so lovely and welcoming I felt more at ease and went to do my hair and make up when she walked passed the girls room and said ' I am going for a wee, who would like to lick my fanny when I'm done?"
I nearly died!!! I laughed so hard. it was exactly what I needed,
Since then I looked forward to her humour, always made my shift more exciting XXX

 

[dominique lewis]

jaqui is the best i think i have seen her boobs and bits so much their inprinted lol

 

[Missy Myers]

Was that Jaqui who did that lol?

Yes it was Madame Jaqui lol

 

[LCB]

My funniest moment was many years ago when I first started getting sensual massages. There was a mature woman at a run down flat in Maylands that did 30 mins for $20 incl hand relief. Being tight on money in those days it was a perfect way to unwind.

Anyway long story short she worked me up so much that when I blew it shot into the air over her head with a big thick glob landing in her tight curly black hair.

She didn't realise it was there and while she was cleaning me up I couldn't help but stare at it and try not to laugh. Needless to say I never went back as was too embarrassed to face her again.

 

[Phoebe]

Correct me if I am wrong here, but wasn't there an El-Cheapo parlor up that way called, Happy Haven years back... near the garrat rd bridge... what ever happened to that place still going? or what?

 

[Happy2]

Correct me if I am wrong here, but wasn't there an El-Cheapo parlor up that way called, Happy Haven years back... near the garrat rd bridge... what ever happened to that place still going? or what?

Happy Haven closed down when you were still wearing a training bra Phoebe

 

[LCB]

Correct me if I am wrong here, but wasn't there an El-Cheapo parlor up that way called, Happy Haven years back... near the garrat rd bridge... what ever happened to that place still going? or what?

You're probably right but I don't recall. Was probably 15 years ago and my memory seems to be getting worse.

 

[Phoebe]

Happy Haven closed down when you were still wearing a training bra Phoebe

Did we wake up on the sarcastic side of the pen today hey Happy2? ?

 

[Timboh66]

Many, many years ago, I had a mate tell me of his first visit to a brothel, in Aberdeen Street.
He paid his money over, but during the pre-inspection and wash, shot his load.

Something funny more recently for me was while I was getting a massage at Shannong in Subiaco, hearing the desperate, breathless pleading of the guy in the cubicle next door "go on, get your boobs out, go on love, let me see your boobs"...

 

[Phoebe]

Many, many years ago, I had a mate tell me of his first visit to a brothel, in Aberdeen Street.
He paid his money over, but during the pre-inspection and wash, shot his load.

Something funny more recently for me was while I was getting a massage at Shannong in Subiaco, hearing the desperate, breathless pleading of the guy in the cubicle next door "go on, get your boobs out, go on love, let me see your boobs"...

Paper thin walls..... nope sorry....... so what happened to your mate did he get his booking or what? now why would a guy even say that.... really cumming while getting cleaned and looked at..... I suppose...

 

[Timboh66]

Paper thin walls..... nope sorry....... so what happened to your mate did he get his booking or what? now why would a guy even say that.... really cumming while getting cleaned and looked at..... I suppose...

If I remember correctly, they told him that WAS his booking and there would be no refunds.

 

[LCB]

Many, many years ago, I had a mate tell me of his first visit to a brothel, in Aberdeen Street.
He paid his money over, but during the pre-inspection and wash, shot his load.

Something funny more recently for me was while I was getting a massage at Shannong in Subiaco, hearing the desperate, breathless pleading of the guy in the cubicle next door "go on, get your boobs out, go on love, let me see your boobs"...

If I remember correctly, they told him that WAS his booking and there would be no refunds.

Sounds like the kind of session where the massage is the extras

 

[Phoebe]

If I remember correctly, they told him that WAS his booking and there would be no refunds.

Hmmmmmm Best laugh all day..........

 

[Gobble_Doc]

Happy Haven closed down when you were still wearing a training bra Phoebe

I think Happy Haven operated from there (cnr Garratt & Guildford Rds) for more than 30 years.
I remember some guys from school used to treat going to HH as a right of passage.
I went there once (in the last few years of its existence) - it was awful and I still shudder when I think of it.
GD