Why is it not enjoyable?

[Senile]

For some reason, I don't seem to enjoy sex as much as the thought of it.

I know that part of the reason may be due to past experiences, but even then, when it's good, I still can't enjoy it.

I'm numb in most sensual areas therefore some roughness to a degree needs to be used so I can feel anything [which is probably why I like being bitten - so long as you don't leave marks].

But I just don't understand why. Even when I instigate it, it's not as enjoyable. Is it because I'm disappointed? But I have no expectations...

Most of the time I just lie there and submit [but I do have my limits and boundaries].

I'm pretty much confused.

 

[MovesInSilence]

And i thought i was the only one
mine i think can be put down the the confusion part of my nature.
with me i get the ... "yes ...yes ...yes.yes... no ?..wtf"
Maybe its a state of mind or some other form of stimulation is required to make it enjoyable ?

I know thats what i have to do :icon_scra .... experiment a little

 

[Senile]

I've experimented to my wits' end.

Pain stimulation, group sex, closing eyes and just letting whatever happens happens, being in control and imagining something else.

What else can one do? Abstain? I've done that too!

 

[Jerome]

Hmmmm

Am I right in assuming that you let your partner (lover) take the initiative and you just go along for the ride?

 

[Senile]

partner/lover/random

Yeah, I go along for the ride...or rather, get ridden...

Mostly when I don't care about it

I guess I'm pretty submissive....

:'(

 

[Jerome]

I'm sorry to hear that. Is there a difference between being submissive in life (and getting yourself into situations you don't like) and being submissive is sex (that you agreed to)?

 

[Senile]

Yes, because one is role-playing and the other is basically rape [of any sense].

 

[Jerome]

Are you saying you've been raped? For real?

 

[Senile]

I know that part of the reason may be due to past experiences

The above is what it refers to, yes.

 

[Jerome]

I'm sorry.

 

[BigMike]

Senile,

Your problem present many difficult issues and pop psycology is not likly to find the answer. You might want to try a little switch play addopt a doninant role for a change. Possible a fairly agressive role as well. I little pain for you partner make them do thing for you and dont not let then reach a climax untill you are totally done.

It is just a though.

Cheers

BigM

 

[Senile]

Maybe, maybe not.

I'm afraid I might actually go beyond just a little pain though and I'm not sure if that will be a good thing, for either party.

I see a psychiatrist and even he's not helping with any of my problems [that aren't sexually related].

 

[angel_sazza05]

your all lucky.... im new to sex and i havent had ANY good, come from it and its been 4 months i have to mastabate afterwoulds cause theres no pleasure NOTHING ....ive gone to doctors and everything...what m i supposed to do????? :angry1: undefined

 

[angel_sazza05]

OMG NO pleasure in sex FULL STOP!

you think you guys got it tough...I dont enoy it all ALL No pleasure , NOTHING i've been havin sex for 4 months and NOTHING it hurts is all i can say, doesnt feel good...Ive been to the doctors, ive put it in my mind that i think its gunna be good...it isnt, NOTHING has worked:-( :-( :angry1: i dont know what to so.....sarah undefined

 

[angel_sazza05]

errr opps didnt mean to do that twice soz pple:-D

 

[Mary Anne PA]

and what did the good doctor say?

 

[angel_sazza05]

and what did the good doctor say?

She said that i have to think its good then it might feel good ..then sent me to the hospital and its all checked and i am all cleared????

 

[melie]

hay angel_sazza05 just want to know if ur sarah malcolm???? if so i miss u heaps and heaps...if it is u plz plz call me. love melie ( missy)

 

[ArouzD]

Maybe, maybe not.

I'm afraid I might actually go beyond just a little pain though and I'm not sure if that will be a good thing, for either party.

I see a psychiatrist and even he's not helping with any of my problems [that aren't sexually related].

This is for Senile:

I dont know if this helps but I once went out with a young girl who was the victim of a rape. Rape is one of those drastic things which I will never say "I know how you feel" but slowly I have started to understand more about the way it makes a woman feel.

In the first few weeks of dating this girl she was pleading with me to have sex with her and eventually she opened up enough to tell me that it was because the only sex she had ever had was to someone who forced it on her and she needed to have proper, meaningful sex so that she could associate it with something pleasant.

Do you think it is possible that you still associate sex with the ugly, distasteful feelings that arise when you think about your "past experiences"? Maybe you need to bring out the emotion and passion that you have with your partner (relationship or otherwise) and try and associate anything sexual actions with those feelings?