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whats the funniest la dirtiest joke youve eve heard?

P

paula

this gotta be the craziest shit eva check this out-
One day a hooker went to file her taxes, and for occupation she put prostitution.

The tax collector explained that prostitution was an illegal occupation.

She said she'd have to go home and think about it and that she'd call him back in a hour with her occupation.

An hour later she called him and said, "I've got it... I'm a chicken farmer."

He said, "How do you get chicken farmer out of prostitution."

She said, "I raised over a thousand cocks last year.":laughing4
 
F

Farm Boy

She a Primary producer with a huge tax lose ( she buried one hundred percent of all cocks raised)
 
C

colbb123

Demon said:
:laughing4

After giving them oral resusitation.

:laughing4
Click to expand...

Hope any stock on hand at 30 June was brought in to account. (how many 'cocks' do you think fit in a silo..?). More tax to pay in that year but the good news is as a primary producer she's eligible for 5 year income averaging rebate. Ok I'm off to find a life now...:)
::)
 
R

RICHIE2012

The questions now are

"how many of those cocks fell into the obsolete stock category on 30 June"

"do any of the obsolete stock of cocks belong to Forum members"

"are they cocks of members or the members of cocks"

"was the cock stock affected in any way by inflation"

"was the ladies business affected when the cock market bottomed out"

"her earnings off a thousand cocks would have netted her much more than chicken feed"

Methinks it was definitely a case of fowl play ... or am I just been a bit pecky!!

:laughing4
 
damien20

damien20

Bronze Member
Points
0
malcom frazier was looking for a bit of sex, he came across three working ladies in a Canberra street- blonde,redhead & a brunette.
He asks the blonde - how much? she replies $8oo, he says sorry costs too much.
he spots the redhead , then asks the going price , $700 she states- $700! is more than i wish to pay say's Malcom.
The brunette walks up to him and asks if he is interested? he asks- how much for your services?
she replies- if you raise my skirt as high as the taxes, drop my pants as low as the wages and fuck me like you've fucked the country- it'll cost you nothing!
 
F

Farm Boy

Not my favourite farmer .

Some 18 years ago, when Malcolm Fraser was still squire of the Western District grazing property Nareen, he held what turned out to be a disastrous bull sale.

One of his bulls, named Mountbatten, leapt out of the bull ring and trampled a couple in the crowd, causing serious injuries. The Supreme Court of South Australia subsequently ordered Fraser and his family to fork out more than $500,000 in damages.

Among the issues raised during the case was the height of the sale ring's fence. According to evidence, Fraser had told the manager who built the bull ring: ''Cut the bloody top rail off. You'll make the bulls look too little.''

Fraser declared he had no recollection of such an order (it would, after all, suggest he was trickily trying to make his animals look bigger in order to fetch a higher price), but the fact remained that Mountbatten was able to jump the fence and go on a rampage.

Now it's Malcolm Fraser who has climbed the fence. In this era of the Abbott, he has quit the party that made him prime minister because, he believes, the Liberals are no longer liberal.

OR Liberal
 
F

Farm Boy

Really rude joke sorry to all concerned.



Farm Hand and the Pig


A Northern Territory farm hand (An Aboriginal) radios back to the farm manager.

'Boss, I gotta helluva problem here. I hit a pig with the ute. The pig's OK, but he's stuck in the bull bars at the front of my ute and is wriggling and squealing so much I can't get him out.'

The manager says,'Ok, there's a .303Rifle behind the seat. Take it, shoot the pig in the head and you'll be able to remove him.'

Five minutes later the farm hand calls back, 'I did what you said boss. Took the 303, shot the pig in the head and removed him from the bull-bars. No problem there, but I still can't go on'.

'Now what's the problem?' raged the Manager.

'Well boss, it's his motor-bike. The flashing blue light is stuck under the right-front wheel arch.'

'.. You there Boss?'
 
Happy2

Happy2

Legend Member
Points
22
Paddy dropped by to see his mate Only to hear the stripper tune coming from the shed at the back of the property
Upon looking in who did he see but his mate Murphy stripped right down to a G String rubbing himself with scented oil
and about to lower himself on to the front of his Massey Ferguson and start to give it Well what could you call it but a body slide?
Murphy for the love of god what are you doing
Well I went to the doc yesterday I have not been able to have sex with the wife for months
He said all you have to do is do something sexy to a Tractor

Apologies
 
C

colbb123

Want to hear an Irish Knock Knock joke?

Jim: ''Ok''

.......














.....Well say Knock Knock...

Jim: ''oh Knock Knock"

Who's there?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
C

colbb123

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Colbb is nervous now
please tell me ..am I screwed?
 
C

colbb123

RICHIE2012 said:
The questions now are

"how many of those cocks fell into the obsolete stock category on 30 June"

"do any of the obsolete stock of cocks belong to Forum members"

"are they cocks of members or the members of cocks"

"was the cock stock affected in any way by inflation"

"was the ladies business affected when the cock market bottomed out"

"her earnings off a thousand cocks would have netted her much more than chicken feed"

Methinks it was definitely a case of fowl play ... or am I just been a bit pecky!!

:laughing4
Click to expand...

Even if you are pecky you're still a good egg, unlike the cock who put up a foul joke earlier today, only to remove it later. I think that cock was actually a big fat chicken. He should have known that type of humour, like him, wouldn't fly :nono::laughing4
 
F

Farm Boy

H**** ? is explaining to his mate Robbo how got his black eye;
I was rooting this sheila on her kitchen table when we heard the husband come home.
She said, " Quick, the back door!"
. . . thinking back, I really should have legged it - but you don't get offers like that every day.....
 
Happy2

Happy2

Legend Member
Points
22
Farm Boy said:
H**** 2 is explaining to his mate Robbo how got his black eye;
I was rooting this sheila on her kitchen table when we heard the husband come home.
She said, " Quick, the back door!"
. . . thinking back, I really should have legged it - but you don't get offers like that every day.....
Click to expand...

FB Surely your not picking on me just because Murphy was debasing a massey Ferguson? It would of been OK if he was flirting with
a Case IH tractor?
 
C

colbb123

happy2 said:
FB Surely your not picking on me just because Murphy was debasing a massey Ferguson? It would of been OK if he was flirting with
a Case IH tractor?
Click to expand...

Of course, who can resist trying their luck with a Case IH?
 
T

teddEbear

Farm Boy said:
H**** ? is explaining to his mate Robbo how got his black eye;
I was rooting this sheila on her kitchen table when we heard the husband come home.
She said, " Quick, the back door!"
. . . thinking back, I really should have legged it - but you don't get offers like that every day.....
Click to expand...

That's Gold :laughing4
 
ProfD

ProfD

Gold Member
Points
5
Farm Boy said:
Not my favourite farmer .

Some 18 years ago, when Malcolm Fraser was still squire of the Western District grazing property Nareen, he held what turned out to be a disastrous bull sale.

One of his bulls, named Mountbatten, leapt out of the bull ring and trampled a couple in the crowd, causing serious injuries. The Supreme Court of South Australia subsequently ordered Fraser and his family to fork out more than $500,000 in damages.

Among the issues raised during the case was the height of the sale ring's fence. According to evidence, Fraser had told the manager who built the bull ring: ''Cut the bloody top rail off. You'll make the bulls look too little.''

Fraser declared he had no recollection of such an order (it would, after all, suggest he was trickily trying to make his animals look bigger in order to fetch a higher price), but the fact remained that Mountbatten was able to jump the fence and go on a rampage.

Now it's Malcolm Fraser who has climbed the fence. In this era of the Abbott, he has quit the party that made him prime minister because, he believes, the Liberals are no longer liberal.

OR Liberal
Click to expand...

So, the bull was pretty high around Malcom?
 
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