Is anal sex on your list of things to try?
For sure.Not right now, but I never say never.
1. Don't try it if you don't want to. There's a big difference between "I don't necessarily fantasize about getting a penis enema but I want to blow my partner's mind" and "I would rather die than do this but I guess I can suffer through it because he's been pressuring me." If you're in a mutually caring, healthy relationship (with a guy who goes down on you for half an hour, minimum), maybe you'll want to do it for your partner or you won't. Either way is 100 percent fine, and if he keeps pressuring you when you have made it clear that it is not on the table, tell him
2. Try out anal play first. Before embarking on the full monte of penetrative, anal sex, you can—and should!—give
lighter anal playa try. This is open to interpretation, and could mean anything from
toys to fingers or mouths. It'll give you a lower-pressure idea of what the ~sensations~ of anal stimulation feel like, and is a way of working up to the big show. Or not! If you decide some light anal play is all you're interested in, camp out there forever. No rules here, except to use lube, have consent, and USE LUBE.
For beginners who don't know if they prefer plugs or beads, here's a great option that basically provides both. Also good for beginners: the smallest, first bead is no bigger than a fingertip.
3. If it hurts, stop! Some, well, let's call them
new sensations are to be expected—a lot of women say it feels like they need to poop, or like a primal, pressure feeling. But like any other sex act, if things start to hurt in a way that's no longer fun, you should stop. Injuries from anal sex are possible, but
super rare. Pain most commonly comes from anal fissures, or little tears in the tissue around the anus, which is very thin and delicate. A good way to remedy that is using lots of lube and smarting with smaller objects, rather than big ones.
4. You might bleed a little. As always, if you're bleeding profusely or persistently (like, for longer than an hour), you should call a doctor. But a little blood during anal play or sex
isn't abnormal. Partha Nandi, a gastroenterologist and health editor with WXYZ-TV in Detroit, tells Cosmopolitan.com the most common reason for bleeding after anal sex is
anal tears — small tears or fissures in the delicate anal canal tissue. Before you freak out at the thought of "anal tears," know that most of these are so tiny you won't even feel them, and a lot of them don't produce any blood at all. But, like snowflakes, no two anal tears are the same, so yours may bleed a bit. These little guys should heal within a few days but may cause a bit of mild discomfort when you're pooping.
Another really common cause is a
hemorrhoid (yup, we're talkin' hemorrhoids, folks) you didn't know about. This is a bit more alarming, because a hemorrhoid holds a bunch of blood inside. You'll probably feel some level of discomfort or pain if you have a hemorrhoid, and if it bursts, you'll definitely see some bleeding that should totally subside within a few days.
5. You're gonna wanna be vocal during this process. Even if you're normally very quiet during sex, this is a time you'll wanna speak up—especially your first time trying it out with a new partner. Tell them if they're going too fast (or too slow—see point 10 below), if you feel like you're literally about to poop everywhere, or if you're experiencing pain/discomfort. Also, tell them if it feels good! If you're feeling nervous, chances are your partner is, too. Positive feedback—we love it!
6. Throw other stimulation into the mix.Listen, they don't make those wild-looking, three-pronged sex toys for nothing. Once you're in the groove of things, add in some clit stimulation, some vaginal stimulation, or heck, all three. Some women say this combo
feels overstimulating in the best way. In any case,
most women need some combination of stimulation to orgasm—whether that's clit/vaginal, or anal/clit+vaginal is totally subjective. But isn't it fun to learn new things about your own orgasm
7. Even if you're monogamous, a condom is probably a good idea. It prevents bacteria from the bowels spreading anywhere.
8. The right lube is twice as important as it is when having vaginal sex, which is already super-important. You might have heard that too much
lube takes away the friction that makes it feel good for the dude. That's bullshit. There is no such thing as too much
lube, because it makes it feel slightly less like you are using your butthole as a handbag for a flashlight.
9. Between thin water-based lubes (likeAstroglide) and thicker ones (KY), go with the thicker ones, because they don't dry out as quickly. 10. Getting the tip in hurts the most, because the head of the penis is the widest part. Once you're past that and up to the shaft, it'll feel a little better.
Is Pain During Anal Sex Normal?
11. Relax your PC muscles as much as possible. Relaxing and constricting the pubococcygeus (PC) muscles is like the anal version of doing
Kegels. You can worry about that later on — right now just let your butthole muscles go, like you're about to poop (you won't, probably).
12. You're going to freak the fuck out that you're pooping but you're not. Honestly, it becomes hard to tell if you are or aren't; additionally,
this Tucker Max story was not helpful for my butt sex-phobia. You're probably not gonna poop. If there's a little bit of poop, as my partner said, it's not a big deal, because "[he] asked for this." (There wasn't.)
13. You can lie flat on your stomach, get in doggy-style, or do missionary—and that is the order of what will hurt the least to the most. At least, in my (minimal) experience. You can tear your anus if you use a certain position that allows for more penetration before you're ready, and Taormino points out that the missionary position allows for the least clitoral stimulation and suggests receiver-on-top for beginners. "Insertive partners who are inexperienced, nervous about how to penetrate their partners anally, or fearful of hurting their partners may find this position most relaxing because the receiver can do much of the decision-making and work."
Don't worry about disappointing him by wanting to go slow and gently. You're not being a buzzkill who's squashing his porn-influenced fantasies of pounding the shit out of a girl's butt. You are being an awesome and selfless (if butt sex is not on your list of must-have sex) partner.
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14. Like peeing immediately after sex to avoid a UTI, it's good to go to the bathroom right after you're done. You'll also probably feel like you have to anyway. You have also opened yourself up to the joy of butt queefs. They're not farts, no matter what anyone says. Unlike frontal queefs, they might go on for a few hours as the air escapes. On the bright side, you are a human beatbox, and your partner can lay a sick freestyle over the top if s/he feels so inclined.
15. If you despise it, never do it again. It shouldn't take you a few hellish rounds to finally decide it's not for you. If you hate it, you hate it, and that is fine. I didn't
hate it, and it was psychologically gratifying to watch my partner's mind being blown. I'd do it again as a "special occasion" thing, like on our anniversary, or Flag Day.
