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Tough question

Sirchatsalot

Sirchatsalot

Bronze Member
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0
So
In a long time relationship.
Kids mortgage ect ect.
Love her to bits, amazing Mum holds the house together like a champ.
Sex has fizzled............
Will visiting a massage girl/escort put a bit of kindeling on the smouldering embers or will the guilt put them right out???

Or a sex therapist......maybe???
 
T

Tania Admin

Have you tried spoiling her and a surprise date night?

Do you help around the home etc?

She might be tired, feel under appreciated?

Do you make her feel beautiful and sexy? (That doesn't mean groping her)
 
Sirchatsalot

Sirchatsalot

Bronze Member
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Oh yeah we do all of that kind of thing.
We actually get on really well. Sometimes i think so well were almost more friends then a couple. If that makes sense.
 
Sherry

Sherry

Legend Member
Points
505
I think that is the problem - that you get on so well "you are almost more friends than a couple". I guess the question is do you still have the sexual chemistry/attraction for each other or have you lost it completely?
 
Ian6233

Ian6233

Bronze Member
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Getting a massage occasionally would keep the old fella happy and does kindle the sex drive.
Got to be careful it doesn't become an addiction
 
Marriedman82

Marriedman82

Gold Member
Points
23
I definitely recommend a sex therapist.
My wife used to let me go to an AMP with rules of course, but the best thing we did was see someone about our relationship. There was nothing wrong but there was also nothing great. We are now better than I think we've ever been since being married.
 
sparky

sparky

Legend Member
Points
46
if you want to rekindle the relationship ,you seeing someone else for relief is not going to help it , all it will do is make you feel better temporarily until the guilt sets in and could start a bad precedent where you go for relief in future instead of trying to work out the actual problem
Maybe if she is not into sex you need to initiate it and make her want it, maybe she is where you're at or one step ahead and getting her relief elsewhere already
I think you need to talk , communication is the key to all relationships
 
Smitbr88

Smitbr88

Bronze Member
Points
0
Sirchatsalot said:
So
In a long time relationship.
Kids mortgage ect ect.
Love her to bits, amazing Mum holds the house together like a champ.
Sex has fizzled............
Will visiting a massage girl/escort put a bit of kindeling on the smouldering embers or will the guilt put them right out???

Or a sex therapist......maybe???
Click to expand...

Most people go through this brother. You spend all day calling her mum to your kids, being the father of your household, suddenly you're a family and there's something culturally innate about not being intimate with your family.

We learn love from our parents, and yet rarely if ever get to see them express intimacy. I'm not advocating for incest or anything like, just sharing some psychotherapy advice i got a few years ago.

My suggestion would be some role play... can be as vanilla as you like, but shed the mum n dad identities for a night. Even if it's silly, it might rekindle some affection that leads to intimacy. If your relationship is trusting enough (consent,consent,consent), perhaps dont even tell her about the roleplay... pick her up at a pub you plan to meet her at but give yourself an alias - one that doesnt reflect the easy going, friendship type bloke you feel like you're stuck in.

Good luck my man. Careful with relationship counsellors. Treat them like you'd treat a GP - if they dont feel right then turf them. Dont get stuck with "sunken cost" fallacy because they're pricey...
 
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