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Torn between two lovers.

Bluegrass9

Bluegrass9

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This has been mentioned in another post but I believe this needs a thread of its own.

Is it possible to be truly love with two people at the same time?

I wonder if anyone has been in love with a male and female at the same time. Myself I believe it is possible but I have never been in that situation.

However there has been times when I believe I was falling in love with another. I do realise however this could be a problem with the other partner.

I would never leave my wife and I know my wife would never agree sharing my love with another.

So is it possible to have enough love for more than one?
:walk:
 
N

NeilAlden

Me personally, I have pretty much been a one woman at a time sort of guy. Don't know about others. How about you BlueGrass?

I had a look at Crackers today, something on the site caught my eye and went there to see what was happening. I quickly realised I'm not missing anything from sites like that. I am in-love with my lady friend.
 
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Sir Stefan

Sir Stefan

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Bluegrass you sure are good at asking the most difficult questions... keep it up!

Yes it is possible to love more than one person at the same time... again I will share a personal situation that involved just that.

When I was 17 I met a girl, who was 16, we married at 21.... I loved her, but needed more 'excitement' in my life... So after 9 years of marriage I took a Mistress, who i loved also.

I lived at home with my Wife and spent 'stolen' time with my Mistress...most of which was when travelling away or at weekends on my boat (my Wife did not like boats)...

After 5 years my Wife asked me how much longer was she going to have to put up with sharing me with another Woman... and at about the same time my Mistress asked a similar question (tho they had never met or spoken).

So here I was faced with the dilemma of having to make a choice between the girl to whom I was married and the girl who was my lover...

This I found an impossible task as I then discovered that I loved each equally... So i made a suggestion...which was to build another wing on the house, for my Mistress to live in and we could all be together as one happy family!

Now what I thought at the time was a very simple and practical solution was not well received by either my Wife or my Mistress.

So I consulted a close friend who was then on his 4th marriage and he said "Ah it is impossible to determine which Woman you love the most... so this is what you must do... you must imagine that you are at the Doctors and that he tells you that you have an incurable disease and that you have only 3 months to live... Now when you leave the Doctors surgery and get into your car are you going to turn Right... and spend your last 3 months with your Wife... or are you going to turn Left and spend your last 3 months with your Mistress... only that will prove which one you love the most".....

I turned left and spent the next 20 years in a defacto relationship with my former Mistress.
 
E

ethnhwkk

very interesting account there SirStefan.
Personally i am a 1 woman guy. I have found that i cannot simply love more than 1 woman. Hence I guard my self over developing feelings for another woman than my wife ! I know if i give in to it and fall in love with another, that would be the end of my feelings and love for my wife! strange it may sound, its true. Its like a switch in my head !
But i have friends who dearly love more than 1 woman. One of them has a wife and 2 mistresses.Its unbelievable for me but he seems to be really in love with all three !!!
 
swingingstories

swingingstories

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Hi Bluegrass & Sir Stefan,

When I gave birth to my first daughter, I experienced the most overwhelming love for this child. It was the first time in my life I had loved like that and I determined that I would NEVER ever be able to love another child, or indeed another human being as intensely as that. Therefor I decided not to have any more children.

Almost 23 years later I have three children and am on my second marriage. I was right in one respect, the way I love that daughter is unique and specific to her. However I love my son, and my new baby daughter in their own unique and specific ways also. On top of that I now know what it is like to be truly, head over heels, besotted, in love with my husband in a romantic way.

My experiences have led me to believe that love is a limitless emotion and that for all the people in your life you love (partner, family, children, friends - I truly love my friends) you draw from a different bank of love for each one, each bottomless. However, the question is not whether you CAN love more than one person at a time, but whether you SHOULD allow yourself to romantically love more than one person.

That is a question only each person can answer for themselves. When it comes to romantic, life sharing, future involving love, I personally feel we cheat both ourselves and our partners if we try to share it around too much. I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking about love and committment.

I recently found myself in a situation where emotions were becoming attached to someone not my partner, and I ended up hurting my partner and letting myself down in ways I never thought I would.

By way of analogy, we can go to a sumptuous banquet, with all manner of delectable foods on offer, but we can only eat so much because otherwise we will get sick, fat, run out of time, etc. Same with love, sure we can romantically be in love with more than one person at a time, but if we gorge ourselves we are just being greedy, and that's unattractive.

Bluegrass, you are wise to be careful, as we all are. Loving people is not just about how we feel, it is about how they feel too and if we hurt them then we are not showing them true love. Love is a choice, and I choose to love just my husband in that way.

Now fucking, that's different...........................;-)

Love,
swingingstories
 
Bluegrass9

Bluegrass9

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Thank you swingingstories for taking the effort and time to answer this thread. I needed to ask as many tell me you cannot love more than one but as you have said so wonderfully-you can but the risk could blow up in your face.

But then it is well known love is blind.
:walk:
 
Bluegrass9

Bluegrass9

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There was a show on SBS called "Big love" that was about a Mormon and his three wives.
The tried to live in bliss but of course it was not possible all the time.

I have heard of a men having two lovers, even twin sisters and they have all made it work.

I had two girlfriends one time but changed it after the first day. At the time far too much for me to handle.
:3some:
:walk:
 
happytimes

happytimes

what you see is wat you get and alot more
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I believe you can love two women at the same time but in doing so most times you are leading a double life

When one leads a double life soon or a later someone usually gets broken hearted.Very hard to do this for a long period without the inevitable happening. Just a different angle to the question.
 
Manonfire78

Manonfire78

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I think if you fall in love with another then your heart is already gone from your previous weather you think so or not your feelings for caring about them are there but the love is gone
 
F

frendoto

I think this is a personal question and by that I mean the question is "can you love two people at once?" and not "is it possible to love two people at once?"

Surely, the other two people involved don't want to be shared and therefore one would have to be a very selfish person to even try to love two people at once?

A full-blown committed relationship takes up so much time and energy. I don't think I could handle loving two people at once. I don't think I could do it.
 
Bluegrass9

Bluegrass9

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Can a person be in love with more than one person at the same time?

I believe one can! I admit it it is not an easy path to lead and needs a lot of understanding to all those involved. No I have not let myself walk along this path.
:walk:
 
Manonfire78

Manonfire78

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I am in a situation where I am one of the two that is being loved but between me and the girl there is a total in love feeling that makes you go crazy and not want to b apart where the other love is a time created comfort. This is very hard but I am very understanding and very open minded with the situation. hard to explain but that's how it is.
 
T

TemptMe

Not saying it isn't possible but for myself I would be unable to be in that situation...I am all or nothing kinda gal...The receipient of my love has it all. And I am talking intimate love here...yes I have children and love them but it is a different kind of love. For me it's an all or nothing situation. I give to my husband 100% I would feel I would be doing an injustice to myself to spread that around....That's just me!!!!
 
K

kelth73

Been there a few times and its very hard work but fun in the process.. just someone always gets hurt and usually its yourself...
 
T

TemptMe

I would have said that being torn between lovers and having more than 1 relationship would certainly mean that life was not simple... Life is as simple or as hard as you choose to make it...
 
happytimes

happytimes

what you see is wat you get and alot more
Diamond Member
Points
62
In Reality you are leading a double life hence someone is always going to get hurt.
You would have to be lying at times and that means you have to have one very good memory, that's where most people in this situation come unstuck.

I agree with TemptMe if you truly love someone there can't be another person involved in your life. I think most women would expect there partner only to be in love with them and if your happy and truly in love with that person you wouldn't want another woman.

So i would say you can't be in love with 2 women at the same time and if you think you can i don't believe you truly love the woman you are with in the first place. Only my thoughts though.
 
Bluegrass9

Bluegrass9

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Thank you for speaking your mind. However I believe we are what we are and we can only do the best with what we are and how we think.
Happytimes you are right about leading a double life. "Then again some enjoy being more than one person," said I, me and us.
:walk: :walk: :walk:
:3some:
 
M

Miranda Fox

Well said TemptMe....
Life is as simple, or as hard as You choose to make it !

If you are Married, and are not happy, then you need to work out what you really want.
If you think life is sweeter elsewhere, grass is always greener hey !!!!
 
Bluegrass9

Bluegrass9

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Now that's just my point. What if the grass is blue on the other side? It does not necessary have to be greener-just different.

Is it because one is curious or just needs to know what is on the other side?

Lets face the facts. Very few marriages are happy. Therefore most a living a lie.

So now what advice are you going to enlighten us with?

Life is not that simple.

Please continue Miranda because you are helping to make this thread interesting.
:walk:
 
T

TemptMe

But that is exactly it Bluegrass...Life is exactly what you make it. From experience I let 17yrs of marriage just plod along...not really being 100% happy. I woke up one day and asked myself, "Is this what I really want? Can I be happy with just going through the motions?".....NO!! So I made the changes necessary to find what made me happy in my life, career, location and I met up with someone that I can give 100% of myself to and get that in return. I am very happy and satisified with all aspects of my life and our life together. Life is simple if you want it to be. We have a tendency to complicate things when they don't to be that way..It is all about effort and being true to yourself ...just my thoughts..
 
Bluegrass9

Bluegrass9

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I believe I have too much luggage to have my life so simple. No I will not tell all. Some things one does not share with the world.

I am happy for those who have managed to find the perfect peace in this crazy complex world.

I may not have found heaven but my life is never dull.
:walk:
 
K

kelth73

Tempt the same thing is happening after 15yrs of marriage i decided just couldn't do it anymore..So told him we were over...Yep OK he is heartbroken trying his hardest etc etc BUT I have now found someone whom I absolutely love being around and whom cant wait to be with me. he has boosted myself esteem to a level that I never though I had in me.

Ok I will always love my hubby but just not the way he wants it to be...We have kids together...how can I hate him when we made those beautiful beautiful children..everytime i look at them i see their father but by no means is that ever a reason to stay some where I was just not happy...

Since leaving I am laughing ,smiling ,having fun and the best thing is this have lost 13kg roughly. LOL but i havent lost my boobs thank god... phew...I know very shallow..

Now i have business opportunites be given to me. He received a pay rise for him self...I am finding out that I am alot stronger mind, body and soul wise
 
M

Miranda Fox

Tempt Me after 17 years ......well at least you are happy now.
Kelth after 15 years..... good on you too.

I left after 6 yrs.... and am so happy for doing so.

Do whatever makes it right for You....
Do Not stay in an unhappy situation.
You will feel alot better off being on your own for a while, sort yourself out.
When the time is right, you will meet the right person for you.

:)
 
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