Threesomes and Swinging - Q&A

[Laura Winter]

Hello my name is Laura Winter I'm a working girl and have always had a curiosity for all things naughty, so every now and again I have threesomes with couples, or even group sex with other men and other women in bookings and in my personal life. Even in all my past personal relationships I have always loved to involve another woman in the bedroom. I really enjoy and crave the sexual atmosphere that comes with it, but a lot of my friends didn't understand why i loved it so, especially because as well as getting intimate with the woman myself, i also loved (more in fact) to see my partner with the other women. I still dont know 100% why I loved it so much and still do love it to this day, but all i can say is it will always be my little favorite go to in the bedroom when things start to get heated

So my question is why when it comes to sex within a committed relationship and involving another women or man would you allow it or would you not and why?
(of course before agreeing with your partner about involving someone else you would have to a great deal of trust and strong communication skills before entering into that too lightly as it sometimes can be harmful to a relationship. Soooo on that note of curiosity i have made this thread so people can share some tips, questions, advice and maybe their experiences with threesomes, gang-bangs, swinging - etc

Thanks guys, Post away! x
Love, Laura Winter <3

 

[Bear]

Hey Laura, absolutely! Trouble is having a partner who is not keen. What are your tips there?

One of my biggest fantasies is to watch, and maybe participate, in a group session with the sole focus of giving the female participants as many orgasm's as possible.

I'm not sure why but watching a woman orgasm is a massive turn on for me.

 

[Laura Winter]

Hey Laura, absolutely! Trouble is having a partner who is not keen. What are your tips there?

One of my biggest fantasies is to watch, and maybe participate, in a group session with the sole focus of giving the female participants as many orgasm's as possible.

I'm not sure why but watching a woman orgasm is a massive turn on for me.

Hey Bear

Some good tips I would suggest, coming from personal experience and as well as being a woman would be. Bring it up casually and ask would they ever do something like that, if they say no dont push the matter any further as some women may never, which is perfectly okay. But also let her know its something you would want to do together as a couple and talk openly about your desires and fantasies. Always let the woman know or your partner who is nervous or unsure about it that they are the one who is in control and they have the final say. Let them know that they are in charge of every last detail. If you and your partner then come to an agreement. Sit down together and even get out a pen and paper and write down rules and boundaries that you can both come to agree on. Make sure they are rules you both can feel comfortable on and agree on. NEVER take on the liberty to choose the extra person for the bedroom or organize anything on your own without your partner present, or you may put at risk loosing your partners trust in the matter and loose all chance of it ever happening as she may feel left out or self conscious. So make it a "WE" experience and something you both can enjoy together. P.S : some women just wouldn't ever go threw with the thought let alone action, so do not pressure your partner into doing anything they do not want to do, it will backfire immensely!

Hope this helped a little x
Love, Laura Winter

 

[Bear]

Hey Bear

Some good tips I would suggest, coming from personal experience and as well as being a woman would be. Bring it up casually and ask would they ever do something like that, if they say no dont push the matter any further as some women may never, which is perfectly okay. But also let her know its something you would want to do together as a couple and talk openly about your desires and fantasies. Always let the woman know or your partner who is nervous or unsure about it that they are the one who is in control and they have the final say. Let them know that they are in charge of every last detail. If you and your partner then come to an agreement. Sit down together and even get out a pen and paper and write down rules and boundaries that you can both come to agree on. Make sure they are rules you both can feel comfortable on and agree on. NEVER take on the liberty to choose the extra person for the bedroom or organize anything on your own without your partner present, or you may put at risk loosing your partners trust in the matter and loose all chance of it ever happening as she may feel left out or self conscious. So make it a "WE" experience and something you both can enjoy together. P.S : some women just wouldn't ever go threw with the thought let alone action, so do not pressure your partner into doing anything they do not want to do, it will backfire immensely!

Hope this helped a little x
Love, Laura Winter

Thanks Laura, sounds like a plan.... Wish me luck

 

[TartanMan]

I allowed it within my marriage because it was a mutual interest. We trust each other 100% and wanted to see each other having a great time.

We have both thought long and hard about why we liked it so much, but concluded that if it is meant to be then it is meant to be. For us, it felt natural and strengthened our love for each other.

 

[Dallas]

I was in a polyamorous relationship a few years ago and it was the best relationship I've ever been in so I totally understand what you mean about enjoying and craving the sexual atmosphere that comes with it, I'd be in one now if I met the right couple. The relationship dynamics of three is amazing provided that you all communicate really well, so it's a lot more than just sex. Also in the relationship I was in, it was with two females and like you, I just loved seeing both of them together, not just or the sexual reasons that most guys would think, but it was just really beautiful seeing the two people you love being intimate and supporting each other emotionally. So yes, communication is the key with any relationship but especially when more than two people are involved.

 

[Laura Winter]

Very Good points made! Communication is definitely key to any healthy relationship and building an understanding of each others needs, wants, boundaries and coming together as a couple to enjoy and explore each others sexual fantasies. For me it definitely strengthened my relationship at the time, untill it was taken out of the agreement and out of the relationship. That was a massive no no, so there for I ended the relationship, it became a very big contribution to the ending of my past relationship. So speaking from experience ive first hand seen how a relationship can be strengthened by this agreement or weakened by it. In my opinion, It all depends on if there were cracks in the relationship to begin with or how solid you can be as a team is the true deciding factor in whether or not its the best decision for you and your partner. Trust is a very important factor to any relationship, so make sure you and your partner have 110% trust in each other or this decision may not work and just uncover underlying issues in the relationship. Make sure you both are wanting to do it for the right reason!

 

[Dallas]

Very Good points made! Communication is definitely key to any healthy relationship and building an understanding of each others needs, wants, boundaries and coming together as a couple to enjoy and explore each others sexual fantasies. For me it definitely strengthened my relationship at the time, untill it was taken out of the agreement and out of the relationship. That was a massive no no, so there for I ended the relationship, it became a very big contribution to the ending of my past relationship. So speaking from experience ive first hand seen how a relationship can be strengthened by this agreement or weakened by it. In my opinion, It all depends on if there were cracks in the relationship to begin with or how solid you can be as a team is the true deciding factor in whether or not its the best decision for you and your partner. Trust is a very important factor to any relationship, so make sure you and your partner have 110% trust in each other or this decision may not work and just uncover underlying issues in the relationship. Make sure you both are wanting to do it for the right reason!

I totally understand your dilemma at the time, and also how important trust is in any relationship, especially in a polyamorous arrangement. I had the experience of being the third person being brought into the existing relationship so I had to imagine what it was like for the existing couple - my partners to bring in a third and how they had to change and adapt so being good friends to begin with really helped.

Another aspect to this is the potential for jealousy, especially if two seem to click more than the third or if the relationship with the existing couple is affected detrimentally rather than enhanced by the third. I guess I'm talking more relationship than something casual, but I wondered if you've ever been in this situation? I've always made a point of trying to understand the existing couples relationship dynamics as quickly and as intimately as possible so that I can ensure that my participation doesn't hinder theirs because it's easy enough with a one-on-one relationship to say or do something that upsets the other, but with three it's very easy to cause a rift or misread the changes, and relationships change and evolve over time, so the complexity and risk here is potentially huge here with three and you always have to be thinking ahead and reading end empathising with the others. Like you said for you, it worked to start with but later it was taken out of the relationship and I'm guessing that wasn't your choice but your partners because things changed for them that didn't for you? Sorry I'm rambling a bit here and making assumptions but I'm assuming you would manage a group relationship better than most, just from how you communicate. I like your comments XD

 

[ProfD]

A previously poly partner has lead me through some amazing fun scenarios, I was a demo subbie at a play party, we visited Salon Kitty's in Sydney and some private parties. I initially had some jealousy issues at private events which my partner noticed and responded to by reconnecting with me. The challenge was that by this time I was besotted with her while going through a painful separation from my wife.

She's since taken me to a tantra massage for a birthday and we went to a swinging event as sub (me) and Dom, with her best (F) friend, who she asked that I put some nipple shields on. She got into another relationship at one point which didn't last long as the other woman didn't like it.

In looking deeper into our psychology we've noticed that we crave.different needs, for autonomy and variety (her) vs connection and significance for me (in the Robins- Madanes framework). Sometimes these conflict, which tensions show us something about ourselves, and which usually can be resolved by seeing where we are growing through the discomfort.

As long as we respect each other, negotiate and communicate where we are up to and what it feels like, and respect that we have a job to get our own needs met, it seems to work.

I also know that all primates express varying levels of possessiveness and all are open to the attraction of and to multiple partners at times.