The loss of a parent how to handle the emotions..

[Ms Sue]

I have had a few friends that have loss their Mum and Dad in the last couple of weeks ...
How do we handle the thought of losing our parents even though we are adults....
How do we step up to the plate and become the head of the family...
My poor dad rang me this morning and to his surprise I started crying just with the thought of him not being around..
Ms Sue

 

[billybones]

We don`t, we just try to tell to ourselves that they would want us to remember them with laughter, they are never really gone as long as you keep them in your heart.
When my brother and I lost our mother and father neither of us became the head of the table, we just shared it.

 

[HappyPirate]

Ahoy;- Total Grieve, this thread should be removed immediately
Ms Sue;- now you own Meeeee a bottle off rum

 

[Dez]

Had one of those dreaded phone calls while at work tonight. Mums gone to hospital. And in that split second it's nothing but fear and panic. She's ok, and will be fine as it's nothing serious to do with any of her other health problems. But yeah, I would say I spend a frequent amount of time worrying and dreading that final call. When I found out about mums inoperable brain tumour I cried on and off for days, and while I try not to feel anxious about it daily, I can't help but just worry. I'm heading for my 29th birthday this year and I have notice in the past year an obscure realisation about my serious anxiety and concern for the mortality of those around me. Not just my parents but my partner as well. I don't know what life looks like without my mum, my partner or dad and that scares me.

 

[svengali]

The best advice I can offer anyone who has lost a loved one and wants to know how to "get over it" is this:

You never "get over it" They were part of your life and always will be through whatever influence they had on you while alive. When they are gone you will grieve for them but after some time you can remember them without pain and that is as close as you can come to getting over your loss.

 

[Obbie]

I remember mum and dad every day mostly the good times when they were fit and healthy not how they were at the end makes it a bit easier but mothered day and Father's Day are always hard

 

[bushseeker]

good thread my parents are still together I go to sa to visit them regularly I consider myself blessed to be turning 45next month and still having both parents in reasonable health obviously there getting quite elderly now.
I dont know how ill deal when the time comes but I know ive had 45yeats of what so many havnt

 

[bushseeker]

I remember mum and dad every day mostly the good times when they were fit and healthy not how they were at the end makes it a bit easier but mothered day and Father's Day are always hard

this concerns me I would not be able to handle alzhimers which is probably unlikely now.
but rarely do people end up going with the dignity they deserve

 

[Hope]

Don't try to hold back, shove to the side or ignore any feeling/emotion during the grieving process... Even the pain can be a beautiful thing. FEEL!!!!!!

 

[Obbie]

this concerns me I would not be able to handle alzhimers which is probably unlikely now.
but rarely do people end up going with the dignity they deserve

Dad had cancer mum dementure so both bad ways to go doesn't make it any easier

 

[Smoggy]

I lost my father many years ago due to complications from an accident at home. It was a massive shock because he was so young. I have never gotten over it. I live with it but you don't get over it. I am now a few years older than he was when he died and that gets you thinking about one's own mortality. I also recently had the misfortune in coming across a serious accident where two young people were dead at the scene. I can still picture the young guy dead in the middle of the road and another girl dead inside a car on its side. To see young people like that is just a really bad experience and makes you grateful for your own health and good fortune.

Death is part of life and as you get older its becomes more familiar. Its a case of doing things when you can so when the time comes for you to reflect upon your life as its coming to an end you don't wish you had done something but you didn't. I now look more to the present than the future.

 

[johnlou]

i agree with all that has been said above
1- it depends on how old your parents are when they pass and also your age when this happens .
2 - if your parents were sick
3 - an accident of sorts .

a few of you might know i lost my brother when he was 28 and i 26 , that was in 1982, 32 years ago and i still miss him to this day , probably even more in the last week as i lost my mother 9 days ago ( her health was not good and the age of 81 ). my brother and i were raised by our father from the age of 6 and 8 .
my father passed about 10 years ago when he was living in Cyprus with his 2nd wife and daughter , i did not know this happened for 18 months later , my sister did not think to let me know until i wrote her a letter ( yes a hard copy letter on paper ) and i asked how he was , ( he was going blind )
before all this happened i lost my oldest brother @ the age of 3 years , in 1955 and before i was born .

so all you do is move on and you will always remember them when the time is right . like i am doing now whilst writing the post .
this is the 1st time i have ever given so much information about myself i 1 hit .

RIP family , :-(

 

[HappyPirate]

Ahoy Thanks for Sharing JL

 

[TheRoamingEyeball]

Handy reminder life is but a fleeting thing, live it to the fullest while you have it.

 

[Morgan Sapphire]

I lost my mum 4 years ago and my father when I was a teenager. Also both of my grandparents have passed.
I miss them all the time, and it's really hard when special occasions like birthdays, Christmas etc... arise.
It gets easier as time goes on, but for the most part you never really get over it. You just have to grieve in your own way and try not to take it out on others around you.
At the moment I'm going through another family illness which is terminal and my way of dealing with it is to try and get there mind off things and live as if nothing has changed......Food for thought x

 

[Viv]

Death is guaranteed for us all. I sometimes wonder is a quick death with no goodbyes better than a prolonged death that gives you time to say your goodbyes.
My father died really suddenly at a young age and i often ponder on what I would have said to him if I had known it was the last time I saw him.
It takes a death to realise how important it is to tell your loved ones they are loved.
I was a single mother of 3 children and if anyone was leaving or arriving at home we kissed and told each other that we loved them. Its funny how things become part of your makeup.
My children are all grown now with families of their own and the tradition lives on. I was recently staying with my oldest son and he kissed me and told me he loved me before he went to work and when he arrived home.
I am so proud for they are and always will be my greatest accomplishment.