That existential crisis

[Autumn Adder]

I don't know if this is the place to bring something like this... but what the hell, it's in the general forum and it can sink or swim as it well.

Just got back from an evening hanging out with a few friends, amiable chit-chat in a flowing cadence, when we near the end of the gathering. Most people are gone, one of the few (beloved) who remain looks into his empty wine glass... then speaks with a great deal of honesty.

He's in his forties, his job security looks grim, he has a house a 1/3 of the way paid off, but what with changes... Thing are insecure, the compromise he made to himself a decade ago to follow a 'normal' way to a safe later life isn't paying off... and he's scared, and he wonders, and he feels stuck, and too old to be at those sort of fulcrum.

I'm about a decade shy of him in age. I feel the echo of all these things. Where is the personal happiness, and what to do, and what dreams did I use to have...

So I guess I'm wondering - what do you all do to get through the days? To answer those creepy voices at night that ask you, am I doing the right thing? Where is the wrong or right side of compromise??

Heck, I'll take any tips if it means getting finding a bit more peace with myself

 

[Pandar. B. Ear]

I've been thinking the same things at the moment.

Unfortunately I realize that once having made a decision (right or wrong) I have to live with the consequences. I've been lucky enough to use the mining boom to help me along but with it all starting to go wrong I wonder if I've put myself into too much trouble.

 

[Autumn Adder]

Ah, so I guess this is just part of the new era of the human condition, perhaps panda? :/

It's tricky to know, and tricky to talk about, as most people just want to speak in dated platitudes from my experience :/

 

[Pandar. B. Ear]

Ye. I've just reached the 3rd decade but am already wondering how bad I messed up my last one and if I can sort my cap out before the next one.

Meanwhile quietly going about my job just to keep it. I wonder how bad it will be for the kids just leaving school now. FFS now I sound old

 

[Autumn Adder]

Ahahaha!! I hear you

I looked at the Triple J hottest 100 and realised I knew only a few bands.... I realised, this is it, I've transitioned to being that older guy

 

[Pandar. B. Ear]

The only advice I can give so far is do whatever the fuck makes you happy and if people don't like, too bad

 

[Sir Cruiser]

If i may interject, i have had to start over again twice before and i am just starting over again with almost nothing. It seems hard when you are facing potential ruin as you never know what to do next as it is an unknown. When you are at rock bottom, you cannot go any lower and you have to be determined to ignore what you have lost and start aiming for the middle if not the top.

Fyi, i was a multi millionaire in my second stage but now after 6 years of nothing, i am slowly building (in the last few months) a new future for myself which hopefully will mean i can enjoy what lies ahead.

Even if it is hard, even if you see no way out, do not give up, never give up, keep going even if it is just at a low level, if you are determined, you will succeed. This is from my experience and is not BS

 

[Autumn Adder]

Ahh, I like this words, Mr. Cruiser, I sincerely do. I'm sorry to hear times are tough, but I enjoy that you're willing to go on. I like this determination.

But if I may... so it seems you choose to focus on what you can do, and just do you best to ignore or put aside what you can't change/that has passed?

I often admire people's lack of fear to take on the new challenges of the world. My friend's often think I'm so easy-go-lucky, but my willingness to try all sorts of things comes from me reacting directly to my innate fear of ANY CHANGE. yikes.

 

[Sir Cruiser]

Ahh, I like this words, Mr. Cruiser, I sincerely do. I'm sorry to hear times are tough, but I enjoy that you're willing to go on. I like this determination.

But if I may... so it seems you choose to focus on what you can do, and just do you best to ignore or put aside what you can't change/that has passed?

I often admire people's lack of fear to take on the new challenges of the world. My friend's often think I'm so easy-go-lucky, but my willingness to try all sorts of things comes from me reacting directly to my innate fear of ANY CHANGE. yikes.

Yes, carry on and put to one side what you cannot change about the past but i assess the options beforehand, i walk before i run with deliberate steps. Do not fear change but think before, assess the risk and the potential and then work at it or towards it.

 

[Autumn Adder]

I don't know. Last year had a lot of death and near-death in it. Makes me restless to sit and see. But, also makes me wonder at the value in anything.

I think sometimes I can outthink myself into a state of inertia ^^

 

[Sir Cruiser]

I don't know. Last year had a lot of death and near-death in it. Makes me restless to sit and see. But, also makes me wonder at the value in anything.

I think sometimes I can outthink myself into a state of inertia ^^

I too have had 3 near death experiences as well as the passing of a very close friend which still affects me when i think of it. You have to put all of it to one side, work at your goal and deal with the side issues. I have a friend (even tho he is being a pain in the arse atm) who recently helped me when i passed my mate's house, it brought me down badly but he helped me deal with it just by chatting to me. It is never easy but you must stay focused and learn to go on. Talk to a positive friend or person in confidence who willl just be there for you.

 

[Autumn Adder]

Mr. Cruiser, you have good words. To sincerely say, I like you and have a lot of respect that you go on.

Thanking you

 

[sunyun]

Hey AA, I think it is called a mid life crisis !

I had one when I split up with the ex. I pretty much let her have everything and I came up north and started again with two suitcases and an old 'Cruiser (no, not Cruiser, legend member - 100 series Tojo!).

Several years later I still have the old Crusier, and things are beginning to look better in the future.

It is all about adjusting what you expect from the future. if you expect a rosy future, with a loving wife by your side and a load of grandchildren and so on, and it does not happen, then you will be deeply disappointed.

On the other hand, if you expect little of nothing, then everything good that comes you way is a bonus.

So I arrived up north with pretty much nothing, and expected nothing. All I was looking for was sufficient money to pay for the next set of tyres, and something to eat.

But then i met blokes who were pretty reasonable, and we are mates now, and that's a bonus.
The Cruiser is still going, and that's a bonus.
I get to Perth every so often and get to punt on some trips, and that's a bonus.
My health has improved (the ex was too good a cook !), and that's a bonus.
I don't have ebola or cancer (yet), or .... and that's a bonus.

Bloody hell! Life is full of bonuses !

'most people just want to speak in dated platitudes'

Do you want some dated platitudes ?

Live one day at a time.
Expect nothing - then everything's a bonus.
Don't look back - you can't change it now.

Works for me !

 

[Thor]

The only thing I am truly, absolutely, unequivocally in control of Is my attitude.

All other things are secondary. I don't always get it right though.

If things are going shit I've noticed its because I'm thinking things are shit. So a bit of conscious interjection and things actually improve.

No shit.

The old cliché "stay positive" has actually made me angry hearing it from smarmy wankers at times... Yet it actually has merit.

I can't alter others opinions, decisions, attitudes or actions.
No control over weather, economy, market forces etc. etc.

The only real power I have is my reaction to it all.

It's fuck'n hard work though.

 

[funflyer]

I'm in my 60s just finished with my third wife drained of cash by the family court. I love my life so much, every minute of it and always have. I guess it's a matter of attitude. Mind you I'm healthy and keep reasonably fit. I guess if I wasn't healthy I would feel down.

 

[Autumn Adder]

A lot of good wisdom here. I appreciate the stories.


It's impressive to me you guys can take a deep breath and find that perspective. I find it's only when I do indoor rock climbing or go for a really long bike ride that I find the calm - the activities force me to a state of mental and physical focus that pushes everything else out. It's only then, and for a little while after, that I feel calm and okay.

Otherwise, at any given moment, I feel a weight and a (self-imposed) expectation on myself.

But we're all getting there. It's good to see others further along the road.

 

[Thor]

For me it's all about conscious intervention. If I want to alter any attitude or negative behavior, I must first become conscious of it happening. I then intervene with the behavior I need. Like anything after a while it becomes habit. It's not always that simple of course. And I'm not always that good at it. But I certainly stress less about shit I can't change.
Good luck on your journey.
Enjoy!