Speed Dating or Internet Dating – if you had to choose, what would it be?

[Mishaela]

For the sake of my question, there are no other options to choose from, so which one would you pick?

Throughout my post, for complete lack of a better word, I’m going to refer to people taking part in these forms of dating as ‘Candidates’.

My Disclaimer
Firstly I want you to know that I realise that there people out there who use both of these mediums to (quite successfully) f**k their way through the list of sometimes unwitting ‘candidates’, with their only intention being to find love.....for the night! (or maybe a few nights if She can smoke a mean pole or if He has the hidden treasure map of tassie) NOT THAT THERE’S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT, I’m just a firm believer that both (or all) parties are in on the gag. I'm pretty sure that no one enjoys being a punchline - that's all I'm sayin....

Speed Dating

Pro’s

You get to be face to face with the person you’re getting to know. You can quickly figure out if that animal attraction is there. (Hey, no one wants to say to themselves “Ohh yeah baby….. I could Platonic Friend the shit out of you ALLLL NIGHT LONG!”) There’s no room (or time) for portraying someone different to who you are (unless you’re really bloody good at it), so it’s more likely that what you see is probably what you get.
A lot more scope for a one-nighter

Con’s

Confronting much? I guess you’re basically interviewing potential ‘Candidates’ to be in a relationship with? Nerves would also be a HUGE factor. How many of you hilarious people out there just aren’t funny when you really want or need to be? Or are you normally ‘Totally Chilled Out with a side of Articulate, sprinkled with a Cheeky Sense Of Humour and garnished with Healthy Confidence’ – but what do they see?….. ‘An Aloof Know It All Wanker Who Thinks They’re Funny (And Isn’t) And Their Ego Is Too Big For The Room’. It’s a fine line to distinguish in 5 or 10 minutes - in front of a stranger – who might be taking notes – who’s scrutinising the f**k out of everything you do or don’t say - No Pressure!
A lot more scope for a one-nighter

Internet Dating

Pro’s

You can specify likes, dislikes, social habits and physical attributes that turn you on, all before you get your first ‘message’. It weeds out unsuitable ‘Candidates’ that might normally take weeks (or months……..or years ) to figure out that you’re not suited on some crucial level. You also don’t have to go through the awkwardness of telling someone that you just don’t like them in that way, you can just simply ignore their message and err...block them from making any further contact.
A lot less scope for a one-nighter

Con’s

What you’re being told is based ONLY on how honest the person on the other end of cyber space chooses to be. Pictures may be real, but not necessarily taken in this decade – or incredibly flattering to the point of not really having much likeness at all. Worse still, their profile picture could be one that was found by searching ‘Twenty Something Hottie with Piercing Blue Eyes and Great Hair’ in Google Images! Plus, the words contained in the message they’ve sent to you could have taken hours of careful consideration with the odd dictionary or thesaurus check, plus advice from a few mates, parents or therapists along the way. Not saying that this is the case, but I am saying that if they did – you wouldn’t know…… (Yeah, I know……a tinge of trust issues could be leaking?!).
A lot less scope for a one-nighter

Now I for one, am big on eye contact, body language and having a conversation in real time, not to mention that indescribable animal attraction that clubs you over the head and drags you back to the cave within moments of locking a gaze. So, unless Web Cams come in 3D, captures a person from head to toe, regardless of how much they want you to see and has ‘Smellavision’, I don’t think internet dating is for me.

:wave: I want to hear from you! :wave:

Romantic love stories are ok, but I’d much prefer to hear funny horror stories that you’ve experienced first hand, heard from a friend or even read about on the net.

I feel totally ok laughing with you, or at someone else when it comes to something as complicated as looking for love!:la:

 

[outlaw01]

Im sorta getting myself back on the horse you might say and looking at options. Im really thinking of trying the speed dating and rolling the dice. You never know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Mishaela]

Awesome - I want to hear every juicy (or nauseating) detail!!

 

[outlaw01]

I work fi/fo and ive got to get out of my rut so see what happens?

 

[steve t]

I have done both,i would have to say speed dating for sure,u meet about 12 pp for 6 mins each and u can work in that time if u would like to see them again or not,internet dating is long process with sometimes no result in the end for both parties.it takes about 30 sec/1 min for a women to decide if she will sleep with a guy or see them again,so 6 min is heaps.

 

[Contrarian]

I would recommend neither. Nothing beats taking up activities and meeting people. I'd only resort to that if you're time poor but am not sure if it'll still work out.

 

[Jessica Vixxxen]

I would love to try speed dating. But the awkward part would be telling them that i am an escort and seeing the reaction on their face lol

 

[Shelby @ Rubys]

But who has the right to judge these days. I think as long as your earning the dollar and are good at what you do then that's great

 

[Jessica Vixxxen]

That's exactly right Shelby, But unfortunatly we do live in a judge mental word.

 

[Tania Admin]

Hmmm never speed dated myself, BUT, a guy I used to see (before my days with my awesome husband Naughty Thoughts) used to do it all the time while we were together, needless to say I eventually caught him out, he was stringing a few ladies along..

 

[WRXXXR]

I reckon if your a pretty confident sort of person, speed dating would be a pretty easy way to "get to know" people but internet dating perhaps if your a little shy.

Altough much easier to pull off a lie or 3 to get you laid through internet dating!

 

[mikeymike7]

I've done both and had some pretty good results from each of them although they are very different and expectations should be adjusted accordingly!

With Internet dating, I reckon all the power lies with the ladies. I've spoken to a few girls who have tried internet dating and they say they get sick of being inundated with requests from guys. Meanwhile speaking to guys who have tried internet dating, they will tell you it is so hard to get noticed and generally they will drop their standards just to try and get a response from girls they normally wouldnt look twice at in a bar.
At least with speed dating, its a more even playing field- an equal number of guys and girls and you can at least be sure the person in front of you is actually the person in front of you...

 

[WRXXXR]

Lowering your standards to raise your averages.. any port in a storm hey!

A fussy dick is a lonely dick

 

[Al Swearengen]

Funny you mention dating on the interwebs, Michelle. I've just started doing this in the last couple of months since separating from my awful wife.
I'm preferring the internet dating because you can select what you're looking for. It does leave you vulnerable to all the cons you mentioned though. You can weed them out though.
Speed dating can be tricky I think because you can have some people that are able to put on a good front on the day and then that front comes apart later on.
Internet dating is a little bit different because you have the time to see if its a front their putting on.
As a side note, do people get better at dating as they get older?? I'm finding I'm getting more play now then when I did when I was young and buff!

Boardwalk

 

[Naughty Thoughts]

I tried both before I met my awesome wife.

Speed dating I found to be very anti-productive. There is a lot of pressure to put on a good show in the first five seconds, and trying to make good first impressions over and over was too much. I really didn't like it. I'm somewhat anti-social and not a fan of crowds so having a crowd where you only have a few minutes to try and "click" with someone was a completely wasted effort for me.

Internet dating I tried. I registered on a few sites. Got a few genuine replies, had one person whom I became facebook friends with and we chatted online on and off for a few months but it didn't eventuate into anything. The vast majority of replies were from accounts that wanted me to sign up for pay sites. I was even on Fetlife for a while, but never hooked up there.

Assuming i was single and assuming I was looking then I definitely prefer internet dating. Much less pressure, able to make rejections without being face to face. I can't speak for anyone else, but I made sure my profiles were honest (brutally so), which may be why I didn't get many replies. I suppose if I put up a glowing profile that made me seem better than I am then I might have gotten a few face to face dates - but if I had then they would have been disappointed upon meeting me. Sort of like ordering a Ferrari and receiving a Datsun. Not much point in faking a profile as far as I am concerned. Mind you, I was looking for something long term, not one night stands.

 

[Contrarian]

This is a cut and paste of an opinion by someone on another board I read - I wouldn't take it as gospel but there are some things we can take points from:

"There is a wonderful fantasy promoted by romantic comedies that we are all entitled to someone "loving us just as we are". That simply isn't true. People automatically feel love for others who are valuable as a survival and reproductive partner. If you don't have value, you don't trigger those feelings in others.

Nevertheless, I labored under this entitlement fantasy for much of my early years. Frankly, it was easier than doing the work to change myself back then. I was very overweight. I had few social skills at the time. I had no money. Yes, I was a "good person". I wanted to believe that was enough. Needless to say, others were looking for more.

They also had a right to look for more! After all, I didn't "fall in love" with the overweight, shy, poor girl in the corner either! So, why should I expect the high value girls to "love me as I was"? What right did I have to get mad, indignant, and entitled when others didn't find me appealing?

Fortunately, I didn't stay entitled, angry, and entrenched in others being wrong for having their own preferences. In fact, I learned that those preferences were not conscious and they couldn't "choose" to love me anyway. Instead, I tried to figure out what elicited loving feelings in others, what features and value made someone attractive, and worked to get those features too.

Yes, I still struggle with my weight, but I maintain it as best I can. I also learned to be socially skilled in ways that were charismatic, confident, and attractive. I earned an advanced education too and work at making money in various ways. In short, I made myself into someone of value that triggered attraction and loving feelings (at least in some others). I didn't sit around complaining that others "should" love me. Instead, I made myself someone that had something of value to trade and influence.

After that, the people I wanted became interested in me too. If I had stayed stubborn and entitled, waiting for them to just love me for me, life would have continued to be lonely. That doesn't mean I wasn't a wonderful person all along. It just means I had to bring something of value beyond that to exchange with others - especially when I wanted something of value from them too!"

 

[SAO26.2]

I enjoy speed dating. You get to talk to several girls and see if you feel any chemistry, and then exchange phone numbers if you want to.

Internet dating hasn't been my thing. 99% of my ad responses get ignored, and the others just reply with a link to a pay-for-porn site.

 

[Contrarian]

This is a cut and paste of an opinion by someone on another board I read - I wouldn't take it as gospel but there are some things we can take points from:

"There is a wonderful fantasy promoted by romantic comedies that we are all entitled to someone "loving us just as we are". That simply isn't true. People automatically feel love for others who are valuable as a survival and reproductive partner. If you don't have value, you don't trigger those feelings in others.

Nevertheless, I labored under this entitlement fantasy for much of my early years. Frankly, it was easier than doing the work to change myself back then. I was very overweight. I had few social skills at the time. I had no money. Yes, I was a "good person". I wanted to believe that was enough. Needless to say, others were looking for more.

They also had a right to look for more! After all, I didn't "fall in love" with the overweight, shy, poor girl in the corner either! So, why should I expect the high value girls to "love me as I was"? What right did I have to get mad, indignant, and entitled when others didn't find me appealing?

Fortunately, I didn't stay entitled, angry, and entrenched in others being wrong for having their own preferences. In fact, I learned that those preferences were not conscious and they couldn't "choose" to love me anyway. Instead, I tried to figure out what elicited loving feelings in others, what features and value made someone attractive, and worked to get those features too.

Yes, I still struggle with my weight, but I maintain it as best I can. I also learned to be socially skilled in ways that were charismatic, confident, and attractive. I earned an advanced education too and work at making money in various ways. In short, I made myself into someone of value that triggered attraction and loving feelings (at least in some others). I didn't sit around complaining that others "should" love me. Instead, I made myself someone that had something of value to trade and influence.

After that, the people I wanted became interested in me too. If I had stayed stubborn and entitled, waiting for them to just love me for me, life would have continued to be lonely. That doesn't mean I wasn't a wonderful person all along. It just means I had to bring something of value beyond that to exchange with others - especially when I wanted something of value from them too!"

 

[Shelby @ Rubys]

I've done both and had some pretty good results from each of them although they are very different and expectations should be adjusted accordingly!

With Internet dating, I reckon all the power lies with the ladies. I've spoken to a few girls who have tried internet dating and they say they get sick of being inundated with requests from guys. Meanwhile speaking to guys who have tried internet dating, they will tell you it is so hard to get noticed and generally they will drop their standards just to try and get a response from girls they normally wouldnt look twice at in a bar.
At least with speed dating, its a more even playing field- an equal number of guys and girls and you can at least be sure the person in front of you is actually the person in front of you...

I agree Internet dating is hard theres the fake pics fake profiles they can talk all this crap cant say my experience with internet dating has been gret

though to say ive never speed dated, but i agree mikeymike7 you know they are that person

 

[Contrarian]

Remember people that the first time(s) you meet someone - it's a BEST IMPRESSION of that person - not an accurate portrayal.

 

[SAO26.2]

Remember people that the first time(s) you meet someone - it's a BEST IMPRESSION of that person - not an accurate portrayal.

Mmmm, not always. Sometimes first meetings can be less than best. It's the spark that brings about the second meeting.

 

[Katelyn]

i would prob speed date. People can lie and have time to think about there reactions and what they are going to say to impress the other person and easily lie with online dating. But thats just my opinion, but people can lie face to face to so now that i think about it im not to sure i would do either lol