Sir Cruiser
Legend Member
- Points
- 0
What do you Ladies and men think about this article?
http://m.watoday.com.au/lifestyle/c...INO006&promote_channel=edmail&mbnr=MjAzMzgwNQ
And here is the article if you want to read it below;
By KATHERINE FEENEY
"Dear Men,
It is time you were emancipated from Orgasm Obligation. Yes, we like them. Yes, we don't think you should not consider our need to have them. But please, for the love of sex that is actually satisfying, dispense with this destructive desire to do sex at us until we climax, Every Single Time. We don't have to 'finish' to finish. We don't have to be coming to enjoy the going on. Just relax, and enjoy yourself, and let us enjoy ourselves, and the good sex will work itself out. Start to focus on finding the fun, and we'll stop the un-fun business of faking it. And please, please, please, please, don't kid yourself into thinking that our orgasm is, by definition, a sign of your sexual prowess. First off, it's ours, secondly it's ours, and thirdly, it's ours. You help, but you're not the whole story. So relieve yourself of the pressure – relieve yourself of the Orgasm Anxiety. Relieve yourself of that, and so ends Orgasm Obligation.
So enjoy your free sex lives fellows! Love your lovemaking liberty!
You're welcome."
This was an open letter I composed but never published a few years ago, long before marriage and monogamy. I pulled it out recently for two reasons. One, I had just read a small piece in the weekend paper about a free phone app called Spreadsheets which has been 'gamifying' sex lives since 2013 (put it by the bed, and have the phone's microphone, timer and accelerometer measure your duration, volume and thrust rate, awarding points along the way). 'Brilliant', I thought sarcastically. 'I mean, what are you supposed to do, 'share' your results with friends? Won't that just add a whole new level of peer pressure to something many of us already struggle with?'
Which brings me to Two, a conversation recently shared with a late-40-something divorcee who'd turned to online dating in the hopes of meeting someone special. While she hadn't yet found a man to love, she had found a few men to make love to. And she was startled at how disappointing the sex was.
"Not because they weren't trying," she told me. "Because they were trying too hard."
The two got me thinking about how ridiculously competitive our culture has become, and the disastrous impact it will have on our lives – our love lives especially. What ever happened to just having fun?
(Back to my friend)
She admitted to being shocked by her feelings. After a long marriage to a man who didn't really seem to care at all, she thought she'd be ready for a romp with a Romeo whose only concern was her orgiastic satisfaction. She deserved as much, she reasoned. She yearned for as much as well.
"At first, I thought, 'how wonderful, this man won't finish unless I have! He's putting my needs before his! What a wonderful, modern world we're living in!' But then I soon realised, he wasn't really more concerned about me than him. My satisfaction was really about his self-satisfaction – his need to feel like an almighty sex-god lover who never, ever let a lady go wanting. The sex was about his desire, not mine."
She said this attitude wasn't just adopted by this one guy. "It was a few."
I told her, I could relate. I told her about my letter. I said that I hadn't published it because when I showed it to some of those well-meaning men, they didn't understand. Or didn't want to. They thought I was attempting to undo all they'd been taught about being a successful, modern man, or worse – they thought I was insulting their abilities. I wasn't. I was simply trying to point out that there's much, much more to sex than orgasm. And real bragging rights don't come with the title Captain Climax.
Sex writer Pamela Madsen neatly expresses my point of view in an article she penned for Psychology Today a few years ago. Comparing the need to 'win' in the sex race with the American ideal of winning in general, Madsen says sex shouldn't be viewed in sporting terms – ditch the 'home run' idea for starters – but should instead be thought of in a rawer, more holistic way. She calls the quest for an "Organic Orgasm" – one that can happen, if the circumstances are right, but doesn't have to, and won't if it's artificially cultivated. Given that Australia is a nation as sports-mad as the United States, and the notion of success just as 'goal oriented' here as there, I feel Madsen's point applies to us as well. We could benefit from the Organic Orgasm – much better than the Orgasm Obligation many men have fallen victim to.
But here's the problem. It's not just men who are overly focused on orgasm. Women are too. After years of encouragement to 'go out and masturbate ladies', said ladies are feeling they need to be able to orgasm, on cue, every time, or else risk being labelled a failure, and sisterhood let-down. And it's not just the bedroom ideal we're slaving away to meet – all of us are encouraged to measure our progress against various life goals daily. The rise of fitness-bits not only reflects this obsession, it emphasises it through easy-to-use, wearable tech. Work harder, run faster, shag longer, drink smaller – the machine will tell you whether you're winning or not, whether you're good, or not. What a distraction!
Hence, today's publication of the opening open letter – it's high time we stopped obsessing over a need to hit targets that aren't authentic, and started aiming for the kind of happiness only we can define. And what better place to start than in the bedroom!
Katherine Feeney is a journalist with the Nine Network Australia.
http://m.watoday.com.au/lifestyle/c...INO006&promote_channel=edmail&mbnr=MjAzMzgwNQ
And here is the article if you want to read it below;
By KATHERINE FEENEY
"Dear Men,
It is time you were emancipated from Orgasm Obligation. Yes, we like them. Yes, we don't think you should not consider our need to have them. But please, for the love of sex that is actually satisfying, dispense with this destructive desire to do sex at us until we climax, Every Single Time. We don't have to 'finish' to finish. We don't have to be coming to enjoy the going on. Just relax, and enjoy yourself, and let us enjoy ourselves, and the good sex will work itself out. Start to focus on finding the fun, and we'll stop the un-fun business of faking it. And please, please, please, please, don't kid yourself into thinking that our orgasm is, by definition, a sign of your sexual prowess. First off, it's ours, secondly it's ours, and thirdly, it's ours. You help, but you're not the whole story. So relieve yourself of the pressure – relieve yourself of the Orgasm Anxiety. Relieve yourself of that, and so ends Orgasm Obligation.
So enjoy your free sex lives fellows! Love your lovemaking liberty!
You're welcome."
This was an open letter I composed but never published a few years ago, long before marriage and monogamy. I pulled it out recently for two reasons. One, I had just read a small piece in the weekend paper about a free phone app called Spreadsheets which has been 'gamifying' sex lives since 2013 (put it by the bed, and have the phone's microphone, timer and accelerometer measure your duration, volume and thrust rate, awarding points along the way). 'Brilliant', I thought sarcastically. 'I mean, what are you supposed to do, 'share' your results with friends? Won't that just add a whole new level of peer pressure to something many of us already struggle with?'
Which brings me to Two, a conversation recently shared with a late-40-something divorcee who'd turned to online dating in the hopes of meeting someone special. While she hadn't yet found a man to love, she had found a few men to make love to. And she was startled at how disappointing the sex was.
"Not because they weren't trying," she told me. "Because they were trying too hard."
The two got me thinking about how ridiculously competitive our culture has become, and the disastrous impact it will have on our lives – our love lives especially. What ever happened to just having fun?
(Back to my friend)
She admitted to being shocked by her feelings. After a long marriage to a man who didn't really seem to care at all, she thought she'd be ready for a romp with a Romeo whose only concern was her orgiastic satisfaction. She deserved as much, she reasoned. She yearned for as much as well.
"At first, I thought, 'how wonderful, this man won't finish unless I have! He's putting my needs before his! What a wonderful, modern world we're living in!' But then I soon realised, he wasn't really more concerned about me than him. My satisfaction was really about his self-satisfaction – his need to feel like an almighty sex-god lover who never, ever let a lady go wanting. The sex was about his desire, not mine."
She said this attitude wasn't just adopted by this one guy. "It was a few."
I told her, I could relate. I told her about my letter. I said that I hadn't published it because when I showed it to some of those well-meaning men, they didn't understand. Or didn't want to. They thought I was attempting to undo all they'd been taught about being a successful, modern man, or worse – they thought I was insulting their abilities. I wasn't. I was simply trying to point out that there's much, much more to sex than orgasm. And real bragging rights don't come with the title Captain Climax.
Sex writer Pamela Madsen neatly expresses my point of view in an article she penned for Psychology Today a few years ago. Comparing the need to 'win' in the sex race with the American ideal of winning in general, Madsen says sex shouldn't be viewed in sporting terms – ditch the 'home run' idea for starters – but should instead be thought of in a rawer, more holistic way. She calls the quest for an "Organic Orgasm" – one that can happen, if the circumstances are right, but doesn't have to, and won't if it's artificially cultivated. Given that Australia is a nation as sports-mad as the United States, and the notion of success just as 'goal oriented' here as there, I feel Madsen's point applies to us as well. We could benefit from the Organic Orgasm – much better than the Orgasm Obligation many men have fallen victim to.
But here's the problem. It's not just men who are overly focused on orgasm. Women are too. After years of encouragement to 'go out and masturbate ladies', said ladies are feeling they need to be able to orgasm, on cue, every time, or else risk being labelled a failure, and sisterhood let-down. And it's not just the bedroom ideal we're slaving away to meet – all of us are encouraged to measure our progress against various life goals daily. The rise of fitness-bits not only reflects this obsession, it emphasises it through easy-to-use, wearable tech. Work harder, run faster, shag longer, drink smaller – the machine will tell you whether you're winning or not, whether you're good, or not. What a distraction!
Hence, today's publication of the opening open letter – it's high time we stopped obsessing over a need to hit targets that aren't authentic, and started aiming for the kind of happiness only we can define. And what better place to start than in the bedroom!
Katherine Feeney is a journalist with the Nine Network Australia.