Settling for second best

[Gentleman]

I was wondering if someone was looking to find the man/woman of their dreams to have a long term relationship with at what point do they give up or do they settle for someone that is not their ideal partner, or second best. Surely there would come a time when one must start thinking if their opportunity to find a that perfect partner has gone.

 

[Happy2]

You will hate me gentleman but I was married at twentytwo to a girl I had already known for 9 or so years and had a great 1/4 century +
So I cant help you

 

[WRXXXR]

I cant for the life of me ever think why you should settle for second best.

IMHO that sort of thing is reserved for those who give up at the first oppertunity.

 

[Naughty Thoughts]

I don't think Smiley and I could be any more different. If we both made profiles on one of those dating sites that match people on compatibility then I think the computer would say "keep these two apart, they have nothing in common". But we fell in love. I don't consider Smiley to be "second best" at anything. Nor do I think that I "settled" for her. I think she's awesome! Wait, what was the topic again? Sorry, got a little distracted... :love3:

 

[Farm Boy]

I was wondering if someone was looking to find the man/woman of their dreams to have a long term relationship with at what point do they give up or do they settle for someone that is not their ideal partner, or second best. Surely there would come a time when one must start thinking if their opportunity to find a that perfect partner has gone.

“I have to admit, an unrequited love is so much better than a real one. I mean, it's perfect... As long as something is never even started, you never have to worry about it ending. It has endless potential.”
― Sarah Dessen, The Truth About Forever

 

[Happy2]

Hows that work FB ? Marry just any girl But fantasize about another That wont or cant return your love
Sounds a bit cruel to me

 

[Farm Boy]

No idea H2 its Sarah Dessen's thought bubble most likely a girl thing.

 

[Tania Admin]

I don't think Smiley and I could be any more different. If we both made profiles on one of those dating sites that match people on compatibility then I think the computer would say "keep these two apart, they have nothing in common". But we fell in love. I don't consider Smiley to be "second best" at anything. Nor do I think that I "settled" for her. I think she's awesome! Wait, what was the topic again? Sorry, got a little distracted... :love3:

I think your awesome too :love1:. Maybe we are a bit different but then we do have quite a lot in common too. Can't be exactly the same "Boooring". All I know is my attraction to NT was huge and it took a lot of trying to get his attention before I had to bite the bullet and ask him out. 2nd best? NT is no where near 2nd best, our differences and likenesses make us Perfect for each other. I have been in some extremely bad relationships in the past and have never (even when they were going well in the beginning) felt the peace I feel now.

I was wondering if someone was looking to find the man/woman of their dreams to have a long term relationship with at what point do they give up or do they settle for someone that is not their ideal partner, or second best. Surely there would come a time when one must start thinking if their opportunity to find a that perfect partner has gone.

By saying settling for second best, is that focusing on a what if? I wonder, it's a sad day when someone longs for something they thought could have been, but there is always a reason it never was. Love the one your with I think, they are number 1.
Not sure if that answers your question.

 

[Master Yoda]

Awesome thread Gentleman

I was just wondering in what way do yourself and others in this conversation assess whether someone is first or second best ?

 

[JasRob]

Great question, which I'd love to answer on my part, for me and based on my experience, why do you have to stay together if you think you don't love your partner or vise versa? its all about time wasted so if you really aren't sure of your partner now then break up with him/her and make yourself available for someone you think you deserve better. life is too short to waste it with someone u think is not best for you settle for someone you truly love and deserves you....

 

[Master Yoda]

Love your views JasRob.

If only we can love like the aftermath of an A bomb, and be rational enough to contain and direct it at will.

Then we'd have the best of both worlds



Anyone else offering something for me to learn?

 

[svengali]

In life we often have to "settle" for what we can get rather than getting what we want and the same goes for relationships.

We may start out believing that only a partner who ticks 20 boxes out of 20 is good enough to give up the single life for. After a while though, and quite probably after a bit more experience, we realise that Mr/Ms perfect is a product of our imagination rather than a reality and "let go" of a few criteria.

It is called " getting real".

 

[Master Yoda]

I often wonder there are others that share this view.

The various boxes to be ticked and criteria are often geared for what 'I' get how 'I' benefit and how 'I' am satisfied. When I made choices to be like that in the past I got a certain experience.

Other times when my whole energy was put into putting her first, as I would put myself. And respecting her as though I would respect myself. And be willing to give the last sip of water on a hot day. And give up my coat when it's warm. And really looking after her needs as I would my own, the experience is more rewarding.

So it becomes a measure of how much I am willing to give without questioning myself to see how special a lady is. That's how I choose to measure.

All done in a balanced way and without falling into the trap of being a chump.

Does that make sense to anyone? Or have I just cracked my noodle lol.....

 

[Happy2]

Putting yourself out is easy early on Its really good when your willing to still do it 5-10years later or even longer

 

[Jazzmine]

I think I have too higher standards, my expectations of my dream partner are ridiculous. But I don't want to settle for second best ever. I put myself through one disastrous marriage at a stupidly young age, I don't want to do it again. I would also hate to find that I was someone's second best, how much would that suck!!

I've already considered being alone with hoards of gin and 74 cats although I don't see myself getting any satisfaction from that!

 

[Master Yoda]

You are 100% correct.

At tmes it does become too difficult. When it does it shows me a measure with my own feelings that she may not be the one.

Other times, the willingness is still there and sustains. Well until it doesn't lol. I guess the perfect match is impossible as perfection is a pipe dream that is intended to be a guide and not an obsession

My 2c worth

 

[Sandi Lang]

Never settle for second best !!! What a waste of a life to be unhappy or knowing that maybe there is someone out there that may be ur soulmate . I am a romantic at heart and ill never settle for second best. Never give up hope , its never too late to find love . Dont give up . There are all these dating sites and so many other places , just go for it ...

 

[Farm Boy]

Never settle for second best !!! What a waste of a life to be unhappy or knowing that maybe there is someone out there that may be ur soulmate . I am a romantic at heart and ill never settle for second best. Never give up hope , its never too late to find love . Dont give up . There are all these dating sites and so many other places , just go for it ...

Second best woman in the world , not number Aaaarrr lets see


As of 2012, the global sex ratio is approximately 1.01 males to 1 female – the greater number of men is possibly due to the significant gender imbalances evident in the Indian and Chinese populations.[63][64] Approximately 26.3% of the global population is aged under 15, while 65.9% is aged 15–64 and 7.9% is aged 65 or over.[63] The global average life expectancy is 67.07 years

working on a assumption of seven billion 3515 Million woman minus the 15Yo is 2555.4 Mil the old girls deserve a bit of peace Minus them too leaves us with a choice of 2,456,985,000

yes the second best one is preferable to the 2,456,985,000, whoever she is.

 

[Perth boy]

I setteled for 2nd best on my first marrage when I was to young to really know what I wanted in like.

I would rather be single than always thinking I took 2nd best.

 

[Happy2]

But second best does not have to such a bad thing The number one may just be an ideal we are after and they are seldom achieved
How many of us have met someone that we did not click with straight away or just jumped to a hasty conclusion because a perceived fault
But hung in there to find he or she became a very important part of your life whether as a friend or partner
Anyway girls isnt the second best chocolate in the world still Damn good

 

[Contrarian]

My own knowledge of many women - from the corporate powerbrokers complete with shoulder pads to waitresses - who insist on nothing but the best usually end in a string of divorces, VERY embittered and end up on internet dating sites for years complaining about men. Sometimes reality and a good look in the mirror help enormously.

And then it's always interesting how many women settle on a very less than average guy suddenly when he's got heaps of money.

 

[Master Yoda]

What if one let go of the energy charged attachment to chasing the 1st or 2nd best. In the moments that I am able to let go of this attachment in every context is when I am able to be fulfilled and appreciative of what already is in my life.

Anyone resonate with that?

 

[Contrarian]

But Yod mate, if we all did that then Tina Turner wouldn't have a hit song to collect royalties from and karaoke lounges would go broke. And drunken louts - what could they sing if not for versions of "Simply the best"?

 

[Master Yoda]

But Yod mate, if we all did that then Tina Turner wouldn't have a hit song to collect royalties from and karaoke lounges would go broke. And drunken louts - what could they sing if not for versions of "Simply the best"?

Never thought of it that way. Keeping it lighthearted - You are probably right billions would would share in the experience of fulfilment.

While it would not make a difference to the attached minority.

Hmmm...... So much happiness all at once ....... That would create a real shift in the world

 

[Tania Admin]

I really am glad I don't have to worry about this, I have 1st best with NT,,lucky me :wav:

 

[Endymion]

This is a good question Gentleman and does not have an easy answer, if at all. It has prompted me to ask even more questions.

How do you know when you have met your perfect partner? We have all been swept away in the maelstom of bliss and confusion when meeting someone new but how often have these feelings persisted? For a fortunate few, it can last a lifetime but for most of us it is reckoned that the flames of passion are all but extinguished after 2 years- consider the 5 and 7 year itches.
Having found your perfect partner, how do you know that there is no-one out there who is more perfect and do you at this point stop looking? A friend once asked me "how do you know when you are in love?" My response was "if you have to ask that question, then you are not in love. You will know.." My friend observed that my wife of the time and myself seemed so "happy" together.
The concept of happiness leads me to the point of my reply. I believe happiness is a very elusive state for western civilisation. I can say that I have only experienced brief fleeting moments of happiness in my life and that it is reserved for those who spend a lifetime in meditation or taking psychotropic drugs. The Buddhists are right, western man can only hope to achieve contentment in this life. Gentleman, I hope my reply is of some help; I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you are able to reach your goal, then you need to redefine your paradigm, become a bit of a philosopher- not easy but after not quite a lifetime of heartache and adversity, I feel I have reached some kind of contented rapport with the cosmos...

 

[Happy2]

And Endymion As for the 7 year itch rub some calomine lotion on it And stick it out If the itch turns into a rash then there may be a reason Not just feeling a bit bored and want something new

 

[Contrarian]

A friend once described it statistically like this. And I have to say there's an element of truth in it despite some exaggeration.

Fact: 90% of people are stupid. That leaves intelligent people like you at 10%.

Of that 10%, half of them will be women and the other; men - so unless you're batting for both sides, that leaves you with...

5%! Of that, half will be gay - leaving you with a minority of a minority of a minority.

Of that; half of that 2.5% will have more baggage than Heathrow and that means...

you're looking for a minority of a minority of a minority of a minority.

Conclusion: Finding ANYONE perfect is goddamn fucking miracle on this god forsaken world let alone island!

 

[Perth boy]

A friend once described it statistically like this. And I have to say there's an element of truth in it despite some exaggeration.

Fact: 90% of people are stupid. That leaves intelligent people like you at 10%.

Of that 10%, half of them will be women and the other; men - so unless you're batting for both sides, that leaves you with...

5%! Of that, half will be gay - leaving you with a minority of a minority of a minority.

Of that; half of that 2.5% will have more baggage than Heathrow and that means...

you're looking for a minority of a minority of a minority of a minority.

Conclusion: Finding ANYONE perfect is goddamn fucking miracle on this god forsaken world let alone island!

Well that dose it im staying with the wife. lol

 

[Naughty Thoughts]

Current world population, 2011 guesstimate according to Google: 6,973,738,433

10% of total population that is smart: 697,373,843

50% which is the gender of choice (assuming hetero): 348,686,921

Subtract 5% which isn't interested is 17,434,346 leaving 331,252,575

Subtract 2.5% baggage-loaded which is 8,281,314 leaving 322,971,261 potential partners - greater than the entire population of Australia.

If we change the math slightly: start with the population of Australia, remove 90% non-smart people, remove 50% non-preferred gender people, remove 5% not-interested-in-my-gender people, assume 2.5% are without baggage, angry ex's, incompatible religion or whatever - then that leaves us with 26,861 people who might be considered a "perfect" partner.
[22,620,600 x .1 = 2,262,060; 2,262,060 / 2 = 1,131,030; 1,131,030 - (1,131,030 x 0.05) = 1,074,479; 1,074,479 x 0.025 = 26,861]

I like those odds. And you can use "Baby, you're one in twenty six thousand" instead of "Baby, you're one in a million" as a pick-up line. And if they don't believe you, you can show them the math.