Porn: Cheating Or Not Cheating

[Justinb]

I am a married man of 4yrs. Both of us have been married before. In the last year or so the amount of intamacy and sex have decreased dramatacally and am lucky to have it 4 times a month.
The reason for this my wife is always tired and never hardly in the mood. Something is wrong with her and she has increased her size dramatacally. I have tried to help her and be understanding. Still I love her very much tell her as much and still do the little things like kisses, cuddles, buy her gifts, massages etc.. None of which she rarely reciprocates back to me.
I have found that since I refuse to cheat on her outside the marriage, I have started a small porn collection on my mobile and on my PC yet not on hers. I only look at them when I am home alone, when the kids are in bed of an evening. My wife usually works till late at night and not home when I get home A few weeks ago she went through my phone and got quite upset. I tried to explain to her why I had them and she got very angry. She says I am cheating on her by looking at the pics and movie clips and I MUST get rid of them. I need them because she does not want to look after my sexual needs as she says my needs arent importanr,
So is looking at porn Cheating or Not? Please let me know

 

[aussiebunny]

Basically no well not in my eyes how can a fantasy be cheating? am i cheating if I think of Johnny Depp I think the real issue is most women are insecure when there partners watch porn (porn stars are HOT) and not your average housewife Personally I'd prefer him to watch the porn instead of being out there cheating. I do think a stronger message needs to go out to wife's tho masturbating is not cheating! Some women tend to let relationships go after there married due to being tired kids work etc with a it will be right attitude and are quite shocked when they find partners collections Id still keep them and also point out you will not be hiding them (hope I Haven't caused a divorce here ) Its not that he prefers to watch porn its just a medium to use to release I'm sorry if I offend by saying women get off your butts make a effort to dress sexy and put some spice into it I hate women referring to it as another chore hopefully there will be more places for women to go to learn to put the spark back into it like America who have many options for waning relationships but until then hun enjoy your porn hope Ive helped xx

 

[Mary Anne PA]

...she went through my phone and got quite upset. ...says I am cheating on her by looking at the pics and movie clips and I MUST get rid of them... she says my needs arent importanr,
So is looking at porn Cheating or Not?

firstly you need to see a couples councilor. you are both coming from very different viewpoints here.

Secondly, why was she going through your phone? does she suspect you are wih other women, or is she just nosy?

She thinks you are cheating on her. however she is also doing wrong by you. If she doesnt want any sex, what does she expect you to do? you arent a machine with an 'off' switch.

Her claim that your needs arent important is very selfish. the purpose of marriage is to nurture and support each other, dismissing you like that is just nasty.

my perosnal opinon is that cheating is ANYTHING which a couple mutually agree is cheating. for example, I give explicit lapdances, yet no touching between my legs. my hisband would call that cheating.

 

[Justinb]

firstly you need to see a couples councilor. you are both coming from very different viewpoints here.

I want to see a couples councillor and have done for a while but she doesn't and she is offended I Masturbate in lieu of sex. She has now threatened to wipe my pc to get rid of the porn. I feel so sorry for her. I do everything to try and tell her I think she is sexy and beautiful. Tried talking to her she has nothing to fear as I don't wanna be out there cheaating, but get the "if you repect me you will get rid of the porn inluding mags such as Zoo and FHM" Love her to bits but this is soo getting to me..

 

[Mary Anne PA]

I want to see a couples councillor and have done for a while but she doesn't and she is offended I Masturbate in lieu of sex. She has now threatened to wipe my pc to get rid of the porn. I feel so sorry for her. I do everything to try and tell her I think she is sexy and beautiful. Tried talking to her she has nothing to fear as I don't wanna be out there cheaating, but get the "if you repect me you will get rid of the porn inluding mags such as Zoo and FHM" Love her to bits but this is soo getting to me..

make an appointment and TELL her that you are going. She needs to understand that your marriage is having problems and you need to work it out.

I dont see how pictures of fantasy women are competition for your wife. She is wrong to expect you to deny your natural needs and expect you to be a statue.

Marriage is about communication and compromise.

( I know Im only young and only been married 8 years,but we've had our problems too)

 

[AGENT: Kyle J]

Im sorry but does no one in society seem to see the trend? marriage or long term relationships is the death of sex. My opinion is humans as a species are meant to be polygamous. Lets start mainstream society polygamy!!

 

[TemptMe]

Well I have a very healthy sex life and whoops I am married..in fact poor hubby is the one that says not tonight on the very rare occasion. We both enjoy porn viewed together and separately..so much is about really knowing your partner and knowing what you both want along with honesty..

 

[AGENT: Kyle J]

Not trying to pry or anything temptme but may i ask how long you have been married for?

 

[svengali]

I have encountered this before. Some women are just absolutely revolted by porn and no amout of telling them it is harmless will change that. It probably has a lot to do with their upbringing and, if it is hard-wired into them from a young enough age you ain't going to change it.

The only way to deal with it in my humble opinion is to either give in and dump the porn or tell her a firm no and dare her to dump you. Personally, I have limits on how much bossing I will take from anyone.

 

[AGENT: Kyle J]

sven i would be interested to know your thoughts on polygamy vs monogamy?

 

[Justinb]

I put the question to her last night, "If I dump the porn, what are you going to do to fill the void in my needs?" Answer, "Nothing." Well the porn stays as far as I am concerned...

 

[johnlou]

hi there Justinb , i have been following this thread, and it seems to me that it is her way or the hi-way .

i do realize that every ones situation is different . but if u do aske yr wife the questions and no is always given instead of a compromise. then what r u to think


sorry

John

 

[wangers]

Cant see it as cheating. Look but dont touch

 

[Happynuts69]

We have been married for 19 years and still love to watch a good porno. If my partner decides to watch one alone or download i dont mind, as long as he doesnt stray behind my back. We have a good solid marriage and trust is a big issue,for us it comes down to fun and trusting one another. So bring on a good porno, nothing like one of those to get us going, lol.

so what would your partner want you to go look for it elsewhere or watch some porn, ask her that !!

happynuts

 

[Justinb]

Thankyou all. Your input has been valuable and I appreciate your candor. With all your help I think we are on a course to recovery. Still plan to seek councillor help but we seem to have an understanding of each other. Am looking forward to particapating in the forum in the future and hope to make a friend or two along the way..I know I am not the only 1 in this predicament so I hope that now I am allowed to keep the porn others may be allowed to..

 

[jmoore65]

Basically no well not in my eyes how can a fantasy be cheating? am i cheating if I think of Johnny Depp xx

What is it with Johnny Depp? My sister, my GF talk about him - you all want him, don't you?

 

[TheMissingPeace]

I don't see porno as cheating at all. There's no physical or emotional connection involved at all. Of course I understand how a partner may be upset that you watch porn but I don't think it should be something that results in anything more than a brief tiff.

But then again its all personal and a case-by-case thing isn't it? If you're partner is so strongly against it that nothing you say will convince them otherwise, then I guess its perhaps something you might have to sacrifice (it'd be a shame though).

 

[Damien]

I recently seen something about sex with a robot, and if this could be considered cheating.

Well, most girls have a CPU'less robot that takes a few AA batteries so I dont see the difference between having sex with a real doll robot, a vibrator or getting yourself off on a porno. None of that is cheating in my book.

 

[Curious1]

No way is watching Porn Cheating.
Its a natural curiousity.

 

[Carrum Cpl]

Not Cheating at all IMHO

 

[jst4fun]

Svengali has a point. It is hard wired into some of us from a very young age that pornography is repulsive and a form of cheating. I am in a situation now where i accept its existence in the relationship but as it does nothing for me we do not share it. I believe the objection may come from an underlying insecurity and a lack of respect for another persons rights to be who they want and need to be.