Penis Wants A Pay Rise Please! Your thoughts?

[Tania Admin]

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labour.

I work at great depths.

I plunge head first into everything I do.

I do not get weekends or public holidays off.

I work in a damp environment.

I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.

I work in high temperatures.

My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,
P. Niss

The Response:

Dear P. Niss:

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

You do not work 8 hours straight.

You fall asleep after brief work periods.

You do not always follow the orders of the management team.

You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.

You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.

You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.

You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.

You will retire well before you are 65.

You are unable to work double shifts.

You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed assigned task.

And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.

Sincerely,
V. Gina

 

[Master Yoda]

hahahaha...Gold....

 

[homer]

Not to mention P.Niss sometimes entered the wrong workplace, not sure if it's intentional but hey that's still work mind you.

 

[HappyPirate]

Ahoy, let us not forget that P.Ness gets to work in those other areas that are dark-smelly, some would say, high risk work enviroments.

 

[Tania Admin]

Yes but a lot of the time he has been drinking before doing so! Does a bit of drink driving too. As well as running off at the mouth. His mates are always hanging around too.
And it's also a fact he is pretty close with an Asshole who I'm sure has something to do with crack.

 

[homer]

Ah yes, don't forget P.niss pisses a lot. And in those harsh environments he often vomits after a very short period of time. Sometimes he prefers to vomit outside of the workplace, or into another workplace that seems thousand miles away if he could get there in time. He sometimes fancy twin peaks as the preferred place to hurl. Sometimes he only have time to get to mount Clitty and then he blew it.

He's a pioneer though he's bit of a slacker and only work less than 30 minutes a day. But he's ventured into places where no man has been before.

Your right Pirate bro, that is one dark and smelly tunnel for him, high risk indeed. A risk of avalanche of the brown kind. Unscheduled flushing time. I don't blame him for wearing protective gear.

Tania, yep i know which two mates your talking about. They hang and they bang when he runs too deep into the workplace. I am not sure if his mates get headaches from that. But they are his best mates, and no one can endure that kind of banging.

Oh and that asshole, it's pretty anal i might add. The amount of greenhouse gas it produces, it's sickening. Besides these gases, it makes loud party noises too.

 

[HappyPirate]

Ahoy, let us not forget P.Ness may need to piss out liquids in really hostile environments, for example outside when its freezing temperatures the ice cubes form, in the middle of a road trying to avoid collisions with cars, out on the beaches in the middle of the day with temperatures as high as 42C, the possibility of sun burn within seconds.
Now we all know that Mz V.Gina, is the one that has these dogging ideas about having sex in public places, beaches, snow grounds, next to main roads, Mr P.Ness puts up with a lot of environmental dangers.

 

[homer]

Yes it's an OHS concern. That's why both P.Niss and his management team need to put on Personal protective equipment on while at work. OHS ppl can't stress enough the importance of it. As a standard workplace practice, Ms V.Gina and her management team need to insist on these safety standard before allowing P.Niss and other potential contractors to commence any sort of work in their workplace. Breaching these standards can have dire consequences.

 

[HappyPirate]

Ahoy thank-You Bro Homer.
We the pro-activist of Mr P.Niss now rest our case.
We insist on a 25% pay rise, a shorter working week, free full medical benefits and an extra week recreation leave. Thank-you for hearing our case and please notify us when our new conditions of work will begin.
Cheers and Pass the Rum

 

[Tania Admin]

Rejected again. On the grounds the argument holds very little weight!

 

[HappyPirate]

Ahoy Thank-You Sis Tania on your swift response.
However, the issue of weight has little standing (Penis Joke)

The assumption is that Mr P.Niss is of average length and weight and hence the average of the overall population of Mr P.Niss. Your grounds of weight are condemned and as no sound reasoning.

Hence we call upon the P.Niss Union that all work done by Mr P.Niss will now stop and no work will continue until our demands are meant.
All Tools have been dropped and Mr P.Niss has now left the building, to join he fellow P.Niss work mates at the local, Cock and Bull Bar.

Thank-you for your time and we the pro-activist of Mr P.Niss will await your final decision.

Rejected again. On the grounds the argument holds very little weight!

 

[homer]

I beg to differ Pirate bro. Mr P.Niss is a hard worker despite the lack of stamina. I demand a longer rest time in between all that tunnel exploration work. It really takes a toll on the two mates of his. They not only bang their heads together and onto unknown wall of grass and also the Asshole who lives next to Ms V.Gina. The high risk of taking in those greenhouse gas is very real. Some protection for the two mates needs to be considered.

P.Niss can forego annual leave but he needs leisure time. He needs to play and explore other territory of interests.

So it is either pay rise or provision of personal protective equipment. I reckon it's the responsibility of MsV.Gina and her management team to provide a safe work place.

 

[HappyPirate]

Ahoy, Agreed Bro Homer, The union stop work embargo will continue.
our new demands are

• 25%pay rise
• provision of personal protective equipment.
• safe work place
• Free full medical insurance
• Additional week recreation leave

Until these demands are meant, all Tools are Down and Mr P.Niss will not enter any work environments.
Please contact us at your local Cock and Bull Bar
Thank-you for your time and we the pro-activist of Mr P.Niss will await your final decision.

 

[homer]

Alrighty then, all masts heads southward, Captain's order.

Oh and a weekly safety meeting to be held with Ms V.Gina and her management team is needed to discuss the odds and ends.

Sorry boss, I'll be at the Happy Clams, I find Cock and Bull Bar are full of dicks. lol...if ya need any input or consultation you know where to find me.

Your Friendly Workplace Safety Liaison.

 

[HappyPirate]

Ahoy Bro Homer, I do agree;- The Cock and Bull Bar is full of Dicks.
I am heading off to the Sweet Virgina Bar, your welcome to come along and have a rum.
All this work makes an Old Pirate Thirsty, Hmmmmm after a few Rums lets go to the Langtrees
What you Think Bro Homer?
Cheers and Pass the Rum

 

[homer]

Sounds good brother Pirate. The Rums on me and the ladies are on you. LoL...cheers

 

[Tania Admin]

Ahoy, Agreed Bro Homer, The union stop work embargo will continue.
our new demands are

• 25%pay rise
• provision of personal protective equipment.
• safe work place
• Free full medical insurance
• Additional week recreation leave

Until these demands are meant, all Tools are Down and Mr P.Niss will not enter any work environments.
Please contact us at your local Cock and Bull Bar
Thank-you for your time and we the pro-activist of Mr P.Niss will await your final decision.

? 25% payrise. Hmmm with pay rises, comes inflation. With inflation a visit to a lady is in order. With a rise of inflation, ladies everywhere may feel the need to put in for their pay rise. Hmmm this could work!

 

[Nero]

That's gold. Sounds like some guys I work with ... haha

 

[HappyPirate]

Ahoy, That was a fun night, thanks Bro Homer. You looked happy with your Threesome at Langtrees FMF sorry about the Rum Bill, I think you did not realise I drink by the Barrel LOL

Sounds good brother Pirate. The Rums on me and the ladies are on you. LoL...cheers

 

[homer]

Ahoy, That was a fun night, thanks Bro Homer. You looked happy with your Threesome at Langtrees FMF sorry about the Rum Bill, I think you did not realise I drink by the Barrel LOL

That's ok bro, it was nothing, i asked them to dilute it with H2O, so it's half the price...
But thanks for the FMF experience though.

 

[Tania Admin]

Well, I must say stumbling across this again had me in fits of laughter too I hope our members start their day with laughter on their lips

 

[Tania Admin]

This still makes me giggle

 

[Happy2]

Mr P. Ness and Ms V Gina
Living in a democracy We should vote
Raise your appendage if you agree MrNess should have a pay rise

 

[Phoebe]

Why does P.Ness thinks it needs a raise, when V Gina does all work ? If P.Ness wants more payment then stay inside V Gina longer than it takes to boil a soft boiled egg.... .....

 

[vader]

What if P.Ness job shared?

 

[Tania Admin]

What if P.Ness job shared?

Especially during that one week a month

 

[Happy2]

Especially during that one week a month

Was Draculas P Ness extra active during the one week a month?