Ode to Tiger Woods

[Sir Stefan]

Ode to Tiger Woods…. By Anonymous (Version3)

Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods… running thru the Dell
Tiger Woods, Tiger Woods… better run like hell
Just run like hell… run like hell…run like hell !!!

Now you’re a Sporting hero… who just takes things in his stride
But you’re a ‘horny’ little devil… who likes ‘crumpet’ on the side !

One either side you…. one in front and rear
But you’re a man of Courage…so you wont show no fear!

Seems Elin found your text mate… from that damsel in distress
And that revealing photo…where she forgot to wear her dress!

Then armed with your best 6 iron… She chased you down the street
Straight up that bloody tree Mate… just to make the job complete!

Then She whacked you with your club … just to let you know
That seeing other Sheila’s… is not the way to go!

Her Mother joined the ‘circus‘…to help her distraught Daughter SHOUT
But when she saw your ‘weapon‘… she swooned and just passed out!

So don’t ever take a Mistress… and never take a Wife
For one or the other… are sure to cause you strife!

Time to see your Lawyer… then go to see your Mum..
Tell ‘em the Story… about why you’re on the run!

Go see your banker… hide all your dough.
Better do it fast… or it will surely go!

Eleven... No , make that Fifteen... jilted Maidens…all chomping at the bit…
And all of this because… you just loved to squeeze a Tit!

Better get a ‘grip’ Son… eyes back on the ‘ball’
Better get a grip Son.. or else you’ll lose it all!

So now go join a library…then never buy a book.
And when you ‘feel like it‘… just take another off the ‘hook‘!

I know a place called Langtrees…where the Maidens are all fair
They charge a reasonable rate mate…and they just call it ‘time share’!

Now here’s some good advice Son… that will not spoil your fun
Just tell ‘em you are Gay mate…and that will make ‘em run

Then when they turn on heel… just pinch’ em on the bum
Then nick off down to Langtrees … and have yourself some fun!

Then Go Tiger GO...Go Tiger...Go Tiger...GO... And don't you let that 'Jiggy-Jig' slow!

Footnote added: 17/12/2009:
Hey, this Guy Woods must be bloody good, I see they have now discovered Mistress 15 (Jessica Simpson).... looks like the 'Ode' will have to be 're-vamped', as it only refers to 11 of them!.... SirStefan

 

[Bluegrass9]

I thought a man with so much money could have organized a little bit-or even a lot on the side more careful.

Yes I like the poem-but I do not think Tiger woods will.
:walk:

 

[svengali]

Funny old world isn't it?

Tiger could surely have arranged plenty of discreet liasons with paid companions had he wanted to.(hell, maybe he has??) At least they would have kept quiet about it.

 

[Sir Stefan]

Yes I like the poem-but I do not think Tiger woods will.

It's probably reached him by now as I got a feedback message from a Guy in USA already!

 

[Curious1]

Why do elite sports stars etc get married?
What is the purpose? Its not like they cant get sex when ever they want....he has assistance to organise caterers etc to keep him fed....why would you need/want a wife around! Single living is the way to go.

Thats my 2cents

 

[Sir Stefan]

Good point Curious1.

Maybe it's a 'family' thing...the desire to be a Father?

Maybe it's companionship... the need to have someone with you who you care about and who cares about you?

Maybe it's familiarity... well that's what guys do...find a pretty Woman and get married...like Mum & Dad did?

Maybe it's parental pressure... "When are you going to settle down Son and raise a family to keep the family name alive"?

Maybe it's ignorance... failing to 'think beyond the decision' ?

Maybe it's that 'lust' thing.... the one that makes men think with the wrong part of their anatomy?

But Sports Stars do it... Rock Stars do it... Film Stars do it.... Statesmen do it... and many many, many, of them later regret it...and then 'pay thru the nose' to end it!

Bloody stupid really... but they do it because at the time they lack the experience, knowledge or ability to 'think it thru and compare the options' !!!

Any way it keeps the millions entertained as they glue their noses to the TV to catch todays 'Jungle drama's'

 

[Curious1]

Good point Curious1.

Maybe it's a 'family' thing...the desire to be a Father?

Its possible but there is no point to that. A father should be home to raise the children, work a 9-5 and all that. When you are away from home for such long periods of time, parenting is very difficult and kind of pointless.
As painful as it is for me to say this, i know this first hand as for the majority of my kids lives i have worked away for extended periods of time.....my girl often claims to be a single parent (jokingly) lol
Its not easy to tell a child off via email....and threating 'a smack when i get home' doesnt have much impact when its 2 months away haha

So, did he get married to a pretty girl purely for the 'status'

 

[Sir Stefan]

So, did he get married to a pretty girl purely for the 'status'

Very possible that he did... sort of took her a HIS 'Trophy Girl'... it has been done.

In fact I have been guilty of that, in the past, myself.

 

[Sir Stefan]

Seems his 'bit on the side' is now taking it's toll...financially as well as emotionally, as he has 'hung up' the Clubs...so there goes his $3million appearance money...per Tournament... expensive little 'playmates' hey!..... like the 'ode to Tiger Woods' suggests he should have stayed single and visited Langtrees instead!

 

[svengali]

According to the latest papers I read he was visiting the ladies of the night as well.

"Tiger" indeed!!

 

[happytimes]

I guess he is just like alot of guys, but he is a famous golf player. To me who gives a fuck though now he has to pay big time for some picture that someone in the media got at the right time.
So now they have a witch hunt out for Brad Pitt. Hope he has a good handle on his bank account.
What people in the media do to other people just because there famous is wrong. SEX CERTAINLY SELLS and don't so many people love to read about this, must have a boring life..

 

[corneus]

Poor Tiger. he hits one f*****g tree and ALL the old roots come out!

 

[Sir Stefan]

I guess he is just like alot of guys, but he is a famous golf player. To me who gives a fuck though now he has to pay big time for some picture that someone in the media got at the right time.
So now they have a witch hunt out for Brad Pitt. Hope he has a good handle on his bank account.
What people in the media do to other people just because there famous is wrong. SEX CERTAINLY SELLS and don't so many people love to read about this, must have a boring life..

You make a valid point here happytimes... if it was 'Ted the truckie from meekatharra' who was rooting a different chick in every town he passed thru....then no one would give a shit because Ted 'aint famous' and 'where the fuk is meekatharra' anyway? .... so there is no media interest as it aint 'newsworthy'...which is media speak for 'it wont rate well' or 'it wont sell copies'... But because it is a 'hi-profile' person, like Tiger, then suddenly it's newsworthy.

So what does poor old Ted 'the trukie from Meekatharra' have to do to make the spot light and put himself and 'Meeka' on the 'world stage'.... He has to become a serial rapist or a mass murderer.... sadly that is the media and I don't see it changing.... ever!

 

[Sir Stefan]

15 now and rising.... sounds a bit like global warming and the sea level conundrum !

Never the less, despite being on the cusp of loosing his Wife, His Sponsors and half his fortune... he's just picked up "Athlete of the Year award".... No bloody wonder with 15 Hot Chicks in tow...plus a Wife.... he would have to be VERY athletic!

Despite all the gloom he is currently facing it seems like that 'Tiger 'called Woods... has picked up a new sponsor, despite his sudden fall from grace... its called TIAGRA ....

It's Viagra for Tigers... it's paying him US$1 per year and a 'free for life' supply... and from all reports Tiger just loves it !!!

He was heard singing this under the shower this morning....."Tiagra, Tiagra... I love you so... Tiagra, Tiagra...Oh please don't go" !!!

 

[happytimes]

Be very interesting to see how many women on this forum would go with the guy if they were given the opportunity to go for a nite cruise on his luxurious yacht.
You have to admit the woman were all pretty much stunners. Put yourself in his shoes when he is travelling around the world playing golf, staying at most of the best penthouses and so on.
Who knows how innocent his wife is anyway,She may have had the odd nite out herself.
I would gather he would of had plenty of offers, being the tall dark handsome well dressed guy. Unfortunately for him he has children so he is supposed to be the role model citizen.
Though i don't think there would be to many guys who would knock back some of the offers he would of had,married or not.
At the end of the day he is still just another human guy with a strong sex drive not just a long drive to the hole..

 

[Sir Stefan]

Know exactly what you mean happytimes, whilst I am no Tiger Woods, nor do I play Golf, I was, nevertheless, in my younger days, a high profile succesful sportsman and the Women and young girls would simply throw themselves at my feet... I was married, with young children, at the time, but never let that stand in my way... I even 'bonked' the Ministers Daughter...and her Girlfriend!.... I didn't have to chase it even... they just 'turned up' ! ! !

But I never did it to the extent that Woods has, tho I would had, if given the opportunity.

Now I see Jessica is in 'denial'... so maybe the 'official' score is only 14.... but you can bank on another dozen or so stilll hiding in the closet, that haven't yet 'come-out' ..... Who knows it may even reach cricket scores... I can just see the headlines....

Tiger Woods has bowled another Maiden over.... and his score is now 97 not out!

 

[osscar]

great line corneus lol
another is that theyre now calling him Lion Cheetah Tiger and that he used to tell his wife "im goin out to play a round" !!!!! and something about 18 holes, doesnt take long for the comedians amongst us to come up with the lines

 

[Sir Stefan]

great line corneus lol
another is that theyre now calling him Lion Cheetah Tiger and that he used to tell his wife "im goin out to play a round" !!!!! and something about 18 holes, doesnt take long for the comedians amongst us to come up with the lines

Now that's an interesting scew osscar....

Maybe that was his objective, to have his own 18 'holes'.... Well, if so, 15 have been named so far...only 3 more to go and he will have his own 18 'hole' course.... Then all he has to do is go out and do a little 'putting' and then see how many 'holes-in-one' he can score!

 

[osscar]

lol ,hes already hit a few birdies and hes got enough girls to make a christmas callender, cant wait for that one but in all seriouseness he has pretty good taste in women for the most part and if i had his money id probably be doin the same thing though id need an ambulance standing by

 

[tiger80_au]

Cant wait for Tiger Woods 2011 game for the Xbox (Leisure Suit Larry edition)

 

[Gambit]

Tiga Woods should replace David D in Californication. He could be the director, producer, and the main actor. Then have guests like Shane Warne, Wayne Carey, Greg Norman, etc. i think tiger is gunning for 18-hole course, His already in the 15th hole. Jess or someone else? as stephan said. Be careful with the 16th hole, lady greenkeeper forgot to spray and mow it, desease is obvious! You'll end up in an STD clinic!

 

[svengali]

O.K. Time for another Svengali rant.

Will someone please explain to me, preferably in words of one syllable, why sportsmen of all types get raised to such lofty heights in the public's awareness and just why they are paid such obscenely large amounts of money?

Take Tiger:

He "earns" gazillions of dollars a year for what?

Has he cured cancer?

Has he brought about world peace?

Has he risked life and limb fighting fires or fighting for his country in the armed forces?

Nope, none of the above. He just bashes a little white ball into a series of holes with oddly shaped sticks and does it better than most other people. Clever, but so what?

Plumbers, builders and electricians would do more useful work in a week than most sportsmen would do in a year so just what is all the fuss about?

 

[Carlman]

Great creativity Stefan!!

 

[thelocalguy]

Great thread! Thankyou!

 

[naked_sun]

Yes interesting saga. i met a person hired to work closely with tiger for the entire time he was in oz and he was very open about his routine at that point. i met him the day before he played the tournament, i only wish i'd met him after tiger had left. he may have had more to tell me..
great thread!!

 

[Scribbles2008]

gotta be honest. cant say i blame the guy

 

[ellencannon]

Tiger Woods

I love to read more about Tiger Wood .so one please shared some more info about Tiger Wood .
Thanks.

 

[BigBlackCock]

I'm sure that if Tiger was a janitor in some high school all those 19 (and counting) women would have still slept with him. Surely, it wasn't his money there were interested in, and they all know he was married. Perish the thought!

I think Mr. Combover, I mean Donald Trump, got it correct. The reason it's become such a big deal is because Tiger painted (no pun intended) himself as a loyal, fine, upstanding and ethical family man. No one gives a rat's patootsie nowadays about Shane Warne - he's quite the ocker pig and proud of it.

As Trump says, Woods should have divorced and continued having the time of his life. Sure he'd be "broke" having to halve his billion dollar empire but I still know of single men bringing up families on A$40,000 a year.:walk:

 

[Sir Stefan]

There is no doubt that THIS Guy is GOOD at playing Golf...and at earning money...and at pulling chicks... but fuck is he dumb everywhere else!!!!!

After going on World TV confessing his 'sins' and seeking forgiveness, he then goes and does a TV Interview with a Golfing Channel and says things like... I'm making a CUM-BACK....then finishes his interview with..."And now I just want to get back to my old roots"

What the fuk sort of dumb-assed statement is that from a bloke that has only weeks before vowed he had reformed?

 

[china1]

The whole saga just seems so over the top as mentioned earlier by SirStefan if the guy was a nobody who would give a rat's arse, just sick of hearing about it.