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My wife was an escort

L Stern

L Stern

Bronze Member
Points
0
I discovered by accident that my wife of 1 year was a high end escort in 2011. I was really upset, not angry, just like someone had died. I love her so much and we are great together. But I have sometimes felt she was a bit distant when making love. That said she sure knows how to push my buttons. She obvoiusly does not want to talk about those days and I get that. But once I knew, I started digging and uncovered more incosistencies which I try to talk to her about but everything just ends up coming out wrong. I am terrified that between us we will destroy ourselves. We both agree we want to stay together and get through this. She is pretty adamant that her past is that and we should not talk further but some things are eating me up and I want to know the truth (not the intimate details). She told me that she did not have sex, only handies and blowjobs, sometimes just company. I have never been in the pay for women thing so I have no idea. Is this a real possibility? She told me she only did two stints of a couple of months each. I think she is downplaying the whole thing to not hurt me further which makes me suspicious and that suspicion is ultimately hurting us. Any helpful advice. I am running out of tears.
 
Anna LD

Anna LD

Bong Beauty ll LT Digital Team
Legend Member
Points
1,041
Hello love,

First of all, you should be proud you have a wife who had been a sex worker and yet never lied about it. She chose to keep silent or chose not to talk about it, that's her privacy.

Second, since you say you love her, shouldn't you feel more responsible towards offering her a normal life such that she comes out of her past? She might have had bad experiences while in her sex worker life which she doesn't want to reveal. Maybe the experiences are such bad that the thought of it mentally tortures her?

If you want to carry-forward and be a lover forever to your wife talk to her in a way that she feels comfortable speaking and just do not invade her privacy or hurt her.

In the other way, it can be so that she feels you will leave her once you get to know everything that's the reason she keeps it a secret.

so just one thing. instead of thinking about tears, gear up, love her so much so that she feels comfy to share everything with you and you guys be free with each other. Be her confidante and her crush all at the same time. I am sure you will be the luckiest man!

Let her know and most importantly feel you will love her no matter what and you will not leave her hands!
 
T

Tania Admin

Past is the past.
Naughty Thoughts (my husband) knows all about my past. He has no issue with it.
Love her for the here and now and don't let it get to you. If anything, you should feel extremely privileged. As a sex worker she would have learnt to read men quite well and she has chosen you to spend her life with.
Lucky you. 😁😎🎊
 
Jimmy long

Jimmy long

Diamond Member
Points
54
Some thoughts to consider
  • Your new on the forum, and this is your first serious post - well done
  • You start by saying "high-end", but then say "that she did not have sex, only handies and blowjobs" - these 2 statements don't match, high-end is all in, full sex, etc
  • Sounds like you need some professional counselling about how to get over things, both of you seem to be unwilling to accept the past, but its just that, in the past
  • Of course she will be downplaying, your reaction demands that she does that, no surprise at all, until you accept her for who she is, not who she has been you'll both be on a path of sabotaging the relationship
All the best
 
L Stern

L Stern

Bronze Member
Points
0
Anna KS said:
Hello love,

First of all, you should be proud you have a wife who had been a sex worker and yet never lied about it. She chose to keep silent or chose not to talk about it, that's her privacy.

Second, since you say you love her, shouldn't you feel more responsible towards offering her a normal life such that she comes out of her past? She might have had bad experiences while in her sex worker life which she doesn't want to reveal. Maybe the experiences are such bad that the thought of it mentally tortures her?

If you want to carry-forward and be a lover forever to your wife talk to her in a way that she feels comfortable speaking and just do not invade her privacy or hurt her.

In the other way, it can be so that she feels you will leave her once you get to know everything that's the reason she keeps it a secret.

so just one thing. instead of thinking about tears, gear up, love her so much so that she feels comfy to share everything with you and you guys be free with each other. Be her confidante and her crush all at the same time. I am sure you will be the luckiest man!

Let her know and most importantly feel you will love her no matter what and you will not leave her hands!
Click to expand...
Thanks. I have told her I am her rock and will not leave her. I think she gets that. The problem is my head. I've been to see a psych and that helped a bit. It's just the suspicion which sadly comes with my profession. We talked about any bad experiences and she says there were none. Suspicion again..... I don't know. If there was a bad one I would be supportive as anything. We truly have a great relationship. I am scared of my own stupid self
Tania Admin said:
Past is the past.
Naughty Thoughts (my husband) knows all about my past. He has no issue with it.
Love her for the here and now and don't let it get to you. If anything you should feel extremely privileged. As a sex worker she would have learnt to read men quite well and she has chosen you to spend her life with.
Lucky you. 😁😎🎊
Click to expand...
Thanks. helpful.
 
Anna LD

Anna LD

Bong Beauty ll LT Digital Team
Legend Member
Points
1,041
L Stern said:
Thanks. I have told her I am her rock and will not leave her. I think she gets that. The problem is my head. I've been to see a psych and that helped a bit. It's just the suspicion which sadly comes with my profession. We talked about any bad experiences and she says there were none. Suspicion again..... I don't know. If there was a bad one I would be supportive as anything. We truly have a great relationship. I am scared of my own stupid self

Thanks. helpful.
Click to expand...
if you know it in your head, I think you need to tame your thoughts. seel professional counselling if you want that's the best solution. wish love, hugs, kisses for both of you.
 
Sexty8

Sexty8

Sexty8 - you do me , and then I owe you one!
Diamond Member
Points
12
You need professional help if it is eating you up, we are great at opinions but are not professionals.
During the session find out ehy it bothers you? I assume you have a past and partners ?
She is with you and has chosen you, thats pretty special so dont lose it, go get help.
Opening up on here should help give you that courage.
Good luck with it.
 
CraftyBear

CraftyBear

Silver Member
Points
0
L Stern said:
Thanks. I have told her I am her rock and will not leave her. I think she gets that. The problem is my head. I've been to see a psych and that helped a bit. It's just the suspicion which sadly comes with my profession. We talked about any bad experiences and she says there were none. Suspicion again..... I don't know. If there was a bad one I would be supportive as anything. We truly have a great relationship. I am scared of my own stupid self

Thanks. helpful.
Click to expand...
You've certainly taken the right steps by going to see a psych L Stern. Have you spoken to your wife about couple's counselling on this issue? This may well be a safe area where you can clear this up, put your mind at ease and move forward together.
 
L Stern

L Stern

Bronze Member
Points
0
K

Kath

Hey @L Stern ,
Firstly welcome to the forum! Very interesting/unique/raw topic, so thanks for sharing!
As @Sexty8 said, this is definitely a place for opinions so glad to hear you're seeing a psychiatrist too. :)

You mentioned that you were never into the paying for women thing.. so I can understand you'r initial concerns. ☺

So my two cents on the topic:
1. I think unless you work in the industry or partake in it, it's sooooo different to what people perceive it as.
2. I would actually see it as a blessing in disguise. The sex industry teaches you many things but one of the best things you learn is about sexual health - ours and yours.. For example a working lady would supply a medical certificate every 3 months to work in an establishment.. far more often than a non-industry or "normal" lady would have herself checked. We perform health checks on every client before seeing them.. which I don't think any non-industry lady would even know what a health check is nevermind how to do one or what to look for.
In some places it's illegal to ask for natural (no condom) services... I feel like condoms are almost seen as optional in the "normal" world. How many guys have a condom stilllllll in their wallet haha..
My point here is even if she was a full service, bells and whistles escort back in 2011, she was/is probably cleaner and more safe than that innocent girl next door....
3.Her past was welllllll before she met you. 2011 yeah? And you only met her in 2018? What she did back then i'm sorry but frankly is none of you'r beeswax 😬. As long as she's not hurting anyone or doing anything wrong now then who you guys slept with/dated/did for work/had for breakfast before you met each other should be of no concern.
4. Her past may of helped shape the person she is today.. The person you say you fell in love with.
5. You'r concerns may actually reflect some insecurities within you'r self as opposed to it actually being that she was previously an esort.


I think just learn to push it out of your thoughts before her past changes your future.

Good luck with everything :)
 
Slugger1

Slugger1

Legend Member
Points
213
EmilyAnderson said:
Hey @L Stern ,
Firstly welcome to the forum! Very interesting/unique/raw topic, so thanks for sharing!
As @Sexty8 said, this is definitely a place for opinions so glad to hear you're seeing a psychiatrist too. :)

You mentioned that you were never into the paying for women thing.. so I can understand you'r initial concerns. ☺

So my two cents on the topic:
1. I think unless you work in the industry or partake in it, it's sooooo different to what people perceive it as.
2. I would actually see it as a blessing in disguise. The sex industry teaches you many things but one of the best things you learn is about sexual health - ours and yours.. For example a working lady would supply a medical certificate every 3 months to work in an establishment.. far more often than a non-industry or "normal" lady would have herself checked. We perform health checks on every client before seeing them.. which I don't think any non-industry lady would even know what a health check is nevermind how to do one or what to look for.
In some places it's illegal to ask for natural (no condom) services... I feel like condoms are almost seen as optional in the "normal" world. How many guys have a condom stilllllll in their wallet haha..
My point here is even if she was a full service, bells and whistles escort back in 2011, she was/is probably cleaner and more safe than that innocent girl next door....
3.Her past was welllllll before she met you. 2011 yeah? And you only met her in 2018? What she did back then i'm sorry but frankly is none of you'r beeswax 😬. As long as she's not hurting anyone or doing anything wrong now then who you guys slept with/dated/did for work/had for breakfast before you met each other should be of no concern.
4. Her past may of helped shape the person she is today.. The person you say you fell in love with.
5. You'r concerns may actually reflect some insecurities within you'r self as opposed to it actually being that she was previously an esort.


I think just learn to push it out of your thoughts before her past changes your future.

Good luck with everything :)
Click to expand...
Wow Emily a great response and so true.
You are absolutely right we all have a past that made us what we are today.

If we keep looking backwards we will not see the way forward.
 
Goodstuff36 Bon truc in french

Goodstuff36 Bon truc in french

Goodstuff. Bon truc in french
Legend Member
Points
329
EmilyAnderson said:
Hey @L Stern ,
Firstly welcome to the forum! Very interesting/unique/raw topic, so thanks for sharing!
As @Sexty8 said, this is definitely a place for opinions so glad to hear you're seeing a psychiatrist too. :)

You mentioned that you were never into the paying for women thing.. so I can understand you'r initial concerns. ☺

So my two cents on the topic:
1. I think unless you work in the industry or partake in it, it's sooooo different to what people perceive it as.
2. I would actually see it as a blessing in disguise. The sex industry teaches you many things but one of the best things you learn is about sexual health - ours and yours.. For example a working lady would supply a medical certificate every 3 months to work in an establishment.. far more often than a non-industry or "normal" lady would have herself checked. We perform health checks on every client before seeing them.. which I don't think any non-industry lady would even know what a health check is nevermind how to do one or what to look for.
In some places it's illegal to ask for natural (no condom) services... I feel like condoms are almost seen as optional in the "normal" world. How many guys have a condom stilllllll in their wallet haha..
My point here is even if she was a full service, bells and whistles escort back in 2011, she was/is probably cleaner and more safe than that innocent girl next door....
3.Her past was welllllll before she met you. 2011 yeah? And you only met her in 2018? What she did back then i'm sorry but frankly is none of you'r beeswax 😬. As long as she's not hurting anyone or doing anything wrong now then who you guys slept with/dated/did for work/had for breakfast before you met each other should be of no concern.
4. Her past may of helped shape the person she is today.. The person you say you fell in love with.
5. You'r concerns may actually reflect some insecurities within you'r self as opposed to it actually being that she was previously an esort.


I think just learn to push it out of your thoughts before her past changes your future.

Good luck with everything :)
Click to expand...
Well who has ever asked a WL how many clients they have ever had or how many times they have been married don't forget some of those Hollywood stars have past hidden in there closet and have been married several times. Rember the movie Roxanne with Steve Martin.
 
Lord Spikey

Lord Spikey

I... AM... SPIKEY
Legend Member
Points
4
OK

I think it is time for a reality check and some of you helpful members above may not like all that I am about to say; but guess what?
I am going to say it anyway, because L Stern has asked for opinions and I have some.
Most of you probably know by now that if you ask old Lord Spikey a question; you will get an answer. Whether you like it or not.

First off, I think that many of the opinions that have been voiced above are absolutely spot on and therefore need not be repeated here.
Professional help, if you feel you need it, might be a good place to start; but maybe not....

Are you just looking for a way to justify your feelings about your perception of being lied to?
Do you just want someone to tell you that you are right to feel this way and that your wife is wrong?
I suspect that this might be the case and I do not judge you for that. You are human and that is what some above fail to recognize.

Is your wife's past "none of your beeswax"? Bollocks; of course it is; particularly, as someone above has said, "it has made her who she is today".

If your wife loves you, then she should have been completely open with you as soon as the relationship was noticed as becoming serious. Nothing stays hidden forever and it was bound to come out sooner or later. It is very clear to me (maybe not everyone), that this information is very very important. It may have made no difference to what was to follow, but the thought of being lied to by neglect can be heart wrenching. Best to get it out of the way so it can be forgotten before you invest so must emotion. It may have ruined your relationship; but better then than now, when you are married.

I suspect that it would have been hard to hear and you would have thought long into the night and probably killed a bottle of good single malt coming to terms with it. However, given what you have written, I suspect that you would have and your relationship would have become much stronger because of the honesty and trust that would had been given and received.

Does any of this make a difference to who she is with you? No, not much and your marriage would be the same even if she had been up front and you had accepted it. So bottom line is that this discovery has made no difference to your marriage on the outside. It is only that feeling of betrayal that you have to deal with. Think; this is not an open betrayal. She has done absolutely nothing negative since meeting you that would be considered betrayal. It is only the lack of disclosure that we are dealing with here.

Personally, I think that professional help is bollocks. You just want someone to agree with you. A shoulder to cry on because of a feeling of entitlement.
You want someone to solve your "problem" for you. Maybe harsh, but you asked for it.

Like it or not, this is now one of your life's realities and when you go home to your wife, close the door and climb into bed together; it is just you and her and will always be. Nobody really gives a shit about your problems, unless they can make money from them, or gain Brownie Points. Everyone has their own problems to think about.

Now, I have known guys who have married ex working ladies.
I have know guys who are married working ladies.
I have know guys who have married "still working" working ladies.
These relationships have the same issues as everyone else. It is just the jobs that are different. We are all human. People with needs and wants.

Relationships work because BOTH people want them to work. If one doesn't want, then you may as well call it quits and go and find your soul mate. Stop flogging a dead horse. However, if you are both committed to this relationship, then sort it out between yourselves. Full disclosure; both of you. No more secrets. Trust each other. Be bold. Be naked. Open yourselves to the truth of who you really are.

I guarantee that the make-up sex will be amazing.
 
Last edited:
Anna LD

Anna LD

Bong Beauty ll LT Digital Team
Legend Member
Points
1,041
EmilyAnderson said:
Hey @L Stern ,
Firstly welcome to the forum! Very interesting/unique/raw topic, so thanks for sharing!
As @Sexty8 said, this is definitely a place for opinions so glad to hear you're seeing a psychiatrist too. :)

You mentioned that you were never into the paying for women thing.. so I can understand you'r initial concerns. ☺

So my two cents on the topic:
1. I think unless you work in the industry or partake in it, it's sooooo different to what people perceive it as.
2. I would actually see it as a blessing in disguise. The sex industry teaches you many things but one of the best things you learn is about sexual health - ours and yours.. For example a working lady would supply a medical certificate every 3 months to work in an establishment.. far more often than a non-industry or "normal" lady would have herself checked. We perform health checks on every client before seeing them.. which I don't think any non-industry lady would even know what a health check is nevermind how to do one or what to look for.
In some places it's illegal to ask for natural (no condom) services... I feel like condoms are almost seen as optional in the "normal" world. How many guys have a condom stilllllll in their wallet haha..
My point here is even if she was a full service, bells and whistles escort back in 2011, she was/is probably cleaner and more safe than that innocent girl next door....
3.Her past was welllllll before she met you. 2011 yeah? And you only met her in 2018? What she did back then i'm sorry but frankly is none of you'r beeswax 😬. As long as she's not hurting anyone or doing anything wrong now then who you guys slept with/dated/did for work/had for breakfast before you met each other should be of no concern.
4. Her past may of helped shape the person she is today.. The person you say you fell in love with.
5. You'r concerns may actually reflect some insecurities within you'r self as opposed to it actually being that she was previously an esort.


I think just learn to push it out of your thoughts before her past changes your future.

Good luck with everything :)
Click to expand...
you explained this the best way and this should help.. Loved reading every bit of it.
 
indigo

indigo

Gold Member
Points
42
Lord Spikey said:
OK

I think it is time for a reality check and some of you helpful members above may not like all that I am about to say; but guess what?
I am going to say it anyway, because L Stern has asked for opinions and I have some.
Most of you probably know by now that if you ask old Lord Spikey a question; you will get an answer. Whether you like it or not.

First off, I think that many of the opinions that have been voiced above are absolutely spot on and therefore need not be repeated here.
Professional help, if you feel you need it, might be a good place to start; but maybe not....

Are you just looking for a way to justify your feelings about your perception of being lied to?
Do you just want someone to tell you that you are right to feel this way and that your wife is wrong?
I suspect that this might be the case and I do not judge you for that. You are human and that is what some above fail to recognize.

Is your wife's past "none of your beeswax"? Bollocks; of course it is; particularly, as someone above has said, "it has made her who she is today".

If your wife loves you, then she should have been completely open with you as soon as the relationship was noticed as becoming serious. Nothing stays hidden forever and it was bound to come out sooner or later. It is very clear to me (maybe not everyone), that this information is very very important. It may have made no difference to what was to follow, but the thought of being lied to by neglect can be heart wrenching. Best to get it out of the way so it can be forgotten before you invest so must emotion. It may have ruined your relationship; but better then than now, when you are married.

I suspect that it would have been hard to hear and you would have thought long into the night and probably killed a bottle of good single malt coming to terms with it. However, given what you have written, I suspect that you would have and your relationship would have become much stronger because of the honesty and trust that would had been given and received.

Does any of this make a difference to who she is with you? No, not much and your marriage would be the same even if she had been up front and you had accepted it. So bottom line is that this discovery has made no difference to your marriage on the outside. It is only that feeling of betrayal that you have to deal with. Think; this is not an open betrayal. She has done absolutely nothing negative since meeting you that would be considered betrayal. It is only the lack of disclosure that we are dealing with here.

Personally, I think that professional help is bollocks. You just want someone to agree with you. A shoulder to cry on because of a feeling of entitlement.
You want someone to solve your "problem" for you. Maybe harsh, but you asked for it.

Like it or not, this is now one of your life's realities and when you go home to your wife, close the door and climb into bed together; it is just you and her and will always be. Nobody really gives a shit about your problems, unless they can make money from them, or gain Brownie Points. Everyone has their own problems to think about.

Now, I have known guys who have married ex working ladies.
I have know guys who are married working ladies.
I have know guys who have married "still working" working ladies.
These relationships have the same issues as everyone else. It is just the jobs that are different. We are all human. People with needs and wants.

Relationships work because BOTH people want them to work. If one doesn't want, then you may as well call it quits and go and find your soul mate. Stop flogging a dead horse. However, if you are both committed to this relationship, then sort it out between yourselves. Full disclosure; both of you. No more secrets. Trust each other. Be bold. Be naked. Open yourselves to the truth of who you really are.

I guarantee that the make-up sex will be amazing.
Click to expand...
Wow that's a very nice read Lord Spikey....I can feel the honesty, experience and power ....
 
John Smithl

John Smithl

Legend Member
Points
152
Lord Spikey said:
OK

I think it is time for a reality check and some of you helpful members above may not like all that I am about to say; but guess what?
I am going to say it anyway, because L Stern has asked for opinions and I have some.
Most of you probably know by now that if you ask old Lord Spikey a question; you will get an answer. Whether you like it or not.

First off, I think that many of the opinions that have been voiced above are absolutely spot on and therefore need not be repeated here.
Professional help, if you feel you need it, might be a good place to start; but maybe not....

Are you just looking for a way to justify your feelings about your perception of being lied to?
Do you just want someone to tell you that you are right to feel this way and that your wife is wrong?
I suspect that this might be the case and I do not judge you for that. You are human and that is what some above fail to recognize.

Is your wife's past "none of your beeswax"? Bollocks; of course it is; particularly, as someone above has said, "it has made her who she is today".

If your wife loves you, then she should have been completely open with you as soon as the relationship was noticed as becoming serious. Nothing stays hidden forever and it was bound to come out sooner or later. It is very clear to me (maybe not everyone), that this information is very very important. It may have made no difference to what was to follow, but the thought of being lied to by neglect can be heart wrenching. Best to get it out of the way so it can be forgotten before you invest so must emotion. It may have ruined your relationship; but better then than now, when you are married.

I suspect that it would have been hard to hear and you would have thought long into the night and probably killed a bottle of good single malt coming to terms with it. However, given what you have written, I suspect that you would have and your relationship would have become much stronger because of the honesty and trust that would had been given and received.

Does any of this make a difference to who she is with you? No, not much and your marriage would be the same even if she had been up front and you had accepted it. So bottom line is that this discovery has made no difference to your marriage on the outside. It is only that feeling of betrayal that you have to deal with. Think; this is not an open betrayal. She has done absolutely nothing negative since meeting you that would be considered betrayal. It is only the lack of disclosure that we are dealing with here.

Personally, I think that professional help is bollocks. You just want someone to agree with you. A shoulder to cry on because of a feeling of entitlement.
You want someone to solve your "problem" for you. Maybe harsh, but you asked for it.

Like it or not, this is now one of your life's realities and when you go home to your wife, close the door and climb into bed together; it is just you and her and will always be. Nobody really gives a shit about your problems, unless they can make money from them, or gain Brownie Points. Everyone has their own problems to think about.

Now, I have known guys who have married ex working ladies.
I have know guys who are married working ladies.
I have know guys who have married "still working" working ladies.
These relationships have the same issues as everyone else. It is just the jobs that are different. We are all human. People with needs and wants.

Relationships work because BOTH people want them to work. If one doesn't want, then you may as well call it quits and go and find your soul mate. Stop flogging a dead horse. However, if you are both committed to this relationship, then sort it out between yourselves. Full disclosure; both of you. No more secrets. Trust each other. Be bold. Be naked. Open yourselves to the truth of who you really are.

I guarantee that the make-up sex will be amazing.
Click to expand...
Professional help is about helping the client empower themselves to be more authentic. The professional provides an independent, trained insight that we wouldn't be able to see on our own or with the other affected party.
 
Slugger1

Slugger1

Legend Member
Points
213
John Smithl said:
Professional help is about helping the client empower themselves to be more authentic. The professional provides an independent, trained insight that we wouldn't be able to see on our own or with the other affected party.
Click to expand...
I agree with this John.

I went through a blameless marriage breakup but I took on a lot of guilt for it to an extent that it affected my health badly.

I had never been to a phsychologist before but he guided me through a difficult time and helped me realise some things about my marriage that were not obvious to me.

Looking back it was the turning point for me, it was not instant but a gradual realisation that it was not all my fault.
I never thought before that I would need counselling but found it valuable to get my life back on track.

But it only works if you are open to it.
 
Lingus

Lingus

Legend Member
Points
175
L Stern said:
I discovered by accident that my wife of 1 year was a high end escort ... She obvoiusly does not want to talk about those days and I get that. But once I knew, I started digging and uncovered more incosistencies ... some things are eating me up and I want to know the truth (not the intimate details). She told me that she did not have sex, only handies and blowjobs, sometimes just company ... Is this a real possibility? ... I think she is downplaying the whole thing to not hurt me further which makes me suspicious and that suspicion is ultimately hurting us ...
Click to expand...

L Stern is being a little contradictory in his comments, particularly in relation to "not the intimate details" yet enquiring of what range of activities may have constituted his wife's temporary occupation in 2011 ... beyond "handies and blowjobs".

Is it the potentially broad range of the lady's past sexual activities that bothers L Stern, or is it the fact that she charged a fee to engage in a range of sexual activities with people with whom she did not have a personal intimate relationship ?

What of L Stern's life experiences :
... has he had fulfilling intimate relationships in the past, or is there a history of trust issues with women ?
... does he possess puritan values, perhaps born of a strict and/or religious upbringing ?

Whatever the answers to the above, it's my take that L Stern does indeed want to know the comprehensive truth of 2011 but doesn't know how to process that information to effect a positive outcome for his marriage. And, if L Stern is already conflicted by a combination of pre-existing puritan values and/or relationship trust issues, then I'm inclined to suggest that professional counselling is the way to go.

Assuming that L Stern does not suffer from a specific mental disorder, then in my opinion he does not need to consult a Psychiatrist ... I would suggest consulting your GP to obtain referral to either a Counselling Psychologist or a Clinical Psychologist, the latter of which charges higher fees for a level of clinical assessment approaching that of a Psychiatrist. There's a bonus of sorts if you open up to your GP, in that they can create for you a Mental Health Care Plan which will entitle you to a series of subsidised counselling appointments (see link below) :

www.healthdirect.gov.au

Mental health treatment plan

A mental health treatment plan is a plan for people with a mental health condition, created by your doctor, outlining the goals for your treatment.
www.healthdirect.gov.au www.healthdirect.gov.au

Best wishes to you in reconciling the intimacy aspects of your marriage.
 
Last edited:
N

nightrider

L Stern said:
I discovered by accident that my wife of 1 year was a high end escort in 2011. I was really upset, not angry, just like someone had died. I love her so much and we are great together. But I have sometimes felt she was a bit distant when making love. That said she sure knows how to push my buttons. She obvoiusly does not want to talk about those days and I get that. But once I knew, I started digging and uncovered more incosistencies which I try to talk to her about but everything just ends up coming out wrong. I am terrified that between us we will destroy ourselves. We both agree we want to stay together and get through this. She is pretty adamant that her past is that and we should not talk further but some things are eating me up and I want to know the truth (not the intimate details). She told me that she did not have sex, only handies and blowjobs, sometimes just company. I have never been in the pay for women thing so I have no idea. Is this a real possibility? She told me she only did two stints of a couple of months each. I think she is downplaying the whole thing to not hurt me further which makes me suspicious and that suspicion is ultimately hurting us. Any helpful advice. I am running out of tears.
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Ummm "you think she's downplaying the whole escort thing?" when she tells you she didn't have sex, mate she's an escort and that's that. Doesn't mean anything more than this. The problem is she's a liar about i. Take it or leave it, same as any of the rest of us that discover lies and deceit.
 
Master Yoda

Master Yoda

“Your path you must decide.”
Legend Member
Points
56
Most of the feed back here is valid and solid. I have things I want to say too from my teeny tiny experiences of the industry, WLs, and attachment to sex and beautiful women I am careful what I say while L Stern is going through this difficult space. Although our forum brother asked for the feedback, he is not in a good place right now.

Speaking for myself, I’m choosing to be a little sensitive what the time and place of what I choose to say. Even if I have good intentions if I say things at the wrong way, place, and time may not help.


@L Stern bro I’m open to sharing if my ‘blunt’ input is welcome. PM me if you want. But in general like the rest of our bro’s and the ladies are saying... past is the past, and if your wife is bubble wrapping the whole truth, it could be that she does not feel safe to do so. And some of this safety may be for your sake. Not a good place to be my man. I know you read General Custer’s interview with me a few posts up where I spoke about both partners in a relationship in any profession need each other’s company to be a safe space or a relationship will be waning. Everything especially a life partnership either grows or dies a any given moment. There is no suspension. And these moments affect the next moments. Then they stack up and gain momentum.

Relationships rise towards growth in good places and fall towards death in bad places. The catch is gravity... growth requires effort.

So after talking too much once again my 2c worth is that maybe focusing on the love between you and your wife being more important than stuff from the past bro.

Choose peace my brother...


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Jimmy long

Jimmy long

Diamond Member
Points
54
On reflection, is there an element of performance anxiety creeping in, where you suddenly found out that your partner has way more experience than you and now you don't know how you measure up or how to perform to a new standard that your partner may expect? If so, take comfort that most don't really know what their doing, porn is giving us all unrealistic expectations. And to top it off, this lady probably knows all this and has the experience to be able to "show you a thing or 2"
 
Lia Luca

Lia Luca

Silver Member
Points
0
Forgive and everything will be alright! 💓Love to you guys! Enjoy life, live in the moment! Past is the past, the future isn't here yet. We have the now... we are here now, we be happy now. It's all in the mind, freedom to be and feel the best! Ho'oponopono.
 
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