My wife is A sexual (no interest in sex)

[Skonsduiker]

Ok,where do I start as this could take some time
I have diagnosed my dear wife as A sexual, meaning she is not intrested in sex at all!! It does not concern her and according to her she can do without it full stop.....
We have been married for 14 years and you might ask did I not know about this before we got married. The answer is, yes, but I was willing to give it a go. We have talked about this, she has tried her best to change but no luck she still see sex as something that must be done to satisfy me or make me happy. I have on numerous occasions mentioned to her that making love to her is like having sex with a sex doll. This might sound to you like I am a dick head but the fact remains she is very seldome "their" when we have sex......
She tells me that one we get to the act of having sex she likes it but her problem is getting there. We have tried everything in the book that I know of but she still struggles to get in the mood. Believe this or not but foreplay does not even do it for her and the best of all is I LOVE TO GIVE FOREPLAY I can spen hours on this I get bloody frustrated just thinking about this.

I help with everything around the house and I mean everything I plan sexual surprise nights but still I get a force f%#k

My question now is as follow, when and where do I draw the line? I feel that it is just a question of time before I make use of a W/L services or screw someone other then my wife.

What is a man to do??

 

[longlasting]

Just wondering, do you ever spoil her with flowers? Spontaneous gifts? I have heard of guys sending his wife flowers three times in a week. Althought you shouldn't expect immediate results, a little romance never hurt.

 

[Skonsduiker]

Mate, she is sometimes showered in gifts and spontaneous surprises, you name it I have most probably done it I suppose it is just one of those things..... My wife dislikes sex http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality

 

[Rochelle]

Hi Skonsduiker, (goschhhhh what a spelling) fact is that some people just don't have a high sex drive or are a-sexual and flowers, romantic dinners won't change it. A lack of sex drive can have severasl reasons.....it might be hormonal.......might be psychological.........might be some other reason. There are all kinds of docs and specialists out there who can help if your wife is prepared to get on the bottom of it.
Example: friend of mine always complained about pain when having sex so she stopped enjoying it and tried to avoid it. She finally mentioned it to her gyneacologist and it worked out to be a muscular problem. She wasn't able to relax her muscles enough. Solution.....believe it or not......physio therapy. She basically learned how to relax the muscles of her lower body.
Good luck.

R.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[gazzman]

My sympathies SK...
The really sad part is that you obviously love her so much. Have youse thought of sex therapy? Like the medical one you get a referral from your doctor and claim on medicare? You've got the rest of the relationship working shame to lose all that without trying to get the missing bit fixed. Don't give up mate you've got something lots of us on here can only dream. Good luck

 

[LovinLife]

Skonsduiker, you have described my recent relationship of 14 years. Feeling for ya mate. It is not the reason we broke up, but it was part of it. Every time I tried to discuss it, it was met with, "Oh, its always about the sex." Well, as I said, sex is not the whole relationship, but it is a part. If it is missing, then a part of the relationship is missing. I could not fix it, no matter how hard I tried.

 

[Skonsduiker]

You see mate, this is just it......
The only thing that is a problem in our relationship is the bloody sex all the rest is spot on and we have no other issues. It is also not the amount of sex we have but more a question of when we do have sex I just need her to actually be there. According to her it is just another thing she must do, it is like going to work, she does not want to go but she has to..... In her opinion sex is the same, it is something she has to do and that attitude pisses me OFF in a BIG way.
I even told her once "ok, we don’t need to have sex any longer but you need to know I will then get it somewhere els" she was not happy with this......
I must be honest, I am back at that stage yet again but this time I will just go and do it. Discussing it does not seem to help.

 

[Melodie]

I'm not sure I can offer much advice, but I would just like to say that you're not alone except I'm the "wife" and its my partner who rarely, if at all, wants it which is why I am here to do the one thing he wants in the hopes it will spice up our sex life in the future. We've only been together 4 years and still so young and it's like he spent so much of his teens and early 20's getting as much T&A as he could that he now just couldn't care less. I have tried everything - changing how I look, lingerie, romantic nights away, romantic dinners, letting him watch porn before and during because it was the only thing that would get him going (his words, not mine. What a wonderful New Year's morning that was..) Yet I am lucky to get it once a month, if that, and even then its only a few in and outs and he's so dis-interested that he can't even keep it up.

I've heard it all "Its not you, it's just me", " I just don't care about it anymore", "I'm too tired/can't be bothered/no energy" which is funny because we both work full time, same hours, similar stressful jobs and yet I'm the one who cooks, cleans and everything else. I stay because of love and I couldn't bring myself to leave him over this one issue but my gosh it does my head in. Even my rechargeable batteries are starting to look worse for wear.

I just thought I would post to put a different spin on things, its not always us women holding out on you blokes! All I can suggest is trying to talk to calmly and in a neutral manner about what it is that you want, and if she is still not able to put effort in, maybe see a therapist and/or talk to her about other avenues that you can pursue to resolve/relieve your frustration without getting an obligatory pity **** just to keep you quiet. If she isn't willing to be intimate with you, what is she williing to let you do etc. Some might get their back up originally about seeing a therapist but at least its a mediated, controlled environment where you can both talk to each other and get things out that might not otherwise be discussed and/or heard.

Good luck!

 

[Skonsduiker]

Thanks Melodie,

It sure puts another spin on things

All of the best too you as well!!!

You see, what I just do not get is that if we get to the act of sex she claims she likes it but her problem is getting the brain turned on and strang enough porn also seems to do it for her.

O well I suppose we will in some way need to live with it and make the best of it but I know, the day is going to come and it is going to be the right place and the right time and I am going to f%#k someone els......

 

[TheCock]

I'm not sure I can offer much advice, but I would just like to say that you're not alone except I'm the "wife" and its my partner who rarely, if at all, wants it which is why I am here to do the one thing he wants in the hopes it will spice up our sex life in the future. We've only been together 4 years and still so young and it's like he spent so much of his teens and early 20's getting as much T&A as he could that he now just couldn't care less. I have tried everything - changing how I look, lingerie, romantic nights away, romantic dinners, letting him watch porn before and during because it was the only thing that would get him going (his words, not mine. What a wonderful New Year's morning that was..) Yet I am lucky to get it once a month, if that, and even then its only a few in and outs and he's so dis-interested that he can't even keep it up.

I've heard it all "Its not you, it's just me", " I just don't care about it anymore", "I'm too tired/can't be bothered/no energy" which is funny because we both work full time, same hours, similar stressful jobs and yet I'm the one who cooks, cleans and everything else. I stay because of love and I couldn't bring myself to leave him over this one issue but my gosh it does my head in. Even my rechargeable batteries are starting to look worse for wear.

I just thought I would post to put a different spin on things, its not always us women holding out on you blokes! All I can suggest is trying to talk to calmly and in a neutral manner about what it is that you want, and if she is still not able to put effort in, maybe see a therapist and/or talk to her about other avenues that you can pursue to resolve/relieve your frustration without getting an obligatory pity **** just to keep you quiet. If she isn't willing to be intimate with you, what is she williing to let you do etc. Some might get their back up originally about seeing a therapist but at least its a mediated, controlled environment where you can both talk to each other and get things out that might not otherwise be discussed and/or heard.

Good luck!

Wow highly unusual. Hope it works out, I couldn't imagine not seeing a girl even for a day.

 

[bushbabe]

Hi SK..... would your wife consider having a threesome with a WL who can maybe arouse her with a bit of bi foreplay or some like. There has to be a way as it is not healthy for either of you. Maybe a sexologist may help if she does not want to go down my previous suggestion. Does she like seeing two girls at it on porn movies??

Keep trying mate......... good luck.

 

[pretzel]

You have my sympathy mate. I was in a similar situation unil I gave up and went to a WL. Of course my wife eventually found out and that was it she has slept in a different bedroom since. The thing is I still love her. So our relationship continues but is is non sexual. As I get older I care less and less about thew sex. I still visit WL though.
Good luck

 

[JasRob]

Oh that's really hard...But there can be a sex therapist to help you out..maybe...because to me sex is important in a relationship...if my partner can't keep up with me..then I might find someone else to fill in those missing pieces in our relationship.

 

[rick181au]

Ok,where do I start as this could take some time
I have diagnosed my dear wife as A sexual, meaning she is not intrested in sex at all!! It does not concern her and according to her she can do without it full stop.....
We have been married for 14 years and you might ask did I not know about this before we got married. The answer is, yes, but I was willing to give it a go. We have talked about this, she has tried her best to change but no luck she still see sex as something that must be done to satisfy me or make me happy. I have on numerous occasions mentioned to her that making love to her is like having sex with a sex doll. This might sound to you like I am a dick head but the fact remains she is very seldome "their" when we have sex......
She tells me that one we get to the act of having sex she likes it but her problem is getting there. We have tried everything in the book that I know of but she still struggles to get in the mood. Believe this or not but foreplay does not even do it for her and the best of all is I LOVE TO GIVE FOREPLAY I can spen hours on this I get bloody frustrated just thinking about this.

I help with everything around the house and I mean everything I plan sexual surprise nights but still I get a force f%#k

My question now is as follow, when and where do I draw the line? I feel that it is just a question of time before I make use of a W/L services or screw someone other then my wife.

What is a man to do??

As for "We have been married for 14 years and you might ask did I not know about this before we got married. The answer is, yes, but I was willing to give it a go.

I find it hard to comprehend that!
I have found that most trouble in marriages are because most woman marry a guy hoping to change him, where as most men marry a woman hoping she never changes, "why if sex is so important to you did you marry a woman that was not into sex"?

 

[Smoggy]

Skonsduiker I think many members of this forum can relate to this including myself as I was in the same position. Sex and intimacy is a barometer on the health of a long term relationship. If a couple has similar sexual needs then no problem but if the couple are at opposite ends of the scale there can be major problems. Counselling, romantic settings etc may work for some but if she genuinely doesn't care about sex then it probably isn't going to happen. This creates a dilemma particularly if you love her. Does your commitment to her outweight your sexual needs? This situation may change with time as you may find yourself getting more and more frustrated and you may get angry with her creating more problems.

My advice to you would be as follows:

• DON'T have an affair as it will totally ruin your life in the long run.
• If you need to satisfy your desires outside the relationship visit a reputable establishment or a well known private.
• Remember if you do visit a W/L its addictive and its expensive and there is no turning back.

I went down the W/L track but the relationship just faded to its inevitable conclusion.

 

[homer]

You either punt or make use of Miss Palmer and her 5 lovely friends.

 

[Ginger Spice]

Ok,where do I start as this could take some time
I have diagnosed my dear wife as A sexual, meaning she is not intrested in sex at all!! It does not concern her and according to her she can do without it full stop.....
We have been married for 14 years and you might ask did I not know about this before we got married. The answer is, yes, but I was willing to give it a go. We have talked about this, she has tried her best to change but no luck she still see sex as something that must be done to satisfy me or make me happy. I have on numerous occasions mentioned to her that making love to her is like having sex with a sex doll. This might sound to you like I am a dick head but the fact remains she is very seldome "their" when we have sex......
She tells me that one we get to the act of having sex she likes it but her problem is getting there. We have tried everything in the book that I know of but she still struggles to get in the mood. Believe this or not but foreplay does not even do it for her and the best of all is I LOVE TO GIVE FOREPLAY I can spen hours on this I get bloody frustrated just thinking about this.

I help with everything around the house and I mean everything I plan sexual surprise nights but still I get a force f%#k

My question now is as follow, when and where do I draw the line? I feel that it is just a question of time before I make use of a W/L services or screw someone other then my wife.

What is a man to do??

Have you ever heard of a forced orgasm? Perhaps she needs a little reminder on how great those things are. I had my first orgasm about two months ago. I had to be tied to a bed with a hitachi wand and given it. As i found i jumped when i was close. You never mentioned whether she ever came while having sex. Some of us ladies can't come very easily. So its worth a try. Tie her to the bed and just focus on her with the wand. No pressure for her to do anything with you. Just focus on her

Hope i helped xx

 

[Ginger Spice]

OR!!! have you heard of those WYLD multi vitamins? Get her to take them and you won't be able to get her off you

 

[Langtrees VIP Perth 3]

Seek professional advice. Threatening her with seeing someone else is not the answer.
If it is worth saving work at it xx

 

[Tania Admin]

My poor husband is suffering the other way around,,especially with the weather warming and the sun being out,,I think my whole body is a solar panel for a sex monster...Needless to say NT has been a little tired lately,,,poor thing mwahahaha

 

[Dallas]

I can totally relate to having an asexual partner. My ex was like that for the last 5 years of our relationship - not even a hug. I tried everything to get the relationship back on track but in the end the stress was so great it cost me my job then she left. I had stayed faithful then the week after she'd gone I went straight to Langtrees and overdosed on intimacy, my senses were on fire, every touch that I waited so long for was exquisite and magnified a thousand precent - I sucked it up like a sponge. I feel very sorry of others who are in a situation like I was.

 

[Raye@Langtrees]

Well SK I really feel your frustration, you new this before you married, thinking you could fix problem. Years have gone by to no avail. Was very interested when you stated to wife that you will get it else where.She in return was pissed off, and didnt want you doing this. I find your wife to be very selfish, and cruel. One, she knows you enjoy love making but cant participate fully, two, you are a male and obviously enjoy sexual pleasure, she doesnt give a shit to how you are feeling and thats cruel in a relationship, you should care when a spouse is down, and feeling sad. Mayb come to a place like LTs, its not like you are getting rid of wife, its making you feel whole again sexually.Wife doesnt need to know.

 

[Madam Jacqui]

Or maybe even bring your Wife in for a Threesome and see how she feels about it.........

 

[Al Swearengen]

Yeah I had a similar issue with my ex-wife. I'd lay all the groundwork perfectly & STILL get nowhere at the end of the night.
Ultimatly, it didnt end well.
Good luck!

 

[Langtrees VIP Perth 3]

I bet he is loving every minute of it Tania xx

 

[Tania Admin]

I bet he is loving every minute of it Tania xx

I'm sure he is,,,my poor tired husband lol

 

[bushseeker]

married women not having sex is entirely normal - you should have researched it beforehand
its well documented. maybe join a support group? plenty of men in the same boat

 

[Al Swearengen]

Support groups can be found in your local pub or in sheds across the nation!

 

[Happy2]

Support groups can be found in your local pub or in sheds across the nation!

Sheds maybe Pubs No Pub discussions end up as ridicule Mr Hahn and Mr Toohey are not nice men when when it comes to chatting about things other than Sport or easy women Or Lies There good listeners when Bravado/lies and sexual prowess are the topic

 

[homer]

Or join an orgy group, get the kink on. That'll jump start the engine.