Marriage

[Thatguy]

So I'm trying to figure out why someone would prefer to stay in an unhappy marriage rather than take the chance and find happiness with someone else that they have found they have feelings for?.


I've never been married so have no idea....

 

[asianguy77]

I think it's a case of the fear of the known is better than the unknown. Same applies to people who stay in a job they are unhappy about. The grass may not always be greener on the other side of the fence.

Also get a divorce and she will take you to the cleaners lol

 

[seniorcit]

You might be unhappy generally with the situation but she's still an excellent fuck! What do you do then?

 

[Ms Sue]

The grass is not always greener on the other side.....
​

 

[svengali]

A lot depends on how long the couple have been married.

If it is only a few years and there are no kids to consider then a heart to heart talk, followed, possibly by counselling. If this fails they may decide divorce is the best option because both have plenty of life left to find new partners and that is their choice. After all you only get one life.

If it is an old marriage which has gone stale and lost its spark or if there are kids involved things get a bit more complicated.

Older singles will be less likely to remarry as the pool of potential partners is limited. Also the financial consequences are disastrous for both parties. Once everything is divided up there will, in all probability, be two people late in life starting over with settnig up homes and tryingto establish some sort of retirement funding. Not easy.

As to children, that is a real problem. Shared custody is rarely the best result for either children or adults and we all know the stats on children from "broken homes" and crime. With the best of intentions it is hard to provide the ideal home environment for children in two locations and in this scenario I really believe the parents should try and make it work somehow for the sake of the children.

 

[SAO26.2]

The people I've known who've stayed in bad marriages have done so for simple, but strong, reasons. They felt ashamed and embarrassed with their situation and didn't want to admit that things weren't good, especially to their families and long time friends.

Also, their religious beliefs held that divorce is a sin, so they didn't want to do it. There is still a big negative stigma with divorce where I'm from in America. Getting a divorce can ruin your social standing and some people will ostracize you for it.

 

[Alan Driver VIP Perth]

If you found someone else would you still be happy after the honeymoon period? Try to work things out, talk to each other for the sake of your family and your finances.. You should only look elsewhere if you are being mentaly or physically abused,

 

[estafarr]

If you found someone else would you still be happy after the honeymoon period? Try to work things out, talk to each other for the sake of your family and your finances.. You should only look elsewhere if you are being mentaly or physically abused,

Alan I think some people are always looking elsewhere, they just can't help themselves. Nothing wrong with it unless you marry one and have to learn to live with it, but then it keeps you on your toes knowing that one day you will be history so better enjoy it today....

 

[ChelseaBloom]

If you found someone else would you still be happy after the honeymoon period? Try to work things out, talk to each other for the sake of your family and your finances.. You should only look elsewhere if you are being mentaly or physically abused,

I'm a bit old school, I think that if the couple has made it to the honeymoon period to start with, they shouldn't be looking for someone else. If you love someone genuinely enough to make vowels and commit to spending the rest of your life with them, that you should at least do the loyal thing as to keep each other in the loop about your feelings.

No person or animal should have to experience abuse. That is disgraceful. Thats the point when you know you need to see a marriage counsellor and either overcome it, or move on with life

 

[homer]

Like what they said marriage is like mortgage. And "the word mortgage is a French Law term meaning "death pledge", meaning that the pledge ends (dies) when either the obligation is fulfilled". Hence till death do us apart holds true for some who remain loyal and true to the bastard who they can't stand spending another hour with.

It's definitely a death trap if you haven't found the "One". People should embrace the "If you love them set them free" phrase. It makes sense I suppose, but there's no cure for stubbornness. Why does one want to endure sufferings? That's not living.

 

[Linda]

It is never black and white
there is always reasons for staying
When there are kids involved you should do everything in your power to make it work
i am getting married in June and i would never consider divorce
TO DEATH DO YOU PART
you take the vow! you gotta mean it!

 

[Thatguy]

even if there is psychological abuse involved?

 

[Linda]

even if there is psychological abuse involved?

No of course not but you should try all avenues first
therapy ect.
in some cases especially when kids are involved it can be the better choice to seperate
but it shouldn't be a decision made lightly

 

[Thatguy]

No I agree.. it shouldn't be taken lightly..

but I'm a firm believer that everyone has the right to be happy in their relationships and if it's not possible... why stay and be unhappy...

in this case their is psychological abuse involved in the way she is treated by her husband.. however culturally, therapy etc would not happen.. it's just not "done" in their culture..


I also have to admit some bias though, as I'm the guy on the outside that she's fallen for that is waiting to see what happens..

 

[Linda]

I see make sure you are ready to be the guy that needs to pick up the pieces
that is not a very fun job
good luck to you i hope she makes the right decision
it is definitely a tricky one

 

[Adrianna Lush]

WEll, I'm sitting behind reception writing this and three mature men walk in the door and seriously say, "Look we're not here for commitment".
So weird...I thought parlours were all about commitment!

 

[homer]

I thought customers who walk into LT are mainly committed to pole the booth? It's just like an election.

 

[Sapphire]

You can either stay single and be miserable or get married and wish you were dead....

 

[Dez]

Yep, people have all sorts of reasons for not leaving their marriages. I'm a pretty firm believer that I will not ever get divorced...

I'm too stubborn and he'd never let me anyway

We've been separated before. It could happen again, but I doubt it would be permanent. The only way I'll ever truly leave him is in a body bag...and that's perfectly fine with me, that's why I married him. Because we're committed to the long term picture.

Am I happy in my marriage every day...? probably not in the way it's expected I should be...But I'd never gamble short term unhappiness for the thrill of New Relationship Energy.

 

[Raye@Langtrees]

Couples that play together stay together isn't that how it's supposed to work?....what if the playing has stopped.? .... Communications on intimacy has died a miserable death, The situation becomes very Ma and Pa Kettle. You are like brother and sister now.... Neither person can leave as the finances will drop to fuck all. Also the years you have invested in this relationship, your home, and your friends. Who out there has the logical advise on these grounds. ( asking on behalf of friend)

 

[Dez]

Couples that play together stay together isn't that how it's supposed to work?....what if the playing has stopped.? .... Communications on intimacy has died a miserable death, The situation becomes very Ma and Pa Kettle. You are like brother and sister now.... Neither person can leave as the finances will drop to f**k all. Also the years you have invested in this relationship, your home, and your friends. Who out there has the logical advise on these grounds. ( asking on behalf of friend)

It was for very similar reasons that we separated. It was what we both needed at the time. It worked for us at the time, the kids were young enough that it wasn't too disruptive- I don't think it could work now though because it would splinter our family. Having gone through rough patches makes it easier to identify heading down those bumpy roads again. Sometimes the only thing to do is hold tight and grin and bare the vibrations. It's not easy and sometimes it just F@#king sucks.

Wading through new territory, trying to relearn intimacy is hard when it seems underlying resentment and the fear of failing again can burden re connection. But, for us...that's why that foundation is so important. Going through the motions is tiresome, but doing it with anybody else- it's not a question in my mind that I wouldn't want to be doing this thing called "life" with anybody else. If I thought for a minute he didn't want to stick it out with me, I'd be bailing for sure...I don't give anybody my 100% if they aren't giving me theirs. I'm not going to waste his time, or mine.

Making the romantic relationship a priority in a house pit of finances, family, work and obligations can be a true struggle. There is times when it feels like we have all the time in the world for each other, and then not at all. But we acknowledge that, and just try to keep making it work.