Marriage & Sex Work

[summer]

Sometimes people tend to forget if we did not have brothel's there would be a lot of marriage's split up!
Think about it,here you can come and get your every desire,that maybe you can-not express or open up to with your wife at home!
All girl's have differant way's of doing thing's and differant variety!
Maybe the married gentleman may not getting affection in the way he used to?
Or maybe the couple's love life has come to a stop!
The good thing he know's about coming to these place's is he has no commitment, no tie's he can get his need's met,and then when he leaves he goe's home and the couple continue their life and he still has the bond their with his wife he love's so much!
As well as that it may help him in other way's being able to talk to a stranger, that he know's she does not know all his in's and out's, or he may get the affection that he may have always needed and does not recieve at home!
Without affection after a long period of time your body can feel not wanted, and we all need to feel wanted in our own way's at time's!
I really feel if there was not places for people to go when they are in need, we would have a lot more break-up's and more confliction in the relationship, at least where they cannot get or find what they need they have these place's to go to!
How do you feel and I would love your opinion?

 

[DANNY]

I totally agree with you a lot of men and women do forget the most important rule in any relationship being comunication and not judgemental

 

[sioxie]

Summer i agree but u havnt really said anything abt us women and where we can go if we arent happy in our marriage or relationship.....i mean most places only cater for men. I know there are a few places around offering male escorts but most of them are for gay guys only

On average how many male escorts are there in perth that cater for women only? Does anyone have any idea?

All of us do need love and affection its part of our nature and the physical contact can bring some stress relief!!!!!!! and yes communication is important from both sides of a relationship........its always best to try to talk it over and offer a solution first .......

I am waffling i know but its been a while since i have had sex and im gettin desperate................................ :love76: LOL........

 

[Mary Anne PA]

on average sioxie there is about 4-5, most advertise in the local paper.

 

[sioxie]

Wow serena is that all.......... :sad1:

 

[Mary Anne PA]

yep.. lots ring up asking about it, but they have done no research or anything and mainly young guys thinking they can just get paid for sex like women. there is a lot more in it than that, and knowing how to satisfy women in all ways especially if you cant always get it up on demand..lol

 

[cli-max]

Wouldn't It Be Ideal

HMMMMM, Why do i see flak coming my way - like a big red bus - for this reply! :bom: :violent5:

Yes, wouldn't it be ideal if we could all get our NEEDS met, by simply being open and discussing the PROBLEM with our partner - communicating and understanding.



Like, 'honey you can't get it up or keep it up long enough anymore, so i NEED to go elsewhere to have my NEEDS met.

On the other hand, we could always be dishonest and have our needs met on the side - a sure way to see marriages/partnerships break up!

Sure, there are couples that are ok with their partner getting their NEEDS met elsewhere! And, sure there are those that go ahead anyhow and don't get caught out!

It does seem practical when we talk about it, unless it's .............MY partner.
Either way, that sort of relationship's not for me! :nono:

And affection? comes from the heart. :love9:

That's how i feel, and that's my opinion Summer babe.
xx Max

 

[sioxie]

Max u have put it the way i would have liked to have expressed it

Max i wrote months and months ago abt my ex hubby how we had been married for 15 years then i found out by accident that he was using a perth establishment to fulfill his sexual needs without my knowledge.........to put it simply i was devastated the trust was gone.........if he had been open and discussed it with me or even put some effort into the sexual aspect of our marriage if would have been different but plain and simple he cheated on me ( even though it was an escort service) he lied to me and destroyed our marriage vows.......it was never the same after that.......

Its all too simple to look at sex as a need thats fine if u are single and have no committments i can have sex with someone and know as long as they are are open and honest abt it with their partner that i am not hurting anyone....... i esp enjoy fulfilling married couples fantasies re the bi girl thing......as long as both parties consent and they tell me so i am happy to oblige......but if there is a problem in a long term relationship it needs to b addressed and discussed and well if there is no solution my advice is to get out of there......better to b single and happy than trapped and unhappy........

 

[cli-max]

I Hear You Girlfriend!

I hear you Sioxie!

When you're in a new relationship, and he/she just wants to be together all the time, there doesn't seem to be any NEEDS that are missed out on.
Something LACKING in the bedroom later, is just a crock i say! :dontknow:

I honestly don't believe that 'man' was created in such a way as to be monogomous. As i said before - our creator had a devil of a sense of humour :evil4:

To say he/she has got lazy in bed - not adventurous anymore - the urgency isn't there to rip each others clothes off, is just another way of saying 'i'm tired of the same routine with the same person, i have NEEDS!

Now, GENERALLY you won't be told that, because after all 'i didn't want to hurt your feelings' ( although it rips your gutz out when you find your partner has met the NEEDS elsewhere )
Translated it means 'but i didn't want YOU to sleep with someone else TOO - and after all - there's nothing wrong with ME in bed' :la:

It's a shame that the 'goosebump/roses and chocolate' stage goes out of any long term relationship, because it's not NEW anymore. ( keep opening the same gift when re-wrapped, it's not as exciting ) But that's life!
Hopefully by then, the relationship has grown and risen above the crutch. :love9: With comunication, a little imagination goes a long way in the cot.

As for Me? I've kissed a lot of frogs, but never found my prince.
But i still wouldn't let past deceptions and hurts scare me off - just more careful.

 

[Floyd]

Wish there was a "big red bus" icon!

Tough one this.

I can totally understand your points of view and respect your rules Max & Sioxie as you've applied them to yourselves - but should they apply to everyone? Do you know everyone else's situation? Should we judge others by our owns standards?

Personally, I agree with you Max re monogomy and the passion thing NEVER lasting in a long term relationship. So then - why are we told from an early age that that is the relationship ideal? Are there no Princes? No fairytales?

With respect...

just another Frog
xox

 

[sioxie]

Floyd i guess im just old fashioned......( dont read that as old hahahhaha) and i have no problems with the sex industry as i have worked in it myself......but i think that in alot of cases its a quick fix solution to go have a bit on the side without addressing the real problem.......I speak to many men who use sex workers/have affairs and when i talk to them find that the real problem at home is lack of communication with the partner. They havnt even broached the subject of trying new things, or trying to spice up the relationship. They just say she doesnt understand and then think its ok to go have sex with another person and that the situation at home seems to justify their behaviour...... (this applies to women as well not just men i might add im not just stereotyping men here).

What i was suggesting was that if u are in a relationship where ur sexual or emotional needs are not being met first try to DO SOMETHING abt it......talk to ur partner then if that gets u nowhere then u may consider other alternatives........thats just my view as u said floyd we all have differtnt backgrounds and outlooks on life and thats ok but i think if u deliberately set out to hurt someone or know that u are going to hurt someone well thats not a good thing in any relationship

 

[Oscar]

:BangHead: :icon_tong NO BIG RED BUSSES IN emoticons!YOU"RE SAFE!!PHEW! :angel12:

 

[cli-max]

Well, There's No Big Red Bus Icon!!!!!!

FLOYD - MATE : BARLEEZ!

At the tail end of Summer's thread she asked:
How do YOU feel, and i would love YOUR opinion?

At the tail end of my reply i said:
That's how I feel, and that's MY opinion.

YOU'RE questions are - to Max and Sioxie:
1. Q. Should our point of view and 'rules' apply to everyone Answer= No!
2. Q. Do we know everyone elses situation? Answer= No!
3. Q. Should we judge others by our OWN standards? Answer =No!

Floyd - MATE, You wish there WAS a big red bus icon? :ky:
What ARE you jumping up and down about? :blob5:
Your questions are bordering on argumentive bloke!
YOU have opportunity to reply to Summer's thread, no-one has answered FOR you.
In fact, i hope that you do, i would be interested in YOUR point of view.
Why are we told from an early age that this is the relationship ideal? :dontknow:
Answer: Probably because it WOULD be IDEAL, so would winning Lotto. :laughing5

xx

 

[cli-max]

Yeah Phew!

Yeah, good on ya Oscaaaaaaar! :ky: Ha Ha

And I love YOU too! :lovestory

 

[cli-max]

Hmmmmm Not Very Constructive

Awww c'mon Floyd babe, i'm not REALLY biting ya head off :ky:
I 'spose i should be a little more constructive in my scribbles.

Aha! That's my next thread then: THE DO'S & DON'TS FOR LONGER LASTING PASSION IN A RELATIONSHIP :read2:

Care to contribute ideas anyone?
See you there.

 

[Floyd]

Devil's Advocate

Thank you Ladies for your constructive comments (I mean that Max!). My apologies if you thought I was having a personal crack at you - I wasn't, nor was I seeking to invalidate your personal opinions. I was merely disagreeing with a couple of points on how those opinions applied to others.

And, in principle I agree with your views, I just (TRY) not to judge other peoples behaviour without first understanding.

I'll add two things, which are my opinion only:
1. I don't believe a good/bad sex life is the only reason why a relationship should work. I think there are lots of factors that should be considered.

2. Sioxie's comment about communication is spot on. Infidelity is usually the "symptom" of a larger issue and not the root cause (pun intended :love76: )

 

[cli-max]

Spot On!

Ha Ha - Devils advocate :evil4:

I couldn't agree with you more Floyd!
I had been tempted to re-open old wounds - that had led to the eventual non existant passion in the marriage, as an example of what can sour a relationship. I put the brakes on instead! :nono: ( smart girl )
I'm known to write a book as it is, ha ha :read2:

Maybe that's YOUR next thread Floyd?
xx Maxwell Smart

 

[hilly]

smart girl

:angel1:


Look out floyd she is good at reading between the lines,
Very smart young lady and I mean that in a nice way.
And she has a lot of passion in what she want to do ,
So whats up next"? ---hilly--- :hello:

 

[cli-max]

YOUNG lady

Well, i've been called a lot of things in my time, but not young lady in a l-o-n-g time. So thank you kind sir. :notworthy
xx :angel1:

 

[Geneva]

It's a Battle

Have to agree with Sioxie. I found out by accident that my husband had been using working ladies for his sexual needs and was devastated. Have posted before so won't go into the sordid details. We are still together but the trust has gone and some days are a battle to get thru. I have periods when I can hold it together then something snaps inside and I'm back to the quivering wreck I was when I first found out. I have to take some off the blame as our sex life had gone stale but feel if it had got that bad he should of discussed it with me so I at least had a chance to save our marriage. I know he loves me and never probably stopped loving me bit that doesn't help the pictures I have in my mind of him naked with someone else. I mostly wish I had the guts to leave him when I found out but after being with someone for 30 years it is hard so I battle on hoping one day I will be able to forget and live the happy life I thought we had before.

 

[eunuch_junkie]

The person and the sexual person

Hi,
After being married for 21 years and having a swing experience with
another male and my wife, that didn't go to plan, trying to remove
images from your mind is difficult, but seeing someone else with your
partner, brings the emotions of jealousy and betrayal.
However, we have approached the problem, by seeing each other as people
with minds and feelings, YET we are human beings with needs.
So it was not the intercourse that would bother me, but the lack of trust or honesty
that would be an issue.
I would rather my wife (or in your case - husband) said that sex was not that grest and
his/her needs were not being met.
DO YOU throw away 30+ years of marriage because of a physical need???
If he has been with you 30 years, then you are the person who he has bonded to
and feels most comfortable with....
Women and men sometimes, see the other partner as walking genitals and
not as a person.
Each of us, should try to fulfill our partners needs, and since when was there
ever anything such as a "normal" or "conventional" marriage.
The best marriages that work are the oddest and flexible ones...
Yes, we are going to try a female/female & me, as my wife understands my
needs and its something she wants to do to help me in my walk thru life..
Forgive your husband and look past the grief and see his needs, only you as the
woman of 30 years of his life can help him move on.

 

[MrMrM]

Some of my thoughts and opinions.

My girlfriend has started working in the industry recently and we have both had experiences with other people, including sex workers during our time together. To us a relationship is about honesty and love and that is really the only thing. We talk about our fantasies regularly I have always been a very sexual person and enjoy giving and receiving pleasure and trying new things with new people. In our relationship I have just treated that as an aspect of our character that I have tried to share with her. Initially she found that weird and rebelled against it as it does not fit in with the holywood style normal lives that are presented on TV (a set of values that neither of us believe are true to human needs and we dont beleive bring happiness in life). I think that she is really enjoying her job and really likes to make guys feel good about themselves and bring them pleasure and she has had a lot of pleasure in doing so, it also gives her an oportunity to work and still spend time with our kids and give us some money to get somewhere in life. I am also interested in working in the industry (as an escort for females) and have been thinking through it for a long time at the moment there are some complications though that we are not sure about at the moment as there isn't really a simple option like working in a nicely setup establishment like langtrees.

I think sex with escorts is much easyer for married couples to enjoy without complications(as compared to picking someone up at a pub or on a dating service) If I go to an escort I don't have to give her personal details and worry about her developing a non-proffessional attraction for me and causing complications in my life or relationship so my girlfriend is comfortable with it. Likewise I am not worried about her having sex with clients as I don't have the fear of people knowing our personal details and trying to push into our relationship if they develop feelings for her.

So yes I think escort services can have very possitive effects for relationships where one or both partners are interested in extra marital sexual fun. I do believe though that this would be most optimal if the partners were able to honestly and openly share this experience with each other.

These are just my thoughts based on my unique values and life experiences. I have just put them out as I like to read other peoples ideas to help me work through my own world veiws. I don't expect others to fit to the way I see the world and are interested to here what there veiws are.

(sory for being so long winded)

 

[Blaine]

... better to be single and happy than trapped and unhappy ... truer words were never spoken, sioxie ...

... and deception - whether single, partnered or married - is a knife which disembowels trust ...

 

[Rhett and Scarlett]

I found my Prince........ sorry to break the illusion that it never happens(took me 39 years to find him lol):icon_king Fairytales do happen and I truely believe that the passion can live forever so long as you both put in the effort

 

[Whitefox]

Have to agree totally with the idea that both need to put the effort into a relationship and be honest with each other.
We have had a variety of ups and downs but as someone told me the bumps are what you climb on.
If you continue to go around the bumps or ignore them you never manage to go up the hill. This applies to relationships if you ignore problems and don't discuss them then you can never conquer them or work them out.
Relationships are the hardest work of all but also the most rewarding, so if you can put 100% into your work how much more can you put into keeping your relationship alive with the one love.

 

[swingingstories]

Hi All,

This is a great thread and although relating to sex workers, it's really about relationships.

I don't care whether you are having sex with someone you work with, a one night stand with a stranger, or visiting a sex worker, if it's behind your partners back then it IS a breach of trust. My definition of cheating is: Anything you wouldn't do with your partner standing right next to you.

I was raised in a very conservative religious household where you did not have sex before marriage and once married, that's it FOR LIFE. I married very young, was a virgin on my wedding night and was married for almost 18 years. My sex life was not great, sporadic at best and I didn't see myself as a sexual being.

Once the marriage broke down I thought that was it for me. No-one would want old, fat, boring me. Then I met this man. Hot, younger than me, spiritually alive and exceptionally well hung. Surprise surprise, I discovered what all the fuss was about. Not that I hadn't had orgasms before but now I GOT IT.

We are now married and our sex life is very good. However our sex drives do not always match up (I think I'm trying to make up for lost time), so we have worked on our relationship in all areas and guess what, we're having more and more sex. YAY for me.

However, I still felt very under-experienced as at the age of 41 had only ever slept with two men. During some earlier chemically enhanced experiences hubby and I had had some very light fooling around with other people and this led us to discuss the idea of swinging. But we didn't just rush in and go "what the heck". We did something really left of centre, we talked. And talked. And talked.

Finally three years later, with both of us in the curious but cautious mind set we decided to go to LP's. Guess what, we loved it. Not just the sexually charged environment, but the relaxed and adult atmosphere, where we can socialise and dress up and flirt. We visited several times, again with tiny amounts of fondling going on, and then decided to throw caution to the wind.

We have now had two amazing full swinging experiences, each time pushing our personal boundaries just a little further. This has been a learning experience for both of us.

Anyone who tells you that swinging makes their relationship better is kidding themselves, and in my opinion, doing it for the wrong reasons. However our experiences have highlighted just how good our relationship already is. I am amazed at times by how well and how deeply my husband knows and understands me.

I know you probably didn't really want whole life stories, but the upshot is: communication and trust are the bedrock of a mature and stable relationship, fulfilling on all levels. No matter what experiences we have or who we invite to share them, we are never in doubt that it is all about us as a couple.

I don't think we'll be swinging permanently and perpetually, but it's fun right now. However I plan to be shagging my man 'til they take me out feet first (in a kick ass pair of heels).

True romance does last, but you should never take it for granted. Why just decide your needs aren't being met and go shag someone else (paid or not)? Could it be that the individual concerned is selfishly failing to consider that their partner may also have needs that are so far unmet. See, this is where that crazy talking thing can really help. If it is approached in a loving "let's work this out together" kind of way then amazing results can be achieved.

Before you all start yelling, "what if he/she won't work on it"? Then you have more problems in your relationship than just the sexual ones. Why settle for second best. You can have it all, I have. It just took me 36 years to find it.

Sex workers, outside relationships, casual sex, swinging, internet porn, wanking yourself stupid, open relationships - I say whatever floats your boat, just be upfront. Don't hide it, it's selfish and unloving.

Start yelling at me now,
swingingstories
:violent5:

 

[SubNymphet]

very well put everyone! i agree with most of the comments on this board! although my husband didnt go to an escort, he still cheated on me...

and the act of being with someone else (purely for the sex) i have forgiven and more or less forgotten...

but the fact that he wasnt able to discuss how he was feeling (and trust me when i say i definatly was NOT ignoring him in the bedroom!!) I just cannot get over... every fight we have always leads back to him lying to me, i just cant help it!

That leads me to the question that links my rambling back to the topic of escorts

if he had of gone to a w/l would that have changed how i felt? i really dont think it would have as LYING is still lying...

granted, i wouldnt have had to worry about the whole pregancy scare that meant i had to actually meet the stupid cow...

and i also wouldnt had to have stressed about std's for weeks (meaning i didnt get to have sex for weeks after the whole issue!) seeing as he DIDNT use a condom! IDIOT!

hmmm well i think we would still have the same trust isses (4 years and a wedding later) same arguements...

one good thing that came out of it though, at least we talk about our relationship now, we came to an agreement that if either of us were unhappy we would talk about going elsewhere (which is why im on this board and he knows!)

oh yeah, and i dont think he would DARE lie to me again... hehehe oh the joys of being an evil bitch! lol

anyway, back to the kitchen, my cake should be cooked by now... yummy marble mudcake! mmmmmmm hehehe.. damnit have to wait to taste it till 2mrw!

 

[swingingstories]

Dear SubNymphet,

I totally agree with you about the lying. One thing I left out of my previous post was that my first husband cheated on me, however he never had sex with her. You see he formed an intimate friendship where he expressed his inner feelings about life, himself, his work and yes, his marriage, with another woman at his work.

You may say, but surely he is allowed to have female friends? Of course, however he was not allowed to give her his intimate thoughts, when he was refusing/incapable of communicating openly with me, despite me begging, pleading, cajoling, trying everything I knew how. And he lied to me about his whereabouts when meeting her for walks in the park etc.

If you have to lie, or hide your behaviour, it's cheating.

Love
swingingstories

 

[P.I.B]

This is one of those things that is , I think, summed up on one question in a relationship:

"Are you, and can you, be yourself in your relationship?"

If you can honestly answer 'yes', and honestly say your partner is free to be his/her self too- you have done a bloody good job at working it from both sides.

Take out the deception, unrequited needs, etc, etc and base it all on that one question- 'are you free to be you?' whatever that is, and I think if you and your partner can answer positively- you are LUCKY!!

And from a woman's point of view, I have been jealous, I have been insecure, I have been scared... I finally realised I trusted him, he trusts me, we swing and love it.

I have never felt more free in my life!!

 

[Mrs Langtrees]

Swinging Stories post about trust caught my eye. I know of many wives that are happy for their husbands to visit working ladies. These same woman do not want to know about it, they just prefer he uses sex workers rather than starting a affair.