just for a giggle

[WoodyWil]

an Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blistery day.

the daughter said to her mother
my hand are freezing cold

the mother replied
put them between your legs and your body heat will warm them up

the daughter did and her hands warmed up

the next day the daughter was riding with her boyfriend who said

my hands are freezing cold

the girl replied
put them between my legs and the warmth of my body will warm them up

he did and warmed his hands

the following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter

he said
my nose is cold

the girl replied
out it between my legs the warmth of my body will warm it up

he did and warmed his nose

the day after the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter and he said
my penis is frozen solid
.............
the next day the daughter was in the buggy with her mother again

and she asks
have you ever heard of a penis

concerned the mother said
why yes .....why do you ask

the daughter replies
they make one hell of a mess when they defost don't they !!!!

 

[WoodyWil]

Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side
when I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my trousers, he said.
I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on. when she did, they were enormous on her and she told me that she couldn't possibly wear them, as they were to large.
I told her of course there to big . I Wear the trousers in this family and I always will.
ever since that day, we have never had a single problem.
jack took his father's advice and as soon as he got Jill alone after the wedding, he did the same thing; took off his trousers, gave them to Jill and told her to put them on.
Jill said that the trousers were too big and she couldn't possibly wear them.
exactly. replied jack. I Wear the trousers in this relationship and I always will. I don't want you to forget that.
Jill paused and removed her knickers and gave them to jack. try these on, she said, so he tried them on but they were to small.
I can't possibly get into your knickers, said Jack.
Exactly. replied Jill.
and if you don't change your attitude,
you never will.

 

[WoodyWil]

a crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls upto a tavern in the middle of nowhere, parks his bike and walks inside

as he passes through the swinging doors, he sees a sign hanging over the door

cold beer : $2.00
hamburger : $2.25
cheeseburger : $2.50
chicken sandwich : $3.50
hand job : $50.00

checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old biker walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers

she slides down behind the bar to the old biker
"yes" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile "may I help you"

the old biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he whispers " are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

she looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "why yes, yes I sure am.

the old biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly,
" well wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger ......

 

[WoodyWil]

a woman walks into her accountants office and tells him she needs to file her taxes.
The accountant says,' Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions.'
He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks,
what is your occupation?
the woman replies, 'I'm a whore. '
The accountant balks and says , no, no, no.
That will not work. That is much to crass. Let's try to rephrase that.
The woman said Ok, I'm a prostitute.
No that is still too crude. Try again.
They both think for a minute, then the woman states, I'm a chicken farmer.
The accountant asks, what does a chicken farming have to do with being a whore or prostitute?
well, I raised over 1000 cock last year.

 

[Happy2]

Not a joke But jeez when I have a beer in one hand a pie in the other And for some unbeknown reason have my trousers around my ankles I wish I had this skill

 

[Sir Cruiser]

A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.

After having great sex she spent the next hour

Just rubbing his balls because it was something she just

loved to do.

As he was enjoying it, he turned to her and asked her,

“Why do you love doing that”

“Because” she replied

“I really miss mine”

 

[WoodyWil]

the young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20.00 for there first love-making encounter. in his highly aroused state, he ready agreed. This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, him thinking it was a cute way for her to buy new clothes, etc.
arriving home around non one day, she found her husband in a very drunken state. over the next few minutes she heard of the ravages of financial ruin caused by corporate downsizing and it's effects on a 50 year old executive.
Calmly, she handed him a bank book showing deposits and interests for 12 years totalling nearly $1 million dollars. Pointing across the parking lot she gestured toward the local bank while handing him stock certificates worth nearly $2 million dollars and informing him that he was the largest stockbroker in the bank. She told him that for 30 years she had charged him each time they had sex , and this was the result of her investments.
By now he was distraught and beating his head gains the side of the car. She asked him why the disappointment at such good news and he replied " If I had known what you were doing, I would have given you all my business! "