Joke of the Day

[Larry83]

Saw this today and loved it.
Enjoy

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening,
when the misses felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.
He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.

Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.
As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, 'Honey, that was wonderful.

Why did you stop?'
' I found the remote,' he mumbled.

 

[princesssuzie]

That's really cool, thanks Larry.

 

[princesssuzie]

Previous Joke Resurrected

My daughter came home from school one day,
with a smirk upon her face.
She decided she was smart enough,
to put me in my place.

Guess what I learned in High School,
that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today,
The "children's Bill of Rights."

It says I need no clean my room,
don't have to cut my hair.
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.

I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head,
and I sure don't have to pray.

I can wear earrings if I want,
and pierce my tongue and nose.
I can read and watch just what I like,
get tattoos from head to toe.

And if you ever smack me,
I'll charge you with a crime.
I'll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.

Don't you ever touch me,
my body's only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.

Don't preach about your morals,
like your Mum did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
And it's illegal too!

Mum, I have these children's rights,
so you can't influence me,
Or I'll call Children's Services Division,
better known as C.S.D.

Of course my first instinct was
To toss her out the door.
But the chance to teach her a lesson
made me think a little more.

I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face,
she's messing with a pro.

Next day I took her shopping
At the local Good Sammy store.
I told her "Pick out all you want,
there's skirts, dresses galore.

I've called and checked with C.S.D.
Who said they didn't care
If I bought you K-Mart shoes
instead of those Nike Airs.

I've cancelled that appointment
to take your driver's test.
The C.S.D. is unconcerned
so I'll decide what's best.

I said "No time to stop and eat,
or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
to make your own school lunch.

Just save the raging appetite,
and wait till dinner time.
We're having lambs fry and onions
A favourite of mine!

She asked "Can I please rent a movie,
to watch on my VCR?"
"Sorry, But I sold your TV,
for new tyres for my car."

I also rented out your room,
you'll take the lounge instead.
The C.S.D. requires just
a roof over your head.

You're clothing won't be trendy now,
I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
will buy me something neat.

I'm selling off your bike and roller blades.
Check out the 'Parents Bill of Rights,"
It's in effect today!

Hey hot shot, are you crying,
why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
instead of C.S.D..?


Hope u like this one...lol

 

[Malmensa]

Why did Jesus die on the cross?

He forgot the safe word....

 

[Spunkymunky]

As a teacher i love yours slavegirl!! And Malmensa......hehe funny