- Points
- 56
Please excuse the lack of paragraphing. Androids are not the best with word processing. And using mobile devices here is a tad awkward.
A past affection (not very deep) is seeking advice while hoping to hear me say what she wants to hear. I'll tell her story. Then I will share some of my past that demonstrates why and how I understand her story. Then I will end this post with a question.Here is a 29 year old girl who hooked up with a 20 year old boy. No problems there. They were into each other in a big way and all was well.
For 9 months noone hears from them. Lately I get random messages of distress from the girl about her growing anger, fear and insecurity. She shared that when she and her boy met he already has a long term girlfriend back home. But.....the love is gone and he wants to break up. Just not yet because it might hurt her too much. so he had to be given time. Once in a while she would send me messages when she was overwhelmed from knowing that she was the third wheel. She told me they would often fight about this which results in an ultimatum of her boy handing her the phone and telling her to call his long term girlfriend and break the news herself if it was that important to her. To which she back down with her tail between her legs. Months grind on and I get these calls and messages once in a while telling the same stories but with no intentions to rectify anything. As a friend I just listened. I have learned by now that most women just wanna have a whinge but does not want any solutions. This morning I get a message at 5.30 am asking me to put her up for a couple of days as she wants to leave him and she has nowhere to go. She showed me that in this time she was so fixated on doing as he pleased she had noone to turn to as noone else was in her life anymore. I asked why........she said she had a look at his phone and he and his real girlfriend are clearly not going to break up.I gently told her to stop being dramatic as she has always known that and put up with it. And that you'll change your mind in 2 hours. I left it like that.This afternoon shes talking to me again. As expected justifying anyway she can that she should stay with him and then calling herself a loser.....etc. I listened and listened. And eventually expressed that look its your choice. You have the answer. But I can share something with you. And see if you get anything out of it. Before I did though I did have to make clear that what this girl and I had before is in the past. I did not tell her this part but I have lost my respect for her while watching her put herself through this. Yet I cared like I care for people.Here's the part where I told her why I may understand where I am coming from........Not long ago I myself was very addicted to a very toxic and destructive relationship. It left me in the worst state that a man can inflict on himself. It was my choice at the time and I blame noone. What made me feel better was seeing girls on the side. Not one.....but 3 non wl. To 2 of them I told them I have a partner and nothing would eventuate relationship wise so take it or leave it. To the other I simply just lied. They took away the pain and loneliness and betrayal from my partner that I placed as number one. I treated these 3 girls like queens when I was with them. And used the power of words to keep them intrigued. Needless to say I hurt all 3 of them quite deeply and they are no longer in my life. That is my own doing. And I will never treat another like that.But back to the story..... I told my troubled friend that I understand why her boy may be this. Perhaps he is lonely and really misses his true love. But in the mean time here is a very attractive girl that tends to his every need from sex to snacks and is totally into him. And even buys his stories. That is very addictive. I'm sure he cares for his girl companion at many levels. Just like how I liked those 3 extra girlfriends on the side very much because they were beautiful people. But most of all they were very good for me and looked after my every need and took away all the pain temporarily. But when it came to a choice between my one and only. They were just extras that served a purpose. I know that if I truly felt the big L word for any of them I would let go of my partner at the time and gave myself to one of them.I only told my distressed friend the story to illustrate that these situations are not planned. But they do happen and get out of hand. And fear of loss turns to selfishness. I did not tell her what to do as she was still justifying how he is good in some ways and appreciated that he shows rage when he is jealous. Frankly. .... it's for her to work out. She ain't gonna hear shit until shes ready to hear anything. Even if I was wanting to say something I wouldn't quite know what to say. I discipline myself to not think or stress myself over other people's matterd. Yet I care. But hey...... her journey is for her to discover. Anyone open to giving their point of view. Particularly any ladies that can offer anything for my learning sake? --Sent from Fast notepadSent from my smartphone on the new Vodafone network
A past affection (not very deep) is seeking advice while hoping to hear me say what she wants to hear. I'll tell her story. Then I will share some of my past that demonstrates why and how I understand her story. Then I will end this post with a question.Here is a 29 year old girl who hooked up with a 20 year old boy. No problems there. They were into each other in a big way and all was well.
For 9 months noone hears from them. Lately I get random messages of distress from the girl about her growing anger, fear and insecurity. She shared that when she and her boy met he already has a long term girlfriend back home. But.....the love is gone and he wants to break up. Just not yet because it might hurt her too much. so he had to be given time. Once in a while she would send me messages when she was overwhelmed from knowing that she was the third wheel. She told me they would often fight about this which results in an ultimatum of her boy handing her the phone and telling her to call his long term girlfriend and break the news herself if it was that important to her. To which she back down with her tail between her legs. Months grind on and I get these calls and messages once in a while telling the same stories but with no intentions to rectify anything. As a friend I just listened. I have learned by now that most women just wanna have a whinge but does not want any solutions. This morning I get a message at 5.30 am asking me to put her up for a couple of days as she wants to leave him and she has nowhere to go. She showed me that in this time she was so fixated on doing as he pleased she had noone to turn to as noone else was in her life anymore. I asked why........she said she had a look at his phone and he and his real girlfriend are clearly not going to break up.I gently told her to stop being dramatic as she has always known that and put up with it. And that you'll change your mind in 2 hours. I left it like that.This afternoon shes talking to me again. As expected justifying anyway she can that she should stay with him and then calling herself a loser.....etc. I listened and listened. And eventually expressed that look its your choice. You have the answer. But I can share something with you. And see if you get anything out of it. Before I did though I did have to make clear that what this girl and I had before is in the past. I did not tell her this part but I have lost my respect for her while watching her put herself through this. Yet I cared like I care for people.Here's the part where I told her why I may understand where I am coming from........Not long ago I myself was very addicted to a very toxic and destructive relationship. It left me in the worst state that a man can inflict on himself. It was my choice at the time and I blame noone. What made me feel better was seeing girls on the side. Not one.....but 3 non wl. To 2 of them I told them I have a partner and nothing would eventuate relationship wise so take it or leave it. To the other I simply just lied. They took away the pain and loneliness and betrayal from my partner that I placed as number one. I treated these 3 girls like queens when I was with them. And used the power of words to keep them intrigued. Needless to say I hurt all 3 of them quite deeply and they are no longer in my life. That is my own doing. And I will never treat another like that.But back to the story..... I told my troubled friend that I understand why her boy may be this. Perhaps he is lonely and really misses his true love. But in the mean time here is a very attractive girl that tends to his every need from sex to snacks and is totally into him. And even buys his stories. That is very addictive. I'm sure he cares for his girl companion at many levels. Just like how I liked those 3 extra girlfriends on the side very much because they were beautiful people. But most of all they were very good for me and looked after my every need and took away all the pain temporarily. But when it came to a choice between my one and only. They were just extras that served a purpose. I know that if I truly felt the big L word for any of them I would let go of my partner at the time and gave myself to one of them.I only told my distressed friend the story to illustrate that these situations are not planned. But they do happen and get out of hand. And fear of loss turns to selfishness. I did not tell her what to do as she was still justifying how he is good in some ways and appreciated that he shows rage when he is jealous. Frankly. .... it's for her to work out. She ain't gonna hear shit until shes ready to hear anything. Even if I was wanting to say something I wouldn't quite know what to say. I discipline myself to not think or stress myself over other people's matterd. Yet I care. But hey...... her journey is for her to discover. Anyone open to giving their point of view. Particularly any ladies that can offer anything for my learning sake? --Sent from Fast notepadSent from my smartphone on the new Vodafone network
