How friends treat you......

[Raye@Langtrees]

You were close once....still are to a certain degree, you don't spend that much quality time together any more....you're not that interesting..... But you see each other all the time. You used to have intimate discussions on lots of things, but not much theses days.
Other friends capture there time now, wether it's coffee or a meal. Glad to see your friend laugh but it's not with you....it's with others. You do your best, to make things livable and nice, but your not appreciated and are never thanked...it's just expected.
Other friends whom your friends with as well, are more up on the play than you...they let you no every now and again what's the latest. You seem to be out of the loop.... How does one handle more than one friend of the best friend they've had. How things change, has this happened to you? Can you have several friends and treat them all differently ?

 

[DDxoxo]

I understand completely what you are saying .... Sometime it's the people that you are closest to you can not tell your deepest problems ( like your family & your best friends) as you feel they will judge you ... After all it's the people closest to you that are of your harshest critics .....

You can only hope they can understand you wanting to still look capable in their eyes !!!

 

[Madam Tracey]

Sometimes life gets in the way of friendships.People move in different directions and make different connections.
It does not mean they love you any less. Its like eating the same food every day sometimes you need a change.
People are in a constant state of motion....nothing stays the same forever. Thats a good thing!

 

[Master Yoda]

Sometimes life gets in the way of friendships.People move in different directions and make different connections.
It does not mean they love you any less. Its like eating the same food every day sometimes you need a change.
People are in a constant state of motion....nothing stays the same forever. Thats a good thing!

Agreed..........people change...it's the inevitable constant. For the better or for the worse is the variable.

 

[DDxoxo]

As I have said before sometimes friends are so critical of what they perceive are standards that are less than their standards ....

For this reason I have consciously decided not to share too much with any friends any more !!
As again I have heard how someone I love dearly has slammed me !!

Ahhhhhh LIFE .... How you tax me with your lessons !!!!

 

[Thatguy]

I feel ya DD..

My apparent 'best friend' just told me that we have to go our separate ways as there are feelings involved and she needs space...

Weird.. cus when i said i needed space for the same reason all i was doing was hurting her by saying it.. but now she needs space we have to do it..

 

[sparky]

Know exactly what ur saying there TG
Just let her have her way and think she ended it on her terms if it makes them feel better
No harm done if you wanted it over too
Had exact thing done dragged back in when i thought it was over only to be let go again

 

[Adrianna Lush]

I hear ya Raye
I seem to forget that people grow at different paces. And sometimes within the relationship they grow separately and struggle to maintain what the friendship used to be.

 

[Raye@Langtrees]

Thank you Adrianna
Life is complicated as it is to have to be on egg shells with your friendships. .
And to you as well DD I hope you were able to sit down with your so called friend and let them no exactly how
you feel about them and what they have lost in a good friend such as your self. Always a sense of relief to unleash
all that garbage, I say. I had a very close friend of 18 yrs, that did the unspeakable, and I had to erase all the years, it was hard at first but its been 13yrs now. I dont miss the past.

 

[DDxoxo]

Those who know me know my character, I am not confrontational ....
I just won't be so open with my feelings from now on...

 

[Dez]

I've had to temporarily withdraw contact from friends over the years, to allow for growing room and to distance myself from toxic situations. It's always a difficult process to begin, and it some cases ensues a "mourning" of the friendship that was. But in most cases it has helped and allowed healing from broke trusts. Some friendships never repair all the way but instead make room for new friendships to have a chance to build. I don't make an effort to invest in new people very often as I'm quite happy with the life I have. But as I touched on in another thread sometimes changes makes for uneven footing between friends and makes it difficult to connect without a bit of guilt or resentment. All a part of growing and growing up and sometimes growing apart.

Two things have really impacted my friendships- 1- getting sober 2- entering a 24/7 bdsm relationship.
Those that mattered stayed and those that didn't strayed.

 

[sunyun]

You were close once....still are to a certain degree, you don't spend that much quality time together any more....you're not that interesting..... But you see each other all the time. You used to have intimate discussions on lots of things, but not much theses days.
Other friends capture there time now, wether it's coffee or a meal. Glad to see your friend laugh but it's not with you....it's with others. You do your best, to make things livable and nice, but your not appreciated and are never thanked...it's just expected.
Other friends whom your friends with as well, are more up on the play than you...they let you no every now and again what's the latest. You seem to be out of the loop.... How does one handle more than one friend of the best friend they've had. How things change, has this happened to you? Can you have several friends and threat them all differently ?

Without knowing the whole story, it sounds like it is time to gently move on with your life and find new friends - your old friend already has !

I say, 'gently', as you don't want to cause a problem and/or lose a friend who may not even know how you feel, but if you start new friendships and move on, your old friend may feel relieved that you have moved on, or he/she may suddenly realise that they are in danger of losing the closeness that you both once had, and start putting in their fair share of effort into the relationship.

If they have really mentally left, then you have nothing to lose. If not, then you have everything to gain !

Cheers.

 

[Raye@Langtrees]

Thank you sunyun.... Definitely some sound advice to mull over I do appreciate your reply...

 

[Ms Sue]

I lost my friend ship of over 30 years over a job and it was one of the worst mistakes I have made in my life ....
If I could take it back I would....
I was the one that was critical and expected my friend to change and become like me at work and that just wasn't her....
My biggest mistake was putting my expectation of how my friend did her job...

 

[Master Yoda]

How one is treated by friends........there is no more perfect reflection of how one treats others.

 

[DDxoxo]

Exactly

How one is treated by friends........there is no more perfect reflection of how one treats others.

 

[Thatguy]

I'm currently having an issue with a "friend" in that we don't know what do to about our friendship that will give us the best chance to stay friends and be the kind of friends we want.

Unfortunately there are strong romantic feelings involved and we started out that way rather than just as friends, and it ended up with us having a short affair behind her husbands back.

However now we want to maintain the friendship because we are close and get along very well, and we are there for each other all the time, but the feelings are still in the way abit and it's causing tensions.. so we don't know what to do.. we keep bouncing between being ok and talking and being fine, to wanting space and time, the problem is we want them at different times..

I want space, she doesn't... then she wants it and I don't..

All we know is we don't want to say goodbye completely because we know there is an amazing friendship here..

 

[DDxoxo]

All we know is we don't want to say goodbye completely because we know there is an amazing friendship here..

One day at a time ........