Guilty Sex:

[Bluegrass9]

I have been chatting away to those I meet and found that many men/ladies have sex other than their partner but feel guilty. But they keep on doing it!

I admit I do not as to me it is just sexual relief. I also do not feel guilty when I take out my penis and have a pee.

So are any in here brave enough to make a comment on guilty sex? Or maybe you can comment on someone you know and how they feel about it.

:walk:

 

[Sir Stefan]

Had lots of sexual encounters outside my relationships... never felt guilty...only satisfied!

 

[Curious1]

Been there and done that.
I spend ALOT of time away from home working in various places globally. I have been known to work away for a 12 month stint so its natural the urge will happen and if the opportunity presents itself, i will take it as there is only so much sexual value jerking off in front of Skype on a lap top to the loved one back home lol. Yes its cheating, but no one gets hurt really. (Maybe this makes me less of a 'real man'? I dont know your opinion). I dont go out of my way to seek it and if the opportuinty came along again, woudl i take? Depends if we are completely upfront as to what it is (or im in a nother country and can flee the next day LOL )

I dont feel guilty over this as its SEX....thats all it is. Raw sex between 2 adults purely trying to gain satisfaction.
If it was an affair (and i define an affair as basically a second relationship...having a second life with a second person showing love and affection) then that is something hyou shoudl feel guilty about......reason being, you can not or should not commit your love and devotion to 2 people...thats when people start getting hurt.

Theres my opinion, thanks for listening.

 

[TemptMe]

''Yes its cheating, but no one gets hurt really''
I have to disagree here...someone always gets hurt...and whilst I can understand the desire to have sex I cannot be comfortable with doing behind your partners back. Particularly if you have an exclusive arrangement with your partner. The majority of the time the hurt comes down to the lies and deception surrounding the incident. If someone thinks they can do it without being discovered they are dreaming....partners often find out...
I am all for honesty and if the desire is there or the incident has occured be up front and treat your partner with the respect that they deserve and tell them...

 

[Sir Stefan]

Can't totally agree with TemptMe on this "I have to disagree here...someone always gets hurt"

I would agree that in many, many cases that would be correct...but not in 'All' Cases.

Reason I say that is becasuse some of us have developed an ability to 'manage' our emotions.... No, it is not easy, no it is not natural... but with time and self development some of us are able to manage our personal anger, dissapointment and jealousy 'triggers'...
And for those that can do that there is no 'automatic' hurt.

But agreed...the 'majority' will be emotionally hurt, to some degree, if they find their partner cheating... others however (the minority)... will shrug it off, take a balanced view of the circumstances, weigh up all of their partners 'good' points and accept and get on with life.

 

[Curious1]

Ill agree with Sir Stefan. Emotion Management is definately 1 aspect.
The other aspect (and this will probably make me sound like a right ass to alot of people ) is the ability to cover ones tracks. If you leave a trail of crumbs, then eventually the path will be followed.

Having said this, im not a compulsive 'cheater'. Its not something i plan to do etc etc.

 

[TemptMe]

Given not ''all" will get hurt - however I would imagine that would be a minority.....
So as an ''emotional manager'' can you really give 100% to someone??? Or is what you give shrouded in theatrics?? (This is a general question not a personal one..)
I would imagine that with emotional management or not, one would not appreciate being lied to..so in this instance "hurt" may not have been an accurate term to use.
Yep Curious you do sound like an ass...lol...but nice to hear differing views.
As to the initial statement in the beginning of this thread "guilty sex" there is obvious emotion involved here.

 

[Curious1]

Given not ''all" will get hurt - however I would imagine that would be a minority.....

I agree that most will get caught. Women have a sixth sense about this sort of thing.

So as an ''emotional manager'' can you really give 100% to someone??? Or is what you give shrouded in theatrics??

If it is purely a sex thing to get the release of frustration (we are all human, we all get this way sometimes) then what emotion is involved? Go to a bar, a few drinks, pick up a chick, chat, hotel, and go by morning.
Now when it comes to my girl, then yes emotionally i give 100% allday everyday! What theatrics are needed? I dont fake to anyone that i have feelings etc....its well know to any girl i spend a night with that that is pretty much it. I have 1 or 2 that we email everyonce in a while, but thats all there is to it. They all know who i am and what i do....and i never tell them negative aspects of my home life (which most men do to get a girl to bed)

I would imagine that with emotional management or not, one would not appreciate being lied to..so in this instance "hurt" may not have been an accurate term to use.

Ok now this may be true....well it is true. No one likes being lied to or deceived or anything. I understand and agree with you on that. But, am i lying to anyone by sleeping with a girl 10000km away? Its near impossible for it to be found out.
My next comment will AGAIN make me sound like an ass yet im going to put it out there for argument/debate sake because i am enjoying hearing your point of view, but, i kinda of believe that you cant get hurt by what you dont know. Its not like i flaunt it around or anything.

Yep Curious you do sound like an ass...lol...but nice to hear differing views.

Ok so im an ass....im guessing drinks at a bar next friday night is out of the question then?

p.s. i dont think im an ass ....im just interested in this debate

 

[Sir Stefan]

I think ones ability to 'manage' ones emotions is, to some extent a 'maturing' thing, as I can now manage emotions and 'issues' which I could not as a teenager.

I have only ever seriously 'cheated' on one woman in my life and that was the Woman that I married... when we were both 21.

Right up to a few months before our wedding I was still seeing another girl, in secret... looking back I am not proud of that now.... but thought it was a 'cool thing' at the time.

Within 12 months of my marriage I was 'straying' here and there... always kept it a secret, so yes it was 'cheating'.

Within 6 years of marriage I had two 17 year old girlfriends...so was now in the middle of a 3 way 'cheat' !

Within 10 years of marriage I took my first 'Mistress' and then lived a 7/24 'lie'... My Mistress knowing I was married...my Wife not knowing I had a Mistress.

But...Perth is a small place (or was then) so it was not long before my Wife discovered the Mistress... but I remained in that marriage for another 5 years...whilst still seeing my Mistress... I was very lucky in that I had an understanding Wife!

Since then I have had a number of defacto and/or Mistress relationships... but have never 'cheated'...as I have been totally open and up-front about where I am going and who I am seeing.

In fact, almost 10 years back, I developed a very close personal relationship with a Girl who then worked for Ruby's Escorts (Angelique).... She and I were lovers (no money changed hands)... almost 10 years have passed, she is no longer a WG (in fact she is a now a Mother)... and we still catch up (not for sex...just as friends)...and we will catch up next week...and already I have told my partner of our proposed meeting...and she is comfortable with it.

Now I have had some relationships in the past where I simply could NOT have shared with them the fact that I was to meet a former lover... and the reason for that was that those Girls could not handle their own emotions and would fly off in a jealous rage... thankfully my current partner, like me, can handle her emotions.

In fact she meets with some of her former lovers, partners etc....for a drink and a chat...just like I meet with some of my former lovers/partners for a drink and a chat... and if it ever went any further than that then I would tell her (because I know she could handle it) and She would tell me (for similar reasons)... All of which means that, for us, we do not 'need' to cheat!

Sadly not all relationships are as 'balanced' as the relationship that I am so fortunate share with my Partner.

 

[Curious1]

Sir stefan, are you saying your current partner is happy for you to have sex with another woman?

Is this not worse than 'cheating' though?
I mean, by you telling your partner your going to go have sex with someone else, is this not saying to your partner "Im not getting what i need and want from you so i need to go elsewhere'??

Just another angle to look at it is all.

 

[Sir Stefan]

Sir stefan, are you saying your current partner is happy for you to have sex with another woman?

Is this not worse than 'cheating' though?
I mean, by you telling your partner your going to go have sex with someone else, is this not saying to your partner "Im not getting what i need and want from you so i need to go elsewhere'??

Just another angle to look at it is all.

Sorry Curious1...I pressed wrong button and went into 'edit' mode not 'quote mode'... now got it sorted.

Now in response to your comments above...

NO... Not at all, so I Sorry if I misled you there, no intent... Please... go re-read what I wrote...

My situation now is such that I do NOT (NOW) have sex with any other Woman, as I have no need to...

But what I do do is I meet, as stated, from time to time with former partners/lovers for a drink and a chat....

Why?... because they are people who have, at some stage, touched my life and for that reason I like to remain friends.

What I said was IF... IF, it ever went any further then I would confess... and if I was to confess then that is 'Disclosure' and if there is disclosure then it is NOT 'cheating'.

 

[Curious1]

Sorry if i offended...was not my intent.
I re read your post and i see where i fucked up. I read it properly this time lol

Catching up with former lovers i can relate to. I email a few from time to time...but rarely will i catch up in person.

 

[Sir Stefan]

Sorry if i offended...was not my intent.
I re read your post and i see where i fucked up. I read it properly this time lol

Catching up with former lovers i can relate to. I email a few from time to time...but rarely will i catch up in person.

No offence Curious1.... nor any risk of offending, in fact I'm happy to have your feedback.

Having mentioned the word 'Offended' prompts me to share this incident with our fellow forum followers...

To take offence at something is in fact an 'emotional response' and in most cases ocurrs spontaneously, as it did with me, some years ago.

A few years back I Chaired a very big organisation and something was said, during a board meeting, after which the CEO said to me.. "Where you not offended by that comment" ?... to which I replied "No... for if I had allowed my self to be offended by it then the author of the comment would have won... but by refusing to allow myself to be offended then his rude and uncalled for comment was lost"

The CEO, some 30 years my junior then said... "But how can you do that"?... My reply..."Very easy I simply apply my birth right, which is the right of freedom of choice...and so I can 'chose' to be offended, or to not be offended, depending on the circumstance"

Some months later, when the weather was lousey, I was late to a meeting because of a road blockage , caused by a multi car pile up, he said to me... "So how's your day going" to which I responded with "Absolutely fantastic".... his reply.. "Is that because you chose to see it that way"?.... and, of course the answer was "Yes"... and the reason was, had i not chosen to see my day that way, then the day would have been in charge of me..rather than me in charge of my day... the difference a much happier day, despite the surrounding caos.

 

[Mary Anne PA]

My husband and I both have sex with other women, with the full knowledge of the other party.
Often its a 3some situation, but if he were to want to hook up when I was working (we both shiftworked, and were away for work half the year) I wouldnt have a problem at all.

I think to have extra-curricular activities without your partners knowledge/consent is wrong, and thats why people feel guilty.

 

[foxman2]

I would have to agree with sexy on their last post, extra curricular activites are wrong, bt strangely most people don't fell guilty until afterwoods, but that is in my expirence.

As for "cheating" on your girlfriend or partner, I think it is wrong.

Let there are some interesting arguments here, something for thr mind to think on

 

[CathyDomme]

Sir stefan, are you saying your current partner is happy for you to have sex with another woman?

Is this not worse than 'cheating' though?
I mean, by you telling your partner your going to go have sex with someone else, is this not saying to your partner "Im not getting what i need and want from you so i need to go elsewhere'??

Curious... The thing that hurts when you are cheated on (and I have been in cheated on in the past) is that you have placed trust in that person. Trust is difficult to give, easy to break and damn near impossible to regain once lost. Trust is _the_ thing in a relationship that makes it work. No trust = no relationship.... Forget love, love is what starts a relationship, trust is what keeps it together.

For my part I have had two partners in the past that cheated on me, both were kicked to the curb as soon as I found out... but I have had four past partners have sex with someone else that haven't cheated on me. I knew in advance, hell most of the time I was the one that set them up, and yes they were looking for something I couldn't give in most cases. If I can't give it, should they repress that desire? Is that fair of me?

My current partner and I have only been together a few weeks, but already I have told her the ground rules. Should she want to sleep with man, and lets face it that's something I just can't give her, she just needs to be honest.... and play safe...

 

[Curious1]

I get the feeling that in 1 thread i have made myself sound like a right ass! lol

Cathy, i do understand what your saying.