Justbe:)
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It was almost a year ago that this person (whom I had 'known well' previously for two years), up and left.
She left the state, her partner, her house, her car, her debts, her career and the few 'friends' she had made here.
She did so without explanation to anyone, including family.
She did take her young son.
From what she had told us all over here in her 'WA life', she had one friend over east, a family to turn to if she needed support, and an ex, a heroin user/dealer. This ex (her words), would forbid her from leaving their house and shot up in front of their son. She left him only after he had kidnapped their son as punishment for her trying to leave the house one day. He could not be arrested or charged as he is the father and claimed she had made it all up.Nice guy hey?
This all happened a few years ago, before she met a new man and moved to WA.
Back to one year ago - she's headed back east.
Fiance is deeply concerned. I imagine her family is also concerned, as am I.
Then.....Relief!! - she let's me know she's ok, just a messy break up, she is staying with family. PHEW!
I was relieved that she had found the strength to leave her current partner who (in her convincing words) had been becoming more and more controlling.
My first contact with her family followed.
A simple message expressing how glad I was that she was ok, and happy she was getting to spend some time with them again.
The response I got made my heart sink. Her family had not seen her.
Then contact from her 'controlling partner'. This was ok.
Anyway he had also just been thrown in to turmoil. He'd been given the same ''staying with family'' story and the same conflicting information as me. So WTF?
Months go by, trust is slowly built between me, her family and her now, ex partner.
A healthy distance was and has been kept, but we had all clearly been lied to - we wanted to know enough to be able to at least make sense of it all.
Nine months after she left, we learn the disturbing truth.
This person is not the person any of us thought she was / is.
TRUTH:
Almost one year ago she needed money, lots of money. She had dealers chasing her and she had exhausted all options in WA to pay them back. Shock 1) Sad, but she is a drug addict.
Shock 2) Her ex from whom she escaped from years earlier (true or not), has a house and money and drugs. She goes back to him, and by now, will have had his baby.
Shock 3) Previously to her leaving WA, she had instructed her family not to talk to, or listen to anything I may say as I am severely mentally unstable. Two months earlier she had given her mother my details. I was her choice of contact person over here should the need arise. Quite the change of heart there.
I got off lightly. I can't imagine the pain and trauma left in the heart and mind of her fiance, who was left with her debts, the heartbreak of losing (or never actually having) the loving partner he thought he had. He lost her son who he had taken in as his own. And he was painted by her as a money hungry, controlling monster to her family.
Her lies caught up with her. She knew if any of us talked, all her stories and lies would be uncovered.
While I hoped she had been unfortunate just this once, backed in to a corner and felt trapped and desperate, the last thing I now know is that this is just who she is, it is what she does. She has been this person her whole life.
She is a compulsive liar. Despite being very intelligent, she lives in a world where tangled webs eventually get noticed at which point - time to move on.
I feel no anger toward her now, and it has all settled in my mind. I don't regret the day we met, I hold on to the belief that at least some of the closeness we shared was real- it hasn't stopped me listening to people, or even believing them. It has certainly humbled me another notch though.......
..............it has reinforced my belief that....
Considering how little we understand ourselves, believing we can understand others' motivation for their actions from a primarily emotionally driven, humanistic way in which we perceive the world is, I think, naive as hell.
Therefore, if our judgements of others results in negativity of any kind, it is wasted energy.
So long as we keep a healthy awareness that none of us are selfless, we may as well accept that we rarely know for sure why people do the things they do, I see no harm in believing that people are just trying to get by while causing as little harm to anyone else as they can.
Shite I had a point.....now it's gone.
Sorry all
She left the state, her partner, her house, her car, her debts, her career and the few 'friends' she had made here.
She did so without explanation to anyone, including family.
She did take her young son.
From what she had told us all over here in her 'WA life', she had one friend over east, a family to turn to if she needed support, and an ex, a heroin user/dealer. This ex (her words), would forbid her from leaving their house and shot up in front of their son. She left him only after he had kidnapped their son as punishment for her trying to leave the house one day. He could not be arrested or charged as he is the father and claimed she had made it all up.Nice guy hey?
This all happened a few years ago, before she met a new man and moved to WA.
Back to one year ago - she's headed back east.
Fiance is deeply concerned. I imagine her family is also concerned, as am I.
Then.....Relief!! - she let's me know she's ok, just a messy break up, she is staying with family. PHEW!
I was relieved that she had found the strength to leave her current partner who (in her convincing words) had been becoming more and more controlling.
My first contact with her family followed.
A simple message expressing how glad I was that she was ok, and happy she was getting to spend some time with them again.
The response I got made my heart sink. Her family had not seen her.
Then contact from her 'controlling partner'. This was ok.
Anyway he had also just been thrown in to turmoil. He'd been given the same ''staying with family'' story and the same conflicting information as me. So WTF?
Months go by, trust is slowly built between me, her family and her now, ex partner.
A healthy distance was and has been kept, but we had all clearly been lied to - we wanted to know enough to be able to at least make sense of it all.
Nine months after she left, we learn the disturbing truth.
This person is not the person any of us thought she was / is.
TRUTH:
Almost one year ago she needed money, lots of money. She had dealers chasing her and she had exhausted all options in WA to pay them back. Shock 1) Sad, but she is a drug addict.
Shock 2) Her ex from whom she escaped from years earlier (true or not), has a house and money and drugs. She goes back to him, and by now, will have had his baby.
Shock 3) Previously to her leaving WA, she had instructed her family not to talk to, or listen to anything I may say as I am severely mentally unstable. Two months earlier she had given her mother my details. I was her choice of contact person over here should the need arise. Quite the change of heart there.
I got off lightly. I can't imagine the pain and trauma left in the heart and mind of her fiance, who was left with her debts, the heartbreak of losing (or never actually having) the loving partner he thought he had. He lost her son who he had taken in as his own. And he was painted by her as a money hungry, controlling monster to her family.
Her lies caught up with her. She knew if any of us talked, all her stories and lies would be uncovered.
While I hoped she had been unfortunate just this once, backed in to a corner and felt trapped and desperate, the last thing I now know is that this is just who she is, it is what she does. She has been this person her whole life.
She is a compulsive liar. Despite being very intelligent, she lives in a world where tangled webs eventually get noticed at which point - time to move on.
I feel no anger toward her now, and it has all settled in my mind. I don't regret the day we met, I hold on to the belief that at least some of the closeness we shared was real- it hasn't stopped me listening to people, or even believing them. It has certainly humbled me another notch though.......
..............it has reinforced my belief that....
Considering how little we understand ourselves, believing we can understand others' motivation for their actions from a primarily emotionally driven, humanistic way in which we perceive the world is, I think, naive as hell.
Therefore, if our judgements of others results in negativity of any kind, it is wasted energy.
So long as we keep a healthy awareness that none of us are selfless, we may as well accept that we rarely know for sure why people do the things they do, I see no harm in believing that people are just trying to get by while causing as little harm to anyone else as they can.
Shite I had a point.....now it's gone.
Sorry all
