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Darwin Awards!!

T

Tania Admin

Today I decide to peruse through the Darwin awards and thought I would pick a few out to share with all my Forum Friends..It really proves there are some serious Dumbasses out there.


Full speed ahead!
A young couple was killed in a freak car accident in Chieti this weekend. Germano and Franciska were discovered almost completely naked, and investigators assume they were having sex in their small Italian vehicle while it raced along Abruzzan roads at upwards of 80mph. Italian youngsters commonly use their cars for romantic trysts when parents forbid sex before marriage. But it is a mystery why this pair chose sex in a car travelling at high speeds over country roads. Germano lost control of the car in a bend, and the 27-year old man and his 20-year-old paramour were killed by the impact.


A passing cabbie found a 21 year-old couple naked and injured in the road an hour before sunrise. The two people died at the nearest hospital without regaining consciousness. Authorities were at a loss to explain what had happened. There were no witnesses, no trace of clothing, and no wrecked cars or motorcycles.
Investigators eventually found a clue high on the roof of a nearby building: two sets of neatly folded clothes. Safe sex takes on a whole new meaning when you are perched on the edge of a pyramid-shaped metal roof. "It appears as if [they] accidentally fell off the roof," Sgt. Florence McCants said.


This is a true Darwin Award trifecta: TWO people die, WHILE in the act of procreation, due to an ASTONISHINGLY poor decision. Bottom line: If you put yourself in a precarious "position" at the edge of a pointy roof, you may well find yourself Falling in Love at the same time.

Ironically, one of the deceased was named "Tumbleston."


A husband who frequently asked his wife to cover his nose and mouth with her nightie during lovemaking, decided to add a plastic bag to his repertoire of solo sex tools. Martin, 34, pulled a plastic bag over his head and used a vacuum cleaner to remove the air. He was found lying by the still-running vacuum cleaner, fully clothed, dead, still holding the plug.


This account of an aircraft accident is quoted directly from the National Transportation Safety Board report, with comments added in [brackets] for clarity.
Aircraft: PIPER PA-34-200T, Registration: N47506
Injuries: 2 Fatal.

The private pilot and a pilot rated passenger [two pilots] were going to practice simulated instrument flight. Witnesses observed the airplane's right wing fail in a dive and crash. Examination of the wreckage and bodies revealed that both occupants were partially clothed and the front right seat was in the full aft reclining position. [The pilots had converted the co-pilot seat to a bed.] Neither body showed evidence of seatbelts or shoulder harnesses being worn. [They were lying on the bed.] Examination of the individuals' clothing revealed no evidence of ripping or distress to the zippers and belts. [Their lack of clothing seemed to be voluntary.]

The National Transportation Safety Board determines the probable cause(s) of this accident as follows:

The pilot in command's improper in-flight decision to divert her attention to other activities not related to the conduct of the flight. [The pilot and co-pilot were having sex, and nobody was flying the plane.] Contributing to the accident was the exceeding of the design limits of the airplane leading to a wing failure. [The lack of a pilot caused the plane to fly erratically, over-stressing the wing and leading to a crash.]
 
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T

Tania Admin

A couple of more entries to the Darwin awards thread for your amusement.

Okeechobee County investigators believe the death of Bryan, 28, was related to his wife's habit of stomping rabbits and mice for sexual pleasure. Stephanie, 29, was sentenced to two years of probation and community service for the death of her husband Bryan, who was found in a pit with a board over his body, crushed beneath the rear wheel of his sports utility vehicle.
Stephanie did not deny that she drove over her husband, but in her own defence she released tapes to the police showing her stomping small mammals to death. She was identified by a cryptic tattoo on her lower leg.

Such "crush" videos are sold to people who derive sexual pleasure from the sight of death, especially at the hands of a woman. "It was abhorrent and cruel," said Assistant State Attorney Bernard Romero. "My first instinct was to seek the maximum penalty."

But Stephanie contended that she was an unwilling participant in the videos, and had been beaten many times by her husband prior to his bizarre death. Stephanie was charged in July with two counts of felony animal cruelty, which were later reduced to misdemeanors.

As for her husband, his death under the wheels of his car was presumably a loving sex act between consenting adults. But a man who would lie in a special pit while a woman he groomed for "crush" videos drove over him, shouldn't be surprised when he winds up holding a Darwin Award.


(November 2000, England) A husband who frequently asked his wife to cover his nose and mouth with her nightie during lovemaking, decided to add a plastic bag to his repertoire of solo sex tools. Martin, 34, pulled a plastic bag over his head and used a vacuum cleaner to remove the air. He was found lying by the still-running vacuum cleaner, fully clothed, dead, still holding the plug.

Our young hero, accompanied by his concerned young girlfriend, sought professional medical advice. Upon entering the examination room, the young man gingerly lowered his pants and asked for my opinion on his immensely swollen, dark purple penis. Attempting to defuse his anxiety, I calmly asked what had happened.

He was unwilling to speak. His girlfriend replied hesitantly, "Nothing. We woke up this morning and it was like that."

The physician reassured the young couple that:
(1) It would not drop off.
(2) It would heal.
(3) Oral sex can be dangerous!

This young man was blessed with a girlfriend with vacuum cleaner suction, and the previous night he had suffered severe barotrauma to his most beloved anatomical structure. Yes, he had almost been sucked out of the gene pool!
 
T

Tania Admin

Some more contributions to the Darwin awards...

[video=youtube;Lc5DNhMxYvk]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lc5DNhMxYvk[/video]
 
T

Tania Admin

Police have released new information regarding a car crash in South Florida that killed a young mother.

Amanda Notebaert, 31, died after a sedan driven by her 30-year-old husband, Matthew, plowed into a canal March 9. The couple had attended a concert that night, and police have now confirmed that they were intoxicated when the fatal crash occurred.

In an arrest affidavit obtained by the Sun-Sentinel, Palm Beach County Sheriff’s deputies say that Matthew Notebaert and his wife had THC and alcohol in their systems, and were both naked from the waist down when they crashed. They said Amanda was on her husband’s lap when he sped the car off a dead-end dirt road and into the far side of a canal.
 
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