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Cool things about being a bloke

Dreamchaser

Silver Member
Points
0
1. Your arse is never a factor in a job interview.
2. Your orgasms are always real.
3. Your last name stays put.
4. The garage is all yours.
5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
8. You don't give a rat's arse if someone notices your new haircut.
9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
10. Same work, more pay.
11. Wrinkles add character.
12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch
adjustments.
13. Wedding Dress $2000, Suit rental $100.
14. If you retain water, it's in a flask.
15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
17. One mood, ALL the time.
18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
19. A five-day holiday requires only 1 suitcase.
20. You can open all your own jars.
21. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
26. You can quietly watch a game with a friend for hours without ever thinking
"He must be mad at me."
27. No maxi-pads.
28. If another man shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours.
30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.
32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
33. Your belly usually hides your big hips.
34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons.
35. You can "do" your nails with a penknife.
36. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes.
37. The world is your urinal.
Ten things men know for sure about women.
1.
2.
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4.
5.
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7.
8.
9.
10. They have breasts.
 

Phoebe

Some Village lost an Idiot!
Legend Member
Points
13
1. Your arse is never a factor in a job interview. < No but after you get the job your lips/tongue will be up your bosses 24/7 ...
2. Your orgasms are always real. <---- not true men can climax without ejaculation.. Stifflers MOM.
3. Your last name stays put. <--- That is so sexist and ancient.. why not take her name..
4. The garage is all yours. <-- Not if it's her house you move into..
5. Wedding plans take care of themselves. <--- How so, you wake up one day and your suit and shoes are at the end of your bed, Born a Prince hey?
6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid. <--- BS,,, Total BS
7. Car mechanics tell you the truth. <-- BS once again.
8. You don't give a rat's arse if someone notices your new haircut. <--- Bruce willis takes offence to this comment.
9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. <--- WIMPS pure wimps.
10. Same work, more pay.<---- Reference point 1...
11. Wrinkles add character. <--- BS once again, no one likes getting old MEN are too wimpy to wear makeup...
12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch
adjustments. <--- yes and every woman in the room rolls her eyes and thinks can't you leave it alone, wait no you can't as most men are total wankers...
13. Wedding Dress $2000, Suit rental $100. <----- Wedding dress $2000 investment can turn into Billions look at Jeff Bezos ex Wife... funny that one!
14. If you retain water, it's in a flask. <---- Hmmm wait till your get your bladder scrapped womens urethras are shorter than men's men retain shit though at an alarming rate.
15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.<--- Depends if your chest looks like The Rocks' then well ;)
16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. <-- BS Loake/Floreshim do this...
17. One mood, ALL the time. <--- GRUMPY OLD MEN...
18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds. <---Because men's vocabulary is smaller than womens.
19. A five-day holiday requires only 1 suitcase. <--- And your wife laughing at you when the weather turns hot or cold and you don't have right clothes.
20. You can open all your own jars. <--- BS some men are total weaklings
21. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. <-- That's because women feel sorry for you !!! or you are doing it to land a woman which she can see straight through that...
22. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack. <--- BS if you want Kmart undies and well CR7 undies well the ladies love..
23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices. <-- The TAXMAN does and kills you for single taxes no real deductions.. :)
24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat. <--- BS total BS men are backseat drivers. more over men would fight over who is driving..
25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.<- Really no way.. 3 pairs what thongs for the pub, runners for well going to BWS, and leather shoes to refer point 1 once again
26. You can quietly watch a game with a friend for hours without ever thinking
"He must be mad at me." <--- Not if your mate supports carlton and you are Collingwood supporter then you may end with a police visit.. :)
27. No maxi-pads. <---- Men suffer from Incontinence ever heard of Teana Man..
28. If another man shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.<--- what a tuxedo men have no freaking choice be the real man that shows up dressed like the Marlboro Man. Jeans and white T-shirt.. :) women love that look.
29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colours. <-- True I grant you that one, but most men only see things in black and white.. so it's really 2 colors.
30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.<--- BS I have seen men confused as F when working upside down on cars ... hmmm you are tightening the sump plug numbnuts
31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes. <-- No but everyone else can and thinks you are an idiot 1st class.
32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. <---- Bruce Willis, Andre Agassi... , etc etc... Peter Garrett..
33. Your belly usually hides your big hips.<--- Yep and have not seen your dick for decades too funny that neither has your wife.. :)
34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one colour, all seasons. <--- Hmmm yep this is why you refer point 13.
35. You can "do" your nails with a penknife. <----- Nothing beats a good manicure.. penknife NOT in sydney or melbourne you will get arrested for that.. :)
36. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes.<--- what by driving to Bunning for 25 gift cards...
37. The world is your urinal. <---- Don't eat Yellow Snow..
 

Phoebe

Some Village lost an Idiot!
Legend Member
Points
13
Cool things about being a girl.

1. Everything that is mens is yours too
2 Women can buy and wear mens clothing
3. Slumber parties
4 Every toy men have Jet ski, motorbike, top fuel dragster etc etc you can have fun with too.
5 you can wear a boiler suit during the day and a Little black dress at night
6 A smile and little bit of an open shirt gets you away with speeding tickets.
7 Divorce enough said, she gets the house you get what? LOL
8 Periods perfect reason to be a bitch for 5 days a month, what's a man's excuse
9 Women can hold hands, kiss and hug each other in public and no one cares UNLESS its Mardis Gras NIGHT.
10 Women live longer so she will eventually get to spend his money, in richer and poorer till death do us part. yep she will see you off thats for sure.
11. Women can get laid without opening an purse
12 Women can get drunk at a pub with spending a $
13. Women sit to pee how relaxing is that and in booth.
....
 
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