Bluntness Checklist: 7 Steps From Brutally Blunt to Helpfully Honest

[DDxoxo]

How do you want people to feel when you are communicating?
Bruised and battered? Clear and uplifted?

What image do they have of you when you are communicating?
Do they see you as emotionally intelligent and honest or brutally blunt?

This bluntness checklist is an emotionally intelligent guide.

 

[DDxoxo]

-#1 Honor people as well as your purpose and message.

Much of the bluntness comes from focusing purely on the message you want to deliver. Oddly enough, it makes the message less clear because your emotion packed statement blocks listening.

Before speaking, ask yourself what impact your words will have on others. Honesty without honoring the human comes out as blunt. This is why honor heads up the bluntness checklist. Be honest with care not blunt with emotion.

 

[DDxoxo]

# 2 Openness to other possibilities makes you less blunt.


What you say is rarely an absolute fact. There are perspective, conditions, opinions, other possibilities to consider.
When you communicate from this belief, you are more likely to have an honest dialogue with people instead of a blunt monologue.

 

[DDxoxo]

#3 Never start a sentence with the word “you” in difficult situations.


Imagine saying, “You aren’t doing your job” or “You are failing badly.” Starting with “you” comes across as a blunt attack and breeds a defensive reply.

Instead, start with “We expect _______ and this is what you are doing _______. Let’s talk about changes _________.” Now the person can hear your message with specifics on what to change.

 

[DDxoxo]

#4 Emotion in negative situations will come out as brutally blunt.


First say, “Let’s put aside my emotion for a moment” and then communicate. It shows the other person you want to speak honestly without insulting them. If some of it comes out blunt, at least they will know you are trying.


However, do not use this intro as a justification for being blunt. It doesn’t work. More of your words must honor with honesty than bruise with bluntness.

 

[DDxoxo]

#5 Sense of proportion reduces the brutality.


Bluntness, by definition, is the extreme of communication. Bluntness is emotion packed. Ask yourself, must I use this extreme and inflict scars? What words, with better proportion, can clearly communicate my message?

 

[DDxoxo]

#6 Timing and tone of voice transform results.


When some people read the word timing, they assume delay. Although you might choose to delay speaking, there are times you can’t or shouldn’t. Yet timing also means the pace of your speech.

The faster you speak in tough moments, the more brutal it sounds. Meanwhile, speaking too slowly or softly can sound patronizing.

A normal even pace of speech communicates honesty avoids bluntness. This is why timing is on the bluntness checklist.

 

[DDxoxo]

#7 Yes. Thinking “agreement” makes you less blunt.

Insults rarely produce a yes. Helpful honesty does. If you want to influence, think yes. Replace negative emotion with positive desire — what you want vs. what you don’t want. It transforms your communication from hurtful and blunt to honest and positive.

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  Even if agreement is not your goal, think “yes” and your words will be more helpfully honest not brutally blunt.